Jeremi

I agree with the general sentiment, this is "get back in my box" narcissistic behavior. The worst offense was the "forget the past" bit which basically means, "absolve me of any responsibility for your current predicament". My mother is the same way, she even likes to quote the same people: "Do I prefer to be right or do I prefer to be a nice person?" - Wayne Dyer. The level of manipulation there goes really deep, and it shows the desperation your mother may be starting to feel as the old mythologies between you two surely collapse brick by brick. So sorry for what you are facing now Meeri.

Robert, Thank you for your perspective, it is quite enlightening and I agree with your arguments. I find this is more or less congruent with what I discussed with Stef on a recent Sunday show about the concept of self-love which Stef simply considered as nearly synonymous to health. In other words, it comes about by doing the work of self knowledge and building your self-awareness and understanding the origins of whatever mythologies and defense mechanism you might have ingrained in you from childhood. As we wander further down the path of self knowledge we dispel these irrationalities and gain an appreciation for not only our inner child but who we truly want to be moving forward. This however, has nothing whatsoever to do with self esteem which I agree seems to just be a cultural construct more than a legitimate barometer of self-awareness. The only thing I'd question is whether it is accurate to describe self-esteem as a delusion. I'm not sure delusion is the proper word here since it implies some kind of loss of mental faculties preventing a person from seeing the truth within their environment. I think for most people self-esteem is a (seemingly) rationally followed concept within the irrational mythology of cultural norms they have grown up in. So an Imam in Saudi Arabia will hold a high self esteem of himself as a pious and devout man and the reverance he receives in the society around him will reinforce this high self esteem. In my view, he is not behaving delusionally within the environment he is in.

I personally don't mind if he wants to go out into a blaze of glory but what worries me is Adam is not really planning things out very well. If you know you are probably going to be arrested, is it logical to keep illicit drugs in your home, even inside a safe? He should have planned for any contingency he could to give the state legal arm as little to grasp as possible. The fact he is careless like this shows that it's not something that is properly constructed in my view. Either that or he doesn't care and wants to be prosecuted for possession, in which case he's overestimating the response of the public to him being jailed for that.

Welcome aboard Taylor.

Bienvenue Cal, Hope you get a lot of out of the boards.

Hi Daisy, Sorry to here about your social anxiety blocking your plans. I personally know a lot about that experience, though my issues in the past revolved more around general anxiety disorder and panic attacks and less upon social circumstances. However, I've noticed a few voluntaryists in Florida popping here and there, so maybe going all the way to Porcfest is not necessary as you say.

Sorry but I'm confused, how do you disconnect the two? How is what we are willing to give not tied to what we expect to receive? Where is the separation? Obiously her trauma has an effect on our relationship, I am just saying that this particular issue I have with a lack of empathy seems to have been an issue for long before my current relationship. Does this lack of empathy apply to yourself too? In other words, do you lack any sense of self-empathy? I have to think about that... I can't say I feel like I fully understand what self-empathy would really entail? My understanding, take it for what it's worth, is an understanding of your true emotional wants, needs; an understanding of your intentions and what you expect for yourself, from yourself.

Sorry but I'm confused, how do you disconnect the two? How is what we are willing to give not tied to what we expect to receive? Where is the separation? Obiously her trauma has an effect on our relationship, I am just saying that this particular issue I have with a lack of empathy seems to have been an issue for long before my current relationship. Does this lack of empathy apply to yourself too? In other words, do you lack any sense of self-empathy?

Sorry but I'm confused, how do you disconnect the two? How is what we are willing to give not tied to what we expect to receive? Where is the separation?

A few of us have thought about starting a small film club to meet up and talk about a movie we all chose to see that week. We are thinking of meeting in a secondary chat via the main chat room on the weekends or whatever is convenient for all. We're watching the movie 9 this week. Last week we watched Tokyo Story. Feel free to contact me if you'd like to participate.

We had the first online fdr group therapy session this past saturday and everybody gave very positive feedback. Please message me if you want to join us and I'll give you all the details.

I'd like others opinions on this. It seems that Stef has a point that the societal standard for beauty (attraction at the physical level) has a tendency to cause people to neglect philosophy when pursuing relationships, but my interpretation seems to be that Stef means we should avoid beauty at all costs. Am I misinterpreting the point? I'm not terribly experienced with relationships but I tend to find that I always have a small element of physical attraction with the other sex initially which eventually becomes far secondary to attraction on an emotional level. I don't feel like I've been terribly shallow with the types of girls I've pursued in the past but there has been a minor element of beauty involved in most cases. Can the "minefield" of beauty be successfully navigated under any circumstances; is it worth trying to navigate it? What if my standard of beauty does not correspond exactly to a societal standard? For example, I personally find fashion models to be unattractive given how anorexic and undernourished and caked in make up they tend to be.

Hi Max, Thanks for sharing. Not nearly as sad as I expected but still interesting nonetheless. I wouldn't worrry too much about peak oil, especially in your country. The major global economies of the west are going to have economic depressions long before we ever reach any type of peak oil.

I second On the Geneaology of Morals, one of the most important books ever written, really will shatter the fabric of how you see society on a day to day basis. Very powerful.

I am interested, but tenative. I am not sure what it would be like, what would be involved or how it would go. I haven't been in a group situation before. \\I'm not sure either but it has to be better to talk to other FDR people in a group setting than the average person. I too would rather talk to FDR people. Some of the things I believe really aren't understood by typical people. I'm happy to work on some time we can try to get something setup. Maybe it will be easier if you just drop me your details in chat at some point? Maybe Snipes and others willl want to join once we clarify what kind of format we want.

I am interested, but tenative. I am not sure what it would be like, what would be involved or how it would go. I haven't been in a group situation before. \\I'm not sure either but it has to be better to talk to other FDR people in a group setting than the average person.

While seemingly obvious, I very much appreciate your post and has at least given me a place to start, so I thank you for that. Snipes, If you want to start come kind of a group therapy online or some kind of interaction where we can help each other, let me know. I'd be happy to work together with FDRers on this if possible.

I meant in the context of doing it by yourself without someone with experience to guide you.

Right, but it's something that scars me deeply as I hate to feel so disempowered and these fantasies of humiliation that keep coming back after this breakup are indicative of some deep trauma for me which I need to get at the root of if I'm ever going to have an enlightened relationship with someone else. I'd be happy to get into more detail in private but not on this thread as it is basically as personal as anything can be for someone.

I also have a lot of interest in pursuing self-therapy but I'm wondering if anyone can attest to its effectiveness. Is there a level at which it becomes a problem if delving into deep wounds?

Thanks a lot for your input but I'm not quite able to ascertain whether you fall in the category of believing sociopathy comes in degrees or is a clear cut thing?

Based upon the video Stef made on the topic I was wondering if people here think there is such a thing as being sociopathic in degrees? In other words, someone who exhibits primarily a lack of conscience but it is not abundantly clear they completely lack it? If someone says they want to avoid hurting other people but still don't care to learn empathy for them in any case, is that a sociopath or just a sociopathic tendency? I understand that sociopaths can be quite adept at demonstrating sympathy for others and speak the language of virtue without actually believing in them, but I wonder if it's possible you might have some who are not entirely saying such things as a tool for manipulation but rather a part of them, maybe suppressed from their childhood, is redeemable there and actually believes in the principles they are championing? The reason I think it's possible that sociopathy is not an absolute is because it does not make sense to me that sociopathy only occurs in 4% of the population as Stef claims, based upon the amount of people I've interacted with in my life, I'd say there was a much larger percentage than that that exhibited at least some degree of sociopathic behavior. I would appreciate any thoughts you have on the matter.

So I'm writing this because after a painful breakup I had recently I have begun to evaluate the source of some of my sexual fantasies I had when thinking about my ex (we broke up before the opportunity presented itself for sex) and I've come to a sort of horrible realization that part of me was employing those fantasies in avoidance of dealing with the root cause of my own issues, which I am sure lies in a childhood filled with neglect and emotional manipulation. For this reason I'm seeking advice from anyone with advanced knowledge on the topic of sexual pathology and its link to childhood. I'd prefer not to get into extreme details on a forum but rather discuss it with someone on private messenger or somewhere more discreet. Or, if anyone can provide me with good reading material I'd also appreciate that. I should add that I don't feel my sexual fantasies are indicative of any kind of extreme fetish obsession, but they still lean in that direction and only now am I really starting to come to terms with what this implies about my past. Any help that could be provided would be appreciated. I am considering trying an online therapist but I am hesitant given as how this is a topic which I feel requires someone with a very specific expertise.