Bipedal Primate

African American is a term that refers to an ethnic group in the United Sates with ancestry from Sub-Saharan Africa. The term may also be used to include individuals who are descended from African Slaves. As a compound adjective, the term is usually hyphenated as African-American. The term was popularized in black communities around the country via word of mouth and ultimately received mainstream use after Jesse Jackson publicly used the term in front of a national audience. Subsequently, major media outlets adopted its use. sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_American http://www.aaregistry.org/historic_events/view/african-american-term-brief-history I personally, do not use the term, because the *one* time I did, I was corrected with, "my parents are from the Caribbean." :-)

The root problem: The Welfare Sate. The solution: abolish the welfare State. Symptoms of the root problem: single mothers /single parent households, childhood abuse and neglect, low breastfeeding rates = deficient immune system and altered brain development, low-income =limited time & limited resources for education and healthcare, lack of education and lack of positive role models creates and maintains the cycle of ignorance and a belief that life is limited. "Black mothers breastfeed at a significantly lower rate than whites. Only 8 percent of black mothers overall follow the AAP guidelines." We need to take action for change by getting the message out to as many people as possible that the federal government has to get out of the business of supplying millions of low income mothers with free infant formula; in conjunction with spreading awareness of the importance of two parent households, the benefits of breastfeeding, and peaceful parenting. We will not see any changes until parents stop causing psychological and physiological trauma to their children. It has been scientifically proven childhood trauma leads to an interference in brain development and the immune system. When a mother neglects her baby and does not breastfeed this leads to psychological and physiological trauma. Human breastmilk has proteins absolutely necessary for optimal brain development. These proteins can not be duplicated outside of the mother's body. The antibodies in mother's milk is specifically created by her body to build her unique baby's immune system, for protection against infections/diseases in their specific environment. If a baby is not breastfed and only given artificial powdered non-human milk and left to cry-it-out every night in a crib; this is a guarantee the child will have an altered brain/immune system. This is scientific fact, with empirical evidence to back it up. When a baby grows up with a deficient immune system and their cognitive processing abilities have been altered this does not only affect the victim. Child neglect/abuse spreads like a virus, infecting everyone in the vicinity. People afflicted with trauma, who do not seek help, are at risk of suffering from more illnesses/diseases, life-long addictions/defense mechanisms, and mental health challenges.This overflows into communities like a tsunami, causing economic and social destruction. The welfare state and mother's milk: FACT ONE: Fifty-three percent of the infants in America participate in the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children (WIC) for low-income parents (at or below 185 percent of poverty level). WIC provides free infant formula to any qualifying mother who wants it. A mother does not need to show that she is among the tiny minority (about five percent) of all mothers of infants who are physically incapable of breastfeeding to receive vouchers for formula. About half of the infant formula used in the country is distributed by WIC. FACT TWO: The total WIC budget is $7 billion. FACT THREE: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that infants be breastfed exclusively for six months and with food supplements for at least a year. Most major health organizations endorse this recommendation. FACT FOUR: The antibodies and hormones in breast milk are unique and cannot be replicated. They protect infant health and lower the incidence of asthma, gastrointestinal illnesses, ear infections, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, obesity and Type 2 diabetes. A baby’s risk of becoming an overweight child goes down, for instance, with each month of breastfeeding. (In the US, one in five children under the age of five is at least overweight, and half of these are obese), according to the CDC. Breastfeeding may lower the incidence of leukemia too. FACT FIVE: Cancer rates are lower in women who have breastfed their children. Breastfeeding is linked with a lower incidence of post partum depression. FACT SIX: According to the U.S. Dept. of Health, “The nation benefits overall when mothers breastfeed. Recent research shows that if 90 percent of families breastfed exclusively for 6 months, nearly 1,000 deaths among infants could be prevented. The United States would also save $13 billion per year — medical care costs are lower for fully breastfed infants than never-breastfed infants. Breastfed infants typically need fewer sick care visits, prescriptions, and hospitalizations.” FACT SEVEN: There is evidence that breastfeeding increases maternal sensitivity, widely viewed as an important factor in determining overall childhood health and well-being. This does not mean that a healthy maternal bond cannot occur with a formula-fed infant, but that overall breastfeeding mothers are more attuned to their children. FACT EIGHT: Only 15 percent of mothers overall adhere to the AAP standard. Half of all infants in the United States have been given formula within the first week of their birth. And only 31 percent are breastfeeding at all by nine months. FACT NINE: According to George Kent, of the University of Hawaii, “Breastfeeding initiation and duration rates among WIC participants have increased dramatically over the past ten years, but they still lag twenty percentage points behind those of non-WIC participants. This statistic holds true even when controlling for socioeconomic status, geography, race/ethnicity, the age of the mother and birth eight of the baby. In other words, it appears something about the WIC program itself is producing an effect that depresses breastfeeding.” FACT TEN: Black mothers breastfeed at a significantly lower rate than whites. Only 8 percent of black mothers overall follow the AAP standard. In general , less educated mothers breastfeed less. In former days, wealthy mothers sent their children out to wet nurses. Today, breastfeeding is a hassle for the poor and less intelligent mother who has no economic incentive to breastfeed. She may be put off by the inconvenience of feeding an infant eight to twelve times a day, is not as well read in the health literature and often has less maternal sensitivity to begin with. IN CONCLUSION, no nation has ever commandeered the basic processes of feeding infants as dramatically as ours has. The free feeding of infants, whatever its good intentions, has institutionalized parental neglect, impoverished health and enriched manufacturers of formula. (See George Kent’s observations on the business interests involved.) The most important solution to the disastrously low rate of breastfeeding – that the federal government get out of the business of formula feeding - is never mentioned at all in the Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Support Breastfeeding. sources: http://www.thinkinghousewife.com/wp/2011/08/the-welfare-state-and-mothers-milk/ http://thenationshealth.aphapublications.org/content/43/3/1.3.full http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-27744391

Great question, that imo, everyone should put thought into. "So, is appearance necessary, or unnecessary but helpful when evaluating a person? Based on this, how much sway does appearance hold over you in your final impression of a person?" ​1. Yes, appearance is helpful and necessary when evaluating a person. [As Stef says in one of his podcasts, he demonstrates what he looks like with a huge swastika on his forehead and him without it on his forehead. I think that proves a major point about appearances and perceptions.] for example: a string bikini, high heels, and tons of make-up vs a person is wearing a Burka 2. For me, the 'visual' stamp that is tattooed on my brain can be tough to remove, if after talking to the person I discover their personality does not match up with their appearance, my brain will experience cognitive dissonance, because my eyes are sending me a visual message, but my ears are telling me something different. This can cause confusion and makes me uncomfortable. I feel at ease when my eyes and ears send the same message to my brain. for example: the person wearing the Burka offers a you $5 BJ and the person wearing the bikini hands you literature on joining the Mormon community I try to follow this pattern of thought: catch it, check it, change it I struggle with the 'catch it' part of myself when I start forming judgments based on appearance alone, because stereotypes have been tattooed on my brain and I have to preform laser surgery on myself to have these false assumptions removed. I then 'check it' by asking myself if I have enough evidence to hold this belief? I then 'change it' / revise my opinion based on all the information available to me. The strongest memory I have of experiencing the above is when I was working in a Chinese vitamin and herb shop. A customer walked in and I had an immediate reaction/judgement to his appearance. He was wearing a white tank top, baggy jeans hanging below/around his hips exposing his underwear and half his buttocks, he had gold teeth, and he was also huge, maybe 250 pounds. All of this visual information led me to form a preconceived idea of him being 'dangerous.' He came up to the counter and the second he started speaking, I went into shock, because his voice was so gentle and kind. He asked me some great questions about the benefits of medicinal herbs and we ended up having an interesting conversation. In the end, he was a super polite, friendly, nice guy! This experience really hit home the message that appearances can be deceiving, and helped me realize the woman wearing the business suit with the briefcase might actually be the one shoplifting the 'Cascara Sagrada Bark' ;-)

Excellent point Leevan. :-) Everytime you you rent an apartment, apply for a loan to buy a car or house, your credit score will be used to to determine your eligibility. Everytime you apply for household services like water, gas, electric, cable TV, these companies will run your credit score and if it's low you will have to put down a very high security deposit. Many jobs run credit scores before hiring too, this could hinder future employment options. The worst part for you, imo, is that school debt never goes away, unlike other types of unpaid debt which is eventually erased after 7 or so years. I validate your right to make your own choices in life, which is why I stated before I don't have a problem with you demonstrating your freedom of choice, you are the one who will live with the consequences.

I prefer to categorize emotions using these adjectives: euphoric, happy, neutral, sad, angry, rage, empty, etc.. For me, ideas, beliefs, choices, interpersonal reactions/responses, behaviors, and actions can be measured as irrational and rational. Emotions are not negotiable. Ideas, choices, reactions/responses, beliefs, and actions are negotiable. I feel, my emotions serve to guide me, therefore no emotion can be labeled irrational. I think 'an emotion' is the starting point of understanding what's happening around me. therefore, all emotions are useful because they alert me to subtleties in my environment that are not always obvious to my conscious mind. My emotions alert me and help me identify when I am engaging in irrational behaviors: dissociating, in denial, repressing, transferring, projecting, etc. For me, my emotion is the alarm system that goes off so that I can avoid cognitive dissonance and irrational behaviors. If a person is experiencing the emotion of absolute despair, because of no job, being broke, being homeless, and then attempt suicide; is it the emotion that is irrational or the reaction to the emotion? Is it possible to negotiate that a person's emotion in that moment is the wrong emotion? no Is it possible to negotiate a person's choice/reaction/response to an emotion? yes Is it possible to negotiate the idea that suicide is preferable to living? yes Is it possible to negotiate the belief that losing one's job and being broke is not permanent? yes Here is an interesting study on explicit and implicit emotion regulation: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3280343/ I often experience spontaneous 'anxiety' in moments when I am in the middle of doing something enjoyable. This let's me know, I am probably repressing difficult thoughts, events, or denying reality. The emotion itself is not irrational because it is a rational manifestation of my environment and/or unwanted cognitive habits due to an interference with my cognitive processing abilities.

The problem with the example you give is that the person who borrowed the chainsaw did not know before asking to borrow it, it would be used for a crime, but you were fully informed, therefore, the chainsaw argument does not work to prove your point. Do you feel you were mentally unstable due to mind control/brainwashing at the time? Were you taking any mind altering medication when you agreed to the loans? Were you a legal adult when you agreed to do it, did your family coerce you? Unless, you can prove that you were not fully informed, tricked or coerced, then using the moral stance doesn't hold water. And if you can't, then you have to admit to yourself that you engaged in a voluntary contract with an agency who you knew was corrupt. If you voluntarily put yourself at risk, then you can't blame anyone else, you just have to own it. for example: a woman goes to a bar alone, gets drunk, blacks out, has sex with a stranger in the bathroom. She then blames 'rape culture' and refuses to pay her bar tab because 'the bar' didn't protect her. If I take out loans for a medical degree because I can not work as a doctor without a state approved license, but then after graduating, am unable to find a job, and unable to pay the loan back, and justify not paying it back because it is a corrupt system, this becomes more about passing the buck. Whose fault is it that I took out the loans? I was not coerced to take out the loan. I voluntarily put myself at risk, with the gamble I would one day have the funds to repay the loan. ( I am guessing this is what happened with you). If I marry a man who beats me up, we buy a house together, and then after being married for a while decide I don't want to be beaten up anymore, and have an epiphany that it is universally wrong to beat people up, file for divorce, and then stop making my share of the house payment, then what I am really saying is: 1. I made a mistake -- reasonable 2. I regret the mistake --reasonable 3. I don't want others to make this same mistake --reasonable and shows empathy for others 4. I don't want to take any financial responsibility for that mistake --unreasonable 5. I now self identify as a victim --setting myself up for an unhealthy self-image, IMO. I absolutely agree with your statement, "Controlling the flow of our resources is something we can do today to effect change in the world." I think it's great you want to live your values. I personally, don't have a problem with you not paying your student loans back. Although, I think it's better to just admit it's a personal choice and not try to use an illogical justification. I feel it distracts from the positive message that you can role model to others, which is I fucked up, but now I know better, and I'm making changes. :-)

Hi ellisante35, I sympathize with your disdain and respect your choice not to bend over for the state, cheers to that! :-) I also support your stance that abstaining from corrupt nonsensical abusive systems is better than maintaining that system with compliance. Although, being arrested, homeless, or jobless is not necessarily worth not complying to an unjust system; sometimes it is in our own best interested to comply, and IMO, that's ok. My suggestion is to rethink the cost benefit of not paying the school back? I would also consider other 'legal' alternatives to keep that cash. For example, I have no problem with people getting "reimbursed" for all the taxes they have paid into this corrupt system. Are you eligible for any state benefits: free housing, food stamps, unemployment, or the option of getting paid in cash and not claiming it? The fact Churches/Synagogues don't pay property tax and I do, really fucking pisses me off. I have already been forced to hand over so much of my hard earned cash to the state tax system, therefore I would have no problem getting some of my money back via 'state benefits', if that were ever an option. Have you considered paying the school back and 'getting your money back' from the Sate using other means? This way, you are essentially not giving them any more of your money in conjunction with not risking legal action against you. This is more of a win win for you, IMO. I have been taking active steps, like you, to not comply, and I am slowly getting off the 'Psychopathic Control Grid.' I no longer vote, I work for cash only, I pay for most things with cash, and I have gotten rid of my car/car insurance. I was fed up with paying for mandatory car insurance(while I'm living in china and not driving the car) and I was being forced to pay a ridiculously high annual $600 tag fee/arbitrary auto tax so that I could have the privilege of keeping a car I own. WTF? Please let me know what happens moving forward with your decision. I appreciate you sharing what's happening in your life, and I hope you are able to sort this out without penalty.

AustinJames, we have something in common! I buy about 90% of my clothing (shoes, coats, bras, scarfs, gloves, winter coats, socks, etc.) at Goodwills in high end neighborhoods. I do have a nice North Face winter coat, but I bought it on sale. --who doesn't love north face :-p I now consider Walmart too expensive (this happens when you exclusively buy at thrift shops), but when I need underwear or a specific bra etc.. I also will go to Walmart. I don't pay any attention to the labels, like AustinJames, I touch it, if it's soft I buy it, if it holds up in the wash and doesn't fall apart, I become a loyal customer. You can find great deals if you spend some time shopping around and reading online customer reviews, if there are specific brands you are interested in, try posting your question on Fat Wallet www. fatwallet . com. For example: Forever 21 has 100% cotton tank tops/cami's for US$1.50 GAP has women's 100% cotton underwear on sale often for .99 -$1.50 a pair I live in Beijing, and I don't buy any of my clothing or shoes here. I find it's a lot cheaper to shop at goodwills in the US. As far as quality, here in China, it is hit or miss at the markets. To repeat, i feel it's important to feel the fabric in order to know if it's nice cotton with a high thread count. I also look for quality stitching, like french seams. I would suggest ordering one item from 'wherever' and if it's nice, order more! :-) Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for. :-)

Hi Ken, I have found your contributions very intriguing, specifically your point of view on violence and self interest. I admire your dedication to knowledge and your openness to new ideas, these are traits I value. I, of course, am always happy when someone is willing to consider the benefits of the NAP, Peaceful Parenting, and Voluntaryism. So, Welcome! :-) I respect your candor and veracity, and because of that, I agree with Patrick's suggestion. I also encourage you to invest your time where you will reap the most benefit, which is Stefan's material on Anarchism. IMO, Stef is the best starting point. --and this is not meant to discredit all the unique and brilliant POV's of the members in the FDR community, "we" are the icing on the cake ;-) I sympathize with your hesitancy to commit 9+ hours of your time listening to podcasts. May I suggest some awesome time saving ways to listen to Stefan's Anarchy podcasts: driving, cooking, house cleaning, working out, in the shower, while having sex(well maybe not that one) lol :-) I would also like to, respectfully, point out that Patrick is not currently, to my knowledge, on a 'statist community forum board' asking lots of detailed questions, therefore we can conclude statism is not a subject he is interested in pursuing. In contrast, *you* are actively posting queries on an Anarchist community forum board. Therefore his suggestion to go straight to the source is both logical and in the best interest of obtaining instant accurate detailed answers on the subject of Anarchy. I hope you find the answers you're looking for. Cheers to learning and Growing! :-)

They have to prefer truth to delusion They have to be willing to push through the discomfort (and sometime pain) of hearing the truth Once they acknowledged the truth, they are forced to make changes, or admit they are not virtuous If and when they start living the truth, this may cause conflict with many of their relationships, and they might just 'give up' and reinstate 'the lies' as truth People avoid the discomfort of the truth at all costs, which manifests itself via defensiveness, denial, dissociation, avoidance, hysteria, substance abuse, etc.

I definitely think the picture you chose for online dating profiles takes precedence over anything you have written. Your picture is the gateway to your profile, and if your facade doesn't look inviting people won't want to enter and will never even find out how interesting, funny, etc. you might be. For example, here are two pictures of myself: Geek vs Chic. I would wager, my first geeky picture would be ranked at a low level of attractiveness, while picture #2 would be ranked at a high level of attractiveness. If most women are actively posting the absolute best picture possible and men are doing the opposite by posting pictures that actually make them look worse than in real life, then the attractiveness votes would not actually be accurate of people's real life attractiveness.

I always want to ask these people: Is there really that much of a difference between 6'0" and 5'11" or 5"8" and 5'7" .... are you really going to let one inch subtract a potential life partner who might be fucking amazing in bed, super kind, intelligent, funny, loyal, and someone you could spend the rest of your life with. WTF? -- Obviously, anyone who is this short sighted, no pun intended, has not started the process of self knowledge. I suspect, men in general, put less time, effort, and thought into the type of pictures they take and display on their online profiles. Women tend to take more photos of themselves with the goal of achieving optimal beauty in the picture. More photos gives women more choices. The more pictures one takes of one's self will lead to more knowledge about how to pose to show off one's best features. Many times, I have seen a guy's profile pic on facebook etc, and thought he was not very attractive, but then when I see him in person I am blown away by how handsome he is. Or maybe it is actually his awesome personality that alters my perception of his attractiveness, lol :-D I might be wrong, and please correct me if I am. I suspect, guys in general, don't put as much thought, as women, into choosing and posting photos that highlight their attractive features and /or they aren't even aware of their best angles or how lighting can alter the way they look in pictures. Therefore, I wonder if the online dating site's results are skewed due to the fact men in general are posting crappy pictures of themselves? What do you think?

I think a lot of women do in fact have very unrealistic physical expectations/requirements. I have met so many daft women who openly refuse to even consider dating a guy shorter than 6'0. And a lot of 'these' women are really short, which is baffling. I'm 5'8" and have no problem dating guys my own height or shorter than me. I actually prefer men closer to my own height, holding my head up to kiss is a PITN ;-)

I agree with Robert, it is not the tattoos that are worrisome, many are very beautiful, it is the socially constructed preconceived idea of who a tattooed person represents. Which is why I *try* really hard not to judge a person on appearance alone, instead I think its healthier and wiser to focus on patterns of behavior. For example, does this person with lots of tattoos drink and do drugs too? What are their interests and hobbies? As an artist, I really enjoy looking at tattoo art. I appreciate the skill and talent needed to be a successful tattoos artist. I personally think the 'water color' tattoos are absolutely gorgeous. I have never ever wanted a tattoo and the thought of getting one creeps me out because of the strong association I have held since my teens that tattoos represent drugs, bikers, and/or criminals. The only family member I have with a tattoo is my aunt, and she got her tattoo on her 40th birthday, a small tramp stamp above her bum for her husband, who she has been with for 15 years ;-)

{{LMAO}}! -- um, if you could stop making me laugh, that would be great. I am trying to concentrate on the meaning of metaphysics. :-p Well done, knowledge injected with humor is a great combo. I am giving you two thumbs up: one simulated thumb and one real thumb ;-)

I totally agree. We are absolutely aligned on this issue. I try to never use the words' the mentally ill," i prefer Mental Wellness, Mental Health, or Mental health challenges. I obviously did a crap job conveying that if you thought I was excusing her behavior b/c she's 'mental.' -- ugh. I am sickened that you were manipulated into taking brain poison as a teen. Unfortunately, I can relate. I am a 'Certified Peer Specialist' counselor which means I have been a consumer of mental health services, "diagnosed," and prescribed psychotropic drugs. I have also been involuntarily committed and was forced to take antidepressants, anticonvulsants, and antipsychotics in order to get my sadistic Psychiatric Doctor to agree to my release. All CPS's self identify as someone in recovery due to childhood/adult trauma. CPS's offer support and information to other consumers who are interested in alternatives to psychiatry, psychotropic drugs, and/or alternatives to traditional mental health services provided by the state, for example mental institutions. When i lived in Atlanta, I worked in a wellness center/respite for people struggling with emotional challenges. The center is peer run, with an emphasis on self directed recovery. I never use labels when I'm offering support to a peer. I use 'Human Experience Language.' Instead of saying, I have suffered from depression." i will say, "there was a time in my life I stopped socializing, I started isolating, i stopped leaving my house, I lost my job, and I was crying a lot." When we subtract these labels from our language, suddenly everyone can relate to these universal experiences/feelings. And if someone can relate to our feelings, then we remove this false illusion of separation between us. The only reason I use these bullshit labels is because it's just a lot faster to communicate with people who are familiar with these well known psychological characteristics. Not many people outside of alternative counseling circles are familiar with 'Human Experience Language.' And thank you for the book recommendation, this is exactly the type of reading I enjoy! :-)

Yep, I agree with this premise. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I also know for myself, that the way a person makes me *feel* can alter my perception of their attractiveness. I also suspect my own 'number' goes up after a guy hangs out with me, due to my fab personality ;-) I was recently watching some funny videos on YouTube about the myth of 'size matters.' And the host made a point of saying that women's perception of penis size is directly related to how the guy makes her feel. It made me rethink my own perception of, um, "past experiences" -- and I was like, oh my gosh! -- he is soooooo right! ;-) So much of our attraction to others is actually based on how the other person makes us feel, and a lot less on what others/tv/books/ etc. tell us. And in reference to the OP : The only people who ever try to guilt trip me for being "too thin" are obese females, it is so hypocritical. Go Figure!

I have an ambivalence / contradictory feeling when it comes to adult-on-adult emotional raping. One part of me (the rescuer) keeps repeating,"don't blame the victim." And another part of me (the persecutor) keeps saying, "but there is no such thing as an emotional rape without compliance." And then another part (the victim) says, "there are highly intelligent Sociopaths out there who are master manipulators, therefor i do believe emotional rape can take place without compliance." ugh. I'm still negotiating with these three parts of myself :-/

I've been reading through this thread and your post really resonates with my feelings, thanks Rainbow Jamz :-) I LOVE teasing and I love to be teased. Why? -- because I love to laugh! I really enjoy witty people and I enjoy comically inspired verbal sparring. When I get going, I always impress myself with my quick humor and ability to make people laugh. I do want to qualify my love of teasing with the fact that I only enjoy it when I'm with someone I know is a good person and a true friend. Insults are mean spirited; and in my opinion an insult is the polar opposite of teasing.

My experience with work relationships has taught me to observe but not to engage. I validate their feelings, without agreeing or disagreeing. I simply listen, and then get back to my work. I have decided it is in my best interest to keep my private life separate from my work life. If a work mate invites me out to dinner or coffee and asks me about my personal life I will openly share my world view, because they are putting time and effort to get to know me outside of work. But if we are at work, I try to avoid setting myself up for potential conflict that could cost me my job, or cause an uncomfortable working environment. I made the huge mistake of letting my boss at my last job know --I am an Atheist and have a problem facilitating group therapy sessions that promote the belief that a 'higher power' is the reason people stay in recovery. It ended up biting me in the ass and once I outed myself as an Atheist, I suddenly was disliked by a lot of my co-workers.

Thanks for putting this information out there. So many people are victims of this sort of subtle covert abuse and can't ever figure out why their inner voice is screaming foul play. Recently, someone (I didn't know well) shared a sad experience and started crying. I thought it was strange when I didn't have my usual empathic physiological reaction to a person crying. It was because my inner voice told me, this person is full of shit. They are actively crying with the goal to manipulate me into feeling sorry for them, for their own benefit. For a split second, I started feeling "guilt" i wasn't 'reacting' to the crying. Luckily, I have realized my inner-voice/feelings are there to guide me, trusting my inner-voice/feelings is the first step to identifying if someone is being authentic. You are so right, It is so easy for empaths to fall for this crap. I swear, I think toxic manipulators can smell me a mile away. I can also relate to the narcissistic mom who 'does so much for you' but 'in the background/behind the curtain' she is keeping a detailed ledger with all the debt you have accumulated over the years. In my abuser's mind, It's impossible to ever repay all her kindness, therefore she truly believes I am an indebted slave until she's dead. I'm really fascinated with comparing/looking at brain scans of emotional abuse victims. If you ever come across any while you are researching, let me know :-) I like linking scientific evidence with the claim that emotional abuse alters people's cognitive processing abilities, which in turn creates unnatural cognitive habits. [i believe 'unnatural cognitive habits' can be altered back to something closer to what they would have been before being abused, with intensive self therapy and peer support.] Thanks Joel, as usual great work!

I didn't know that about Lean Durham, that's disgusting. [vomit.] I'm going to Google this..... I am just as likely to suspect a guy is not mentally well due to childhood trauma when his behaviour warrants it. Brain scans show that the brains of male psychopaths and female Borderline's are very similar. (I personally dislike all of the labels used by psychiatry and big pharma; the only reason these labels exist is to justify selling unnecessary drugs to people who have experienced childhood/adult trauma. I think mental health is fluid and can be helped with self therapy in conjunction with peer support.) note: white knight correction, it's --White 'delicate flower' Fairy Princess -- ;-)

If you are genuinely interested in fully understanding this point of view, simply place your head directly into your arsehole. {sorry couldn't resist] :-p On a serious note: I suspect severe childhood trauma has manifested into displaced anger and an irrational fear of men. Possibly a cluster personality disorder, with Borderline and severe Paranoia. Or she could suffer from Histrionic Personality Disorder and is desperate for attention? Either way, it's a sad situation and hopefully someone in her life will suggest therapy.

I am currently thinking, discussing, and reading about the subtleties of invalidation, and specifically the long term impact of invalidation on the giver and receiver. I agree, validation of others' feelings requires an incredible amount of both self knowledge and self control. I feel you did a superb job of explaining the dynamic at play from both ends, as you put it, person A and person B. For me, the second I feel my feelings have been invalidated, I disconnect, and am unable to trust the other person has my best interest at heart. Like you said, once trust has left the building, the conversation is not going to be productive and usually becomes destructive to both parties. Thank you for spreading awareness of invalidation. It is amazing how quickly I am willing to hear, listen, absorb, and process what others have to say when they validate my feelings in that moment. When I feel accepted for who I am in that moment, I relax, I put aside all my defenses, and those are the moments I learn and grow. Feelings are not negotiable. Ideas, Decisions, and Actions are negotiable. Your podcast reminded me of Stef's podcasts about giving/receiving criticism. Stef made an excellent point, the gist of it was, -- when you take away someone's free-will, they are less agreeable. Thanks Steven Summerstone for another great podcast! :-)

I am sad and angry you are being abused, no one should ever get away with abuse, ever. My advice is do not comply. Frighten her with exposure. I would videotape or record the abuse with my phone, or at least pull out your phone and pretend you are recording her. I have done this and it was 100% effective, the abuser disengaged immediately after realizing they were being recorded. I've also said things like, "smile for the nanny cam," which caused the person to become paranoid and they chose to disengage. I encourage you to find a way to stop the abuse, for yourself, and also to teach her that she can not *get away* with abusing people. Abusers rarely have one victim, therefore if at all possible the goal is to stop your own abuse, and to do whatever you can to stop future abuse of others. Abusers destroy lives and cause people to commit suicide. I absolutely agree with the above post: **Do Not** ever allow yourself to be alone with her, ever! She could end up accusing you of something terrible and you could end up in jail. This is a very serious matter. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.