Mishelle

It's been a while, but at last another post, which explains why it's been a while--I'm drowning in success! http://peacecorpsworldwide.org/homesteading/2014/07/14/drowning-in-success/

I want to comment how I admire you really deconstructing this topic as well as your call in RR, and all those who have contributed to what I feel is a hugely important conversation. I don't think I have a lot to offer at this point, but this call did interest me very much, and I felt RR that Stef was agreeing with you on the fundamentals of intuition. This is something that has struck me as a unique strength of his since I first started listening, otherwise I would have never continued. While I understand "atheism" as Stef's definition of his 'belief system', honestly to me, he practices gnosticism, which to me means the marrying of the left and right brain. This separates him from the "true intellectuals" and of course from the "true mystics." I dislike the word faith, as many here do, this has nothing to do with faith, imo. What we are looking at here is 'can I trust my intuition over my reason? And why? And how? And once even asking these questions we are thrown into left brain. This is why the scriptures were meant to be symbolic, in order to bypass the left brain so that we could understand the universe in the holistic sense of "intuitive logic" -- not bypassing the whole to focus on the parts. What religion and scriptures have "taught us" for now generations is to forget intuitive knowing, or gut feeling, and follow the leader, even to the cross. But we are animals! Like any other animal, we have such keen senses that have been lost to programming. You can't call this faith! Or maybe I am way off what you are getting at. Faith means to me believing whatever someone tells you without proof, but what I'm talking about is KNOWING. Like when my dogs can play-fight on a small deck with absolute certainty of their surroundings and not disturbing a single plant or ever hurting each other--2 big dogs on a deck with such a keen sense of each other that they can run, leap, chase, bite, roll, snarl, leap, fall, without ever missing a beat--that's intuition! We have this same knowing! But it's buried, for some very deeply. Anyway, it's late, and I will think on this more and come back again, because it's a great and necessary and fun conversation!

I get a bit frustrated because some podcasts, even the most recent ones, I have at full volume and have to strain to hear Stef, not the callers, but other podcasts come off just fine. There's nothing I can do about this, speakers are good, other sites come off loud and clear and I have to actually turn them down. Not sure if anything can be done about this, but my wouldn't that be nice!

What a great topic, bravo! Patrick, I was just hearing this on an old call-in, and was a bit surprised actually, it was really a good thing to think about! I really thought, you are truthful, always, or you are a liar, and this is not just "esthetic principle" but part of first principles! And on that note, RTR, as well, you are trying to practice it always, or you are a fake! hmmm, so much to learn. But, let me at least add something here. "Duping Delight" a term I recently learned and have now been able to easily see! This is the unconscious "pleasure" at getting away with something. Watch old videos of Clinton talking about his intern affair and you can see it plainly. And just recently, I witnessed it on someone telling me a lie! The question is though, then what do you do?!

Yes! I do! I feel lucky to still be in contact and learning from this man who once shared such a significant portion of my life--who first told me my dad is full of shit, who attempted to change his family to my great awe, who first thrilled me and was thrilled by me, it is a rare treasure. I'm happily married as is he, he was the first to meet my new love, and it's great on the rare occasion to share our journeys and growth and to witness that through each other. We speak once a year, sometimes less, sometimes more, and it is authentic and lovely.

I am so touched by your reply and your curiosity, dear RR! Thank you so very much for reading and trying to relate and for your honesty and feedback, WOW, just WOW! That alone is more, much more, than what is familiar to me. I'm no poet, and no philosopher, except in the sense that we are all poets and philosophers! Every line has deep meaning for me, but l do not spend enough time ensuring others might join my world-in-the-moment through the poem in order to garner the same meaning. This is not you! I am evolving, and the poems are more a recording of the evolution than something that I expect others to comprehend without more explanation or evaluation. The lines come sometimes without any reasoning whatsoever, and I know they are "right" to the feeling. I could write you 2 pages for each line, but it's my small attempt to "spare the details" for the mood, the rhythm, the tempo, the words themselves. Where the meaning evades you, might you appreciate the thought that went into word choice, number of syllables, alliteration, by chance?! Thank you thank you thank you for reading and replying! I am aflutter! LOL, i don't know if that's a word that I've spelled correctly, only that you know the sentiment behind it! :D

It's been a while since I've been here! And I've no idea why all the "the's" are highlighted! Another poem, thanks for reading, it's been too long, for me anyway Slave’s Rising With the winds the heartSinks and swellsKindness comes and goesPatience withersLike lips cracked Woke fight with a startStirred from sleepFalseness cloaked as truthPatience withersLike lips cracked Witnessing armor fallRighteousnessYoung mind’s vanityBlinded by potentialPatience withers Arguing over empathyTraumatizedUnhealed by reasonLove’s violent wounds resistPatience.

It's about leadership, and speaking truth to power and living in alignment with my principles. Why does Stef piss off so many people that his Youtube channel gets dumped? I respect your pacifism, but that's just not me. We all die on our chosen paths, I'd rather go out hollering at the madness. It's not for everyone, I really do believe it takes all kinds and that we can learn from everyone.

Thanks so much for your replies, all interesting and worthy each of a reply, when I find some time! The idea still appeals to me, am seriously considering.

For me the doubt means one thing: you are not using your fear, pain, anguish, anxiety, for their learning value, and maybe instead trying to bypass the discomfort. At least this has been my experience. I really agree with Lians too, really knowing your unique, end-of-life goal, because I do think these are unique for each of us. I think redefining your relationship with these difficult parts is your next step. Are you in therapy? If not, like coaching, it's someone who can really help you keep your eye on the ball. Maybe this book would be helpful for you: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy, 2nd Edition:Amazon:Books For me, in the beginning I thought love was the goal, then I found love. Then I thought happiness was the goal, and I got happiness. Then I thought peace was the goal, and now I have peace. My actual goal is evolution, because when we evolve ourselves individually it reflects back and emanates and expands, so we actually are evolving society as a whole. It's not meant to feel good all the time, there are growing pains, and boring plateaus, and glass ceilings, all showing you where to pay attention. Hope this is helpful and hope you find the path to your true self very soon!

Hi Jake, how nice to see your post! We are in East Texas, where are you? Please do email me when you get a chance, it would be great to hear more about you--sounds like you have great experience. I'm happy to chat with you about what we've got going on here and our future plans. We could certainly use any help we can get, we couldn't pay you, but you certainly wouldn't have to pay us! Thanks for your message! [email protected]

My never-ending war on war. Thanks to Stef for his content and inspiration for this week's post, another fantastic one in our fav FDR series: Truth About Benghazi http://peacecorpsworldwide.org/homesteading/2014/05/03/the-demonic-narrative-of-war/

So wonderful to read about your experience, thank you very much for sharing it, it sounds really brilliant!

thanks for reply cobra! yes, I get it, keeping head low is safest, yet I'm just so tempted to scream! learning to bite my tongue more though

Has anyone ever written a declaration of sovereignty and sent it to their government? Or considered it? I found this interview to be very inspiring and at about 1:20 she talks about doing this and changing her name and what a great sense of liberation and joy she felt doing so. I wonder if y'all know of others who have taken these steps officially and what their experiences might have been. thanks for sharing any info

Excellent article, thanks for sharing--definitely a keeper and worth quoting in future.

Hi and thanks! It's nice you have noticed my absence, thanks for that too Not hiding, just taking a few months away from all social media to work on some deeper self-knowledge--I find it just too easy to get sucked into the many conversations and time is so precious. Plus, it's spring and there's so much great outdoor work to be done and limited time to do it before the big heat sets in. On that note you may remember I was hoping to find someone handy to come here and help me and yay, my 2nd cousin is coming next month to rough it here on the wee homestead--he's quite an adventurous young guy! I so appreciate your note.

Fun photos only! http://peacecorpsworldwide.org/homesteading/2014/04/09/feeling-spring/

Thanks for these explanations and teaching me a new word--paraphilia! I had to look it up, but I understand better now how it will remain always "part of the self" though may decrease in significance. I'm reminded of a friend, a lesbian, and I think her story might fit in well here. She was a masochist--a submissive, in a "club" for this, so it was the whole nine yards--costumes, chains, piercings. This was something she did with her partner on a weekly basis--who was a sadist-- for many years, and it was VERY hardcore stuff. When she told me stories of her experiences there, I was seriously blown off my rocker. She went to therapy for many years where she was able to link this experience with being sexually abused by her father, and to "shift" the responsibility for these experiences onto the appropriate target--him, and not herself. There was of course a lot of shame tied into these experiences, and repeatedly putting herself in that dangerous position, and reliving the shame and recognizing it for what it was, was the pattern that had to be broken. She is now in a healthy relationship with a dear friend of mine and has no desire to return to this paraphilia, and she's able to speak about it with great clarity and non-attachment. Still, in her career choice I can see vestiges of this "past life" -- she's a traveling trauma nurse, and specifically chooses those inner-city hospitals where the action is the heaviest. So, it would seem, an unhealthy expression of her past has been turned into a gift for others, one that very few others would be able to handle. I find that to be very powerful. Thanks for the education and conversation and words of appreciation, it's nice to be in such a civilized conversation about such difficult challenges.

I'd vowed to stay away from the boards as I work through some deep issues from my own past, but this conversation shows so much courage and transparency I've decided I'd like to chime in to offer a woman's perspective. I think the responses so far have shown a lot of insight, but I think I can offer a bit of the feminine which might be helpful. Just as Stef has pointed out many times, there is a kind of biological and historical tendency for men to want to be the woman's White Knight, which I completely agree with and understand, still this must be made conscious by men and women in order to overcome it and advance socially toward a more egalitarian society. The woman's version of this is to erase her needs in order to fulfill the needs of others. The younger generation of women are really rebelling against this now, so maybe it's not as visible as in my own generation, but these things don't just disappear that quickly. In both cases, it's a way for each gender to secure their position in the tribe--men want to be approved of and being the woman's White Knight gains loads of social approval. Women want to create safety for themselves, and being "all things to all people" is a sure-fire way to achieve this. Your gf's outburst, while very hurtful, I really get that, was her way of rebelling against not getting her needs met. Your fetish has ultimately nothing to do with her, you would have it with any other woman, or alone. She feels invisible and authentically and spontaneously expressed this, then felt guilty about hurting you. But, it is not her job to fulfill your needs, just as it is not your job to "save her." Still, these things are hard-wired at this stage of our development. Sex is more intimate and more dangerous for a woman. While you may think being submissive to her negates this, in fact, it amplifies it. As a dominate in the sexual realm, she can better gauge your trustworthiness, and reaffirm that to herself, because she can see and feel what you do with power. One thing Stef says that totally resonates with me is, paraphrasing: What you feed grows, what you starve fades away. Now I don't believe in "self-discipline" as a cure to these issues, I think that's like going on a diet, ultimately it fails. But I do believe he's right, and that by "starving" in this case it means going deep into the past to sort through the source of the fetish and intellectually coming to terms with it so that you can consciously make different choices in future. As you continually and consciously make different choices, then you will find this fetish fades away and is replaced by authentic intimacy which revels in meeting your gf's needs and desires, and not continually seeking her to meet yours. You mentioned you cut back to once a week or so to have this desire met, but this does not address the fundamental issue. This is like "the diet." That's why nothing else feels as satisfying--you want chocolate donuts and nothing else but chocolate donuts will do. A better approach, imo, would be, each time you want a chocolate donut, use this as the jumping off point for exploring together or alone, this particular craving. Like Proust has so eloquently written about with the Madelienes, the smell alone is taking you somewhere far back into your childhood, everything is a trigger pointing you to that particular place. You ARE able to get aroused and stay aroused and orgasm and be satisfied with lots of different kinds of donuts, but something is holding you in this pattern until you get to the bottom of it and allow it to float to the surface. Again, to paraphrase Stef, the trauma will keep reasserting itself until it's dealt with. A fetish is like an addiction, until you treat it like an addiction, with the appropriate compassion of course, it will not be released. Good luck dear, you've shown a huge amount of courage and I really think that's amazing! The first step, to be cliché, is always the hardest, admitting there is a problem.

Transition On the bough bent hangs still the mistletoe The only sign of life through the winter blow A spring wind howls daring burst its form For the new growth enter now To cast out all that's torn.

that's not the only reason. it's also because when presented with the opportunity to grow beyond that, the average man shrinks. of course i mean women too. I do not feel alienated with my dogs, yet they are all of the above.

Here is an interesting anecdote from the recent FDR meetup in Austin. I introduced myself to no fewer than 7 men. Not one single man approached me. The only person to introduce herself to me was one of the 3 women of maybe 50 or so who came to the event. What do you make of this? I feel it's significant to this topic.

Conner and Prairie, I appreciate your honest comments. I've been in similar situations, Conner and I think this is an important and very difficult nuance to address, and for me is related to Stef's choice to Deefoo. I hope this doesn't sound off-topic, but there have been one researcher that has helped me gain some insight here. It's hard sometimes to post here what's helped me, because much of this community is quite rigorous as far as rational scientific standards, and maybe this would fall into pseudo-science. Her name is Helen Fisher and she basically expands on a concept that I believe came originally out of one the main business schools, yes, it's a "personality type" sort of thing, big eye roll. Pay no attention that she does have a PhD and huge audience, gobs of research, etc. But, it's about love, so scientists smirk. According to her research, I'd guess this friend of yours could be labeled "a negotiator" --this is someone associated with estrogen. The way this type of person creates a sense of social safety is through being able to relate and get along with all sorts of people. They can seem "wishy-washy" to other types, but also have serious people-skills. I think this becomes important then for you to recognize if you just aren't suited to those other people, or if you feel they are actually toxic, which would mean she might be dealing with emotional damage and trying to compensate. Someone who would have the most natural concern about this is "the builder" -- might you be a builder? She's got some great stuff on Youtube and books of course, if you are more curious.

I don't think Alphas could ever admit what they are experiencing is jealousy, because that is to admit the Alpha position in the hierarchy as a whole, can be challenged, or can change with the culture. Alpha status requires a sort of oblivion to the impact you have on others. In the video above he's talking about Beta/Zeta jealousy of the Alpha, I think? Beiber hate makes total sense in this light--because here you have a very young, androgynous boy in an Alpha position--imagine what that does to the mindset of the burly guy who still considers himself and 'his type' as the rightful Alphas in society. That's my take anyway. What do you think?