Olle Persson

That makes sense, I mean I was stuck in the wind and she wasn't.

Great questions, thanks for taking the time. a. Well I meet an old childhood friend yesterday that I haven't seen in a few years other than that there is nothing especially significant happening that I can think of. b. It's actually hard for me to see 'her' as a aspect of me, but she does represent a need for me that I can't fulfill on my own, like a need of acceptance c. I'm really not sure, I have to think about that. d. Well seeing and getting 'her' invitation was welcomed and I didn't like that she disappeared. But also I didn't like that I had to play this game of getting 'her' attention or interest, that I had to hide my emotions and feelings towards 'her' and trying to get her attention by the act of ending the conversation. Well I could choose how I wanted to interact with 'her', but I didn't feel that I wasn't in control of myself in the dream. The storm was definitely outside of my control though. I think I felt weighted down by the responsibility of the interaction with 'her' outside of the cafe, she sort of represented a freedom, she could do what ever she liked but I was emotionally dependent of the outcome, that 'she' would invite me. I wasn't emotionally free to simply leave without her because then I would have felt such loneliness. I mean this translates very much to reality if I think of her as my ex-girlfriend. e. I don't understand this question. Do you mean, why did 'she' went along with the 'script' and not comment on why I ended the conversation? f. I liked her personality, she had no problem being honest, no shame of telling what she actually feels, a waiter once asked if she liked the food and she simply said, "no I didn't like it". A sort of sternness that I feel I lack myself but would like to have. And obviously she's very attractive as well. She also did fill a need in me of having company. I don't think I have any special thing that reminds me of her, thoughts of her simply pops up, like imaging what I could have said or done differently.

I had an interesting dream this morning which I would like to share with you and I also would greatly appreciate some help analyzing. Backstory: I had a relationship with my ex girlfriend for about 5-6 months about a year ago. She really liked me in the beginning but it ended with her wanting to stay friends instead as the relationship progressed. I didn't think that would work for me so we parted ways. She has since found a well paying job she really wanted and moved on with her life. Part of me have not gotten over her and still misses her and hopes to get back together. The dream: So the dream started with me seeing my ex girlfriend in some kind of cafe in the city, this cafe had a maze like outdoor serving veranda covered in glass where people was sitting down. I was navigating myself through multiple tight doorways which i almost had to squeezed myself through until I got outside. Finally outside she is now in front of me and I felt relieved and happy seeing her. (I wasn't feeling as anxious as I do if I happen to see here in real life). We are doing some catching up and she said something about how she likes that she is surrounded by water where she works. *The place she works for in real life has a building that is in fact surrounded by water, although I don't she works in this particular building. While we're talking I wanted to end the conversation pretty quickly, not because I didn't want to talk to her, but so as to seem as I was not clinging on to her, like I had no romantic feelings for her and to prove that to her that by suddenly exiting the conversation. To assert myself and my independence. * I Hope this makes sense. As I finally said "Well it was nice seeing you, take care" and started turning left to walk away, she suddenly looked surprised and invited me saying something like, "Why don't we go together?". I got surprised at her invitation but I could help myself in accepting the invitation and I was feeling happy and hopeful, like this was the outcome I had hoped for. However. The wind was picking up and suddenly the wind with a storm like force was pushing me back and I was forced to lean ridiculously into the wind, think Michael Jackson lean, struggling to get my footing down to counter the wind and move forward. However I did not move much at all and the wind was picking up sand, leaves and debris making it difficult to see. I lost sight of her, she was now nowhere to be seen and I tough she must be much further away from me. I was looking for her further down a steepening road but couldn't see her. I started to wonder how she could manage this wind/storm when she is much lighter and not as strong as me. Then I wake up. The key parts in the dream I feel are: - Maze like glassed in veranda with very small door openings. I was almost to big to get through - Her inviting me to join her - The storm/wind - Losing sight of her - Step downhill road ahead What are your thoughts? Is this dream about my ex or does it represent something else? Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you have any comment or suggestion please feel free to share.

I think music can sometimes be a message carrier with information to ourself, I sometimes find my self singing the chorus "My lonliness is killing me" from Baby One More Time - Britney Spears, even though I don't listen to Britney Spears. So i don't regard music as avoidance in that sense, more as information from the subconcious. I've listened to a band called Keane since my teenage years, and I love their songs becuase the singer a very friendly, open and loving voice which a part of me finds soothing, and the songs express emotional honesty to me which allows me to connect with myself. So that is another effect music has on me. But everyone uses music for different reasons of course so I don't think it's black and white. Yes I think you are right in that love song has a desperate/co-dependent undertone, lyrics like "I cant live without you" really carry that message.

Glad you liked it! Thanks Joel!

Hey everyone, just finished a 3d-render I made with the theme of origins of violence. What do you think? Love to hear your input!

I tried SJW for 5 weeks, different brands and doses but it didn't helped me in anyway unfortunately. Also I tried acupuncture and massage but didn't really help either. So since yesterday I've started taking Anti-depressant and will see for the coming weeks if it can be beneficial. Man I hope it helps cause I'm running out of options here.

Well just remember its a part of you who is second guess everything about what is true self and what is false self. You can be curious as to why it feels the need to do that. As far as I understand it, you don't really reach your true self maybe if you become a monk but rather you get alter egos to step back so there is sufficient self energy available to be curious/heal and so.

I really enjoy hearing you talk of your experiences, I can relate to some of them. In a way that is what I would like to happen i therapy, that when the protector part comes up the therapist maybe talks about his experiences instead of simply wating. Yes, I have a part who is very fearful of beeing jugded, I fell anxious opening my email usually and seeing contentious topics on facebook really activates this part and recieving critisism, yeesh thats a tuff one even though benign. I can caught my inner critics sometimes and I really understand how scared they are of judgments. I've started taking one beer in the evening, its a nice way to end the day for me. Thanks for the tips.

Thanks for the input, I was suprised when he recomended that route and didn't help me explore the depression, although I didn't have any desire to even speak so I think he felt a little paralysed. A part of me believes that no one cares about me and that part filters every interaction I have with people, maybe a different therapist could help I'm not sure. I skeptical too, I have a bad feeling about SSRI with all negative publication so I'd rather not go that route. About the food, I try to avoid package food all together and cook food by myself, but I've no interest in actively investigating additives.

I need som input. I'm stuck between a anger/annoyance/irritation part and a depressive/tired/uninterested part, behind the anger is sadness which I occasionally experience until I fall back the depressed part. And on and on it fucking goes (A frustrated part of me). I've gone to IFS therapy for a year now but in recent sessions I didn't want to talk to my therapist, I just sat mute for which he recommeded me to temporarly take anti-depressants, to get the depressed part to step back so work can continue, I've started takning Saints Johns Wort a few days back now to see if that could help but in the mean time I'm basically annoyed and depressed through out the day. Have anyone been in a similar situation and what do you think taking alleopathic anti-depressant temporarily? Haven't felt any difference with the saints johns wort yet.

I've just recently realized the same thing, I was shielded from connecting with my feelings. I love when I can connect with my emotions its a wonderful feeling of relief, I and feel a genuine connection with myself in those moments. I have a part of me who takes the lead in trying to connect but that doesn't work so I'm still learning how to connect with myself, but one tip I can give is, to see if you can accept the feeling/s you are experiencing without judgement and without trying to connect, just be with those feelings. If you have any tips I would love to hear them.

Where is that quote that from?

Välkommen

"On reflecting, I think I'll make progress more quickly if I use the stronger emotions for mental processing and save the playing for the spaces between. Processing requires a lot more active effort, that I can't do if I'm playing" I just wanted to share my impression on this sentence. I get the impression that a part of you just wants to process your traumatic past as quickly as possible, that's great sure, but I think it's important not to rush these things, some things takes time. I used to actively push myself to journal and introspect but I later realized that it wasn't from a place of curiosity or empathy for myself, a part of me just wanted to get the "problem" over with, and it didn't work out. So avoid the trap I went into and save yourself time. I don't know if this even applies to you, but that is what I got reading your comment.

I'm seeing a trained therapist although he has taken vacation for a few weeks. The protector isn't very talkative, but its funny, I've never gotten the name of parts, I can ask but I won't get a response.

I'll try.. or do that when I get home. What usually happens is that the trying part is asking himself to step aside. I suspect though that I wont feel curious about him. I'll check out the book, thanks for the tip.

Since starting IFS-therapy 6 months ago I've gain insight to a ongoing conflict I've had for a long time but I don't seem to get anywhere to resolve the conflict. The conflict is between these two parts. Part 1. The protector 90-95% of the days I'm overtaken by a protective part that limits/shut down almost all emotions, some days are better than others but this is the general theme. This makes me feel tired and causes a lack of energy/motivation throughout the day, and I find little/no enjoyment out of most things. What I've come to understand is that the part believes it needs to do this because it is protecting myself from exiles threatening to arise and overwhelm the system and it feels that it isn't safe to open the system up. This is still true during therapy although I think it has gotten a little better there. Part 2. The trying part. The trying part is a manager who tries to manage my life, keep it organized and he takes the lead in the IFS-work. He's like a kid that has taken on the parental role and believes he's alone in leading the system. This part is in conflict with the protector part because he's trying to get the protector part to step aside. Since a manager isn't the Self and doesn't have the healing capacities of empathy, love, etc the protector won't let him get into contact with any of the hurt parts. The solution? The solution could be to get to know the trying part, to get him to understand that he doesn't need to lead the system, that he's not alone and doesn't have to take on that role. But this fails because I (the protector) can't find or feel any curiosity/appreciation towards him. So if I ask if the protector could step back to allow me to feel curiosity/appreciation/more self energy towards him, but its the trying part that does the asking. So naturally the protector won't step back. This is the never ending loop, and the trying part eventually just gives up and say "Fuck it, I have no idea what to do, What the fuck am I suppose to do". It's like the conflict occurs in the investigation room and I'm behind the semi transparent window observing and they believe no else is there. Is there anyone who has gone trough similar situation or have some tips on how to better resolve the situation?

Number 4 resonates with me. I will take control over my life, this is a process I've begun recently. I haven't felt like I was in control over my life for a long time so this makes a lot of sense to me.

Thanks Kev, I really appreciate you saying that. Yeah its one of my greatest loss, and I fucking hate that, I hate them for that! I remember visiting friends house and I was amazed and saddened when their parents simply ask me what I thought about something or showed any kind of interested in me. It feels like I have been so handicapped from my childhood, low self esteem, anxiety.. And I get frustrated when I look around me and it feels like I'm the only one with any kind of problem. Anyway, at least as you said I wasn't in front of the train when it crashes but I don't feel a familiarity with the feelings i had during the dream but I will definitely remember too look for that. Great podcast, thanks for the tip. In someway it feels good to hear that self knowledge takes time, I wished I've gotten it from the start.

Thank you for the reply. I'm in IFS-therapy so I'm using that terminology. Well, the day before the dream I was having alot of internal conflicts, I woke up and part of me didn't want to keep going, it was to tired of all of my internal conflict I think. Later on the day I saw a post on FB where stef was asking what people did at the age of 10 which activated a angry part of me who was upset at my parents for not supporting/loving me so I could explore the world and do all the cool stuff other people did. Later on at work I had a sensitive and hurt part of me which made it difficult to converse with angry customers because it felt as I was being attacked or had done something wrong. After work I was so exhausted that I zoned out at the computer, I don't know if I used headphones but if I did maybe that could be the connection to the hearing protection. A part of me wanted to protect me from hearing the other parts maybe. I'm having a ongoing conflict right now, I need to find internship and parts of me are scared of applying and others are afraid of not finding anywhere to be. This maybe contributing to the sign of lack of control, I'm not "in charge" of myself because of all the conflicts. The tractor reminds me of a memory I have of my father, he was driving his tractor and I was sitting in his lap and we climbed a steep part of a hill and I was afraid that the tractor would flip, and later when I got out I remember being impressed that my father dared to do that. I think I felt responsible for not saying to the other people that they should get out of the way or climb the hill, that staying there was a bad idea. But I don't remember any strong emotions about it, at least it think so. Could you explain "do emotional responses feel familiar with other things in your life you might have the same response to"

Hey everyone, I had a dream this morning that made a mark, I feel it has a big significance in my life and I would like to hear your comments. I'm in the backseat of a mini bus, we are traveling on a highway and the traffic is very chaotic and I'm scared we are going to crash. Cars are suddenly stopping, turning in front of us, some cars pass us by with just a mm/inch to spare. The drivers isn't concerned with the chaotic traffic, like an indifferent cab driver in rush hour or something. Somehow we get to a railroad in the midst of a meadow, and we are supposed to wait for a regional train to takes us somewhere. But there is a huge hill and a tight turn right before the meadow and I'm scared the train is going to derail because of the tight turn following the steep hill. I leave the group and climb the hill instead, just in case, so I'll will be out of harms way if anything were about to happen. I'm now standing on the hilltop next to the railroad and I see the train arriving, it slows down to a slow speed at the edge of the hill. As the train begins to descent the first car looses connection with the locomotive and the train starts racing down the hill and derails at the thigh turn about were the group previously were standing. I realize I'm wearing hearing protection so I take it off and hear the screams down below and I believe I got them back on again. A moment later a tractor on the rail is climbing the hill but hasn't enough speed to make it. I can see the driver pulling levers in panic as to break the backwards motion, he stops but he crashes next to the railway, he doesn't get out of the tractor, he is laying there motionless. I don't think this is a good sign.... What do you think?

Thank you for all your kind and thoughtful comments, believe me, it really helps. I'm going to maintain the distance for the time being and I'm looking into the possibility of seeking a professional therapist.

Thanks for the input I really appreciate it. I'm seeing more of a counselor at the university I'm studying at who seem to more of the "lets not delve in the past" kind, but I'll be sure to bring this up next time. But as you say probably be better of seeing a professional therapist. But back to your question if I felt I had to manage my mothers feelings, I'm not sure, but what I'm sure of is that she can't manage her own feelings or at least she don't seem to know why she acts the way she acts. When I think about past events, If she don't get her way she can become "childishly" stubborn, but I don't remember how I used to deal with that as a child For me, I was initially terrified when I read the letter so I mean she has a powerful grip of me. Wow, do you really belive this is what she is saying? This is such chilling stuff I'm shaking right now so I feel you maybe hit a spot here. I don't understand how she can be so manipulating, she is turning my feelings against myself that's just so wrong, she is not in it for helping me in any way, this is really about her. I really can't get my head around this.

Hey all. I need some feedback on a letter I received from my mom. But first some background: I have been taking some time of my family for a few months now and this has been the most difficult for my mom, she has called a few times despite that I have told her that I need to take a break. The reason for the break has been that I need some time off so I can examine my childhood better, I did not feel I got any real support with this search from my family. In short, my childhood has consisted of persistent conflict between my parents, screaming/yelling and all that nonsense. I feel that has really taking its toll on me. I've always been the quiet, don't cause trouble kind of child and in school I was silent and mostly invisible and I remember being really cautions so as not to upset the teachers in any way. In the family, I have never really felt loved or appreciated, my feelings were never really considered, this also applies my time in school. They never asked me about how I felt about the constant conflict, how it affected me. But at least I never got hit by my parents, yay, but I remember being yelled at if I did something wrong, like on one occasion when I was around 8-9 maybe when my dad flew into a rage and threw a toy at me for dropping the remote on the floor. Today I got a letter from my mom. I hope you read this letter before you throw it away. I just want to say that I miss you so damn much. I am upset but if I swallow the crying, I can push away the tears once more. I do not believe I dare to start crying because I do not think I can stop before I break into pieces. Yesterday I read on the internet about your "idol" Stefan Molyneux. What I do not understand is how he could become so important to you. Much more important than we, who love you. Sometimes when I am out walking with the dog and I person on a bicycle passes us, she looks up and wags her tail in the belief that it is you. Do you remember when you were younger, maybe 6-7 years? You told me "mom, when someone is stupid against me at least you're always nice to me" I do not know how to reach you but I have attached an envelope, so write down what you feel and if there is something, I can do for you and mail me. Many hugs to a loved son. /Mom At first when I read her letter I felt ashamed of myself and felt the urge to call her, I felt I was responsible for her emotions. I felt guilty. Then I got to thinking, what if she is trying to manipulate me? What if she is trying to make me feel as the bad guy in order to get me to contact her. This thought really upsets me, why would she do this, to shame me back into contact with her. The feeling of shame has turned into anger and although I feel a lot better now I feel I need some external insights here. I am interpreting the letter the right way? Please share me your thoughts.