A__
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Days Won
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Posts posted by A__
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I assumed "flick off" was an expression like "shrug off" but I stand corrected. By retreat I mean only deescalation. In other words, when confronted with an impossible situation where you can't withdraw physically, you can change the topic or, failing that, somehow appease the attacker. Of course this means avoiding any combative gestures or facial expressions. It's like putting a mask on. To be sure, it’s only a temporary tool. I used to do this often in my family but another problem was, I internalized the persona instead of understanding it was just a tool.
As MMX2010 stated, helpful details are missing so I’m replying in regard to the gist alone. I’d be interested in other details if you’d like to share more.
If she continues to maintain her position of not apologizing to you, at least you will have settled your own debt to her. Which I anticipate would make the decision to not allow her in you life to be a less conflicting one.
I think this is very helpful advice.
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I appreciate the responses from everybody.
We live in a society that treats these people as if they're in a different moral category. Can you imagine ANY scenario where his bodyguards could've killed your friend and suffered ANY consequences for it? If he was in the forest and saw a grizzly bear, would he try to get its attention and rationalize with it? Can you imagine ANY scenario where his interaction with Mr. Clinton could've resulted in ANY step away from slavery or towards freedom?
Yes albeit it’s farfetched. One person can make a difference by taking a risk and speaking up. It could cause a chain reaction, a butterfly-effect. Doesn’t Copblock.org confront Grizzly bears on a regular basis? It spreads awareness. How do we measure steps away from slavery? I’m not sure.
We experience anxiety as a motivator. It is important for our own health and well-being that we manage our anxieties in productive ways. I think your friend behaved in a way that is not consistent with self-preservation.
Couldn't his motive have been something besides anxiety?
Please keep in mind that I'm not judging from atop an ivory tower here. I was once in a nearly identical situation and I played it wrong also.
I'm very interested in hearing your experience if you wouldn't mind.
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But I don't think I want to. I remember from one of the earlier podcasts that Stefan or somebody said you know you hate someone when you do not want to engage with the person at all. My ambivalence towards my sister started when I was kicked out of my mom's place earlier this year. Me and mom got into an argument and I was extremely angry, I ground my mother down in accepting how wrong she was and she was melting into tears-- which was making me angrier, but I never attacked her physically. My sister, (who was ignoring me for the past 6 months, even though only a thin wall separated us, for NO reason despite my numerous attempts to talk or hang out), bursts out and defends mom, treating like I was crazy, which broke my heart. In anger I flick her off as I retreat, and she attacks me. Physically. My little sister whom I've always loved attacked me with the intent to harm, and I end up kicked out the very next day.
Nowadays I see her from time to time when Dad has her on the weekends, but I have no desire to really communicate with her anymore. I can tell in my father's tone when he mentions her doings that he's expecting me to actually talk to her, and I should be ashamed for not, but I truly cannot bring myself to do it. I have yet to hear an actual apology and I've been apologizing to women about how they treat me all my life-- no more.
What I'm curious is do I truly hate my little sister because I really CANNOT bring myself to even try to engage with her?
It doesn't automatically mean you hate her. You might just need some time to reflect on your relationship. It might do her some good too. Sometimes people need time to calm down especially when they don't feel ready or safe to talk.
She can be the one to gently pursue you with apologies and interest in rebuilding a relationship with her brother. Attacking will not be tolerated in decent relationships. You have every right to retreat in any way you can until this is recognized and worked on.
In any case, your father using shame as a tactic doesn't respect your capacity to reason.
I wish I had more to offer. I'm sorry you're caught up in these emotional tornadoes and I hope you're able to stay calm enough for your own sanity until you can sail out of them.
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so I really hate this but I'm thinking some of you guys were right about this not being a great idea... I'm not really willing to talk about it right now; don't worry, nothing violent happened but yeah... Idk if me and him can ever have a real relationship. To sum it up, he's way to quick to tell me about how wrong I am for like anything but very reluctant to look at his own behavior...
Maybe one day.. but not right now or like this.
The urge to smooth things over can be overwhelming, like a sweet siren calling. I've crashed on mythological rocks quite a few times myself. Anyway, I did not hear your call but it sounds like you're already steering toward a good course. I wish you the best.
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You're walking down a crowded street when you happen to come face to face with a particularly evil political ruler. Do you take the possibly one time chance in a lifetime to say a little something?
This happened with a friend in Manhattan: Bill Clinton was walking with a couple of body guards and my friend was able to exchange a few words with him, calling him out on a few of his actions loudly but calmly.
Perhaps because this friend is quite tall, good looking and equipped with a strong voice, Clinton took notice and actually engaged, smiling and asking in his notorious slick manner "which countries did I invade?" which my friend answered adeptly and without hesitation. Of course Clinton denied the charges and with his body guards leading, slinked away. I believe it made a few people in the area take notice but I wonder.
Political individuals who commit crimes legal and otherwise, who support torture and unecessary war walk freely and often proudly among us in broad daylight either unrecognized completely or for what they are and even get paid great amounts of money for public appearances.
It makes me wonder what others would do or say, if anything.
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Gross. Subtle things parents say about their kids like, "I wish I could keep them this age" is pretty telling too.
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Welcome. I agree, there's some good stuff cooking here.
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when I do something wrong the person teaching me gets all loud and it makes it even worse.
Having a relative or friend as a driving teacher really puts a relationship to a test. I don't like this "gets all loud about it and makes it worse" part as it indicates an underlying problem. After your lessons, do you talk about them? In the best case scenario, both of you could learn from these experiences and even bond closer over them.
Can a nervous/abusive person teach one how to drive? Of course. It's so much harder though. Ultimately, unless you have a trusting, respectful relationship with the person teaching you, investing in a professional teacher is probably the wisest choice. If you can't afford a teacher, I suggest the above. It's really hard though, I know. I wish you the best!
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I really enjoyed reading this post. I'm so glad you got in touch with your anger and it helped protect you.
Awesome!
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Dsayers raises a lot of important points and questions and offered some great personal feedback.
Also, aren't your wife's actions as important as yours? As long as you two have conflict, your son will be conflicted. I hope you are working on communicating with your wife about peaceful parenting.
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Truly disgusting. Wendy Williams is an epitome of trash television.
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“No, we don't ever have time to speak.”
This is false.
“We just argue and both hate it.”
See, you have time to argue. Why not put that time into seeing a couples therapist especially if you’ve “conceded your life to your kids, to make theirs as great as it can be”.
Children are smart. They will sense even subtle tension: Lying to them will create trust problems and/or an inability to interpret the world around them.
“At this point I am just fighting natural law, trying to make something work that isn't there.”
It sounds like you just building a case to act on an impulse you don’t even seem to understand yourself. It sounds like your mind is made up.
Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. I would say get in touch with stef.
I think that's a good place to start as well.
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Is this the one?
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Interesting. Anybody see Ethos 2011? I came across just now while googling for more information about Woody Harrelson.
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There's a reason you didn't want to debate religion and I wouldn't call it cowardice. Especially at work, earning a living. For most people working ie being trapped most of your waking hours in a place you'd rather not be, with people you'd prefer not to be with, doing something you'd rather not be doing is hard enough. Why make it even more difficult especially when there's no invitation, no glimmer of hope from those coworkers? It sounds like you tried though.
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This is awesome. Excellent. Inspiring. The other comments here are great to read too. A million thumbs up!
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Welcome. It sounds like you're on a good path. I'm interested in seeing the third movie as well. It's nice to know it's coming out soon.
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That poor guy. It was incredibly heart breaking to read what happened to him but to actually see the video.. It makes it more real somehow. Thank goodness the video was recorded behind glass separated from those jerks with badges. You never know when a cop will get have some kind of an ego explosion and aggress against a witness. This is another recent video capturing what cops do:
It's disgusting how many of them there are and how harmful they are to all communities.
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Great topic, Reina. I can't think of the specific quote but it was something like "if people can abuse their own children, think how easy it is to abuse... murder foreigners" I'm probably paraphrasing it badly. I think it was a call in show with a former military recruit. I will try to find the exact quote.
Edit: It's "All the other wars are just the shadow of the war on children" @ approximately 1:19 in Asshole Proximity Disorder podcast. Really good speech about children. So many good quotes.
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I'm sorry you experienced that injustice. I think I can relate. It sounds like you have some unprocessed thoughts about things. Once in a while (less and less though) I'll get a flash of rage toward my mother now years deceased. I never got to confront her for all the pain and sorrow she caused. All the selfishness, negligence and abuse she inflicted. I can write more in a little while but I have to head out right now. I just wanted to say something quickly for now.
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Wow that's like a happy fairy tale.
I'm glad to hear about that and glad you helped make it happen!
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Interesting, thanks for sharing the theory. That would be cool if it happened.
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http://rt.com/usa/165692-bitcoin-silk-road-siezed/
It would be better for more 'law-abiding' Bitcoin holders if the confiscated coins were totally destroyed. This is certainly not a fair way to distribute the loot.
And since the government basically stole it, why don't they just keep it? Curious.
Emotion
in Self Knowledge
Posted
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4J6_tCy8To
@2:40 A soldier says, "first time you shackle a guy, and I know 'cause I been there, you gonna shake. It's not 'cause you're scared, it's 'cause you're nervous."
Aren't they the same and if so, why does the soldier express it this way? I think I may know but I'd like to hear from others.