Alexandru Stan

OK, this has already got me spinning, in a very positive way. So what I meant by "the able" actually was the economic leadership: entrepreneurs, investors, those who have gained control of the market and resources through their work. Second, we can neither know or not know at this point weather there is a solution to lets say something like "all the worlds problems." But what if the scope is just limited to the worlds food problems. Also I'd like to point out that every human problem, is by it's nature infinite, but that does not mean that to solve it it also require an infinity of solutions. I can create a problem in my head right now and can keep doing that until I don't do it anymore because it is in my interest not to overwhelm my system with horror stories that are not part of this moment. The solution is to stop; the methodology to stop may require more involvement from others, a commitment to principles, and other things, but the solution can be a concrete measurable set of ideas/principles/things and resources needed. So problem has to have a definition that regards man created fantasies or horrors, as one problem of an individual, not the multitude of problems that are innumerable. So I have redefined two of the things: 1. "The able" are entrepreneurs, investors, and the rest of the economic leadership (with the assumption that in fact it is a leadership) 2. All the world's problems could be stated more clearly: every individual's basic problems of physical and mental health Now the other part of the argument would be weather it is quantifiable how much it would take to solve the two basic problems, and if there already is a methodology for fixing both or either. Lets assume that at least the physical aspects of survival that are not a making of the human mind we can solve: food, shelter, not living next to a volcano, or an island that magically disappears every year under water for many months taking the population by "surprise" every single year. Now as for the per-individual mental health problem the speaker talks about the Inner Engineering program for that problem, broadly. So the argument is: For the first time we have the necessary resources, technologies and capability to address every individual's basic problems of physical and mental health. The premises: The economic leadership, entrepreneurs and investors are the most capable in deploying the methods and materials to achieve the goal. I'm still working on concrete numbers to back up the claim that there are enough resources, technology and capability to achieve the goal. I'm still working on weather UPB is a standard that is met of this argument. Is this more clear? Thank you for the participation

So for a bit of time I have been following probably something that will come as a bit of a surprise to this community, maybe because this particular person calls himself a guru and a mystic. Maybe it's my own projection, but I'm still nonetheless going to throw this out here since my passion has been sparked. So here is the video that relates to the title of this thread: https://youtu.be/UGroxC5xJaA The argument is that "for the first time we as people have the necessary capability, resource and technology to address every human problem on the planet." How does that stand against the welfare state, and because it is talked about in the idea that businesses should take this up as their vision, would that at least qualify this argument for being in the realm of win-win negotiations? How does it stand against the idea of the limited resources of the planet? The argument to me also has a moral component, altruistic in nature, that ultimately if the capability is there to solve these human problem by the able, it should also mean that the able need to be a part of this movement, to a disproportionate degree than those that do not have the capability. Maybe I'm getting it wrong. The scope of the argument, is for now, just limited to our planet. I'd like to see how this stands to the rigors of this forum, of reason and evidence. So if you prefer, do throw some fire thisaway.

Hey, Thx for the post. I find this stuff very interesting and it hits home for me since I am struggling with the same very issues that are talked in the presentation. It's rather scary for me doing the research to try to work on my health problems but at least now there is much more information and science so that I'm not just flying blind.

Hey I am getting a similar thought from all of these comments that I also had."Why am I not placing the people that I will be around at the top of the list, I can pay a little more, and bus if I have to" That sounds conclusive to me and I am comfortable with having the rest of the criteria as less important.So if you guys have any experience with this how and what do you guys ask about to find the "right" people? Thank you for all the help, you guys helped me connect with myself and with you.

After a bit of talk to my therapist a month, I have just made the decision to myself to get some distance between me and my parents. I have been considering sharing a place with some people and doing a room-share situation. Pay rent for a room and common-area usage. I have found one where the landlord already has two tenants, and she posted an add on Craigslist for the last room.I am almost on the verge of freaking out and fogging, so I would like to get a second opinion about the situation and if it is a good idea to take this opportunity.Ok so first of all my criteria for the Room-Share situation is: 1. Be close to where I work.2. Be a decent neighborhood with no bullets flying around. 3. Be relatively cheap. 4. Have tenants + landlord that are not dangerous to be around. I have met the first 3 but the last one I cannot say, or don't have the experience or the consciousness to determine. The first interview with the landlord: She asked if she could pick me up, I said I work here and at this time I get off and we can meet here. I then did not feel comfortable about having someone pick me up without knowing at least a bit about them. After talking a bit with some ppl in the chat here, I had decided to ask the person to meet me near my workplace, at a local IHOP. We met up and I told her that I would feel uncomfortable if I would go in a car with a stranger and she accepted to have a short convo before going to the house. After a little talk, I felt like she was not going to strangle me and throw me inside the dumpster, and went ahead with her. We reached her house and talked a little and met both tenants, one a 26 year old goth looking type girl, and a white gay guy that looked anxious and did not talk to me much besides an introduction. Both of the tenants are nannies, the girl out of home, the guy in home. Alarming things about landlord: -She is a horror fan and has a life size Jason mannequin. -She had abusive alcoholic parents -She is not married and only has boyfriends. -She does not have kids. -She had done some relationship counseling in her past -She had tenants that: had periodic night time manly visitors, were alcoholics. Only specifically 2 tenants. I'm not sure how to proceed, since three of the criteria are met but the last one I am having a hard time deciding or having the foresight to know if it can be dangerous.Any help.

To be honest I just think that I would like somebody to connect with me on my childhood and have it as their mission to not allow the same to happen in their lives. To not allow other people to mistreat their children or abuse them, and other people around them. Sometimes I tell myself that this view is a childhood one. Something that I have not had met in my childhood, and how and why should somebody meet it for me. Or what if I am looking to be rescued from my world by having my childhood needs met. For some reason that narrative runs through my mind. It does not deal with my current needs or that I have any. I guess it comes down to vulnerability. I don't think I am open enough to relationships in general because I felt hurt in my previous ones. Humm, it just came to me that when you said "gain" I felt like that would be shellfish act of me. As if it is one-sided. I'm not sure why I would place myself in a situation where I would only gain at somebodies expense. Maybe because my parents have kept drilling that into my head: "You don't do anything around the house" or "for the house [for them]" and "You just do what you want and don't care what others [my parents] say." and "You are just sitting on the computer and eating our food but not going to college like you promised." Those things make me sad but not angry in this moment. You know one thing that one of my friends had said was that my parents were raised a certain way and I should not blame them for that, but that I should still get out. But now, looking at myself as a child, I only remember being fed to my father's evil actions, physical or verbal. And if I were to place myself in the shoes of the child that I was I cannot say, "yea momi and dadi have learned things a certain way and that is why they are treating me like this, I'm going to go and make the best of this experience and hold on my own." I was just scared of my father like terribly scared, he was big and physically hurt me and told me not to cry about it and punished me for not doing what he wanted. How can I then go back on all of that and agree that my parents were raised a certain way and that is what happened in the vaccum of my family. My therapist described it very similarly . Like talking to my parents to meet my needs or to acknowledge them, is like fishing in a fish-less pond. I get that, but what about the needs that were never met. I think I have to switch therapist nonetheless. I feel sadness but the anger is not as present. Yea I have talked to them about the time that I have had to spend to learn those things on my own. And I think their response, my father mostly, was that we did the best we could, and it is your responsibility to do all the rest for yourself. Like he was telling me that I did not understand reality and that reality does not care about what motives or concerns I have. That was as if saying we do not care what you think or say about us; you are the one that has failed and not understanding reality. They do not care about the wasted time I am taking in fixing things that I did not have met as a child. I looked back at some of my pictures of when I was young, I looked scared. I can't remember when I was younger what happened, just that I was punished for things. If I staid to late out or if I did not read or wtvr my father wanted me to do. Standing up to my father would have consequences all the time, no exceptions. I think I have heard grand-parents call me shy, and small, scrawny. I was def. scared of my father. Is that what is happening: I am projecting him into everybody else, thus being scared and defensive, not trusting so readily. Hey Tony thank you for the conversation. I am trying to make an effort to get on the board and talk to people, and I do give up sometimes or my work right now has completely been draining. Thank you for making me feel a little better about approaching people. I don't want to approach people that are going to not ask me these things. Like I don't want somebody around me that just tells me, " Dude you just got to do it, the more you do it the better it gets." That almost feels like I am some sort of robot trying to rewire parental buttons to fit something else without getting angry at the people who crossed my wires in the first place. Do you mind if I ask, if you are in any therapy and how is that going? I'm like hungry for examples because I want to find a good therapist.

Hello,I worked a bit at a pancake house, and my experience was very mixed.I worked as a host and I had nice customers but I also had a small portion of people that just felt like they wanted to make things personal.There was a customer that was ordering TO-GO and they asked for a desert item without looking at the menu. I was not too familiar with that item since we did not sell many of them and I wanted to double check because I felt like she was asking for a different item. During the whole time she just had this monstrous look on her face and complained about how slow, or how I did not understand, or how I am holding up other customers with my slow service. Funny thing is that everybody also became partially convinced or maybe just annoyed by this customer. After me fumbling my words, I was terrible anxious, and figuring out what she wanted, I went to tell the kitchen what she wanted. I also let my manager know that I just could not deal with this customer in any productive way. I was literally having a full on anxiety attack. My manager went talked to her. After the kitchen finished preparing the items I took them to her, manager already left, and gave her her food, and she told me that she asked for everything to be in one container. She left without paying or taking it, even after I called the manager to talk to her. I did stand up to her and firmly talked to her, but I was completely anxious and disoriented.I mean what I am seeing the responses here is that there are going to be those customers like I explained. I guess it really depends how you were raised and how your body reacts to all of this.How do you regulate your body to not be in fight or flight mode with those ppl. I'm not sure I could, but it might have something to do with my poor attachment to my parents through my early life.I'd really like to know how you experienced those customers?

Hey Tony, Well I kinda' stay away from people, or I just don't know how to approach people. I might even go as far as saying as I don't even know why I should approach. I got confused and anxious when I typed that last sentence.My childhood is full of neglect and my father who was just a physical kind of evil person, as well as verbally abusive. My mom I don't even know what to say about her besides absent. I had needs that somehow I feel like I learned to meet myself. I started a new job 2 weeks ago and I was able to calm myself on the job from thinking the whole place was going to eat me. People were friendly, but I could not stop and notice the lack of understanding of childhood trauma and just the side effects of being unconscious about what looked to me like childhood trauma in one of my co-workers. I have considered that fear and anxiety would be helpful. I'm not sure about the connection. I could just be having those reaction because of my childhood and then clues in present life trigger them. Humm, I also wanted to add that I do have two friendships that I am currently in that I am completely confused about and, it kinda scares me that I am saying that I am isolated. One of my friends did try to talk to me about what was happening with me, but I felt like I should not have to first let him know that I needed him to want to be interested in my troubles with my parents. I don't really feel comfortable asking for that since he is not my parent. I also have another friend that at the moment I am having a bit of a trouble communicating with about how I did not trust him.I'm not really sure but sometimes it feels like I am doing this [isolation] to myself, and other times I am thinking that I am the cause why people move away from me, like my friends.

In light of Robin Williams' passing and some of the words Stef has put out about Robin's relationships I found myself growing anxious at how Robin might have not learned any social skills and thus why he would find his relationships by the people that were in his proximity. I am quite the same in respect to that example.I tend to isolate myself, and just not be open about how I feel or think or if I'm anxious or scared. Even my friends are not completely in the loop about these things, and I do have a distrust or I should say I don't know how to build trust or what it would look like to begin with. I just started a job and I'm also trying to go through some changed to become more independent from my parents. I've had some therapy but doubting some aspects of my therapist.I guess it would be nice to have people to bounce all of the ideas off of that I have and I need help with but I always find it hard to ask either on her or of other people. I think that my needs should not be met, or that if I try to attempt to meet them through creating relationships I will just never be able to return the favor or never able to do the same in return to another person, or simply who would want to hear this stuff that I am going through. That leads to more isolation. I'm stuck in that mindset so it usually leads to not even attempting and being rejected. Rejection is a whole other basket of anxiety. I'm not sure if I have a specific question besides how can I break this cycle of isolation, and start seeking like-minded people?Part of it has been through going to therapy, but I still feel uncomfortable about the efficacy of my therapist. What Now what now.

My therapist has said somethig along the lines that my parents are incapable of meeting my needs, and I had talked to him about wanting to move out.I have also niticed that the years spent around them have made me weak physically, I've just started working out due and trying to eat a healthier diet, due to what my doctor said was a week valve in my heart, and a vitamin D defficiency which made my immune system run suboptimally at times. I can tell it is because of the behaviors I had picked up from my childhood to my teen years and to now, in response to my parents' treatment of me, or non-treatent of me. For me those pysiological aspects already are taking a toll on my body. The problem that I am having is that of my disaster scenario: I will get a job which will place me around stress again, I will isolate and not be able to find any help, I will not have enough money to support myself, I will end up with more self inflicted health problems and I will ....But it's also the fear that I will not be able to afford any therapy or health if my parents decide not to help me with that if I leave. And sometimes the thought that runs through my head is well lets just will it and do it through will power and worry about it afterwards. My therapist told me that I tend to spiral inwards and into negative land. He recommended that I just get a job to survive and adapt with it instead of trying to control all the aspects that I will encounter during the job, like where to eat and how to get there.Truthfully in my emperical behaviour for the past couple of months even though I have said that I want to get out I have been undercutting myself and living just in reaction to my parents. And it scares me to just go "out there" alone, which sounds to me like something that was from childhood.Thx for sharing and validating how I feel.

I relate to what you have said. I get the same tightness in my chest, during talks with my father and my mother, and afterwards. In looking for a job right now and I go through exactly the things that you were talking about such as loosing the ability to function or trust my own self. My father pressured me to give him answers about weather I would go to college as soon as possible, without regarding any of my doubts and feelings and ideas about what I want to do; this also increases my anxiety and I just don't feel like looking for a job, because it is in contradiction with his view.And I find very little joy in my life outside of the conversations here and my therapist. I'm not even sure it's joy but more connection and understanding, some form of short term joy follows these sort of moments. And the biggest thing that I do see myself go through is isolation and also appeasement. I'm still living with them and sometimes I catch myself excusing their behavior for the sake of not being thrown out. The threat of abandonment has been passed around as a comment by my father, "...if he does not do what I tell him, I'll throw him out", from when I was younger and as a teenager.Thank you for bringing that contradiction up as well. My mind gets really disorganized and fogged when I talk to my parents and I forget to apply all the things that they prescribe to me back onto them.

I was angry, in the moment with them. My voice began to raise before I caught myself. This anger came up a couple of times in the conversations with them.They don't think they are retarded because of all the formal schooling they went through. My father boasts about his achievements in mathematics as a student and about how he has done a lot of the things in his life alone and of his own intellect, ie. deciding to go to college, moving to USA, and of his will power to do them. He uses his achievments to bully me: HE called me crazy because I would not finish (last 2 courses from an Associate's Degree that I regretted starting) what I started . Finished what I started, HE always brings that up that I need to "finish what I started." My emotional response to that is anxiety and I believe shame.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for not posting any further on this topic. I have a tendency to do exactly this, weather is at jobs or with friends, to not stay connected, and I can tell that maybe what is happening is I'm trying to meet my needs on this forum, like connection, but because that has been backwards in my family (attempting to connect was met with screaming and diminishing words and erasure of my needs so I am susceptible/anxious to not continue to connect), I tend to feel anxious and shameful after disconnecting. I have talked to my therapist a bit more in detail and I had come to the conclusion that my parents are unable to meet my needs or respect my boundaries (I say this with some hesitation, because of recent events). Let me place into my own words to see if I understand the "mutually exclusive" idea about how providing my parents with feedback will come at the expense of my independence. So if I do talk with my parents about what had happened in my childhood and try to question them about it and try to intervene and give feedback about their parenting towards my brother and I, I am at risk of not being able to achieve independence, which is a need that I have, that they have not met for me through my childhood; in turn I have to use my time and resources to do it apart from them. But why apart from them?Is that what you meant Ruben? This all is under my current frame of mind after I had a talk with them about some of these things and I have become a little bit more comfortable with the idea that they are (only) after my compliance to their wishes of finishing up "my" Associates Degree. In a recent talk I've had with my parents where I tried to connect to them, despite my doubts and in the name of getting the empirical truth about whether it was true that they cannot meet my needs they still held the same views, compliance (father), appeasement of my father (mother). And my parents' reaction, well they just asked and at the same time most likely assumed that it was somehow my fault and because I was a bad employee. When I told them that I got bullied they practically did not react at all or maybe in a laughing manner if I remember correctly. So they don't take any responsibility for what their behavior or lack there of had on me. And they did not try to connect with me on it. Thank you for the feedback, sorry about run-on sentences.

Oh man this really fogged me for some reason. I think it's that I want to let my parents know of what I intend to do if they continue the same behavior as before.Can you please explain the mutually exclusive part. For some reason it is fogging me, can you explain it differently?I spent a little bit of time thinking of my concern at the moment and what has crossed my mind is that I have not been listened to. The past year my behavior has been to go against what they were telling me. This happened by me not going to college anymore, about a year ago, at which point numerous verbally abusive confrontations between me and my father had occurred.The taught that comes across to me is that my father's "parenting" was aimed at submission and conformity to his wishes. To say the least most decisions were taken for me and I was bullied and forced to follow them. So I was especially anxious about going against those even in my later teen years when we as a family could not work in the USA legally, except my father who was on a VISA. I felt trapped and without help, and I would isolate myself and not talk about these things to anybody including the family members from my country. When I decided not to continue college we already had a green card, so I saw a way out, plus the ideas presented here helped out a bit. I guess I have been feeling anxious lately, partly because I realized how far behind I was, in help, skills, even basics like overall health, employment, and also without any friendships. Talking about things that bothered me, or about the ideas presented by Stef with my previous friends or with my parents has brought upon a whole lot of anxiety; this eventually led to me trying to be truthful with my friends, and trying to establish boundaries to our relationships. This led to me not wanting to interact with them. I worked as a host at a local IHOP and I was bullied. I finally quit when one of the co-workers threatened me that if he lost his job I would "pay" for it. When I talked to a manager on duty he brought the person in the same office and told us both that if he has to hear this stuff again he would fire whomever brings it up. I left the next day since I was very scared, and uncertain of what to do. Let me work on it and I'll re-post it again with the modifications.

I have been following this community for about 2 years now. And in that time I have posted a couple of questions and went on one call-in show for advice about what to do about my relationship with my parents, and donated a little. But I have not felt comfortable doing more then that, even though I think this saved my life from a whole lot of troubles down the road. This isolation is something that has happened because of my parents and their internalized forms in me. Most of the things that have happened since this show have spiraled down to my current situation: unemployed, with a little money saved up, no real friendships and still at home, and completely isolated and anxious for the last month. I'm going to give this a try and start asking for some help. I've been facing increased anxiety almost every day while my parents were home or when they weren't for the past month or so since I quit my job. The anxiety was aimed at how there was constant screaming and conflict between my parents or them and my brother or just the anticipation of what my father, who usually initiates most conflicts, might try to say to me next. I am trying to assert my boundaries with them and thus I have written an e-mail that I have partly sent to them previously, partly written now. Here is the e-mail in it's entirety( the links might not work): I'm curious what the community thinks about sending this e-mail to my parents. What I have the greatest fear about is that the anxiety will have a great impact on my performance and and finding a new job to support myself and move out, which at the moment is something I am considering, alongside starting to see if I can get weakly therapy sessions from my therapist.

So my fear of cops is real.When I first started driving I got pulled over for not having my lights on, I had not even noticed it.Man everything that he was doing made me feel uncomfortable. I should mention that I do have a terrible response to authority in general. But they do have a lot of power and you simply do not. The double standard and the real gun to enforce it. Thx for the share.

Yeravos I have had a very similar experience in dealing with my childhood but still being full of anxiety or fear. I still am. But I think I am figuring out where it is arising from. For example I worked around what seemed like verbally abusive co-workers. I would always have a negative reaction to them, and for a time it was hard to tell if it was because I was doing my job wrong or their treatment of me was just inappropriate and abusive. I might not be right in this, but for me I understand now that there is a little bit of truth with all the abuse. Like a co-worker yelling at me that I was not doing my job correctly might be helping me spot the problem in my behaviour but at the same time the aggressive tone or threat or wtvr other abuse might make me defensive to change my behavior (negative stimuli attached to the criticism). That sort of behavior always fogs my capacity to move forward since it's something that I would experience when I was younger, and dependent.I still have not escaped the anxiety, I have actually started procrastinating and isolating myself, on the contrary of what I would need to move forward as I perceive it. In my experience so far with self knowledge and blaming my parents I have not reached a point of no anxiety or no pain. But I do know that when I am around them I feel uncomfortable, scared and fearful. Same as my past work environment sometimes. I have recently quit my work due to some incident and I have felt a huge load of anxiety lift off of me.As to " is it a fantasy, " I don't personalty know yet, but I would not walk around as if I have not been abused. Well that is poor wording. I would not pretend that I have not been abused but I would also be aware of my environment and make sure it is appropriate to discuss those topics . I am trying to get help with therapy and through here, that is my way of getting more tools to learn about myself . My experience of talking about that stuff at work or with some people has been poorly received, and sometimes inappropriate ( work environment); so I avoid it if the environment is not suited.Tyler's analogy is good, if you build a strong base to build on, then you will deff. relieve yourself from the fear that your building might collapse, and you have to start again.And I would not march straight through my anxiety. I look for where it is originating and see if I have to change or my environment has to.I just wanted to add my experience. I don't think I have an answer to weather there is a light at the end of the tunnel because I have not experienced that myself. But I think part of the answer has something to do with personal choice and self-knowledge. My guess.

I just wanted to let you guys know that Daniel posted his documentaries up on YouTube.I thought it would be nice if more people got exposed to those videos and his documentaries, since I think he is doing a great job.http://www.youtube.com/user/dmackler58(His YouTube page)http://wildtruth.net/ (And his webpage)

There is discomfort when the phrase "expressing your needs and feelings to your parents" comes up. It's just one of those things that I have tried about a couple of months ago, but during a very bad time. It was around me resolving that I did not want to continue college. I was very scared, and frustrated, because of the negative responses from my father. I am beginning to understand that expressing myself to them might be the only way to free myself from taking the comfort of each day that I don't get talked down to or criticized or manipulated, over my long term happiness.To respond to your second paragraph, I find that I am completely alone in my current environment, in the pursuit of health and long term happiness. This is one of the places that could be a lighthouse for my soul. Lots of great ideas and lots of conversations that have shaped my last couple of years.Thank you again for the kind words and best of luck to you to.

Thank you Emanule. Thank you so much for the kind words, and we are all beginners at some point. About the professional help, well since I'm not in school and I have some dept as I have mentioned, I don't have the means to yet. I've been told that there might be some help for these, in form of 'free' therapy at a local shelter I used to volunteer at. I was told to just let them know about my situation and fill out some forms, and that there might be a waiting list. I have not yet done that. As of right now I'm using sfhelp.org, by Peter Gerlach, and am going through the website's first lesson. I have been reluctant about trying to get 'free' therapy because I'm afraid to end up with a therapist that is not skilled in solving suck problems. I probably will try that as well. And I have been called crazy, so I don't think family therapy is something that has been considered. "If you don't continue your college education you will have to start paying for staying with us.""If you don't come downstairs and eat with us, you will not be able to use the car to get to work." Would you consider these as manipulations. I'm completely wrecked to hear my father always place these consequences that only are a form of manipulation to do what he wants and does not take into considerations my needs. My need to him is to go to college and get an education.And this conversation has been a great amount of help.Thank you again and if you don't mind me asking what has motivated you to start and stay on this path?

To make everything concise.My father took $500 out of a joint account we have (that I have been placing my paychecks in) without my permission, on the basis that he needs to regain his lost income from me going to college on his money. I need to know how to escape this situation in the most productive manner?Background about the situation:I recently stopped attending college, after 2.5 years because of the financial burden and my lack of initiative and motivation toward the subject that I had pursued. I instead took to philosophy and self work, and also found a job that could help me save for paying off the $6000+ loan I had incurred.I choose to stay with my parents, but in the past months it has become increasingly harder and harder to feel emotionally stable and just safety. If I don't want to do something that my father requests, the consequence is that he will stop providing some service that helps me achieve my goals like going to work. I can see this as a form of manipulation and I am just fed up.Going back to the money issue, I am currently trying to transfer the money out of the joint account into another account that is just my own.My initial step, out of fear and desperation, was to call a friend that offered to help me out with shelter, and let him know what happened, and ask for his help. This is not a guarantee, nor do I expect it to be.I just don't really know what to do since this manipulation will continue, and I don't know what other ideas are being planned against me if I don't follow what my father wants me to do. My father's response to me stopping my education, has become increasingly verbally abusive and manipulative.Here are some relevant questions.Should I let my current employer know of the full circumstance, if I am to relocate too far from the workplace?Should I ask for the money that was taken back? (Already have made it clear that I did not approve of the money being transferred)Should I talk about how I feel to my mom about her inaction in this situation?If I cannot find a place to temporarily stay soon, what are my other options?What steps can I take to proactively remain focused on my needs being met, and not appease my father's commands?What other things should I expect to arise in this situation?

Thank you Mishelle, Dave and Stephen.I'm in the process of starting a job that should provide me my comfort away from home.Mishelle I've never heard this saying "Secure your own safety mask first." Or maybe I've never listened for it. I saw online that it might have something to do with airplanes? About my brother, I have received very similar response in my intro thread, and it's a bit hard to process leaving him with my parents. But I understand that my life would not move on.Dave that has been on my mind, my father has even told me that if I don't stay and talk to him when he engages me he demanded I give him money. I find it very absurd and manipulative, and frankly I don't think any sort of threats to my property and myself are going to cut it.Stephen, I've been wrestling with my sanity for some time. Well at least I thought that there was a problem, but family and friends helped normalize their own behavior, and I felt like the odd one out until I bumped into FreedomainRadio.

Hello Freedomainers, I have recently contacted Stefan, through the Sunday Show, during a trip with my family to the country of origin. The question that I was struggling with was how to resolve the problem with my father that has been going on for my whole life, my lack of choice. The problem of screaming and threatening to get the outcome he deemed as best case for my life. So I had very little choice and whenever I had preferences that did not agree with his views I would get punished physically or verbally, to "correct" my behaviour. Here is the link to the Sunday Call in Show recording from Stefan's page: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvOIodsjO-k I guess after finishing the podcast and after listening to Stefan's argument for how I should approach the situation, I felt quite anxious about implementing it and also doubtful that it would not work. So I pondered on it and after a while, when I returned to United States, alone with my father, the conversation started but not by me. I was constantly verbally threatened and humiliated about why I choose not to continue my Computer Science Degree which I had completed almost an Associate's Degree worth of material, some non transferable since my poor grades. My father had invested about $4000 plus money for transport and books to it and the rest I paid with loans about $6000. I don't recall making the most informed decision about my major, nor about going to college. As soon as I left high school my father had requested me to take some summer courses at the community college where we lived. At the time I had no working permit since my parents had not yet overcome that barrier due to my father constantly moving from job to job and not being able to find any sponsor for the Green Card application. The fear of having the same retaliation, over me preferring not to go to college, from my father would bring much verbal abuse and I would be thrown out of the house if I disobeyed. (these threats would be casually dropped at dinner parties and as a rule that I had heard numerous other times in other situations). I thus kept my grades a secret and kept up a facade of truth about my grades and school work. I would also be constantly lectured about habits that I had picked up such as staying up to late and not having good study practices. I was scared of being thrown out of the house and not have any protection due to my inability to work. This continued until my mother acquired her Green Card and thus the family. Maybe a year after that I bumped into Stefan's youtube page, and I started with self-knowledge. I have made the decision that going to school now and having to pay another $50,000 for the rest of the Computer Science degree which I do not find that I can place my passion into as I have been doing with philosophy and psychology. During my decision process my parents requested an official transcript from my school and I gave in and wrote the application, and they discovered about my failing grades. Back to after I returned to America, the verbal abuse continued, and my father demanded to give him reasons why going to college is a good thing and why finishing something that you started is a good thing and that what I was doing, by not continuing, was a bad thing. This happened almost 2 weeks straight, the conversations initiated by him full of verbal humiliation, threats and manipulation, If I did not comply to what he wanted. Every time I would state that it was my choice and I did not want to go and that I needed help with resolving some of the problems that he had caused in my childhood. After my mother and brother arrived to United States two weeks after we had I began to stop talking about it and also left the house in order to avoid not being yelled at after numerously telling him that yelling and and the verbal humiliation is destructive to be and brings a lot of fear. Then the manipulations. If I would continue to leave (leave the conversation) I would have to pay him to stay there and if I would leave I should not come back. I got progressively more angry and I did something regrettable. My father came into my room and he started as always to tell me what I was doing wrong and why I could not clean my room in a timely fashion. I told him I did not want to talk to him, and he kept screaming and I told him to go scream at other people to see if they would listen. At that point I was in a fight or flight state. He brought up that in his house he gets to scream as he wants and if I am crazy and need to see a psychologist to go do that, something that I mentioned to him about me needing some psychological help to resolve some of the problems he and my mother have caused. My anger took the best of me and I pounded on my desk, and screamed “Get Out!”I obviously cannot handle being around either my father and even my mother. I have a younger brother that is going through almost the same situation that I was going through when I was younger but in a way probably more because my parents have no choice but to be with him; I was sent to my grandparents for my younger age and I had very little exposure to my father or my mother as oppose to my brother. There is no community or family help that they are a part of here in the isolation that they choose in United States.I have had a few friends tell me I could stay at their houses or on campus with them, but I am just recently starting a job in the area.I do not know how I should handle myself, and what should I do in case of my father always verbally abusing me, until I can get out of the house. I have even had threats upon my property. I fear for my sanity. What I had exposed was rage directed at him and frankly I just got out of there and stopped shortly after that happened. I feel like the rage, even as Stefan pointed, even if it is directed at the right people, it is still continuing the cycle that my parents put me through. And that also angers me and frightens me. And what about my brother, what if I leave I usually was there for protection at times and for his support? I know there are social workers that I could call but I’m just scared of where he would end up or if that will only provoke my father even more. Lengthy, but you guys decide on my communication effectiveness.

I have no idea how I came to that conclusion. Thx for the clarification. I think what I meant to say is that after I changed my behavior from trying to help people to just trying to fix myself, the work that I did would come up in my conversations and from that my friends would respond differently to me. I think I just assumed that it was me creating an example for them, when as you have said it takes a whole lot to work focusing on my problems right now. I guess recently as oppose to when I was younger, I have not made attempts to help people as often just because I figured that I might not be as knowledgeable about the "problem," and that I could not assume that they somehow needed help.

Thank you so much Phil, I will defenetly look into that. I had bumped into something similar when doing some job searches recently. I'm just wondering what the technical name for the job is or what indicates it? And also how long do you think the training is and is it offered on the job or it has to be achieved prior to applying? What is it that you found minigful in the job? I don't have any particular concern about what you have mentioned as part of the job, but do let me know what your expereince was going in, and what motivated you. Thx a bunch for your help.