Sean V

Synecdoche, New York (2008) is one of my favorite films. A real masterpiece. I'd like to hear some other peoples thoughts on this movies. I saw The Cube a long time ago and don't remember much from it and My Dinner with Andre is in my netflix queue, looks good.

Shea's concerned about being "narcissistic" in conversations. Since he's concerned about how much he talks and wishes to change I think he's not a narcissist by definition but I could be wrong about the definition of narcissism. Being concerned about how much you talk around others demonstrates that you empathize with people who don't get to talk in conversations. Am I right about this? And I think eternally dwelling in your own head is more likely a symptom of something deeper and not the cause of narcissism. The cause would be whatever bad situation or childhood experience made the narcissism a necessary coping mechanism. This is all based on stuff I've read and my own observations of my mind i'm not a psychologist or anything. He's talking about an impulse to talk which prevents him from listening effectively. This probably means that impulse is reacting to some underlying negative feeling or anxiety that he would feel if he didn't talk. If the reason for that anxiety was made explicit he would be able to better understand it and correct it. I trust that he can handle going inside his own head without it being "the worst idea ever". Since he's on a self knowledge message board I assume he's already done this to some degree and is willing to do more of it.

You could try exploring the reason behind the impulse to talk which is most likely unconscious. So you could have an underlying belief that goes something like..."When I don't talk nobody notices me and I fade into oblivion therefor I must talk whenever possible in order to be seen and heard" These beliefs usually get formed in childhood and they could come from specific situations or experiences in your past. One way to uncover unconscious stuff is to do sentence completion exercises such as "if I listened more intently to others without speaking I would...." and then just rattle off a bunch completions without thinking about it too much. Or you could imagine a situation where you don't interject so much with your own thoughts and notice how it makes you feel. Is it anxiety or fear? Once you've uncovered the reasoning behind the impulse you can try talking to that part of you that holds the beliefs that compel you to talk a lot. You can try listening to, addressing its concerns, and reassure that part of you that nothing negative will happen if you give the other person time to talk while listening intently to what they have to say. From there you would basically just debunk the underlying belief while being empathetic with yourself.

Here are my thoughts Austin, On one hand you are on your own when it comes to self knowledge and the spreading of philosophy. Somebody cannot do these things for you. Yet when things get tough you may need someone to help you out. I think the fact that you felt a burning sensation on your back from the ants is very significant. Our backs are a place on our body that we cannot reach on our own. We need help from somebody else. Someone else needs to step in to knock these fire ants off of you. This is why we say "I got your back" to our friends. The back is vulnerable. I think your subconscious could be telling you that you may need help from somebody else when self knowledge or the spread of philosophy get challenging. Do you have people in your life who have your back when things get challenging? Or have you experienced any difficult challenges lately that you felt like you could have used some help with?

Eh Steve, I got Dr. Eckers book in the mail recently and have been skimming it. So I don't think that the steps of Coherence Therapy can be "plugged into" other therapies necessarily. I think Dr. Ecker's point is that other therapies (the ones he listed) have the same essential steps that make them so effective at memory reconsolidation. In the case of IFS all the steps are there. 1: The access of implicit parts that hold core beliefs about reality. 2: The transitioning of those parts (from burdened to unburdened or from protector to helper) 3: the acknowledgement and recognition of the unburdened part in its new role which now overwrites the previous, older emotional learning. Another thing you could do is show the part your working on times in your life that contradict that parts beliefs or worries, which is what coherence therapy seems to focus on. In his book he shows how other therapies activate the memory reconsolidating process in different ways. For example, in AEDP the relationship itself between the therapist and the client is the new experience of secure attachment that overwrites the old emotional learning of insecure attachment. The therapist even acknowledges the relationship itself in a meta sort of way to show the client a juxtaposition between the difference in a secure relationship vs an unhealthy one so that the new relationship can replace or overwrite the old one. Dr. Ecker also states that a therapist can be creative and use a variety of different methods and techniques in their practice as long as the essential steps of memory reconsolidation are performed, which is why some therapies may use two or more methods in their practice. hope this helps clear some things up

Hey, Thanks for posting those links. I'd really like to here your thoughts on how to combine both Coherence Therapy and IFS. From my understanding, the positive changes in IFS come from the unburdening of an exiled part which is something that happens totally inside the person. On the other hand Coherence therapy is about seeking out experiences in the real world that contradict the underlying schema or belief of the individual. Am I right about this? How would you go about reconciling these two? Thanks

I think this is exciting. I've been in and out of therapy for years and I've definitely found the most effective therapies to be some of the ones listed in the video such as IFS and Focusing. Does anyone have any experience with Coherence Therapy or any of the other ones listed?

It's even worse than I thought... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6de28IlbIo They're going to be on the view

Hey Kevin, Great Video. My therapist, who is emotion focused, explained to me in our first session how emotions are a call to action. So anger is the perception of an injustice being done and the action would be to correct the injustice. As free adults we can leave relationships. I think people who can't leave the relationship (kids) or see the relationship as good or force forgiveness suppress the anger. I think the people who say you are "stewing in hatred" could be projecting some of that hatred in themselves on to you. I really liked the part about how contempt is breaking the cycle because it empathizes with the victim. Thats brilliant. I also watched some of your "am I growing" videos and I really related to them. I'm trying to pull myself out of a long period of self-erasure and isolation right now and I'm procrastinating the reaching out to others part which I realize must be done.

Hey stMarkus, I can really relate to what you are going through. I recommend you check out some self-therapy resources if you haven't already such as IFS, journaling techniques, and inner child work. They've been really helpful for me. John Bradshaw's stuff is really good especially Homecoming and Healing the Shame that Binds You. I also highly recommend Nathaniel Brandens work. Self-Therapy by Earley is good overview of how to do parts work. Whats been very helpful for me is being more aware of my body, my emotions, and my needs throughout the day and getting in touch with and listening to the neglected parts of myself. Also reading books on how to heal from trauma and attachment issues. Try developing a relationship with yourself. Ask your inner kid what he needs. Listen to him. Tell him that you're older now, that you're safe, and that you can help him get his needs met. Give him a hug. Ask the fear parts of you what they are protecting you from etc. Try moving from conclusions to curiosity when dealing with yourself, that's been helpful for me. Hope this somewhat helps.

Do you mind sharing some specific things that you've done, how it made you feel and other peoples reactions?

Sounds cool. I can't wait to read your book. I started IFS therapy recently and some questions that have crossed my mind are... 1. Can parts be accessed at any time, like when I'm driving or walking around outside? Is that recommended? 2. How do I know I'm talking to a part of myself and not some character I invented in my imagination? 3. Whats the best way to get into the headspace where I can access parts? What if I just draw a blank?

Thanks! I really enjoyed that.

Thanks for the replies guys, @Kevin Beal - I'm still a bit of a newbie to IFS. I have a few more chapters to go in Jay Earley's book until I'm finished. But so far I've realized that I have some very serious protectors that numb my emotions and isolate me from other people for my own safety. Some early experiences were so intense for me that they had to be stopped by these protectors. During one of my sessions when I was trying to get in touch with an exile, I felt like I was seeing all these different layers of protectors doing their thing. Like one layer would be a general tenseness in my entire body then I would un-blend from it, ask to be shown what it is protecting me from and then another protector would swoop in and make me foggy or distract me, maybe with a song in my head or something if I was getting too close to an exile without first going through the process of gaining trust I suppose. A few days ago when reading the part about accessing exiles I felt a kind of breakthrough when I felt like I was able to access an exile. I was witnessing and experiencing some emotions of a younger part of myself that felt very shy and insecure around other people for fear of being teased or made fun of. It felt good to witness it. For the past couple of days I've felt pretty foggy though and have had a hard time accessing parts. I'm also curious to hear other peoples experience with IFS as well. @Delightful Might - Thanks for the advice. I have some experience with kettle bells and actually own one. I'd like to try hot yoga sometime too, I'm a little worried about passing out though for whatever reason I get dizzy pretty easily in saunas

Hi FDR Community, My name is Sean. I'm 26 years old. I'm still living at home in North New Jersey near NYC. I think I discovered FDR about a year ago and I've been an avid listener ever since. I'm not applying philosophy to my life as much as I think I should be doing or would like to do. For one thing, I'm very isolated. I've seen a few therapists in the past who were a little helpful but not very, and I'm looking for a new one right now. I've bought Jay Earley's book Self Therapy and IFS has already been a very powerful and effective tool for me. I have already had some positive and enlightening experiences with it. Maybe this would be better suited for another topic, but briefly, when I was in my late teens and early twenties I had some pretty intense and traumatic experiences with drugs. Ever since then I've had great difficulty connecting with people and have isolated myself as a result. Looking back I don't think I was ever on stable and supportive ground to begin with because of my relationship with my friends and parents. I think my psychological defenses and protectors have mostly taken over and run my life since that period of time. I'm at a point where I really want to make changes in my life. It's very scary and tough. I want to have more conversations with members of the community and also just work on social skills in general. I've also been thinking about traveling on my own for a little bit. Anyway, thanks for reading Sean