Clark Gorny

Do not use other peoples actions as an excuse for your own! You say you want to be a role model for your child? How would you want your child to react to someone who is mistreating them? Would you want them to neglect themselves in hopes it might change the other persons behavior!? BE AN EXAMPLE! Focus on yourself. He has already distanced himself from you and obviously does not respect you. This does not have to be permanent. You have the power to change this situation! If he does not want to pay for therapy or participate then get yourself into therapy. If you cannot afford to pay someone you can find many MANY! resources for free online. In my opinion the only chance you have of salvaging this relationship is to now focus on yourself.. Children are not the only people who learn from example. If this "man" is a decent person he will see your improvement and your commitment and be inspired. What are you waiting for? Allot of people in this "community" will talk to the cows come home.. YOU NEED ACTION! Sorry if you think I am being too blunt, I speak out of respect.

I am going to be very bunt with you. If you truly respect this girl you will distance yourself instead of enabling her destructive behavior. In my opinion you are setting yourself up for an on/off relationship. DANGER. DANGER. ABORT. ABORT. The longer you linger in the middle ground the more likely you are to submit to the temptations. She obviously does not care about herself if she is willing to give up a good relationship for imaginary friends. Every day you linger in this post relationship failure friend zone the more you assure that the possibility of any healthy relationship is completely destroyed. Take time to heal away from her.. This girl has done damage, when you no longer have any feelings for her you can choose to be friends with her if you want although... Did you not state previously that you do not hang with people who use drugs for recreation purposes? Why is she any different? You seem to have a high opinion of her.. So if anything your expectations for her should be higher not lower. Enabling destructive behavior is not only destructive to her but to your integrity. From my perspective you are acting out of desperation not conviction. You are destroying your pride and dignity just by ignoring these facts. Is any of this hitting home? Hopefully you find it helpful. Stay Strong and Be Healthy ~Peace

Well yes is it any wonder that the majority of the people screaming Global Warming, Climate Change, etc are hypocrites to their own dogma? Social Justice warriors are all about forcing you to submit yourself to their beliefs so they don't have to do anything but yell at you.

I read some of the book, I think he did a good job of identifying the cause of addiction. Other than that its your typical blame everyone but the perpetrators of abuse and perpetuate the hopeless victim mentality. "The only way to treat addiction is to find god, forgive and forget etc" blah blah Barf..

A very helpful addition thank you! It is a distraction in a sense, in the same way a magician uses misdirection for a purpose. However I agree with you it is definitely more than simply a distraction. While the masses are mesmerized by entertainment they leave themselves vulnerable to propaganda. Mind blowing! Thank you!

Today is Superbowl Sunday.. Yet another day of embarrassment for the human species. In tribute to unfulfilled lives and forgotten dreams we dedicate this day to you Sports Celebrities and Corporate Entities whom profit from our Ignorance. We are but Frightened and Confused Peasants desperately grasping for anything to distract us. Today we drunkenly dedicate ourselves to thanking our masters for allowing us an opportunity to experience feelings of excitement and accomplishment. We are unwilling to dedicate ourselves to manifesting and maintaining these feelings authentically in reality, in our own personal lives and communities.

Thanks for the response, let me be more specific. When should you start asserting your needs over the needs of your child. You can start mentioning your needs when language is developed I agree. However More than just language is required for children to understand and reason with the newly acquired language. I am not talking about cooking food or changing a diaper or things necessary to take care of the child. I am specifically focusing on the time when you decide to tell your child that no I don't want to do that "Children activity/desire" I am going to do this "Parent activity/desire" simply because I want to and I have needs to. Perhaps even explaining to the child why you are doing this and why they need to respect your needs. I think that is the most important thing. That the child understand what you are doing and that they don't internalize your behavior as neglect.

I know that you can't go by age alone and that you must be able to evaluate the relationship and decide for yourself. I estimate somewhere between the ages of 3 and 4 as a good place to start introducing the idea that you have your own needs too. I understand that you do this gradually slowly introducing the idea not suddenly and without warning. Also what factors are you looking for to make this decision? Is it the ability for the child to reason alone or a combination of things? Thanks, -Clark

Hey there, slim chance but I figured I would try and see what happens. Anyone leaving in or near Calvert County want to meet up and talk philosophy? I created a Freedomain Radio meetup at meetup.com http://www.meetup.com/Freedomain-Radio/Lusby-MD/

The kids are 2 and 3, I am 31. I talk to my sister on occasion and she will just ask things like "how are you doing?" I think to myself Ummm... I am raising your kids living in our mothers basement.. I am horrible but I can't say that to her all she wants to hear is "good how are you? what are you up to?" She wants to have conversations like none of this is happening. I have recently found out that my mom has been given full custody of the children. Allot of things have recently come to light. I have a new perspective and a plan to get my life together again and possibly get custody. Thanks everyone who has helped.

Well I wouldn't move into a house with people who had kids unless they had proven themselves to be dedicated to peaceful parenting. In this situation I only took the bullet because I thought it would only be a few months and that I was helping their mom get off the drugs.. I recently had a good conversation in chat about all this and it brought allot of clarity. Only thing I don't really know at the moment is how much of a difference I am making in their life by helping them to develop in there most influential years. I also have to factor in the damage it will do when I am no longer a primary caregiver. Now I really have to try and decide if it is best for them that I remove myself from their lives almost completely.

Thanks for the empathy, Basically I had to give up my job in order to be the full time Caregiver, I can barely afford to live at my mothers at the moment so if I wanted to move out I would have to put the kids in Daycare.

I have been taking care of my sisters kids for about 9 months while she has been in Rehab.. I am living at my mothers house during this time. My mother is a savage beast and an alcoholic. She takes no responsibility whatsoever for my sister being in Rehab. If I stay here much longer I am going to lose my mind. I want to help these poor kids who have been born into chaos. I have made the case over and over with my mother about the practicality of using time outs and yelling and the fact that it just makes things worse in the long run. I have sent her multiple links to articles and books explaining this. If I talk to her in person she just laughs at me saying something like "they need to learn they can't always have their way" She accuses me of "just letting them do whatever they want". The reality is she wants the kids to be broken so she can force them to do whatever she wants. She literally just a few moments ago put the little girl in time out because she wanted to wear her recital dress. My mother tricked her into giving her the dress by saying she was helping her take off the dress so she could go to the bathroom. But afterwards my Mother wouldn't give it back. So of course the little girl started crying and asking for it back. Because this behavior bothers my mother she picks up the little girl while she is still screaming and puts her in her room and locks the door. The little girl sobs and cries pressed up the door begging to be let out.. I am living in a nightmare. Not only am I stuck with this fucking beast of a person but I am powerless to protect the children from her. If I try to intervene she will go psychotic screaming and yelling at me threaten me insult me, she is capable of anything. I want them to have a chance in life and I am worried that I am just sealing their fate by being a part of all this. I am 100% committed to virtue and of course peaceful parenting, my mother is the exact opposite she just wants to get her way at any cost(so long as she can't get in trouble for it) I have recently come to accept the definition of the word sociopath to describe her, I could write a whole book on the horrors she has forced me to endure in childhood. The children have a strong bond with her and I worried that I am just making it stronger by tending to their wounds so she can rip them open again.. I want these kids to be able to identify monsters like this and avoid them not "love" them. I plan on moving out with the next 6 months but what then? I don't see any way of getting her out of my life so long as I am in the kids life. And when my mother is in my life I don't exist I am a just a chew toy for her insatiably sadistic appetite. Right now I am easily startled by noises, if I see my mom moving fast out of the corner of my eye I tense up and prepare for an attack. I am stressed to the point where its effecting my health. I am exhausted all the time. Anytime I am around her I feel nauseous. Its extremely difficult for me to be vulnerable and connected with the children around my mother, I can't be myself with them when she is lurking over my shoulder. Am I doing more harm then good by giving them this model even tho I am relatively able to give them the model I want when she is away Mon-Fri 6am-5pm?

The police force is becoming more and more militarized, these cowards just love blowing shit up and prancing around in their G.I Joe gear getting to play Mr Bad Ass. When they blow up a kid they just shrug it off and blame the person they were trying to apprehend. The fact that the guy they were looking for wasn't even there nor were any drugs doesn't even faze these people. They are completely incompetent and completely immune to any consequences for their actions. Only way to defend against these brutes is a strong community.

Very briefly, a recent incident in which a Stun Grenade was thrown into a Babies crib by a Drug Task Force executing a no knock warrant on a house for the sale of meth. The grenade landed on the 18 month old babies pillow ripping open his chest and burning his face. The baby is now in a coma and has lost one of his lungs. This made me cry and now I am so angry and effected by this, I want to help however I can. The suspect was not at the house nor were any drugs and a Minivan with Car Seats was parked outside. Even police procedure states Stun Grenades should be slid on ground not thrown in the air. This is the same drug task force that killed an innocent pastor in 2009. Here are some links below so you can read for yourselves http://thefreethoughtproject.com/baby-critically-burned-swat-raid-stun-grenade-thrown-crib/ baby critically burned swat raid stun grenade thrown crib http://thefreethoughtproject.com/police-defend-raid-tactics-50-drug-sale-horribly-maimed-baby/#D6gyboMMUKLAd7Gr.01 police defend raid tactics http://m.ajc.com/news/news/breaking-news/toddler-critically-injured-by-flash-bang-during-po/nf9XM/ toddler critically injured by flash bang http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2014/05/baby-in-coma-after-police-grenade-dropped-in-crib-during-drug-raid/ baby in coma after police grenade dropped in crib http://reason.com/blog/2014/05/30/sheriff-in-burned-baby-raid-wants-your-p Sheriff wants your prayers http://www.fromthetrenchesworldreport.com/drug-task-force-that-burned-a-toddler-this-week-also-killed-an-innocent-pastor-in-2009/90365 drug task force that burned toddler also killed innocent pastor http://www.thetruthaboutguns.com/2014/05/robert-farago/from-the-annals-of-police-militarization-ga-swat-burn-toddler-with-stun-grenade/ annals of police militarization

Yes I agree and thank you, I should have gave more details to begin with The kids(now a 2 year old boy and 3 year old girl) are biologically my sisters. Nine months ago I became a full time Caregiver after organizing an intervention and forcing my sister on a plane to go to a Drug Treatment Center (she probably won't be returning for at least a few years if ever). I am having problems writing this because the situation is so horrible please forgive me if I sound unsympathetic.. They have been exposed to demented and sadistic people. There is no mystery who they learned the behavior from it has been a tremendous challenge rehabilitating them. Especially considering that I have to do all this while living at my mothers. My mother is an alcoholic and pure evil. The little girl used to hide under tables, pull out her own hair and throw endless tantrums sometimes taking it out on her defenseless brother. My sister would just yell at her for doing this, making things worse. Since I have been in there life full time the little girl has grown out of all this behavior(she still sometimes pushes or hits if the boy tries to take something from her) The little boy however will hit for sometimes no reason(violence has been normalized for him) or if he is not getting his way. When this happens I put myself in between them or pick up the girl. In writing this I realize how telling him not to hit is wrong. The little girl usually asks me to tell him not to hit but I realize I need to try and explain better why this doesn't work to the little girl. He really is a happy child for the most part he loves to play and snuggle I am just having allot of difficulty dealing with this while my mom thrashes about creating chaos. Just writing this reply has been a real challenge and I have learned allot from it. I hope I have given you enough information to give me some feedback I am exhausted for now and hope to get back into this again soon. Thanks for the help and anyone else who has feedback. -Clark

Hello, I could use some advice on how I can help teach a 2 year old to stop hitting people. I have been putting myself in between him and whoever he is trying to hit and if needs be catching his hand when he tries to hit. During this I lower my voice make eye contact shake my head and tell him "No, Don't hit" If things escalate I will pick up his sister when he is trying to hit her I will also tell her to to get away from him when he tries to hit her. Anyone have any advice what else I could do or what I could be doing wrong?

I appreciate your feedback but you don't have enough information to make such assumptions like "my sister has allot of power" its actually my mother who has all the power over my sister. My sister has basically just been going along with whatever my mother says. My motivations are crystal clear on this. I want them to know the difference between someone going to work and someone disappearing for unknown periods of time and to understand the difference between a day a week a month and so on. Telling the kids that mom is at work and she will come home one day, they have no way of understanding what that means. Allot of people in their life actually go to work and I don't want them to worry if they are going to just disappear one day. I don't need to tell a long story at this point, I need a simple way for them to understand the difference between someone going to work(and coming back soon) and going to work(and disappearing from their life completely). It doesn't have to explain anything about her being a drug addict just yet, I definitely am not going to suggest anything that makes my sister sound like an innocent victim although I am sure my "family" would love that. Although I don't think your exact suggestion would be helpful the conversation definitely has been, it really is coming down to me just need a word to replace work. I think I will just start telling them that she is at a Treatment Center and let it grow from there. Still appreciate anymore feedback you or anyone else has. Thanks, -Clark

Do you have any suggestions for what I could put on the table as a recommendation for explaining the situation? I apologize if my post was not clear, I am looking for some help coming up with something I could present to the rest of the "family"as an alternative to just saying "she's at work" I can use all the help I can get, thanks -Clark

I have been the primary Caregiver of two children now 2 and 3 years old for about 9 months, since I arranged an intervention for their mother(my sister) and she went to Rehab(for prescription pill addiction). I have been living at my mother's who has temporary custody of the children. Basically I have given up my entire life just to give these children some sort of hope. Mon-Friday I watch them from around 7am-5pm while my mother is at work. My mother is also an alcoholic however in my family that is the acceptable, so no way for me to arrange an intervention for her. My sister has been kicked out of one treatment center already although she has been clean for maybe 4 or 5 months now but even off the drugs she is a horrible mother just like my mother. Lots of information being left out to get to the question. My sister and mother have just been telling the children that she "has to work" however she is actually in a drug treatment center in California(we live in Maryland) the only contact they have is over the phone and recently sometimes skype. I am honest when the 3 year old asks me questions but I am not sure how to explain to a 3 year old that her mom is in Rehab and that we have no idea when if ever she will be coming back. Just telling her that she is at work is not acceptable. I am thinking of saying something like she is in California she made allot of bad decisions and is not able to take care of you etc... but the reality is my sister could be making allot more effort to be closer to her kids but she just likes being in California I want to be completely honest even if that means explaining that her mom basically doesn't care about her. What am I supposed to do I really don't know how to handle this especially considering that my mom and sister are not going to agree with me talking about being honest. When I says they won't agree with me that means they will possibly yell and scream at me accuse me of being selfish along with who knows what sort of evil shit. You never really know how my mom is going to react she is always ready to unleash the beast and will never take responsibility for her actions. I am good at deflecting their attacks so I know I will be able to take whatever they try to do to me. I just want to know what is the best way to talk to the 3 year old about this regardless of what the evil people in her life will think about it. I would like to be able to come up with something we can all agree on so that the children aren't getting conflicting stories . I can't outright say your mom and grandmother are evil people who only care about how they look on Facebook that would get me kicked out of their lives. I would appreciate any sort of feedback or advice on how to approach this. Please feel free to ask any question you may have, Clark P.S, -Just for the record my plan is to try to convince my sister to give me custody but everyone in my family is either an alcoholic or on antidepressants so I have no help or support from them whatsoever. I am completely broke because of this and its going to be awhile before I can afford to take care of them on my own. I decided it was best to plant myself in their lives for their most critical developmental years, eventually I will have to move out and be less of a figure in their life in order to build a proper environment for them to come live in.

My humble opinion on this subject is that offering a reward for a voluntary action should always be secondary to sitting down and trying to communicate, being patient and giving them time to digest what it is your trying to teach them. If you do decide to offer a reward be conscious of why you are doing so. In every case that you do offer a reward you also need to continue to communicate with them and be honest why you want them to do it, eventually eliminating the need for a reward. - I think its worth reading the book regardless.

If you have a conversation with your average person you will quickly find yourself frustrated with their inability to think. Honesty and curiosity are met by defensive mechanisms, these people have designed their entire lives specifically to avoid any discomfort. Their dream is winning the lottery or an easy job that isn't challenging but pays well "perhaps a government job or government contract work" so they can spend the rest of their time enjoying leisure. Imagine a group of people playing while a child is being raped nearby. Even a statist would find this horrific, however this is analogically what statists do. Not only do they allow the rape to occur, well after the rape has occurred they become outraged and demand that the rapist be put in charge of protecting all other children from rape. This is the demented thought process that the majority of people possess, bringing it to their attention will only unleash their reactionary animal. Violent sociopaths are able to rule the world because people are terrified of change. People can convince themselves that they are open to change.. They can change their hairstyle, change their fashion accessories, change their Facebook etc.. However they are not willing to even consider the possibility of changing anything that is relatively important or hard to digest. Yes the War on Drugs is destroying families but drugs are bad.. Yes the War on Terror creates more terror but we can't just let the terrorist win.. Yes the War on Poverty is destroying the economy but we can't just let poor people suffer.. This is the pathetic world that people live in. Which is why there is so much emphasis on trivial and meaningless things such as sports, celebrity gossip and status symbols. The oozy lump in the head that these people consider to be a brain will rationalize their submissive existence by repetitively chanting "there is nothing I can do about it, so I might as well try to enjoy myself" or "same shit different day" we have all heard these type of slogans but try making this excuse in the scenario where a child is being raped, almost everyone would think you are despicable. However these same people are not able to make this basic connection in relation to their own sadistic masters. Because they are in fact disconnected from reality, ensnared in a stasis trap of perpetual ignorance.

I am going to start a new post its been awhile since I sat down and wrote my thoughts, I want to start off with a carefully constructed and simple question rather than an endless stream of consciousness. This situation is breaking my heart.. I am the only one in there lives who understand how catastrophic this has been for them and I am the only one who cares about what sort of future they are going to have. I need as much help as possible trying to figure this out.. I will make another post on the forum when I have the time to fully compose something. ~Clark

Don't know the number of the podcast but the name of the youtube video was "The war on drugs is a war on us"