giancoli

I have the same urge some times, not to make it about me though. Maybe you should take a walk in nature somewhere, then scream out loud. I have thought about this sometimes, then I got scared someone should hear it and think I was completely crazy or that some accident happened. But realistically nothing would probably happen and the experience might give you some benefit. And if it does not benefit you at least you know that you did it. I know though that this is a rather annoyingly practical approach, it has nothing really to do with screaming perhaps, just your way of expressing your pain. I'm sorry for all that happened to you that led you up to this. What works for me sometimes is listening to really sad music that makes me cry. If it is really bad sometimes it doesn't work cause the feelings are so deep inside they wont out, or I don't really listen to the music well enough, I don't connect with it. But when it works, when I cry, I feel so much better afterwords. You should give it a try. Just lock your self alone in your room, turn of the light and focus your mind on your inside, listen to some sad music on your head phones, feel your pain and let the music help you cry. But maybe your emotions are different and is more about rage. Then try to find music that lets that out perhaps. One song that helps me cry is this one: another one is this one: Sorry if this just annoys you, I can only show you my personal angle.

Not really into it, but I think it's a great move to reach young minds. Children searching for lego on youtube might accidentally find stefs channel and reach high awareness at a young age where the mind is more plastic and powerful and where lots of important decisions and traps are in the future.

Thanks for the replies guys. I just redicsovered some thoughts I have on this stuff in a more general manner. I started to write about it, but I'm realizing that I have to go to the doctor now to be in time. I'll post later. I really enjoy this website, gives me some enthusiasm that fuels my everyday life! edit: I have not found the time and energy to finish my thoughts on this. Sorry for making false promises it turned out to be more complicated than I thought and I just ended up confused and put it aside.

I was pretty much forced to it due to my economic circumstances. Also it is really hard to find a place to live here...I just had to take whatever I could find... I'm trying to find a new place, cant stand it here, sick and tired of living with other strangers. The plan was to clean one week each. There are two bathrooms and I share mine with this guy. I noticed that he didn't clean the next week, but didn't care. I thought, well then I wont clean the next week either. I don't really care about it, so for me the ideal to just let it be. He has not brought it up since. Strange how it mattered so much to him exactly the week I was the most busy... It is a combination of my anxiety and the fact that I don't like these people that makes it exhausting to live here. I just wanted to share the door slamming thing cause I have lived several places and noticed it several times. It also brings back memories to when I was living home and my sisters would slam the kitchen door after an argument. Sometimes so hard that some plates would fall down to the floor and brake. I'm a pretty sensitive guy and this stuff creates a very hostile environment. Yes I'm very bad at negotiation. I have gotten worse since my social anxiety has increased over the years. And yes I need to move asap, but it is not easy to find an alternative, cause there is a lot of demand in this area and high competition.

Just a short post right after an incidence that evoked past memories. I live with three other guys who I didn't know beforehand. I don't like any of them and one of them in particular... I suffer from social anxiety and hide in my room most of the time, it feels like a prison. Just a few weeks after I moved in one of the guys kind of bullied me. He removed my blender from the kitchen, said it took up too much space... Also complained I didn't clean up after myself although I was shocked when I moved in over how messy the kitchen was. I always cleaned up after myself. He talked too me in a very aggressive manner. I just accepted the blender thing and put it in my room. I pointed out that it was not true that I was particularly messy, especially not compared to the standard I observed...His face was really scary and cold, it felt like he could see my anger and frustration and enjoyed it. When I was particularly busy in the exam period and also had a paper I struggled to finish in time, which he knew. He came to me and said that the bathroom needed to be cleaned. Now he hasn't mentioned it at all. I'm almost certain he only used it to bully me and make things harder for me when I struggled with the deadline. When I leave my room and just want to get out or do something in the kitchen he always asks me annoying questions like he knows I just want to be left alone, but preys on my politeness and my avoidance of conflict. It is pretty clear by the fact that I always stay in my room as well as my body language that I don't like him in particular and all of them in general. He has now started to slam his door both to the bathroom and his room. It doesn't matter at what time, if he gets up in the night to pee, he slams the door as well. I have lived in other places earlier and experienced the same. A woman that I lived with who rejected me after I revealed I was attracted to her used to slam the door after her rejection as well. When I pointed it out she pretended to not understand and suggested using earplugs, in other words she was not going to change her behavior... I used to believe that these kind of people simply did not understand what they where doing, but clearly they do. It is small things like this that makes me hate most people in general. By the way that guy I talked about claimed that it could be argued on the basis of morality that if you encountered a RANDOM person who needed a kidney to survive you would be an asshole if you didn't offer one of yours. I said I wouldn't do it and he got annoyed by that claiming I was a selfish asshole. So any similar experiences. What's up with this door slamming?

Enjoyed it and subscribed. I have to admit I'm envious of your relationship with your beautiful partner.

There are probably different reproductive strategies yes, and thus different types of men. Arguing for group selection has some logical difficulties. Different kinds of skills might be beneficial for the tribe, but selection is on the organism level, or more fundamentally gene level. A gene increasing reproductive success for an individual, that is detrimental for the tribe would still get selected. Traits that are beneficial for both the tribe and individual on the other hand would be even better if the individual caring it is better of with a good tribe, which seems likely. So ignoring genetical kindship each individual in a tribe would only be in it for himself. Individuals in a tribes where probably for most of our evolutionary past, strongly genetically related though, then another dynamic is added where genes can increased their frequency by helping other individuals caring those same genes. Another thing, if there where different roles for each member in a tribe based on genetic makeup. Then how would the optimal frequency of each type be maintained generation after generation. Remember selection is on the individual level. One solution to this would be that each roles success is a function of the frequencies of all the roles. Thus a drift away from the equilibrium would be pushed back again like a ball in a U shaped hole. Another way to solve this would be that we all carry all the different roles and one strategy is picked by some mechanism based on the environment. If this is correct and the thinker is such a role, it would be interesting to know what those environmental factors where. Last thing that pops into my head is altruism where deeds are done back and forth. But there would be beneficial, in such a dynamic to get away with as little deeds as possible as long as the other person doesn't recognise it. Where there is little genetic kindship you should expect cheating and fraud.

Although interesting topic, you show a very low understanding of how evolution works. There is no overall plan or goal, it's just about reproduction. True, there are several different strategies to achieve that. Looking at the brain as an ornament, a peacocks tale, perhaps the thinker is one such strategy. I recommend reading the selfish gene, after you have understood the message of that book you wont fall in the trap of thinking nature is set up so that....no there are lots of survival machines build by competing genes, all "trying" to replicate themselves. The seeming overall order is because all organisms have coevolved and are in constant competition, symbiosis etc. with each other generation after generation. Just like the free market gives rise to order through self organisation and cooperation even though each individual is in it for himself.

Very interesting post. The first question that pops up in my head was: where you neglected by your parents. Did they pay any attention to you as a child? If they did was it on the basis of some rule that you had to perform and provide something extra besides your self? How do you post youtube videos like that by the way? If you use the link tool it only shows up as clickable text. I definitely have issues with PUA. Seems they are preying on mens insecurities regarding the sexual game. Also I have no respect for men putting so much effort into picking up women. There might be a lot of truths in their theories though. It might be a lye I'm telling my self, but I feel like I have to degrade myself and sink down to some low level, if I go to say a bar and act like that. It just feels insincere and fake to me. Has stefan explored why some people have an easier time lying than others? Going to a bar and pretending you are interested in what some hot woman is saying just to get into her pants is fundamentally lying. I simply cannot do it. Also I post the question of confidence as one overarching thing compared to theme base confidence, different levels of confidence depending on how good you are at specific themes or skill sets. In the social area I suspect most confidence is based on how well you are doing in the sexual game. That level of confidence will then be displayed unconsciously by your body language and women have evolved to pick up on that and analyze it. I also suspect, since women put so much emphasis on confidence, that men are more prone to self delusion when it comes to estimating ones own abilities. That's an idea I had, that seems rather plausible. Problem is if that delusion is hard to maintain you will become more and more separated from reality, you will have to put lots of efforts into maintaining that delusion, or you can crash and build yourself up based on actual stuff.

Thanks a lot Extraordinary_rendition this meant a lot to me. Just got up, a new week. If I at least can start trying to do something about my situation I will be much more happy. I subscribed to your youtube channel, by the way. I have not tried journaling, maybe I should start. I have decided to go to therapy. I might choose one which is over skype. Going to a psychologist is free in Norway if you do it for an extended period of time. I have done so in the past, but I did not get much out of it. I think I will benefit from a good therapist. I was recommended choosing one from this site: http://www.selfleadership.org/find-an-ifs-therapist.html It is going to be expensive, but I think it will be worth it. Guilt is a problem for me yes. Also assertiveness, if someone treats me disrespectfully I usually just retreat, disappears or just goes silent. I have a problem speaking up.

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thanks for the reply dsayers! I realize the post was pretty long and not interesting enough for most people to bother replying, I appreciate you response!

Is there any possibility to search for FDR members based on where they live? I found the meetup thing and created my own meetup, but I doubt anyone will join. I played with the idea of moving to Canada to join a fdr community. On old podcasts Stefan talks about barbecues and I would love to join. Does he still arrange these? Also Canada has the best therapist and I could work on myself and socialize with other likeminded people- I realize it might be a bad idea to move to Canada, with the coming economic collapse. Not sure Norway is any better, we got our oil though.

I'm also looking for other people to socialize with. I have absolutely nobody to talk to. When you are alone for long periods of time, it's almost addictive, I feel uneasy around people and have no patience listening to peoples conversations. I'm afraid I have reached a point of no return, where I'm doomed to live my life in complete isolation both in terms of friendship and romance.

Hi! I'm not going to pretend I'm a big book reader, wish I was. Here is my list of books I want to read: https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/27729838 It's incomplete, but I think there is a lot of good ones there!?

Here is my previous post on some of my story: http://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/38334-hi-from-norway/ I live far apart from my family. I used to live in my dead grandfathers house before they sold the house. When they sold the house I drove 1000km far north to Tromsø. My parents tried to talk me out of this decision, but I ignored it. In october/november or so they contacted me and wanted me to visit them. I refused. My mom managed to talk me into agreeing that they (my father and mother) come and visit me. When they came my mother had brought gifts, she said "I brought you this cooking pot, which I have promised you". I felt uncomfortable, I specifically said before they came to not bring any gifts. Now she said she had promised me this pot? The pot was bought with my dads money as usual. Not completely sure this is a manipulative strategy to make me feel guilty to give something back, I feel cynical about taking this point of view, but it certainly did not feel right. I wanted to refuse taking it, but gave in. There where other people around (those that shared my apartment) and I didn't want to make a scene. Also I decided to just play along, counting days until they left again. Anyway. We used a lot of time looking at houses. I have gotten 100k $ from my grandfather on my fathers side. My father was really excited and had lots of enthusiasm. Checking the internet for different houses and apartments, arranging several each day. Some where really expensive, but managable. I would just be able to pay the interest of the loan. It did not feel right, but I got excited as well, I quite tired of living with strangers... After they left I felt relieved. My mother called on the phone and started nagging me that I had to remember ordering airplane tickets for the Christmas holidays. I procrastinated it, I just couldn't do it. I really did not want to come and spend Christmas with them. I told her so. She said something like, come on it will be alright. It will be good for you. I ended up giving in. The tickets where quite expensive, since I waited for it so long. After that I got really depressed. I started to isolate myself in the room and could not concentrate on the exams. I went back into a completely dysfunctional state that I have suffered from in the past. I ended up sleeping in the day and being awake in the night to avoid my room mates. All the exams went terrible, even though I had done a lot of ground work earlier in the semester. I started to realize that I could still change my mind, even though I had bought expensive tickets. Those money where gone anyway. I flipped back and forth, unable to make up my mind. Two days before I was supposed to go, I decided to not go, just enjoy my own company. All the roommates would leave and I could enjoy the silence. I had been hiding in my room, cooking food on a rice cooker and small hot plate. Now I could enjoy the living room and a real kitchen. On the day I was supposed to leave I called my mother (around the time I was supposed to arrive). I told her that I really did not want to visit them, and that the truth was that I really did not enjoy Christmas, that it made me depressed spending time with them with all this exterior stuff; presents, food etc. but with an empty feeling inside. The "topics" of conversation also dives me insane. They are so vacuous and uninteresting. She got angry and sad. She kept saying what am I going to tell the others? She said she somehow had to bear the responsibility of me not coming, now they would be disappointed at her. At a later phone call I told my mom that I did not want to see them anymore. I complained about their emotional neglect in my childhood. She kept saying thet they did as best they could. I was quite angry in this phone call and said that it was not good enough. She started crying. I said that crying was not going to change my mind. Then she started to say that I put the blame on them for my own misery. That I made up stories to justify my position in life. I threw the same thing back at her. That it could be argued that her story served her purposes in the exact same way. Then she got really angry and that really sharp voice came out of her. I can remember this voice from my childhood. It's really scary, really sharp and angry. It doesn't affect me ass much anymore though. Next phone cal she pretended like nothing and started to tell me really detailed stuff about what had happened, the weather etc. I just told her, that I really did not care about all this, could she not remember our last call? She kept trying to just pretend like nothing and bring the conversation back to normal. Now she keeps sending me text messages. Hope everything is fine! Hear the weather is nice. We have just been skiing etc.She keeps calling as well, but I don't pick it up. It's freaking annoying! I talked to my oldest sister the other day. She said I was being childish. Then she wanted to send me a gift, I said that I really did not want it, but she kept insisting. I felt guilty and gave in. The package has arrived, but I haven't picked it up yet. Should I send it back again? So what is going on here. Why does my mother keep sending me text messages that are all happy happy, and just pretending she doesn't know that I really just want to be left alone? My father has stopped all contact. He kept asking me if he could transfer the money from my grandfather. I kept saying that it was not in a hurry and that I didn't want them cause I was afraid that would make me unable to take student loans. Now I have decided to drop out of university. I told him he could send the money, but I have not heard anything from him. What's going on there? Is he afraid I will just waste them, now that he know I don't want to have anything to do with them? Or is he playing some kind of game? I'm afraid calling him cause I know he will keep saying that I shouldn't have dropped out of college etc. All he ever talks about is what I'm supposed to do according to "the script". I have followed that script long enough now and it makes me miserable. If I talk about his emotional absence when I was growing up he either goes into anger/rage mode. Or he uses the pity game, making me feeling guilty. A long rant. I just could not sleep and felt like venting. (also I checked my phone and there it was another message from my mother)

Just a very quick observation. When I for example watch videos on youtube off people getting hurt I get this tingling pain in my legs. Is this normal? It's just physical pain I think not emotional pain. Is this a universal phenomena, empathy being expressed as physical pain in the legs?

I just donated 100$. Feels great! Thanks Stefan for all your insights!

I found this rather interesting and somewhat similar to my story, relating to my father i particular. Predatory Depression 1/3: http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_931_Predatory_Depression_Part_1.mp3 Predatory Depression 2/3: http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_932_Predatory_Depression_Part_2.mp3 Predatory Depression 3/3: http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_933_Predatory_Depression_Part_3_Father.mp3 I'm reading realtime relationships now, by the way. Love this Greg guy, I can really identify with him. Greg and the Dating: http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1028_Greg_and_the_Dating.mp3 I'm collecting podcasts that feel relevant social anxiety convo: http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1950_social_anxiety_convo.mp3 sexual obsession: http://board.freedomainradio.com/files/file/105-sexual-obsession/

Hi Lians, thanks for your response. I'm sure other people had it worse in some ways. But at least hitting is overt and obvious, manipulation and just detachment takes so long time to realize and question (at least for me). I'm always been the very nice boy who wanted to do the right thing. Extremely depressing to realize that is a weakness that people pretend to respect, while actually trying to take advantage of. Well I don't know objectively speaking how bad my upbringing was. I talked to my mother the other day and expressed this, she claims I'm making it up to justify my rather dark position in life and that I want to put the blame on someone else (my parents) rather than my self. I said that from now on I'm going to take full responsibility for my actions and what happens to me in my life. I then tried to apply the same logic to them, that they are responsible for their behavior in my childhood. She just took the "we did the best we could" approach. She then tried to make me doubt my own judgement by comparing my views to what is most common (argument from numbers of people sharing a view). I said I did not care what everybody else thinks. I'm scared that one of my parents will commit suicide or something like that as a consequence of my choice to leave them. It seems they know I don't like them and that the only thing they can use is guilt and social aggression. I have made it clear that I don't care what my extended family thinks of me when my mother tries to say something like (we are so worried about you, your uncles and ants and cousins we all really care about you...). It's so cynical to use that to pull me in. It's so far from my nature, I think that's why I used so much time figuring out that it was not genuine. But like I said I don't care about that, so the only thing they got left is guilt. It's almost like I want them to pull some shit on me so that I'm sure I'm making the right decision.

Hi there! I'm new here and would like to introduce my self. I'm 29 years old, male and from Norway. some info about my family: I grew up in a "traditional family" I have three sisters; one 6 years older, one 4 years younger and one 10 years younger. My parents also had a child who only got to be one year old before she died of meningitis (brain infection) I also had an older sister with a genetic error which made her retarded and unable to move, she basically sat in a wheel chair and played with a piece of string all day (from what I can remember). She died at 12 years old, don't know how old I was then but I think about 7 (I can remember my mother coming to school and tell me about it). The truth is that most of my childhood is completely forgotten, I try to recall memories, but there are only a few vague images that pops up here and there. As I said my family had a traditional setup; my father worked a lot (engineer like all the rest of the men in my extended family), and my mother was a stay at home wife. My disabled sister took up a lot of her attention, although we had several older women who came and took care of her. I can't really remember a single moment where my parents really connected with me and shared any meaningful with me. The family dinners had an uncomfortable tension covered with topics such as the weather etc. When my sisters got older they used to argue a lot, and my oldest one was very aggressive. I remember one episode where she hit my mother so hard that she almost broke her ribs (not completely through, don't know the English word for it). I remember talking about it on a family visit to my grandmother (on my mothers side), then my mother looked at me with a cold face indicating I shouldn't talk about it. I remember feeling stupid, off course this should be a secret I thought. The sister in the middle was the most beautiful one (although all my sisters are very pretty), she used to be the center of attention and the most social one. Apart for my dads emotional detachment and general silence I also remember he had a face indicating he was not very happy. We used to complain about it, and he would deny it. We would repeat and complain that he was in a bad mood. And he would say I'm not in a bad mood! With a angry irritated tone of voice. The winter vacations where spent at my grandfathers (my fathers father) place. We where forced to go skiing, or rather I pretended to enjoy it. I felt that I didn't have any option and that complaining about it made me ungrateful. My grandfather was extremely strict and authoritarian. I remember making fun of my cousin for wearing glasses (not a good thing admittedly) my grandfather would explode completely. He would, quite clearly favor my cousin in subtle ways and they made fun of me when I made mistakes when playing card games (which I also hated). My grandmother was manically depressed and she eventually took her own life (overdose with pills). My grandfather is now dead, I used to visit him sometimes before he died. He always used to control the conversation and we always talked about superficial stuff. But one time I managed share my problem of not connecting with anyone. He admitted that he never had connected with anyone himself. He then went out of the room, and when he came back I could smell alcohol from his breath. I clearly touched on something painful. My father did not have good relationship with my grandfather, we lived far apart and would only visit a couple of times each year. Still apparently it was natural and right that all grandchildren were sent on vacation there. When I finally got a break from school (which I hated) then I had to visit someone I did not like and do stuff I did not like while pretending to like it so my grandfather could feel good about himself. My ant is a world champion in a sport (which I want mention to keep my anonymity). There was quite a pressure to do sports and I discovered I had a talent for it as well. I formed my identity around that sport and remember I decided to put all my effort into it and become the best in the world. I used to be ridiculed in school for doing this sport and I was quite an outcaster/loner. Also I was very late in puberty, I was basically a boy when my class mates grew up to be men. Except for the first three to five years of my education or so where I was extremely popular both among the boys and the girls (I was the funny one and looked quite attractive or cute which is the ideal at that age), I was a very socially isolated person. I have never formed any deep meaningful relationship with any person my entire life. The few "friends" I had didn't respect me at all. As an example I can remember a bully ridiculing me while I was waiting for the buss at the buss stop after school. My "friend" just stood there and didn't say anything, I remember being extremely disappointed in him after that. Around 16 years old, I gradually decided to quit my sport and basically used all my time in front of the computer (a very expensive one I build on my own from own earned money). I would put minimal effort into school and just sit in front of my computer all day. I was extremely depressed and lonely. But my parents did not seem to notice, not one conversation on my inner life. I was so used to it, it didn't even cross my mind. My parents didn't use any violence towards me, just complete lack of care. I remember my mother used to pull me in my ears and drag me to my room when I was a young boy though. After I watched the witches by Roald Dahl, which scared the hell out of me, my mother used to pretend she was a witch. This is an example of how fucked up my mother is mentally. For most people this sounds like a funny story, but I was really scared and unsure if my mother was indeed was a witch. My parents are also very religious and my mother would sing a song thanking god for everything, every night before I went to sleep, brainwashing! I did confirm at 16, but soon realized the falsehood of it afterwards. I later had big arguments with my parents about it. I pushed my dad on it, do you really believe there is a life after death, do you really believe there is this all powerful being? He would admit that he did not, but believed in the values that they represented. I got a little disappointed about that. That meant he had lied to me all those years, before my brain was enough developed to figure it out on my own. My mother still believes and there is no point arguing with her about it (about anything really) After education I went to the military as a guardsman, another miserable year of my life. Lots of bullies, and endless of meaningless brain dead soul crushing tasks. At a family dinner with my extended family on visit, I remember my family laughing at me while they where talking about me being in the military. I remember asking to my self, why are they laughing? What's so funny. They had told me I had to do this to be a good person and serve my country, now they where laughing, I did not get it. When I left for university after the military I stopped picking up the phone from my parents. This was a pretty good time for me relatively speaking. Although I isolated myself and didn't form any relationships as usual. My study went really well, I worked really hard and got good grades (I took a bachelor degree in physics, then later a bachelor degree in mathematics) . After a few years of study my father would call me and I took the phone. He explained he was sitting in his boat. I immediately understood what that meant; troubles in the marriage. I didn't know what to respond. The truth was I didn't really care. After all these years of no attachment, no intimacy and no meaningful conversations and now he expected me to care about his situation? I felt guilty about not caring though and tried to pretend to care. My father lived alone between half a year and one year before they got back together again. They claim to be happy together again, but I don't believe them. Apparently what made my father almost divorce my mother was that after he had just bought a new house (which she had been nagging him for for years) when they finally moved in she would immediately start nagging about something else. He couldn't take it anymore. Now they are back together again and keeps improving the house. Apparently building a balcony and a new kitchen. My father has something between 2 and 3 million dollars in loans, he will be in big trouble when the economy crashes. After my grandfather died, I was allowed to live in his house for half a year before they eventually sold it. When cleaning out the house. At one dinner I would confront my father and ant (which would receive the prize of the house) on their endless empty conversations. I also told that my father had never really shared anything with me. My ant got really aggressive and hit me several times on my leg. I got really upset and walked out of the room. I spent a few seconds in another room, then thought to my self : don't be a coward and went back. When I went back something happened to me, I just looked my ant straight into her face and eyes. And boom I lost all respect for her, it was like an illusion just evaporated and here was this old corrupt control freak, she looked so weak. I immediately could observe that she could read my emotions: a mixture of disgust and disappointment. She walked out of the kitchen and out in the garden and behind some trees. When she came back she was really angry and said I should be ashamed of myself, she didn't look me in the eyes though. Another thing that made me increasingly frustrated before this boil up, was the strange childish behavior from my dad and ant. It was like they where acting, very strange behavior, but I could tell they where faking it. One of my sisters has gotten married, a huge party which I went to out of pure guilt and obligation. Also my oldest sister is now a mother which is half a year, but I have not seen him yet. I have just been informed my "middle" sister is pregnant. I'm planning to never see my family again. I know I want it, but my mother tries to pull me back with guilt. Also I have received about hundred thousand dollars from my grandfather (as all my cousins have), is it immoral of me to take them if I decide to brake away from my family and never see and talk to them again? I'm also thinking about starting to go to a therapist, I went to two psychologist in the past both made me worse. The last one didn't even bother to pretend to care about me and only wanted me to start taking pills. Sorry for the somewhat incomplete, disorganized text and for my bad English. Giancoli Oh, maybe that was a little much info about my family history. When it comes to politics I have never really cared much for it to be honest. History was always very boring in school, it was so complicated and disorganised. It felt like it was just about memorizing random facts which didn't seem to fit into a bigger picture. I was more into science and mathematics. I have always liked to think and philosophize about stuff though, but it has always been centered around scientific questions, not humans. That might have something to do with my complete withdrawal from humans in general, perhaps an unconscious choice to avoid everything relating to humans? I'm starting to get more interested in society and humans now though. And Stefan Molyneux's content seems to make a lot of sense to me. It's not just memorization, it fits into an overall structure, that makes it more exciting. I'm dedicated to learn more about this stuff! At my current ignorant stage I cant say I'm convinced that complete anarchy (no state would work) although it is clear to me that what we have is fundamentally immoral as well as unsustainable. I have spent a lot of time reading topics related to MGTOW (men going their own way) philosophy. I'm quite burned out about it now however and want to explore something new, hence my interest in stefan's content (also I'm in desperate need to figure out my self and get out of the depression and isolation). I'm not sure I want a relationship with a woman in the future. The truth is I'm skeptical I would ever be able to find someone I could enjoy the company with. And I don't want to be exploited and manipulated.