Inner Horizon

Will, I appreciate your correction to my initial statement, I'm here to sort myself out. I don't expect to be very experienced at the moment. As to what you said about what I expected from her, I wasn't looking for a relationship. But after she demonstrated that she was ready for one with a guy that ended up pissing her off in the end, I felt that the connection meant nothing as I was placed lower than a guy she labelled "a dipshit". After that for some reason I became extremely depressed, I couldn't understand why as I thought I didn't have feelings for her. Oddly enough the more pissed off I became the more I wanted to be with her, which I now realize was foolish. When it comes to my 'enemies'... I feel that my judgement towards them is justified, mainly due to the fact I've been physically assaulted by them on multiple occasions. But I've planned out my actions for the future, it's like what Koroviev said, I won't be forced to associate with these sorts of people so much. I'm planning to get rid of my enemies by simply first forgetting about them then no longer making them by not subjecting myself to them. To answer Matthew's questions, I asked her so many questions revolving the choices she made, she told me she didn't actually like those other people very much. But she went on to say that she was having trouble with the ultimatum I proposed, she felt that she was scared to go either way as it may have been the wrong decision. The more I asked about what was going through her head the more belittled I felt and how petty the situation was... ESPECIALLY when she told me during a day at school that she made the decision to get into a relationship with that guy on a whim at midnight. After he was out of the picture I asked her if she'd give me a chance, it became clear to me that she wasn't interested in me. I consulted my mother about the whole dilemma and she came to the conclusion that she was using me for attention. I thank you all for providing your input regarding my experiences, I hope to make life at school bearable by speaking to the FDR community during my free periods. It's such a relief getting away from the indoctrination that is the schooling system.

From recent experience, I was in a close friendship with a girl for 3 years towards the end of my grade school life (still in high school). We spent countless nights staying up talking to each other past midnight, she was the first person who actually seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say regarding philosophy. I felt like I had finally found a true friend, but then what happened shortly after struck me like a brick. Out of nowhere, as if it was overnight, she got into a relationship with a guy she only just started hanging out with. I deduced I meant hardly anything to her, I responded by distancing myself. As time went on, her relationship crumbled. I made the mistake of trying to talk to her again, I found myself surrounded by everybody I had grown to hate now being somehow a part of her life. I told her the reasons as to why this irritated me (either because of being physically or emotionally hurt by these people in the past), she acknowledged my concerns and told me that I was the only person who understands her. I realized that I'm the sort of person that you can either hate, or respect. I presented her with an ultimatum, either leave me alone and hangout with her 'friends' or if she actually valued me... to stop supporting my enemies and to act by her word. She did not feel comfortable about this, I kept the doors open until she made a choice. She told me she was going to stop interacting with those people and spend more time with me, I quickly noticed that was a lie as the very people she said she was going to ignore somehow knew all this information that I didn't such as the details of why she was away from school that day etc. I was fed up by this point and called it off, and in a final attempt to manipulate me back into the friendship, she burst into tears. I asked her if she truly respects me as a good person, and her answer was yes. My final question was "then why are you doing this to me?", then she told me... "I don't know, I've been acting inadvertently." yeah... for three years... *sigh* I've learnt from this experience that 'People are who they associate with.' So far it's been tough completely cutting myself off from her as I'm imprisoned at school, forced to be in close proximity to unstable people. But this has all resulted in me becoming extremely cautious as to the kinds of people I choose to interact with. I believe expressing myself on this forum will narrow the spectrum significantly.

Yeah, I meant grade 5. Sorry I wasn't perfectly clear (currently in grade 9 though)

I've been observing the freedomain radio community ever since my brother introduced it to me when I was in year 5 and boy... that didn't go down to well with my teachers and peers. It's been 4 years since then and I've just started to find a few decent individuals (after being betrayed on a number of occasions) But I've come to realize that if I truly want to interact with those of respectable caliber, I have to assert myself and join the community here. I hope I can bring some value to the discussion, I'm looking forward to meeting people that won't stab me in the back for once.