Jay Paul

I can empathize with you wanting to help a friend who's a girl understand her own manipulative, shallow tendencies, and help her improve herself, but based on my own experience it's a pretty futile effort. This person has to want to help herself. I would think if she legitimately want to change when you had expressed your concern to her previously she would have responded in a remorseful and curious way with an expressed desire to improve. After you'd bring these dating habits to the attention of your friendship with her she'd likely break down and cry, "I know, I know. This isn't good. I don't like doing this, but I don't know what to do." But this isn't even close to what happened. She told you she was aware of what she was doing and it didn't make her feel good, and then she ran away from the subject. She obviously lacks curiosity for her own behaviors and motifs. That's not something you can create for somebody. You can just bring it to their attention, and see what they do with it. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship to this woman outside what you've shared with us, and what amature interpretations I can make, so I won't even attempt to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I just wish you luck in your decision making on this matter.

In my personal perspective the type of woman you describe your friend to be based on the behaviors and tendencies she has I'd say she is emotionally insecure, manipulative, and may very well be a narcissist. I say she is emotionally insecure, because she flees from any new relationship as soon as something doesn't turn out as she expects it. She has unrealistic expectations for her new relationships and when there's a speed bump, or whomever she's with at the time isn't exactly the person she imagined him to be, and instead of discussing with her new partner whatever anxiety she's experiencing she retreats to another guy she is already familiar with. This 'fall-back-guy' is someone who she has more realistic expectations of based on whatever history they share, and she no longer has to submit herself to the dynamics of a new relationship. She's manipulative in that she keeps these fall-back-guys around, who themselves also have low self-esteem, so she can have a nice comfy, familiar place to fall when her newer relationships don't pan out. It would appear that she continues communication with these 'fall-back-guys' for this precise reason. She uses these fall-back-guys own insecurity and inability to move on after their initial relationship failed to have someone to make her still feel valuable after she fails to see the lack of value in herself and whoever's unfortunate enough to go out with her. To me this spells narcissist, because she would appear to have an unrealized lack of self esteem and a lack of empathy for her new boyfriends, her old boyfriends she continues to go back to, as well as herself for continuing to subjugate herself to these unhealthy relationships. But these are all just my thoughts based on what you said in an even shorter paragraph. I very well may be completely wrong. I don't know your friend at all. I'd say you already know everything you need to know about her, and what the best course of action for you to take for either the continuation or termination of your friendship with her. I do understand that it can be very difficult judging the dynamics of a friendship and understanding someones personality when your so close to it. It's like looking at a mural through a microscope. If you don't feel comfortable making any permanent decision immediately I'd talk to your friend about how this has all been troubling you, and depending on how that conversation goes take some time away from this friend, take a few steps back from the relationship, put everything into focus, and I'm sure then you'll know precisely what to do.

Fortunately for me I only have a couple more days ofinterning there over the next two weeks before I happily return to college. Reflecting back on my experience it was discouraging most of all to hear my fellow interns in equal support of corporal punishmentas my older co-workers. I couldn’t help but foresee them hitting their ownchildren when they eventually have their own, and think about what negativeeffects it would wreak on their children's unborn souls. Their ignorant callousness wasannoying, frustrating, as well as petrifying. I had a relative idea how I wouldfeel afterwards if I didn’t speak up, but had no idea what would happen if Ispoke my mind, so being the cautious person I am I kept my peace and let themhave their hell. After reading everyone’s comments here, on a page I posted thisto on facebook, and on Stefan’s facebook page, where I saw he reposted this to (Thankyou very much for that by the way, Stefan!), I believe now that I made a gooddecision. I say “a good decision” and not “the correct/best decision” meaningthat there could have been other positive routes I could have taken, but theone I took wasn’t necessarily negative for me. I think I could’ve spoken mymind and let everyone know that I personally don’t condone violence againstchildren in a calm manner that wouldn’t have provoked a verbal attack onmyself, but I appreciate myself for being patient and taking the time to domore research on this very important matter, so that in the future I’ll feelless reluctant towards sharing my opinion, because I’ll be better armed. I’m not one to make excuses, but I’m only 19 and have beenlistening to Stefan just over 6 months now, so a lot of these ideas are stillrelatively new to me. But I’m doing what I can to educate myself about theseimportant subject matters that Stef discusses, and I’ve recently beganpracticing debating with myself, so I can feel more prepared when I initiatedebates with people, because I don't have any people to talk in my personal life to about these subject we discuss here. I’d like to thank everyone who’s taken the time to respondto my post. I got so much more of a response from the FDR community andeveryone else who responded on other threads than I ever expected. It’s beenimmensely beneficial to see how many people care, and are willing to sharetheir opinions with me.

I recall a podcast in which Stefan talks about Christina's experience in a similar situation where she was at a business conference and whoever was leading the discussion used a metaphor she didn't agree with and she felt like correcting the man, but also felt anxiety about speaking up, and she stayed quite. If someone could help me find what podcast that was, so that I may listen to it again now that it's so relevant for me today I'd be very appreciative.

I witnessed an interesting conversation today at work, and I'd like to share a little bit of what I heard with you all and hear y'all's thoughts. I'm a 19 year old intern at a physical therapy office and when a co-worker pointed out how a tool used to measure the angle of flexion in a joint resembled a paddle another much older co-worker commented that when she was in school the teachers used larger wooden paddles on the children. Then all of a sudden the office broke into what sounded like a violence-against-children advocacy group. Adults of all ages 20-30-40-50-60, everyone who were present were spewing all sorts of verbal acid about how kids should be beat more at home, kids not being hit is government schools is why the youth today is so misbehaved, etc. Personally, I found the whole discussion disgusting and was the only person to my knowledge who didn't say a thing the entire discussion. I wanted to stand up and bring to everyone's attention they were promoting the use of violence on defenseless and dependent children with the goal of modifying their behavior instead of attempting to reason with the child why their behavior that would have provoked a beating is considered negative, and then with the child reason a moral principle for refraining from such a behavior... but instead I held my tongue. I can't say why I simultaneously felt the urge to speak up, but also keep my feelings to myself about this sensitive subject, but that's something I hope to discuss with some of you here.

Hi Mikey! I have to say I'm happy see someone else my age here on the forum, espicailly a new member. I hope to have some insightful conversations about philosophy and psycology with you in the future.

Thank you Demitri! I will try finding the time later today to continue explaining some of the circumstances that have made me the person I am today. I look forward to finally hearing some partially-personalized external feedback. In recent months I've been scowering through Stef's podcasts on the subject matter of relationships and honesty to one's self for any beneficial perspectives to help me retain my sanity since I've come to the realization of the unhealthiness of just about all of the few relationships I have in my life. This has helped me significantly, but I really believe discussing my situations with someone else who has had similar experiences and can aid me in reasoning out why I am feeling certain emotions will be some of the greatest good I can do for exercise out what still remains of my false self, which I must disclose is the strogest evil that still exists in my phyche. Hopefully with your assistance and that of anyone else who chooses to chime in can help me cleanse this corrosiveness from my life once and for all.

Dead FDR Community, I'm Josh and I have to say I am overjoyed to be here. I am not the best at organizing my thoughts into a logical, linerar path without outlining, but I'm going to give it a shot here as I attempt to introduce myself in this essay of a post post for those of you who actively visit this part of the forum. My journey into philosphy began close to 6 months ago. I was back at college nearing the end of my first semester strolling through the interwebs when I sumbled upon a video by none other then Stef. It was titled "Jon Stewart's 19 Tough Questions for Libertarians!" This sparked an immediate intrest in me, because I had recently discovered Dr. Paul as the previous election cycle was nearing its overly dramatic conclusion. I was intrigued at what Stef had to say, so I dug deeper. I began exposing myself to so many new ideas and found myself immersed in a whole of logic and reason. I was home. I had always been a deep thinker. I had always been a quite child not because I was afraid to speak up for myself, but because I was always thinking. I had been told at least a dozen times throughout my years in the state's intdoctrination program that "(I) think too much." I would often go on to question "What's wrong with that?" I never felt this to be a negative character flaw on my part, but I often found myself isolated by my own adherence to practicing logic and reason, which would in turn reap negative concequences on my childhood. I never really had any close friends growing up. There were groups of kids around the neighborhood I used to spend time with, but I regularly found myself on the outside of the circle. There were times where I was very close with a couple other children my age growing up and even into my early teens, but this was shortlived. I had a bestfriend for a few years, but I still felt odd about my relationship to him. He was popular and had his many circles of friends he would sometimes bring my over to hangout with, but I had no one of the sort to introduce him to. He was my only close friend even growing up. This isn't to say having a plethora of friends is a requiesit for happiness, but I always felt because I was never a part of a group of friends was because of some form of character flaw on my behalf. I could go much deeper into this aspect of my conversation about my history, but I'll move on for the time being. As for my relationship to my parents I always thought it was good until I really began examining all of my relationships for any significant truthful meaning behind them. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I was raised in a christian household of which I still reside while I am home over the summer from college. My parents' corruption towards thinking logically is signifcantly impared by their religiosity. I can say for certain that it was me leaving home to attend college free from the indocrination of having to attend church that I came to the realization that God does not exist. This realization came later than my becoming an anarchist, likely because I had always had a terrible distaste for public schooling and political figures and often found myself in to presence of fairly pleasent religious figureheads. I'd like to discuss my parents more aswell, but I do not have to time to write a compilation of essays tonight I'm afraid. I will add though that they never beat me. I was spanked on a rare occasion when I was young, but rarely suffered physical or verbal abuse, although it did occur a few time that I can recall. I will opt to skip discussing my relationship to my siblings as well for now as I find this subject to be irrelevent to this conversation. Here for the most present and pressing issue I currently find myself perplexed with, my love life. I don't even know where to begin here so I'll just start blurting out what I can and we'll see what were can gather from my jumbled up throguhts and emotions on this subject. I never had the sex talk with my parents. I found porn at a pretty average age as I was curious of the female anatomy that I had never been educated on. Eventually I was found out on this and my parents were very dissaproving as they are christian and believe that it is dishonorable to relieve yourself sexually in any fashion. My mother installed an internet blocker on every computer in the home to block pornography for over half a decade. This was an insufferable rollercoaster of lust, guilt, and shame that I found myself locked into and unable to escape. This experience had terrible consequences on me that I cannot even begin to go into detail on here in this part of the FDR forum. Let me just say, it fucked me up somethin bad. On to my relationships... With the aid of my best friend mentioned previously I got my first girlfriend when I was 13. Unfortunately for my self esteem she also broke up with me the same day. In retrospect this was an omen of what my future would have in store. I didn't have another girlfriend for a couple years later and that relationship only lasted for a week. The next would be a doozie. Not until my senior year of highschool did I enter what I would consider my first real relationship with a girl. She would ask me out to homecoming as I was never an out spoken person on this front. She had obvious self esteem issues while mine were always concealed beneath my indifferent demeanor. I lost my virginity to her early in our relationship and felt immediate remorse. I was emberassed to associate myself with her to any degree and broke up with her soon after. Our relationship lated just shy of a month, a new record for the 18 year old me... I will have to pass on the last relationship here for the sake of this post just being to lengthy. I appreciate those of you who have made it this far through my "introduction." I'll just say that the relationship I am leaving out is the most mutually distructive expience I have ever been apart of, and I promise to post about it tomorrow for those of you who are curious of others' remorseful histories and have a desire in your heart to help provide any support. I will the link to post I make on this page for those of you who would like to learn about my expience to follow up on. Yeah, so I did what I could to explain what I can about myself and relationships in this post absent of any drafting and working within the time that I have here tonight. I hope that those of you who made it all the way through didn't loose any limbs along the way. I'd just like to say that I am excited to be here amongst other rational thinkers and I look forward to sharing my thoughts, feelings, and expiences with you all in the future. Thank you.