DanielJPetrik

"...trying to foster a serious curiosity about your kids, as opposed to simply seeking a different way of managing them." I think this is the crux of the thing. I'll ruminate on that for a little while, check out Peaceful Parenting and go on from that.

I had very little interaction with either of the kids before 2011. I was either working two jobs or had an Over-the-Road position. They were then 9 and 2 years old. For the last 2 years I have worked overnights and been off on the weekends. I see the younger from after preschool and the older from after school until 6pm or so. I have in the past participated in a Martial Arts progam with the older for just under a year, and I watched the little ones kinder-sports at the YMCA. I don't really play with them much. The older has never played, even when small, and seems to prefer being left in alone in his room with his electronics. I wrestle with the little one a lot, but not much else. Neither ask me to do much with them. The Wife insists, and I don't doubt her, that she read, played, and tried to stimulate both the kids when they were small. She is now very active in their sports and school. Our discipline for small infractions consists of telling "no." I have been trying very hard add the explaination of "why" without having to be asked. The Wife is finding it harder to add the "why." Next, we will try to phyically remove them. For example, if the little one is in the kitchen while the stove is oneor something similar and he won't go we will pick him up and put him in the other room. Sometimes I set him on the opposite counter to watch, but not always. Removing him usually ends up with screaming and a prompt return. We are also guilty of pushing him off on the older boy. If all this fails we will often yell and put him in his room, which results in screaming, pounding, and him destroying his room. For major infractions we would often deliever a fast spank on the butt. Not an extended beating, but I admit I hit to cause pain. A major infraction would be something that could really hurt him-- like going into the road. I was always told that little kids can't understand danger, so you should try to make them remember the danger with a spank. After they get to a certain age, you can stop. I haven't spanked the older one since he was 6 or 7 years. I am also ashamed to admit--because I understand the logical absurdity now-- that I have spanked the younger for hitting the older. The older is so quiet and introverted that he may get nagged a few times a week for not putting all the dishes a way. It seems like one of us is yelling at the younger at least twice a day. The wife is trying to imitate her childhood prior to her parents getting divorced when she was a young teen. She remembers that time as warm and pleasant with a lot of family interaction. Both our kids are in public school. We considered homeschooling the older boy, and made a trial of it over the summer. We were not able to make any improvements in his learning, so let him continue in public school as he wished. I did my best to explain how we had previously thought of discipline in the post above. I wasn't taked aback at the specialist's description of the older boy. It was 5 or 6 years ago now, and it seems to explain how he is. We had been taking him to various pediatric developmental specialists trying to find out why he was so far behind in his speech and motorskills development and why he exhibited so many signs of autism. We have never really had any problems with the older's behavior. I only mentioned it as a reason why the younger is able to abuse a boy 7 years older than himself. An example of how I get frusterated about trying to rationalize with a 4yo would be as follows. He really likes to climb all over us. Which is sometimes cute and loving, but other times he really seems to be trying to annoy us. He will climb up onto our lap and continually put his hands all over our faces or pretend to give you a kiss and then spit on you. Or if I am helping him get dressed he will blow into my face. I've told him many times people don't like things put in their faces, and other people will be mad if he comes up and blows in their faces, that it's rude. It does't seem to matter. After I have an explosion over it, the face blowing or eye touching or whatever will stop for a few days. Sorry that this post is so terse. I admit I was afraid to come on and check to see if anyone had responded. Thank everyone for taking this post seriously and offering advice and additional questions.

Anyone along the I-90 portion of the NYS Thru-way or off I-81 North or South--I consider that Upstate.

After listening to some FDR podcasts and "The Origins of War in Child Abuse" by Lloyd DeMause I decided my Wife and I should try more empathy in our child-rearing. We have an eleven year old and a four year old. The older boy is naturally solicitious and quite, the younger has always been cantankerous and pugnacious. The younger boy will scream, cry, hit, and the like to get what he wants. The more we try to anticipate his needs or wants or we try to help him with get what he wants while still respecting his brother and us, the more he relies on aggressive means. If, however, we become angry and spank or ingnore him, he becomes much more sociable and polite. I want to believe children are rational, and I don't like to see my children cry, but I can't accept the poor results of trying to rationalize with a 4 year old. I hope I am simply doing it wrong. What further questions or suggestions do you have for me. Both my children have "learning disabilities" if it is germane. We were told by a pediatric specialist that our oldest "would be fine if he lived in a 19th century farming community" -- a euphanism for "there's nothing wrong. he's not retarded, but not bright." And the younger is way behind on his speech, counting, colors and the like. My Wife has been a full-time mother and I have often been away as a trucker. I've had a job where I'm home every day since the youngest was two.

What do you mean by "modern parenting practices?" I know one school of thought is that children are wild animals that need to be civilized, and the other--which I think Stef adovacated-- that children are curious and are only expressing their basic needs. I've tried to eschew the former and practice the latter, but I am not having good results-- especially with my 4 year old. Which do you call the modern practice?

What policies in India contributed to this problem? I would bet there are tax policies that make it difficult for people to own land keeping them packed into slums, zoning laws that force businesses and factories into concentrated areas, huge tacts of land set off-limits as "wild-areas" or the like. Let's start there.

Greetings FDR message board users. I have been listening to FDR podcasts for several months now and thought I would explore this side of FDR. I am assiduously chewing my way through the podcasts in order and closing in on podcast 300. I was a "latch-key" kid, and so had very few conflicts with my parents. After ruminating over my early childhood, though, I recognize how the solitude had influenced my thinking and life choices. For example, although I did very well in public high school (for whatever that is worth), I declined to continue on to college or even a trade school. Within a few years of exiting my nonage I settled into the career of truck-driving with very few regrets. I notice that I feel most comfortable alone on the road in the fiberglass and steel hulls of the trucks. One perquisite of driving for a living is that I have many hours to let my mind wander and to listen to whatever I can find in an audio format. It didn't take long for me to realize that pop music is vapid and poorly written and that they stopped making classic rock several decades ago. I wandered to the AM side and went through a Limbaugh and "conserative talk-radio" phase. Later I purchased a satellite radio and was exposed to hosts like Alex Jones and Rollye James which started to make me doubt the Statist model. From Jones I found Tarpley (although very pro-state I still admire his knowledge of history), Draitser (another statist, but I agree with his anti-war rhetoric), to James Corbett who linked to a FDR podcast in one of his own. Thus, I found my way here. I took me two attempts to listen to Mr. Molyneux. The first attempt to listen to the Intro to FDR series failed as I was bored to tears because I didn't understand the value of it. I later listened to a short logic course and tried again to listen to FDR. This time it took. I spent a few weeks thinking Stef was a Sophist at best and a crack-pot at worst. However, his podcasts were so well thought out and his arguements presented so well that I had to consider them. As I thought them over and looked around me to see if they made any sense in the world, I saw they did. I am especially fascinated with the ideas of philosophical parenting. I have two children with my wife and we are trying to implement some of the ideas. I will likely spend most of my time in the Parenting forum. I have a lot of questions about child-rearing as talked about on FDR. Thank you for your time reading this.

I think it would be helpful to know some more information about your neighbor. Is she married, does she work and put the child in daycare, who else lives in the house with her and her child? For example, if she is screaming at the boy to get dressed because she is in a hurry to pick up her soused boyfriend at the bar before he gets violently drunk and cuffs her, you might start with talking to her about how the violence is being transferred from her boyfriend to her child through her. If she is simply taking advantage of the power disparity between her and the boy you would have to try a different strategy.