Kevin Beal

How does it do that? I don't follow...

Let's just say that atoms can change in their fundamental properties. How is this a challenge to the theory? So what if they change?

He talks about it in this podcast: FDR237 The Analytic/Synthetic Dichotomy - How Confusion Serves Power http://media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_237_Analytic_Synthetic.mp3

Something that made me feel a lot more relaxed was a change in perspective. Instead of meeting women, I looked at it like I was just meeting people, in general. That way, it's not like there's a right or wrong way to do it and I just talk about what I like to talk about generally. Talking to women, it seems like they are attracted to guys who: are just being themselves feel comfortable in their own skin are very approachable and have a strong, independent sense of what they want out of life That kind of stuff you can communicate by just talking to anybody. No need for pick-up artistry or game. People make it overly complicated because most people aren't even sure what they want out of a relationship. A lot of your tastes are developed in relationship to partners who you admire. Job interviewing is a common analogy, and one aspect of job interviews people often forget about is that you don't need to be wholly competent before landing the job; you just need to be basically competent and motivated to work hard and learn. Most of what you learn is on-the-job. Dating, as with most important things looks way more daunting at the outset, and as you keep at it, working your way through frustrations, you look back later and think "why did I think it was so daunting?"

If talking about it with her creates trust, then that strikes me as a good sign. If she responds defensively, that will erode trust and the therapeutic relationship will suffer. Trust with a single mother therapist beats no trust with someone who's not one.

In a situation of coercion, there is no moral responsibility. I would rather not pay taxes that go toward bombing children in 3rd world countries, but I will be threatened if I don't pay up. This is a different situation as compared to situations you do have direct control over. Whether or not you stand up to people in your personal life is your choice, but it's a very different kind of inconsistency. Whether or not JP is inconsistent about voting is different than appeasing people in your personal life who stand opposed to who you are. If JP's voting is of no consequence anyway, that's just more reason to think of these inconsistencies differently. If you hide who you are from the people close to you – there's no way that won't have an effect on your self esteem.

Eewwww!! I sometimes forget how bad some therapists are. I don't even know where to begin... Forgiveness is inevitable; resistance is futile; you will assimilate!

Great questions! I would ask on the phone if they will let you (they may not want to go into too much detail before meeting), but sooner the better, I think. Unless it's a simple factual matter, such as the fact that childhood has behavioral effects on adulthood, then I wouldn't be listening for the "right" answer. Whether or not you should break from your parents – for example – is a complicated matter, and the therapist is not likely to say one way or the other for certain; at least not without a lot of knowledge about your history first. You should listen to your gut. The truth is often messy and requires a lot of context in order to give meaningful answers. When I did my first trial session, I didn't know what to make of my therapist's answers to my questions, but it was clear that she had given these things a lot of thought, and it piqued my curiosity. I was skeptical, but also very interested in exploring it more. It ended up being a highly transformative and enjoyable therapeutic relationship. That's what I think anyway. Other people may have found it helpful to approach it differently.

Here are some thoughts that I had, if you're interested.

There is no such thing as perfect mental health, just as there isn't with physical health. And it's often a matter of degree; a person can be mentally very healthy in one area and less healthy in another. My own therapist didn't give women as much personal responsibility as she did men, but she killed it at other things, like dream analysis. Darius' article is a good one and worth checking out, but it's not any kind of refutation. I bet he'd agree with the OP about the excuses and importance of therapy. He is a therapist, after all. I agree that most therapists aren't good, but neither are most dates you could go on, or most jobs you could interview for. I didn't look at all the potential dates out there and tell myself that I should stop looking, just because the ladies I interacted with (at the time) were not good matches for me. In fact, dating any of the women around me, at particular times in my life, would have made me very unhappy. As with therapy, I'm super grateful to myself that I stuck it out and kept looking, because I had a hugely transformative therapy experience, and met the most amazing woman. There is an attitude that I've seen over and over again with people, especially where it concerns therapy, where they miss the forest for the trees, and they focus on a relatively unimportant aspect of a relationship, or one that could easily get resolved, and declare that the other person cannot be trusted, prematurely. I don't know the context, but some of the examples you gave seemed very strange, and it's likely they were some of the bad ones. I didn't understand the pronoun thing, but that's probably just a cultural difference. There are very common french interactions which seem very rude to me.

What does "manipulation" mean in this context? Depending on what you mean, this could be perfectly in line with ethics in psychotherapy and exactly what you want. A therapist wants to bypass people's defenses and not get caught up in a drama which is not going to serve the client. Emotional defenses exist to prevent reality from from being perceived directly, as it is. A therapist offering reality directly, as it is, may not be what will help the client most. If they are taking advantage of their position in order to get something from the client at their expense, then that's different, but "manipulation" is a word that needs to be used sparingly. One could argue that language itself is manipulative as word choice is used specifically to connote something in particular, when other words may be just as precise. Tact and deception can take the same form, but have entirely different motives. Omitting certain details, using (un)favorable phrases, conveniently timed praise/criticism, and a lot of other social skills can be used to help or hurt. People who've been burned too many times may well mistake tact for deception and miss opportunities for connection. But if what you're doing now works well for you, then great! I'm happy

How do you know it's a problem for them? Is it shyness or introversion? If the reason it was a problem for you was the judgment/perceptions of other people, especially those close to you, then trying to become more extroverted may not be what your kids need, but simple acceptance. If it's introversion, that may be a blessing. If there are clear social skills that aren't being learned, then yea, I hear you, but introversion itself is not a bad thing. It, ironically, makes people better leaders, as argued in the book Quiet by Susan Cain.

How'd you find the show? Was there a particular topic that drew you in?

I can relate to the aimlessness and fluctuating mood. Therapy helped a lot with that. Stef would probably make a fantastic therapist if that was his calling. If you're looking for him in a therapist, then you may be disappointed. Calling into the show is more of a "steer you in the right direction" kind of experience. Therapy will offer you epiphanies, but I don't personally think that epiphanies are worth very much if you don't apply your newfound knowledge toward improving your situation and mastery over life. A good therapist will be there to help you do that, be your cheerleader, hold you accountable over time, etc. I think talking about your philosophical differences with a therapist can actually be very therapeutic. They will likely disagree on a lot, but exploring the anxiety of bringing things up, the frustration with trying to get complex ideas across, the embarrassment of failing, etc., with someone who you can have productive disagreements with will add a lot to your self esteem and confidence in social situations. That was my experience anyway.

You got me! You are right in assuming that it's personal for me. I don't like you.

Nope. I mean the kind that is distributed for the consumption of other people, as was clearly implied by the statement you quoted. Whether or not we call it "porn" is of zero concern to me. Call it whatever you like, Mr Alpha Male.

If there were a 9-11 scale sexual abuse of a child, then I would consider those different circumstances than whatever typical CP is. People watching that would be something akin to watching beheadings by ISIS, and be treated differently, I think. I think some negative incentive is in order, but I don't think it should be an arrest. I don't know what it should be, and maybe watching it turns out not to contribute to the production of more CP, in which case, no negative incentive aside from their own personal shame would be advantageous. I'm just saying that, if it does cause more abuse to occur (it may only cause the recording of that abuse), then they are not completely innocent and have something coming to them. If the knockout game's victim was a child, then I'd see it as far more severe than if happened to an adult. I'd want to cause anyone perpetuating that some degree of grief. Again, I don't know what should happen to them.

Probably not. But "pornography" is done specifically for the consumption of other people. That is a measure of success is having other people watch it and/or pay for it. So, it's not an accurate analogy.

If possession increases demand and thus supply, then possession could cause more abuse. But if it reduces instances of abuse by meeting some "need" (for lack of a better word) by having it, then obviously, that would be good. I don't know if these things have been measured or even could be known, but I imagine a solution is a balance of each concern. I don't know about criminalizing. Maybe social ostracism could suffice as a deterrent, and maybe already available legal alternatives to CP are good enough to meet this "need" (e.x. "lolicon" stuff). Another balance worth considering, I think, is making it dangerous enough to scare people, but not so scary that they can't seek help to fix this in them.

And women often get more vitriol for speaking out than men do, so I really appreciate that a lot! Thank you

If you're doing therapy with a psychotherapist responsibly, you are also doing self therapy. It should be very self directed. You can't be passive in therapy just because they are the therapist and you are the client. If you are totally competent being your own therapist, then you don't need to hire a trained therapist. A therapist should be teaching you the skills to become your own therapist, gain knowledge about yourself, learn how to take control of your life, etc. If you aren't competent at being your own therapist, the best place to learn how to get there is under the guidance of a professional. You may be able to learn without one, but I've seen people try and I don't think they get what they are in for. It's a hell of a lot harder than it looks. Are you learning to be your own therapist? How's it going? How do you know how well it's going? Do you not feel lost and aimless?

Who do you imagine the target audience of this piece is? If someone doesn't think that therapy is good for anything, then the scope of the article would have to include a case detailed and compelling enough to convince someone who held that belief. That would require an article of it's own, at least. I won't speak for the author, but my own impression is that most people who frequent the boards are at least open to the idea of psychotherapy, and based on the content of the article, I would guess that the target audience is just this type of person. Technically, nothing. You could do all of your own car maintenance, start your own company, diagnose and treat your own illnesses, and a whole variety of things you wouldn't necessarily want to do, and which may actually cause more grief than is worth the effort. The fact that you could technically do something is not an argument against paying someone to do it for you. We pay therapists for their expertise, their commitment to our growth and to help us see the things our psychology has been maladapted specifically to keep out of our own awareness.

These are the standard tests here.

You don't say how you know that. Is it that you feel more pain subjectively, or do you perceive that the subject of your pain is more important/appropriate? Not really important in the scheme of things, this just popped out at me as confusing. So is the dad not around? At any rate, this is a normal parental challenge, as far as I understand it. Learning how to deal with boredom and frustration is important and doesn't come automatically. But it's not trivial to experience frustration. Too much frustration is depression. Too much frustration leads to diminished self esteem and a sense of the world that it is too difficult or stacked against you. The solution is gaining mastery over your world. What do you do when you're feeling frustrated or bored? Do your kids get to observe you handle these things productively? I love the quote "there are no boring things, only boring people" because it shifts the burden of responsibility onto the person. Driving long distances can be boring or it can be a blast, depending on how you proactively handle the situation. Maybe a conversation about swear words, or some other taboo topic, or singing "row row row your boat" at different measures, or games. Point is, there are no boring things. There's always something you can do to keep things interesting. Frustration is having an expectation that doesn't match up with reality. By looking at the expectation and reevaluating things, you can avoid having that same frustration in the future, and reassert your efficacy as a thinking person. By having conversations about what to expect, you can discover things that are difficult to let go of and discover the important conversation and opportunity for connection that presents. Curiosity is the cure to frustration. And being curious with yourself and with your kids, you can give them the tools to examine their own preconceptions, assert the power of their own minds. It seems like you are associating some of the helplessness now with helplessness in the past. That may be worth examining, or maybe that association will always be there and you just need to be a little more vigilant than someone without that experience. You are a competent adult who has gotten this far already. You can handle it. You don't need reassurance, you need to get creative! And you can do it like a boss, if you commit to it. And I think you already know all of this too, but a reminder is always nice.

There are a thousand different things people could say. I don't think it's meant as an exhaustive list of potential objections.