Sima

Theoretically false self hates rationality like a vampire hates the sunlight More precise, false self hates reality (he chooses fantasies instead). Stefan podcasts are often very realistic, he gives statistics and sources, so of course false selves hate that. They hate the truth as well. Most people around us are not real, if they show their personality as kind , or cool, or depressed : its all false personalities. I myself am in public falsely in short contacts or very distant and cold, or flirty, or shy, but real me at home is different. False self is also a mask which people wear because other people around would hate to see their true self? Its not encouraged for sure.. Like about 10 years ago i decided to tell only the truth or nothing about myself, so because here are so many false selves around, i lets say do not have many friends... I was to lazy to make up socially accepted explanations ( to lie), so i just say nothing or the truth. Weird me

a muslim refugee tried 5 european countries and stayed in Sweden because the social aid is highest there for his wife and 5 children.

english is not my native language, but i will try to explain like this: ask everyone, if they want to be killed: they dont want. Universal preferable behaviour: dont kill. If you would like to kill, but others dont want to be killed, then its kinda not universal anymore. If you like to lie, but dont want to be lied, then its also not universal. Hope that helps! Good luck.

its a smaller government project below, but they call it communism http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/26/world/europe/26spain.html?_r=2

i guess we are talking how people can be delusional towards other people. Most stuff they think about others are delusions. That is scary in some ways.

your family hurted you a lot, mine me as well. The question which i have about evil people is: why do they feel pleasure when they do bad stuff to us? I can step in those shoes, when i used to fantasize revenging against some evil doer, then i thought i could get some pleasure for punishing them. But in this case I wanted to punish someone who did bad stuff to me. The problem I have understanding, why people do bad stuff to me with pleasure, when i didnt harm them. I did nothing bad to them. I did nothing bad to my parents , they have nothing to punish me for. The same with bullies at work. They hardly know me, but they just like to do bad things. I think they are punishing me in their mind because of projections maybe? Its also weird that victims are ashamed they were abused or bullied. Usually there was nothing they did wrong. Also Stef mentioned that majority just likes to bully those who look or are weak. They just like that. And the third thing: If you are angry , that means that self defence mechanism is on: when you are angry you can: run, freeze or fight. Stef offers to run away from abusive parents, because we dont have years of experience playing dirty in order to crush someone's soul. We just dont have the skills. Theoretically, its best to run away from your family, because your country is big, but you cant run away from state, you have to fight against, because you live in it.

good ones

if there were no public schools and no public healthcare, then people would understand that it is quite expensive to have many children. Because they would have to pay for those things themselves. people with higher income naturally could have more children. And because now half of our income goes to taxes for government, i think without being taxed, a couple would get double income therefore could afford minimum easily 2 children. I heard most of this ideas in Stefans videos sometime ago.

its like with prison rapes: are they voluntary, was there a social agreement, was there a use of force...?

2 women (refugee camp workers in Hungary) were also attacked https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUYiXbUg_IM

I highly recommend this book for people with abusive parents “The Queen is controlling, the Witch is sadistic, the Hermit is fearful, and the Waif is helpless. And each requires a different approach. Don't let the Queen get the upper hand; be wary even of accepting gifts because it engenders expectations. Don't internalize the Hermit's fears or become limited by them. Don't allow yourself to be alone with the Witch; maintain distance for your own emotional and physical safety. And with the Waif, don't get pulled into her crises and sense of victimization. Pay attention to your own tendencies to want to rescue her, which just feeds the dynamic.” ― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship

i felt he was passive aggressive on his first post. As if he wants also people in the forum to make angry or defensive. I think he has a lot of contempt towards other people because they have a happy life while he does not.

I think its very useful to hear new theories. Actually abusive father= abusive mother (people choose partners of their own level). So it could also be mother figure who makes people atheists. But there are also many people with abusive fathers and mothers , and they are religious. I think atheism comes from ability to think rationally. But again I'm always for new theories, so if you can give more evidence, would be more interesting. My father was co dependent to my abusive mother, therefore he wasn't great dad, maybe he is quite a good person, but did not fit for the dad;s role for me. Ps I don't like the phrase : faith of Atheism, it implies that rational people also are religious in their own way, therefore they are at the same level with religious irrational people.

I also feel f**** happy that i made a connection, which relieves me from a lot of anxiety. And my knowledge of psychology is quite good, i know the thing about acknowledging the anger towards my parents. I work on my own tempo with myself. i think i had a good insight which could also be helpful to other people. And i get to know that there are people experiencing the same thing. May I ask: if you are constantly talking about parents and the harm they did, maybe it has to do with your own parents and your emotional position towards them? And if you disagree that its a bad insight , let me know, maybe you think its a good insight as well? Or maybe you dont like people having good insights, therefore you try to put the main topic aside as if it was worth nothing? Maybe you feel inferior to people having any insights? Then you should ask why you dont like to feel inferior to other people? Or maybe I am totally wrong here. I find it weird because i knew myself that my parents put that mental blockage on me, I didnt ask a question about it.

i feel confused, dissociated, because i never heard about this from other people. Its like: it cant be truth! But i really do become depressed when i think critically about other people. Have you ever had the same?

Has anyone also noticed that trait which i noticed in myself: a fear to criticize other people, to see their immoral behavior? Even if i do the criticism in my head, without expressing it to other people It struck me recently that i tend to see people as good ( to the level of being naive) and then i got very scared, depressed , even to the point of histeria if i start seeing their bad side, or bad behaviour ( that means immoral behaviour). Its as if i have to see people as nice, then i feel good myself. If i see them as bad, i get scared that i notice that. It makes me feel good to see others as good even if its not true. Thats how people dont see some political leaders as bad, just because they feel better while being naive. Of course, its clear my parents put this mental blockage on me. But only recently i understood that it makes me mentally sick to look at other people rationally, and see their bad sides. Trust me, i can feel bad for days just because i noticed wrong things about my friend, and of course i will never say that to them.

hrtr is video about education http://buzzpo.com/amazing-comedian-hilariously-sums-up-how-political-correctness-is-strangling-our-country/

my mom tried to sabotage me very much, sometimes i am surprised, what was the goal... i think she was trying to make sure i never succeed, because she just hated when i had some happiness. she thought she was very unlucky, so couldnt stand anyone happy next to her. i remember i used to have and enjoy my own time, when i used to go to a cafe and have lunch on my own, like at the age of 8. i was enjoying life only when i was away from her. maybe you need some time to start enjoying your life on your own. now any relationship scares you because you might meet a woman who will be as annoying as your parents, and this might happen, because with her you will feel like at home. why would you want to get involved in a relationship with someone egoistic? its scary...

Its actually sad... also could be that situation echos with your parents behaviour towards you, thats why you can empathise with the child so much. Crying is the hard part, but I also had a lot of stress when i saw how my sister's husband shouts at my nephew, how neglected and sometimes spanked the boy was ( i havent really seen my nephew for 2 years) . I remember crying at night about that poor boy, and then i had what i thought was a hart attack, but it turned out it was a sudden nerve damage in the neck. It is difficult to see those things, especially if your parents were not good to you as a child. Because it reminds painful stuff. I said to my sister that my nephew deserves to have a happy childhood, i told about spanking damage on long term, she doesnt like me anymore that much as before. The pain will disappear in time, hope you will not get sick from stress!

If you feel helplessness and want to help those children, can start by sharing more FDR podcasts on non spanking topic and doing similar activities, maybe do a podcast yourself or offer for some websites who talk about children and parenting? Could make you feel better in a long term. Here in Netherlands is very unpopular to slap children, i worked as a babysitter in 5 families, its quite uncommon with people who have education and money. But to say something to that father would have been good because the child would remember that someone stood up for her. But the guy probably would have attacked you badly, and you would be walking around the whole day with that toxic waste he dumped on you ( i mean feeling awful, or dissociated, or shocked). If you feel guilty, try spreading the non spanking idea online, thats like contribution.

Those people have very bad connection between their amygdala and prefrontal cortex in the brain therefore they cant work through their agression and cant control it. They get angry but its not about you, its about poor connections between those 2 parts of the brain (podcast The bomb in the brain), lets say , you friend is late, you can start shouting at him when he comes (bad connections) or you can ask him why he was late ( good connection). Maybe his car got broken or the babysitter came late, or there was a traffic accident on the road and he stood in a traffic jam. Hope that helps, try digging for information and you will find it

well, i have a co worker, a woman, she is 29 yo, but is very thin (maybe anorexic), talks often with a little girls voice (with males) and is apparently very nice and sweet, and very flirty, hugging a different colleague male once in a while, sometimes really gross old guys. But... when i am next to her i feel this anger coming in huge waves from her. Once in a while she gives this anger to colleagues, who become very irritated and hostile towards each other, but they dont know why. They choose a scapegoat ant start pouring that toxic emotions on that colleague (sometimes its me, because i am a foreigner), or another shy guy. She is just spraying this anger, and nobody sees, but its so difficult for me to be next to her. What is more, she recently broke up with her long term boyfriend, who was a cocaine addict and beat her. I kinda understand that she probably was molested as a child (that little girls voice), but how can someone very sensitive to other people emotions ignore that anger? How to save myself and not to get involved? I know it has to do something with my weak bond with my parents, when i didnt learn to block myself from other people emotions. Anyone knows any literature or podcasts on that? How to stay sane while being around crazy people?

Maybe we should rename the topic: Can one use self defense against emotional or psychological violence? When to leave is not a possibility? And what options are for this kind of self defence? Leveling , they are putting themselves up on your expense: ''But aggression is not just physical. It can be something as simple as someone at work trying to tell me what to do, as if they are in charge of me.''

yes, i agree, like ugly people can work on their appearance and start looking better (do sports, lose weight, change clothing style), irrational people also can change. The best white flags for that are that they went to psychotherapy or like freedomain radio.

I also had the same idea (wanted to offer, but thought maybe its too weird, or could be difficult to keep a dog, if someone is not at home often). When i am driving home, after a hard day at work, i usually think about my dog meeting me at home.