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kahvi

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Everything posted by kahvi

  1. kahvi
    Yeah, you're right. The original post was pretty ridiculous and inflammatory. I guess I honed in on the religious aspect of it rather than the political because I am more familiar with all the religious arguments, although I should have recognized that what it said was patently absurd. The bible doesn't give an explicit date, obviously,but religious scholars all agree that, if he even existed, Jesus couldn't have been born in the winter time. Shepherds would not be in the fields in the cold of the winter. Joseph and Mary came to Bethlehem to register in a census, and a census would not have taken place in the winter, a time when temps often dropped below freezing.
  2. kahvi
    I don't think a child necessarily needs to experience something first-hand in order to learn a lesson. Sometimes, just explaining possible outcomes is sufficient. On the other hand, I don't think it's necessarily bad parenting to let them handle glass, provided you tell them up front that it may cut them. I think it also depends on the child's age. If my 2 year-old were to come across some broken glass, I would probably clean it up before she had the chance to pick it up. Maybe when she is 3, I would matter-of-factly explain what could happen, but allow her to pick it up.
  3. kahvi
    I was just having a little heated argument over Christianity in a Facebook thread (Oh-oh. I know, I know). It was kind of fun. If you're interested and have a little time, here's the link: Keeping the Christ in Christmas A little information - The original poster is a feminist liberal, but my beef was not with her. I'm still learning about libertarianism and do not yet feel comfortable arguing about it. My FB user name is Lori Ellis Swank. The one I'm arguing with is Tiger Acuff.
  4. kahvi
    I love Brian Regan! I also like all the answers I've received and have incorporated them into my response. Here is how I responded to the post: I personally don't think it was handled well. I'm glad he didn't resort to spanking, but time-outs are just as troubling (another discussion for another time). First, he confused them with his mix of stern lecturing and laughing. Which is it? Are you amused or are you angry? Then, he decides to punish them for something that was his own fault. He could have prevented this from happening. Why wasn't he there watching them, or at the very least, keeping the paints out of their reach? Additionally, he missed an opportunity to help them learn to rectify their (his) mistake. I would have chalked it up to,"Oops. I made the mistake of leaving the paint cans out. Alright boys. You made a mess. Come help mommy clean it up." Then I would make certain I put the paint cans away. What do you think? I'm always interested in learning to make better arguments. Thanks for being such a great and supportive community.
  5. kahvi
    I guess the only issue would be that they had apparently made a mess in some area of the house, but I'm not sure where. It could have been in their front room, all over their couches and whatnot. Other than that, I would see no issue either. But, I'm with you both. It is funny as hell and giving them finger paints would have been a good way to mitigate the problem. The father was definitely confusing them, though.
  6. kahvi
    What do you all think about this video? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVDNNoEk4PI What do you think would be a good way to handle a situation like this? I guess keeping the paint out of reach in the first place would have been a good start, and maybe discussing beforehand that everything in that cabinet is off-limits and why.
  7. kahvi
    I just found her youtube channel. I like her stuff so far.
  8. kahvi
    Me too, but at least the point of them being in the documentary is to learn and show a better way.
  9. kahvi
    If it were real, the message it is sending to me is "Don't be stupid and get blitzed out of your mind in public places." Of course there will be people who will want to take advantage of a woman in that condition. It's not an indictment of men in general and is gives no further credence to this "rape culture" bullshit. If a man were to walk around a city with cash half hanging out of his pocket and it was stolen, everyone would be telling him that he's a fucking moron for walking around with cash half hanging out of his pocket. But feminists want everyone to believe that a scantily-clad, drunk-ass woman who gets raped is purely a victim who had no control of her situation.
  10. kahvi
    Ahhh, thanks. Now I can scratch that off my bucket list.
  11. kahvi
    Women go through this kind of harrassment every day, huh? Funny, I can't remember ever being catcalled. Maybe I'm just too ugly?
  12. kahvi
    I'm going through the same thing with my 2 year old. All she wants to do sometimes is watch Barney and Yo Gabba Gabba. You may have already done this, but I would sit him down and tell him that he can watch his shows between such and such time, but that you would like to hang out with him at the other times. Be consistent and when he asks to watch his shows, remind him when he can watch them. Then, try to find new games/activities that he might like. He might just need more stimulation. I know it's hard. My daughter will sit at the computer desk and repeat the show name over and over and over and then eventually cry when I repeat no so many times, all the while trying to engage her in a different activity. By the way, he's so lucky to have a good father in his life like you, even though you unfortunately picked a POS woman with whom to procreate.
  13. kahvi
    Thanks! I will. Excellent read!
  14. kahvi
    Excellent! I've been reading "How to Talk So Your Child will Listen and Listen so Your Child will Talk" based on someone else's recommendation. It's got great advice. My daughter is only two and can't talk much yet, but I'm getting prepared now.
  15. kahvi
    Hi Kason, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your fiance and friends. I'm from a big city and wasn't super involved in any church, so when I became an atheist nearly 13 years ago, it didn't change much about my life. It must be very upsetting to lose your community. I think you're very brave for following the evidence where it leads you. Have you heard of "meetup.com"? It's a website that helps you to find people with similar interests in your area. Groups typically schedule times and places to meet over their shared interests. Just go on and join (it's free to join), look up atheist/secular/free-thinker groups and if there's one in your area, you can join . If there isn't already one, you can create a group (It costs around $70 to create one) and other people can join it. It's a great tool because in public most atheists don't wear their non-beliefs on their sleeves, so it's hard to find them in the real world. I think you'd be surprised how many people you know who are secretly atheists. Online, they come out of the woodwork! Good luck to you!
  16. kahvi
    Hey Ashton. I'm with you on this one. My almost 2 year old does not have the reasoning skills, let alone the verbal skills, to understand anything other than very simple questions and statements. I get frustrated listening to Stefan talk about how his daughter never tantrums due to his parenting style, but mine throws daily mini-tantrums, mainly out of frustration, and I get upset thinking that I'm doing something wrong. With all due respect, I think either Stefan might be either remembering her toddler years incorrectly, or she is just one of those rare toddlers who never had tantrums. They do exist. My niece was like that, and she had anything but stellar parents. Keep in mind that he does not specialize in child care and he has a sample size of one. There are plenty of great resources out there that help you to peacefully parent and fully expect that you will have to deal with tantrums sometimes. Now, when my daughter throws a tantrum, I just try to validate her feelings and be there for her. It helps me immensely and she feeds off my calm and tends to have less tantrums that way.
  17. kahvi
    How funny! I got mine from a character in the Elf Quest comic books. I've just always liked the name. Good idea. I thought about that, too, but put it that way for brevity. I'll go ahead and change it. Thanks for the feedback.
  18. kahvi
    So, I've decided to create a peaceful parenting meetup group. I've been a member of a few groups in the past, but they included all types of parenting styles and I never quite connected with anyone. Most of the women were stay-at-home moms and they all seemed like great parents, but I wanted to create a group focused on peaceful parenting strategies. I wanted to ask you all what you think of my description of the group. Is there anything I should add or subtract? Also, do you have any suggestions for a link to provide at the end? This is a group for parents who are dedicated to using gentle discipline with their children. A peaceful parent does not use coercive parenting methods such as spanking, yelling, humiliation, or domination. A peaceful parent focuses on bonding with her child, validating her child’s feelings, and using age-appropriate reasoning to negotiation win-win solutions. She thinks about what type of person she wants her child to become and acts as the model. A peacefully parented child may not always be convenient for the parent, for she is learning to reason, question authority and advocate for herself, behaviors that a majority of parents want for their children in adulthood, but often fail to practice with them in childhood. Peaceful parenting does not mean: Never setting boundaries, letting the child make all of the decisions, never getting angry as a parent, never letting your child experience anger or frustration. To learn more about peaceful parenting and find out if this group is for you, please visit: FYI, If any of you are from St. Louis, MO, I would love for you to join the group. I added "lies" to the list of what a peaceful parent does not use.
  19. kahvi
    I think you should first ask about their own parenting philosophies. Then present peaceful parenting as a philosophy that you have been researching. Touch on the highlights, like that it emphasizes non-cohersion, negotiating win-win scenarios, and mutual respect. Bring up how science has substantiated that peaceful parenting brings out the best outcomes. Something they're sure to understand is that when a child feels heard and practices negotiating with their patents, they will be prepared to advocate for themselves in adulthood. Offer to send them a great video on it. I would hope that they're interested in learning differing views on parenting, but if they decline, I wouldn't push it.
  20. kahvi
    I apologize. I was not very clear on what I was asking. I'm mainly concerned about night weaning. She is unable to go to sleep without nursing and I wanted to wean her of that habit. I just am unsure if my doing so is considered cohersive and if it's detrimental in the long run to deprive her of something that she takes great comfort in.I brought up the food issue to emphasize how much she enjoys nursing over food.
  21. kahvi
    I would like some opinions on weaning. My daughter is now 22 months old and is still nursing. We co-sleep and she nurses to sleep, both for naps and for bedtime, and two or three times during the night. I'm the only one who can really put her to bed. I left her with my husband a few nights ago and she screamed for two straight hours at bedtime. Alos, if she had the choice, she'd probably nurse for all of her meals and just eat a few snacks. She's a very picky eater, more than most toddlers (Apples, bananas, yogurt, broccoli, toast, french fries and chicken nuggets pretty much sums it up). I'm torn over whether or not I should wean her. On the one hand, I'd like her father to be able to put her down for sleep and I'd like to be able to get a full night's rest. I'd be lieing if I didn't say that I also feel a lot of pressure from my friends and family. One the other hand, if it's something that she still needs, I don't want to deprive her of it. I just bought the book, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddler and Pre-schoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley and she has a lot of great ideas. I'm planning on taking two months to wean my daughter very slowly. But part of me wants to let her self-wean. Anyone have any good advice or ideas when it comes to this?
  22. kahvi
    Excellent videos. Thanks for posting.
  23. kahvi
    I have a couple of book recommendations The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry Perry is a child psychiatrist who specializes in early childhood trauma. In the book, he discusses many of his former patients who had suffered through terrible abuse and/or neglect and children, and its lasting effects. He goes into great detail about the effects of abuse on brain development. He also tells of his attempts to heal the victims. I had read this book long before discovering Stefan's material, and because of it, I was already on board with everything that Stefan has to say about parenting. Perry had already convinced me that children are not resilient, like so many like to claim, and that most people's adulthood issues stem from early childhood trauma. He made me realize that parents, who seem like great parents to the outside viewer, can do irreparable harm to their children without anyone realizing it. When the child then grows up to suffer from depression, drug addiction or personality disorders, or winds up hurting other people, so many people either think it happened in a vacuum or that the parents didn't spank the child enough. Nurtureshock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman The authors discuss the many mistaken notions that we have about about parenting and how the science disagrees. For example, many people think it's a good thing to praise their child's intelligence in order to encourage them academically. In actuality, this tends to discourage further learning. The reason for this is that when a child is called smart, they don't want to take the risk that they will be thought of as otherwise. So they'll tend to do activities that are easier and they'll shy away from doing things that can't master immediately. Instead, the parent should praise the child's hard work, focus or concentration. The child has to learn that they can accomplish things with hard work. Anyway, I thought you all might like to look into these. If any of you have read them, I'd like to hear your opinions.
  24. kahvi
    For some reason, my computer is not allowing me to quote someone, but this is a response to Rainbow. Hey Rainbow. I'm sorry I took so long to respond. I haven't been on the forums for awhile. Thanks for the compliment. My husband and I were together for over 10 years before we had our little girl and had had many conversations about parenting, both explicit and implicit. We pretty much agreed on everything. If we did have any disagreements, we were and are still both willing to here out each other's arguments. Sorry I can't go into more depth, but my girl is demanding my attention.
  25. kahvi
    That just makes me sick. If she's treating her daughter like that in public, imagine what she's like at home.
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