Pleiades

Hmm... That's a good hypothetical question. In terms of being more direct, I think I'm direct once I've decided that pursuing a relationship would be healthy and beneficial to both of us. By then they should know me well enough that I say what I think anyway. Given my knowledge of me, I should probably be faster at making the decision to try a relationship. To quote myself from my last attempt: "We should spend more time together. And I'm saying this because I'm attracted to you." I'm really not sure how much more direct I should be. Or am I misunderstanding your meaning?

Hi James, So here are some of my thoughts. I'm not sure if they are helpful or tangential. You make several references to having a strong emotional reaction to what is said. It's very good that your passionate and I encourage that, but a concern I have is that you may not have a proper outlet for your emotions. What I mean by this is when you get upset and after a conversation, do you have an activity or hobby where you can use your emotional energy in a productive way so that when you return to the problem you have a clearer and more directed approach. It is very good that you mentioned specific instances of what is hurting you with your mother's approach, and I am sorry that she's not giving you a satisfactory apology. Stefan calls them "bullshit non-apologies" and I think that is an accurate description. I would say give her time to process this. It's always very difficult for people to recognize that their behaviours can be harmful to people that they care about, and sometimes they need to reflect on their actions to properly. Your mother will need to come to her own conclusion whether or not her behaviour needs to be adjusted, and how she phrases her apology to you. The best you can do, and I feel you are doing it well, is tell her exactly what she did that hurt you, why it hurts you and give her the space for reflection. As for the certainty of your approach. I think your passion may be clouding your judgment here. There is always more than one approach and every approach will have their positives and negatives. It gets more complicated as the people affected by the pros and cons are not always the same so it becomes more of a "balancing act". What may be helpful in your debate is identifying the positives and negatives for each group by each approach. The snippet of a 5-month dialogue between you and your mother seems very abstract, and you may benefit from being more specific.

Hi Brent, Every relationship requires at least one interested party to initiate the relationship, right? The free rider problem is just that: a problem, but if both the men I find interesting and myself do not try to start something then it theoretically never start. You are right in that my most successful relationships have happened when a man has pursued me. It almost never works when I pursue, but the inaction bothers me. So how do I raise the cost while still marketing it without providing samples (or even as many)? Instead of making myself available, describe what I would offer in a relationship? Or show examples? I do have lotsa pictures of food I've cooked. My friends' girlfriends all love the cheesecake I make. One day I shall steal them all! Some more information: My main source is friends of friends. Within friends circles you have a comfortability where you are less likely to overemphasize your good qualities as well as hide your negative qualities (which I find people do when they meet via dating websites). As much as I don't want a man to literally or figuratively pour his heart out on the first date, I want the men I date not to feel the need to hide their negative qualities from me as it is a part of them as a person. And I don't want to date a man if I'm only dating an incomplete subsection of him. In the past I have been less open about providing my "services" as a means of showing my affection. I've started saying sooner "I am interested in dating you". Now, I do this very bluntly, but that's just a part of my personality. Subtly is not a skill I possess. I've even started saying "you say you want trait X, and you recognize that I have it; if you truly value it then you should pursue someone with trait X". Where X is either a single trait a set of traits, and I'm normally in possession of a majority percentage of these traits.

Hi, I would like other people's opinions on the following idea: Affection has value, but how do you convince a prospective mate that your affection has value and enough that they should invest their affection in you? My general approach is: show what you have to offer. If there are interested parties who recognize the value of your affections then your value should attract people who want it. This is my general approach: I find potential dates (based on personality, having decent looks, and having an arbitrary number of similar interests), after getting to know them I start to offer a sample of what I provide in the relationship and then I come forward and say that I want to date. Then I get friend zoned and stop providing the additional affection and attention. Invariably the men I try to date miss the free attention and then start asking for it back without wanting to provide a reciprocal investment of affection. So I posit this: Affection has valuable. While the supply of affection is perceived to be unlimited with little investment, the demand is low since it seems inexhaustible. Once the supply is cut off, as a scarce resource, demand increases. For the purpose of discussion: do you agree if this is accurate? Also, do you believe that my approach is an appropriate one? I am comfortable with it and it matches my personal style, but it does not appear to be working. I want the men I want to date to know what they are "buying" with their affection, but I also don't want to be left waiting until I am too old to start a family (in particular having children).

Who you are: My name is Angelo, but I am called Pleiades online. Why you are here: I joined the Free Domain Radio community to see the chat during the conversation with Stefan on the show. How you found FDR: A link to this website on one of Stefan's many youtube videos. A bit about me: I stand 185 cm tall, I have 29 years of life (rounded down for simplicity), I weigh 99.5 kg. I have dark brown hair except facial hair, which is a lighter shade of brown (not likely to be classified as dark brown so much as just brown). I also have dark brown eyes.

My name is Angelo and I am the third caller on the May 17th, 2014 show. Stefan told me to say "hi" and introduce myself so I am saying "hi" and introducing myself. Hi.