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Well, I would disagree, I am not my actions either, but thats a different topic entirely. And if I do define myself by my actions, then yes, I have sociopathic tendencies, since I am often selfish, lazy , rude, egotistical, arrogant, etc. Not sure how this helps really? I should change my actions? I am also confused, you advised me to call in and speak to stef, I would say that that is at least a form of therapy? So you are saying that if I am a successful person, then I am not sociopathic? I did state that it would be possible for me to view your laughter as being the same as my parents, ie mockery and shaming, it would really depend on how you did it, and what our relationship was.like.

I just want to say I am following the thread with interest, dont have much input at the moment though. With regard to I think that, in an effort to be non confrontational, and because I wasnt sure how the forum worked, I wasnt as honest as I could have been about my emotional reaction. I feel that if my dad had done as you suggest, throw the board against the wall , I would have taken that as mockery, and that would have been the same as laughter. If someone else had done it, I may have taken it in the spirit intended, but that would depend on the person doing it.

@MMX2010 I did have an emotional response to your post, and when you said you would have laughed at me too, I suppose I was angry, I felt a rush of blood to the head. I also felt a sinking feeling in my stomach "I am right, I am useless, he would have laughed too, there must be something wrong with me" Reading the rest of your post, I like your examples, and that would be two nicer ways of dealing with things ( although I wouldnt call them also "laughing") I suppose because when the people that you love and want to please are telling you that you are bad when you are growing up, you end up believing them. And I havent been able to see through this belief yet. @Ayn Rand Thank you for your reply and sympathy. I only came across the FDR stuff a few days ago, but have spent a lot of time watching the youtube stuff, so I have heard of the deFOO concept. I think that is basically what I did, I barely spent any time with them, and I gave them nothing of myself when I was with them. @Kaki Many thanks for your post. Yes, that makes sense, it will take a lot of looking into. I was in therapy a long time ago, I dont think I was able to make use of it though, I dont think I understood enough of what was going on. I may consider therapy again @Blackfish. Thanks for your post, Your childhood sounds many times worse than mine, Its interesting how you turned things around with laziness, just like that. What was it that changed? I mean, why that time and not before? What was different?

Im not sure I agree, although you may be right about the five aspects( C and D would be about 7, the others, I dont really have an answer for ) I cant determine whether I am a sociopath or not, or cant get rid of the feeling that I could be a bad person , and that it could be all my own fault. What should I do about it, if anything? I guess I came here for confirmation that my childhood wasnt great, and now that Ive got it, I still dont believe it....

Possibly, but I imagine that at least some of them would remember when they hated it too, and possibly consider that thought. Its more likely to cause them consider something that they havent considered before, than if they feel they have to rise up in defense of themselves against an attack, which will cause them to hold tighter to their beliefs and justifications.

thanks darknova. The thing is, I am stuck with the fear that its my fault, that I am a bad person. Even though I "know" what I experienced, and "know" that it really is a verbal attack, there is still something that says "well, maybe you are just too sensitive",, and when other people say they dont see anything in it, and dont think its attacking, then its very confusing. Because, I AM lazy, I AM selfish. When someone talks about something, I very often respond with how it relates to me, similar experiences Ive had, and so I worry that I am a sociopath that only thinks and talks about himself. Although I did have the thought that maybe I am just trying to relate how I had a similar experience, which may be more empathic, so I really dont know. Perhaps sensitivity is just the ability to see and understand motives and intent and social cues clearer than other people, so that they actually dont see any of what I see, and so think I am "reading too much into it" As you can see, Im confused .... swinging back and forth, But he did this, But maybe he didnt, maybe its just me, but I know its attacking, but I cant be sure. And so on. I was going to say that it doesnt really matter, what matters is what happens now, and what I do now. But thats not really true, it obviously matters to me, otherwise I wouldnt be posting it.

Its hard to say without knowing the full story. But I find it funny how its seen as normal to force a child to sit at a table until they have eaten all their food. I doubt that the other commenters even ARE guilty consciences, to them its just how things are done, I guess they dont even think about it. It seems clear that a comment that can be seen as attacking them is not very useful though, as it immediately puts them on the defensive, and they will refuse to reconsider their position. Maybe saying something like " I used to absolutely hate it when my parents did that to me" , a statement of fact rather than a judgement, could be seen as less of an attack on them?

hi to you Sorry this is such a long post. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. In a way , you are right, I want to discuss my childhood, but in the context of, determining whether I am a sociopath or not. Or perhaps, in the context of determining whether I am just an asshole when it comes down to it, or an asshole who has been "made" an asshole by his treatment by his parents Most people seem to think I am just oversensitve, and I guess I am, which makes it all the more confusing. Ok, so I had a really difficult childhood, especially teenage years. When I was younger , up to 5 or 6 I guess, I was spanked, probably not often, but I remember particularly one occasion where I was told in advance, possibly 12 hours or more, that I was going to be spanked, dont remember what I did to merit the punishment, cant have been that terrible, and I was hiding under the bed when my dad came home, so that I wouldnt get spanked. My dad obviously knew that I was scared and didnt want to be spanked, because he offered to run me a bath so that when I was spanked, I could get in the bath and it wouldnt hurt as much ( ye, I dont know how I fell for that, looking back it sounds stupid) . There were huge fights over meal times when I was young, although I dont really remember them in detail, my grandmother said( years later) that she felt really bad and sorry for me when witnessing these fights. I didnt want to eat certain things, or didnt want to finish my meal, and would be forced to sit at the table till my plate was clean. One thing that sticks out for me, and still hurts to this day, is when the whole family was playing monopoly, and I lost, or had to pay lots of money or something, and went into a total rage( iwas pretty young, 5 or 6 maybe). My parents just sat there and laughed at me, like really laughed, hooting loudly. Which just made me more angry, which made them laugh harder. Something happened between my dad and his dad when I was about 7 or 8, I remember we were playing chess or something, and he just started crying, some days later it was just announced to us that he would not be talking to or seeing his dad ever again. It was never explained why, even though I asked both parents and grandparents why when I was older. My dad basically said it was something he would take to his grave. I can definitely see a change in my dad after this. I dont know, he became darker, more withdrawn. Throughout my life, I have been constantly labelled, thoughtless, lazy, stupid, silly, uncaring, rude, selfish. Like I would go through a door, not seeing that someone was coming the other way, because I was off in a daydream or something, and I was berated for being thoughtless and careless. Or I would be objecting to something I had to do , or try and express how I was feeling about something, and be told that I was "just being silly" I was very withdrawn as a teenager, no friends at school, no friends at home. A couple of things that happened. I was talking to my little brother, 6 years younger than me, cant remember what about, but I was telling him it was important to be different " you need to be different", I said, ( I guess that my meaning was "different from them", and my dad overheard me and said, from downstairs, "well you certainly are" in a pretty nasty tone of voice. The school I went to had maroon blazers. I needed a new blazer, and my parents got me a bright pink one ( it was bright pink to me, maybe it wasnt that bad to other people, I dont know, my insecurities probably magnified things), I absolutely hated it, knew exactly what was going to happen when I wore it, and was so wound up and insecure and worried about it. But I was forced to wear it. There is no way they couldnt know that I was unhappy at school, that I found it difficult to fit in, and they made me wear it, because they couldnt afford the correct blazer( which is probably bullshit too) One time I was watching my favorite TV show, I was told to come down for dinner, I didnt come, my dad shouted up the stairs at me to come down, as I came down, I tutted, and he pushed me against the wall and hit me ( I remember it as being hit in the stomach, but I dont think it was quite like that). The wierd thing is, it was all made out to be my fault, I can remember the atmosphere of the meal and how I felt that I must have done something to deserve that attack. In general, I was very sensitive to comments and criticism. My parents couldnt say anything to me without me objecting or arguing. There were constant fights about everything. I basically thought they were full of shit. The event that made me post here that I remembered recently, was actually something that happened when I was an adult. A couple of years ago, I was visiting my parents. I was on my ,laptop, and my mum commented that I was typing really fast, and that I didnt seem to be looking at the keys . I said "yeah, I dont need to look at the keys", I guess I was proud of my typing ability. My dad immediately chimes in with "pretentious, moi? " in what seemed to me to be a quite nasty and snide tone, directed at me. I found this really hurtful, all the more because I cant see it any other way than being said with an intent to hurt. I was pretty depressed for hours after this, and when my mum asked me what was wrong, I spoke to her about the comment, and she said I was just being silly, it was just dad being dad, that he was just joking around, that I take things on board to much, etc. He had actually said a similar comment to her earlier, when she was admiring some dishes in a window, he made some disparaging comment, and when I asked her if she felt hurt about that, she just said the same, that he was just joking, he didnt mean it, etc. I can see that as far as my hurt, that IS down to me being very sensitive, that other people could laugh it off. I just dont see how that comment can be designed any other way than to hurt. He knows I value genuineness and integrity, and so attacked me by implying that I wasnt genuine. It makes me even more certain, in that, in the context, his comment doesnt even make sense. Its not pretentious to be able to not look at the keys when you are typing. Although I cant remember lots of specific examples throughout my childhood, my feeling is that these types of attacking comments happened all the time when I was growing up. I guess I have this doubt, fear, that I am just a bad person. Perhaps I am looking for someone else to blame, or looking for an explanation of why I am the way I am, other than "I am just basically a bad person".

Not sure if this is the correct forum section, How would you know if you are a sociopath, or at least had sociopathic tendencies? Doesnt everyone have them to a greater or lesser extent? Does just asking the question mean that you probably arent ( because sociopaths arent that self aware?) I found my childhood really difficult. I have ended up in a place where I keep myself to myself, dont trust people, spend most of my time on my own. My story is that my parents were mean to me. I know that I felt I had to keep myself safe by shutting everyone out. But other peoples versions of the story will be different. Is it possible that I was just an argumentative , disruptive, selfish arrogant shit, that didnt listen to his parents? Its confusing, I feel like I always knew that they were full of shit, but its possible they werent? I know that ALL stories ( including my own ) are pretty much bullshit, but I cant deny how I felt about things.