kahvi

Perfect response, Frosty.

I logged in just to see if anyone had mentioned this video. Where everyone on Facebook is congratulating her and calling her mother-of-the-year, my comment was, "I wonder where he learned how to be violent. Hmmm, let me think...." I see no mother-of-the-year material about her. I highly doubt it's the first time she's beat him. It makes me absolutely sick.

My aunt posted this video on my Facebook wall, I guess thinking I would get a kick out of it. I think she assumed that since I'm against spanking, and have made numerous posts about it, that I would approve of this father's parenting because he wasn't using spanking as a punishment. I quickly corrected her on that. I can't remember the exact comments I made, but one was that he was punishing them for his own mistake - not keeping the paints out of their reach. They're toddlers. Of course they're going to experiment with anything they can get their hands on. I also mentioned the fact that he was confusing them by at first sternly scolding them and then turning around and laughing. I suggested that a better route would have been to make a game out of cleaning the mess up, in order to rally their cooperation (but don't force the issue. They're still a bit young), and to from then on, keep the paints locked up.

Yeah. I first read it a while back, too, although I can't remember how long ago. The show's title reminded me of it.

In light of Stefan's recent show on public schools titled after Another Brick in the Wall, I thought I'd share a link to this interesting website. The author thoroughly analyses each of the songs from The Wall. I'd be interested to see what you all think. http://www.thewallanalysis.com/

My sister had my niece. Meggan, back in 1989, when she was only 19 years old. I was 15 at the time. I remember that at that age, I had very little empathy and very low emotional intelligence. When I heard stories of people being hurt, whether they be kids or adults, I tended to shrug it off and go about my day. I don't know if I was similar to most teenagers or if I had an issue that stemmed from my childhood upbringing, but that's not the topic for another day. I'll just say, that I'm a completely different person now. I feel deep, emotional stress when I hear about children being hurt. I wish I had been this way when Meggan was born, because I could have helped her to avoid the life she has made for herself up until now. Both of her parents, my sister and her husband, were authoritarians. My sister spanked her, but her husband used to make Meggan strip down naked before her beat her with a belt. At the time, I had no idea he did that, but I reasoned that spanking was necessary. I never hit Meggan, but I did used to manipulate her, shame her and terrorize her in sadistic ways. I would make promises to her in order to get her to do my bidding, but then would back out of my promises. I'd yell at her to make her cry and when she did, I'll run to hug her. It makes me sick to think of the things I did to her. Meggan now suffers from a whole range of issues. She's addicted to pain-killers, is on anti-depressants, has never held a job for more than a year or so, and has been trouble with the law many times. She is half-black, so my sister and her grandparents often accuse the police of being racist and unfairly targeting Meggan. But, she has been involved with selling prescription drugs for some time now and she was recently sent to prison. Many times before she left, I had apologized to her for how I had treated her. She's accepted my apology and I don't think she's even aware of how much my actions have had in a hand in her current predicament. She's going to be in prison for 3 years, and I've been sending her letters regularly, but I would like to do more, particularly when she gets out. I don't have enough money to pay for her therapy. She was on Medicaid and had been seeing a therapist, but that particular therapist's idea of therapy was pretty much just giving Meggan anti-depressants. She'd see Meggan for about 15 minutes out an hour long session, give her her script and send her on her way. I don't see medication as a means to help her at all! In fact, since she's been in prison and hasn't been allowed to take her meds, she says she feels much better and her mind is much clearer. Anyway, I want to do something to help her instead of just constantly apologizing. I'd like to maybe send her some books, give her some good advice without sounding preachy. I'd like to help her when she gets out. I can't afford therapy for her, but I can give her my time. Are there any things that you guys recommend? Any books you recommend I send to her? I have to use Amazon to send stuff, but the way. I tried to order one of Stefan's books for her, but realized it was only available in digital copies. Any advice would help. Thanks guys.

One of the most influential people in my deconverting from religion is a black man named Reginald Finley. He had an internet radio show called "The Infidel Guy" back before podcasts existed.

I only know two policemen personally, and they both came from authoritarian parenting. I defriended one on Facebook because of some horrible joke about not needing an elf on the shelf to get a child to behave because he has a belt on the shelf. I can't imagine anyone who wasn't spanked as a child wanting to be a cop. It seems less a desire to help people, but rather a desire to unleash unmitigated power against others, the result of lacking any power or control as children. Ironically, the same parenting mode that created them also created the criminals.

I'm always dumbfounded when I hear of atheists converting to Christianity, because other than being indoctrinated into believing it, I can't see how any rational person on the outside could agree that science agrees with the bible or that the whole "good news" story makes any sense. I'd be curious about this woman's story and the steps she took in order to be finally convinced.

I don't think you're being a Grinch for not celebrating Christmas. The holiday means different things to different people and I know a few Christians that only celebrate it out of obligation. I don't think you should feel obligated to do anything you don't want to do. On the other hand, (I know many here will take exception to this ) I think you should give your family a break. At least for the first year or so, to give them time to adjust to your new stance. I guess that also depends on how much you've talked to them about it already. I've been an atheist for 14 years now, but have always enjoyed Christmas. But then, my family has always mainly just celebrated the secular aspects of it. We never brought Jesus into it, other than displaying a decorative nativity scene under the tree. Congratulations on your new found atheism, by the way. I remember when I first deconverted. The weight on my shoulders was suddenly lifted, I had no more fear of hell, I was able to consider all sorts of other philosophical views without feeling guilt. I still feel it was one of the best things to happen in my life. It turned my life around for the better!

For the most part, yes, unfortunately. The ones that aren't that funny almost have to be secure financially.

I may be in the minority here, but I've never particularly fantasized about men in uniform. I've never paid any particular attention to their shoes or watch or what type of car they drive. If anything, the "nicer" those things are, the more wary I am. It's probably due to an unconscious aversion to competition and a bit of insecurity on my part. Men like that typically have women throwing themselves at them, and I'd rather not deal with it. I've always preferred intellectuals and humor, both of them still signs of the ability to provide resources, of course, but both are traits that I feel I equally contribute.

Feminist tactics are almost on-par with PETA's, using highly sensationalized, shocking and emotion-seeking media to bolster their claims.

There are too many insightful statements here to quote any individual ones, but I thought I'd add my two-cents. I only recently have begun to consider this question in depth and mainly because of a recent night out with two of my girlfriends, although it would be more appropriate to say "girlfriend", as in the singular form. There exists a ridiculous amount of politics involved in most female relationships. Typically, we will remain on good terms with women we do not particularly like in order to maintain group cohesion. In my case, I act like I enjoy both of their companies, when really I can barely tolerate one of them (I'll call her Suzy), and like someone already mentioned, I complain to my husband about Suzy when I get home. I realize this is absolutely crazy and would like to change it, but have no idea how to. It's particularly aggravating to me because Suzy stated, in a joking matter, how she had to spank her 3 year-old daughter because she had almost scratched her car with a rock. I'm deeply ashamed that I didn't open my mouth, but we were having a nice dinner and enjoying ourselves. I would have been the bitch who dared to question my friend's parenting skills. This wasn't an isolated incident, either. Suzy had once told me that she had flicked her nursing infant's cheek when she bit her nipple. Additionally, the conversation was dominated by Suzy and consisted mainly of husband bashing (Not on my part). Most of her complaints surrounded the traits she knew her husband had before they even married! Look at me! I'm complaining to you guys about it! I later brought the spanking issue up with the one I like and she said she has had to do it a couple times with her children, too. Now I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Instead of being brave enough to challenge them both on this issue, I'd almost rather leave the relationship(s). I remarked to my husband that I prefer his company because I feel comfortable speaking my mind. I'm not sure where this comes from. Either it's an evolutionary trait (Women had to get along while their men went off to hunt) or it's learned (My mom didn't tolerate me talking back to her.) It's probably a combination of the two. I would like to learn to be more assertive, and I think visiting this forum and listening to more of Stefan's shows will help.

I commented on another video of a guy dissecting this original video and it has blown up to be the most commented on post. (I'm so proud of myself) But, to what you said, it's true. My husband was heavily involved in gaming, mostly counter-strike, and he was in a group. I asked him if he ever experienced any animosity toward female players. He said,"Hell no! If anything, we loved it when women played." Now, I understand that just because he never witnessed it, it doesn't mean it doesn't occur. But, it leads me to believe that the isolated, misogynistic comments are made by douchebags and it's better just to find a group that isn't full of them. Some of the others accused me of excusing bullying behavior. I dislike bullies just as much as anyone, but sometimes the most rational thing to do is just walk away, especially when there are groups out there who will welcome women with open arms. On the other hand, men are constantly attacked by other men calling them "pussies" and "fags", but you never hear about these guys complaining. They typically retort with an equally venomous remark and move on.

True. At some point, children get old enough to understand what is and isn't acceptable and are able to communicate with parents about troubling issues. Then, it's important that the parent is always there to support their child and trust them. If the parent has always modeled honesty, created a secure connection and have never alienated their children by using punishments, I can't imagine that a child making something up like that.

Yeah, it's disgusting. It's only cute when the child is safe and having fun, too. Just saw another poster saying something to the effect of,"Too many mothers worry about being liked by their children and not about doing what's best for them." To me, that's a false dichotomy. Why can't we have both? I understand being ok with your child being mad at you, but I think it's important that they like you. It kind of goes hand-in-hand with respect, love and trust.

Since I wound up mentioning my husband's experience (Thanks for helping me to recall that, btw neeel), they did soften their tone. It is a great way to get people to empathize. I'm going to remember that tip next time I go into one of these conversations. I told my husband about the exchange and he expounded on his memories of being made to sit at the table till sometimes midnight. It's the clearest memory of his step-dad (whom he thought was his real dad at the time. Another story altogether) It's what he remembers most when he thinks of his step-dad. His step-dad even went so far as to make him eat his cold, left-over dinner for breakfast the next morning. (This was before microwaves) Never. I just have an aunt and a cousin whom are friends with the parents. I saw their post because they had tagged my cousin.

It's totally scary! But, I think you're right on with the kissing and hugging thing. Also, we need to listen to our children. When they adamantly don't want to be around a particular person, pay attention. I almost don't want to let my daughter spend the night over at other kids' homes, either.

I'll preface this by saying that I haven't watched the video because I can't right now. Most predatory behavior against children is done by those the children already know anyway. So, it seems like this type of training would be useless. It's not necessarily strangers we need to worry about.

Villagewisdom - That was so well put and I try to make our diet in our household as stress free as possible. I try to provide a variety of foods to my 2 year-old, but she is extremely picky. I try not to sweat it and focus on the big picture. Although we try to do some meal times together, she's more of a snacker and I feed her when she expresses hunger. She actually prefers nursing to all other foods right now. There has been an update to the Facebook thread. A couple of my relatives have supported my post. One expressed the fact that I am a huge proponent of children's rights and that she didn't think i had a malicious intent. I went back on and apologized for my preachy tone, but reiterated that i think meal time should be enjoyable for everyone and that it shouldn't become a power struggle. Most importantly, and i can't believe I had forgotten this, my husband had experienced the exact same thing growing up and he has vivid and bitter memories of it. I said as much in my post. The mother thanked me for apologizing, but said she's more concerned that her son eat healthy rather than have a good time. She apparently isn't aware that stress is one of the biggest catalysts for an unhealthy life, both physically and psychologically. I didn't feel like reopening the discussion, though. So I let it drop.

Yeah, I suppose the fact that I don't know how long he had been lying there is irrelevant. The fact that they told him he couldn't leave the table is the troubling part. I would have told the child, who at 3 should be able to understand, that this will be his last chance to eat. If he doesn't eat his dinner and later asks for more food, I would remind him of what I had told him before dinner. That, to me, is a natural consequence. Not sure if I should bother posting that or not. Most people clearly speak a different parenting language than we do. I could turn this into a huge, flame storm or just let my already written thoughts speak for themselves. True neeeel. I could have been a lot more diplomatic about it.

I was wanting to get a few opinions on this. I recently came across a Facebook post that featured a 3 year-old asleep on the dining room chair. The poster commented that he had told his son that he couldn't leave the table until he had eaten all his food. A few pointed out how cute the child looked, curled up on the chair, but I stated,"Trying to force a child to eat who is clearly not hungry?" I should add that I don't know these parents. Obviously, this statement pissed them off as well as a few other of their friends and they all commented back about how the boy's mom always gives her son healthy portions, he's one of the healthiest kids they know, that the boy typically doesn't eat his food but asks for more after dinner, and that i should mind my own business. I was going to respond with parent imposed punishments versus natural consequences. I then realized that i had no idea how long they had made him sit there. It could have just been the end of dinner and he had been inordinately tired. I then thought about apologizing. What do you guys think about this issue? I think in the future I will think a few minutes before i just rattle off an opinion.

Thank you! Are you "ShadowCrowX"? I'm glad I'm not alone in this one, too.

I would have lent the girl my ear, given her a hug and said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry you lost your hand stamp, sweety. You must be angry and frustrated. Maybe we can come up with a way you can earn another one. How about you help mommy do some extra cleaning (dishes/laundry/garden, etc) this week?" Instead, she completely missed an opportunity to help her child find a solution to her problem and basically ridiculed her. The girl may learn that tantrums don't help, but her feelings are not being addressed. They're just being bottled up. And then there's the commenters, some even saying she should have spanked her! Ugh! I did put in my two-cents in the comments, for what it's worth.