Hello folks. I'm going to attempt to address share some of my issues here that have affected my life. Hopefully I can get the point accorss and recieve some valuable feedback about them.
I am the youngest son with one older brother and my parents are still married. I have serious issues with each family member, most importatnly my Mother. She has always be there for me at an emotional distance, but I have never felt much of any love from her. To me, she is the epotime of the state. The cold hand rocking the cradle. One of my earliest memories was being dropped off at the hospital when I was 3 years old to get my tonsiles removed. DROPPED THE FUCK OFF. Who the hell does that to their 3 year old son?
Fast forward, I get married and we end up in a situation where we sold our house, but the bank lender told us after the fact we would not be approved for a loan to buy the other house. (self-employment BS). So me, my wife and our baby were not going to be able to buy the house we had planned on. Ok, when I dropped that news on her... she suggested that I ask my in-laws to help. NEVER offering us anything, a place to stay. Nothing. This cut me pretty bad, as they have a large house and are fairly well off. It caused serious issues and a huge fight, which has since been smoothed over. My in-laws did co-sign for us to be able to buy the house. And a couple years later I was able to get their name off the mortgage so it's all on us now.
Fast forward again, we are looking to downsize. I causaully talk to the parents about my plans, and she makes it clear "Where are you going to stay if you sell your house?" It's like I'm a step child. Or someone who is begging her for shelter. (I never did.) My Father is a silent order follower, as is my brother when it comes to tipping the apple cart with Mother. I have little respect for them, but my Dad has and will go out of his way for me... only far enough that he can get away with it from Mother. My brother is the first born golden child, who does no wrong and lives the perfect American life. Salute the vets, go to Disney world. I've always been the black sheep and get treated as such. There's is such a utter and complete lack of love in my life since I can remember. My Dad has shown some, but like a scared prisoner, only shows it privately when he is allowed to. The man has no balls, as he values his material life over anything else, like his wife. When I was 15, I walked in on him fooling around with some lady. He came home crying to me the next day and said he would tell Mom, but would have to leave. He needed to be a fucking man. I didn't want my family broken up, so I said nothing - and he got away with it. FUCK being put in the position. Now for the good, I am SO grateful for my wife, family and her Mom and step Dad, who has been like a real Dad. They are amazing, selfless people. I admire them so much. My wife's real Dad disowned her when she was about 10yrs old. She has adjusted well considereing. I tell her at least she does not have to deal with him anymore where as I do. Thank you for reading this far. I realize this is one side of the story, as I am not perfect. I've fallen from their tree and am a product of it. But I look forward to your responses, as this does affect my life and how I treat my parents and brother in return. I'm bitter.
