FireMinstrel

Yeah, same here. I honestly thought spanking had become very much frowned on by society. I'd see news stories where spankings got parents arrested, or their children were taken away by the DSS. I was born in the early 80's, and my friends and I would aways chuckle about how we were the "last" to be spanked, and now it's considered so unacceptable. I think it's just public spanking that's taboo, as I've NEVER seen it. The last I saw that was even remotely close to it was my aunt yelling and slapping my cousins' hands in anger(while alternately doting on them with hugs and kisses- I see this a lot with Hispanic families- very emotional. Either it's kissy-kissy, or screechy-smacky). What has your step-father said about all of this? Have you begun to confront him yet?

For years, I could always identify(and still do somewhat) with the themes of alienation in Pink Floyd's music. I must have watched "The Wall" hundreds of times when I was in college, and every single time I watched, I would smoke up. I had very poor social skills as a child, and continue to experience social anxiety. That essence of being detached from everyone really hits close to home.

Thanks for putting up that podcast, as I hadn't checked it out before. I don't think it relates to my parents, however. My father is completely ineffectual, and I think he's even intimidated by me now(which I'm totally fine with). My mother was always the parent who frightened me as a child.

Ooh, I haven't checked out that podcast. Now I'll have something to listen to while I drive to work. Thank you!I do always seem to be starving for knowledge.I do see a therapist, but have not yet started talking about these new developments. I ended up not having seen her in about two months, but I have an appointment on Tuesday. Things aren't perfect, and I did relapse briefly around the end of August, but I've come back and can hopefully figure out how to deal with hardships better than just running to a dealer.As for podcasts that stand out, it would have to be "But They Did The Best They Could". A real eye-opener, considering my mother has also said that. Granted, at least she's also said "I know we've made mistakes.", which is more than my dad could ever do. I really don't think he's intelligent enough to understand what he's done. He probably thinks I suddenly became cold toward him during adolescence for no reason. However, I feel zero guilt. My parents are still together, but honestly, my mother has no respect for my father. He doesn't even make good money, so when I asked her why she didn't divorce him, her response was actually that it would be "too much hassle". I can't help but wonder if she'd probably have to pay alimony, since she always made way more money than he did. She expected me to treat him with respect when I was younger, but now, the rule seems to be "Just don't make him throw a tantrum, because I can't be bothered to deal with that.". On the flip side, however, if I'm going through a rough patch, my mom will take my dad aside and say, "Just leave her alone, don't bother her." Basically, my dad is an imbecile whose idea of quality time when I was little, was to constantly invade my space, bother me, and basically be the equivalent of a little kid poking an animal with a stick. The "little kid" can't understand why the animal always tries to bite them now. He expects to be loved unconditionally, so he is always "closest" with younger relatives, who are still brainwashed by that "You have to love them for the sole reason that you share DNA." nonsense. I grew up with severe school anxiety, due to never being able to understand directions, and an inability to focus on my tasks. Year after year, my parents would react to my failures by taking away things like TV, which was my only respite from such a stressful life. I was a poor student, yet I was forced to go to college, as if my parents believed I would magically acquire good study habits and skills. When I didn't, they took it personally, as they always did. How convenient that YEARS after they screw up, THEN they'll admit it. Or rather, my mom. My dad is really too clueless. I'd almost be tempted to say he's too stupid to be responsible for his own actions, but I know he's just too lazy to think, which is why I feel this overwhelming contempt for him. I look forward to when I finish school for the second time(on MY terms) and I can afford to finally move out of my parents' house. Looks like this turned into a rant…well, thanks for reading if you're still following along.

Boy, oh boy do I wish I'd found this place, these podcasts, and everyone here six or seven years ago. I'm a 31-year-old woman who looks and feels more like a 19-year-old. After years of drug abuse, I've been working hard to maintain a clean and sober lifestyle. The good news is that I'm not just off of illegal drugs, but also the legally prescribed psychiatric drugs that I realize did absolutely nothing for me, now that I'm off of them. I've lost weight without them, I crave contact with people more, but it's not enough. I know I've still got issues with being unable to assert myself, and losing my temper at what I constantly perceive to be having no control over my life. This aspect of my personality has got to go if I ever want to settle down with someone and start a family. I will NOT be a parent motivated by stress and anger like my mother was(who conveniently encourages me to practice forgiveness now). I've devoured so many FDR podcasts over this past summer, ever since I listened to the one about Elliot Rodger. Knowledge is like a drug for me, but at least it's a healthy one(an oxymoron, no doubt, but hopefully you all understand my point). I feel so relieved to know that my being angry and jealous over constantly being dumped in daycares and with babysitters. I have a hunch that I might have been severely neglected by the one I had before I was about two or three, since I grew up completely unable to assert myself. No one bothered to notice and try to help me overcome that. I had to realize my problem on my own, which took over twenty years. I'm still trying to figure out how to assert my needs without coming across as "bratty" or "immature". I hope I can finally get some real clues here. Maybe I'll be able to call in to a show once I finally gather the courage.