D.D.

Update - Aug 6, 2016 Overall, everything is going fantastically! I definitely went through a difficult patch where I wasn't sleeping or eating consistently. A lot of this was due to where I was working and my then girlfriend. Neither of these exist in my life today and I'm very glad about that. I have been going to therapy which has helped shed some more light on why I was in those unhealthy situations. Sometimes this information makes me feel like a fool but I was raised by fools, to say the least, so it's not that surprising that I'm prone to act like them without consciously being aware of it - I'm reducing that day-by-day. As for my project, I've shelved the original idea so I don't risk being dragged to court by the patent holder and/or licensee until that patent expires - this will also give me time to build experience to hit that market segment hard when I'm ready. I've learned how threatening the patent system is. I understand wanting to monopolize on an idea but I don't think using the power of the state is an appropriate method, instead I think the power of the free-market should be supported by allowing others to improve upon the idea which will allow me to improve upon their idea and so on, creating an elevating mechanism. Anyway, perhaps that should be a separate discussion. So I've morphed the original idea into a simpler and different one, which I didn't expect, and even then it's developing into a more robust product line and unique, if I may add. Of course, I'll have my fingers on the pulse of the market for feedback but I do have a degree of confidence in the acceptance of the product line because it's not like I live in another dimension, outside of culture. I've been surprised by my ability to find solutions to problems. Whenever I feel anxious towards this project, I take a moment to explore what it is that is making me feel that way. This has been helpful in keeping me focused on a realistic path, strengthen my confidence in the path I'm taking, and even constructing a creative environment - it's frustrating renting an apartment but it's the best place for now, especially considering the summer heat. I'm really enjoying working on my project which just keeps triggering new future ideas I'm excited to see where this one will go, even if it doesn't work out like I want it too, it won't be the end.

Ah, great, thanks for stepping me through the logic. Now I'm thinking I should have just ask for better clarification when I had doubts in the first place, I'll learn.

If I'm correct and you're referring to the following feedback, then could you clarify it for me? I'm now thinking you're informing me that if my preference is to confront an abuser without becoming abusive myself, then it would be preferable to use language that isn't emotionally charged, such as "Hey, you cannot do that!" Am I closer to the mark?

Please allow me to correct When I typed "This kind of confrontation is not for everyone," I am referring to those occasions where the individual, who wants to confront an abuser, may not do so because they themselves may not feel like they're in a strong and safe position to do so. The decision to confront an abuser or not, that's up to the individual, as shown in the quote below: I wouldn't say that I'm, "Telling [board members] what they cannot do", in fact, this post and the links, has provided an opportunity for board members to say what they can and cannot do, while providing the context in which they made their decision. This includes the development of a methodology for handling such a confrontation and the internalization of these experiences so that more board members will feel like they're in a strong and safe position to confront abusers. Really, I am and we are, "Telling [abusers] what they cannot do."

Thanks Tyler for the link, it was a useful listen and it helped me not feel alone like I did that day. This thread helps also, it's one reason I started it. The confrontation with the mother took place in two separate occasions. The first one was when she threatened her child twice in front of me because the child was stepping on her heels. My experience was that you really only get one chance (the element of surprise) to say something quickly with an explosive person nearby. Even then she yelled over me to "mind my own business" in a "trying to be polite" kind of way, even though I could see the turmoil under the surface of her twisted face. The second time was as I was passing by on my way to the cashier. Here I introduced myself to the child and started to explain that I was sorry her mother hits her and that I'm not okay with that behavior....but the element of surprise was gone and she went into "mother bear" mode while yelling at me. Because this was the second time, the mother thought I was harassing her and even asked some store employees (all female) nearby to do something about me but one of them said they understand there's an issue but this wasn't the place. This is when the mother told the store employees that she was going to smack me. I said "There it is again, you keep on threatening me." From her perception, I was the one attacking her. Then she said "I will hit you, do you want me to smack you?" as she came back around to me. I never moved from my position except to turn around to face her with a body language that said "I'll defend myself." She continued to yell things like "What gives you the right?", "What title do you have?", "Are you a psychologist, do you have children", and "You're a moron" as I walked away, to which I yelled back "You're evil!". This was all recorded but it's a hard listen; I have reservations posting it. These are the days we live in and so it may be best to act accordingly. "...at least not threatening and attacking their children in public." You'd think they would go "underground" but these kind of people are hot tempered, haven't solved the root-cause, and so eventually F*** it up. Yes, it is hard to walk away and not be emotional about this due to past issues and I should have gone a different way to the cashier to avoid this level of intensity; vengeance was pumping my heart a little. Shaming the parent was not my intention, the child was the one I was talking to but then I switched to the mother especially when she threatened me. If the mother hadn't been so explosive, we could have talked without the whole store hearing us. All I saw from the male employee was the same stuff I've seen my whole life from men who are prepared to get physical, sadly even my own father who I learned a few tricks from. I'm not talking about the "bumping uglies" kind of way; not my style After I asked him, "Is there a problem?" he said something like "It looks like you got everything you wanted," as he stepped into my motherfucking personal space! I held his stare as I said that I did calmly, expecting him to hit me. In the moment, I thought he was talking about what I purchased. It was only in the parking lot when I found out about the mother crying. He said something like "Then you'll be leaving now," and I agreed and did so. The original post contains what occurred in the parking lot after that. to everyone for their support, their own experiences, and feedback as to how to handle such a situation. It appears we agree that the focus should be on the child seeing that outsiders empathize with them and not the caregiver(s). This kind of confrontation is not for everyone but as I said to the cashier, "Somebody's gotta say something." From what I'm learning about anger, anger is not really an emotion but an emotional reaction to vulnerability, humiliation, powerlessness, etc. type of feelings that are triggered from a perceived attack / threat. We react quickly and skip over the original feelings and try to get back our loss of power by directly attacking the "thing" that we perceived to have attacked / threatened us or we can even express anger indirectly by taking it out on someone innocent or an object like a T.V.. I say "thing" because it includes inanimate objects like a rock that you tripped on; not "the rock tripped you." I think this helps explain, though I'm not saying for sure, why the mother and the male store employee acted so aggressively towards me.

I learned a lesson regarding how one should not confront child abusers when in a public space. My experience is to not engage with the abuser but to simply ask the abuser politely (of course) to not abuse the child, and end it there! The response to this confrontation is the focus of this single post. Here is a copy of an email I sent to Michaels (the art and craft store) regarding a confrontation I had with another customer which resulted in being bullied by an employee of Michaels. On a positive note, this experience has given me a deeper understanding of my anger and how it is the root cause of most of my problems. I'm not implying that the abusers get off "scott-free" but that I'm taking actions to correct problems and therefore the ripple effects. I recently purchased Anger and Forgiveness by Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D., a sample of the contents can be viewed @ http://www.guidetopsychology.com/af3.htm which also appears to explain how my nail biting, hair playing, pacing, and other habits formed may be connected to anger through OCD. Of course, Stef made me aware of this idea regarding anger in pod-cast http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/2444/freedomain-radio-call-in-show-august-4th-2013 @ ~2:19:23 in which he says, "The anger against your abusers is perfectly healthy. The danger of the anger is that it can draw you back into wanting to fix, rage against, act against your abusers." Mapping my history with anger is my self-appointed homework for the next 2 weeks before going over this with my therapist. This is my key and I'm excited to have it and cleanup what is behind the door(s).

Visual culture is the aspect of culture expressed in visual images. Many academic fields study this subject, including cultural studies, art history, critical theory, philosophy, and anthropology. source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_culture Film theory or cinema studies is an academic discipline that aims to explore the essence of the cinema and provides conceptual frameworks for understanding film's relationship to reality, the other arts, individual viewers, and society at large. Film theory is not to be confused with general film criticism, or film history, though there can be some crossover between the three disciplines. source:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Film_theory In my opinion, taken with a lot of salt, when a character is portrayed as gifted, whether genetically or by chance, it sends a message to me that knowledge, practice, determination, etc. are not required to be good or amazing at something. This means that you can watch T.V., make fart jokes, and basically live a consumptive lifestyle while still achieving excellence. This is not reality, except for the minor chance events like winning the lottery but even then you have to earn the money then purchase the ticket and so on. Even when cinema shows a character practicing knowledge in a determined way, there is a time-lapse. I believe we walk away from cinema with a distorted view of time. I believe this causes us to feel, think, and behave in a way to expect amazing things to happen "over night". Merriam-Webster (source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/vicarious) defines "vicarious" as: Absolutely, for me they are both good and evil/immoral and struggle with it. I also like pure evil guys who talk about why they are bad; the insight.

I should have been clearer, it's not the word but the implication behind it. I don't hold a patent, yet. I also think I don't like the term because other people have formulated an opinion about my level of knowledge and elevate me to a higher level than I may deserve; this elevation also becomes an expectation from me which can result in humiliation for me when I inevitably make silly decisions. I never heard of "Creative Engineer" before but it is closer to what I have done for past employers, but I'm no Engineer, again it creates an expectation from me.

I thought I’d introduce myself by explaining, in short, my current life transition and how I am handling it. Starting on April 20, 2016, I started re-evaluating what I could do to turn my unhappy life around and what roadblocks were preventing me from doing so. I suffered night sweats for approximately 3 nights. I was training an employee who had a different personality than mine, in fact, the company I work for is filled with emotionally stunted, irrational, conformist employees guided by the same authorities who have no problem harassing and threatening their employees. The Union are ineffective at resolving the root-cause, they wouldn’t have a job if they did. I was also in a relationship that, now with 20/20 vision, was started on a shaky foundation and I didn’t help by kicking (not literally, of course) at some of the blocks. I have my share in that failure but boy oh boy do I have better insight of the issues I need to work on with a therapist. FDR has helped me take that step into psychology, thanks. Solution: We ended the relationship on April 29th. As for work, I need to resign. What’s next? Well, I’m 34 years old, no debt, and I’ve been frugal my whole life; I have savings. It’s time to invest in me. I have an invention I’ve singled out that I’ve been working on since Aug 6th, 2015, it’s coming along very slowly due to the above issues. I believe I have the required knowledge and / or experience, the capital, and soon the free time and relaxed environment to develop, manufacture, and distribute it to the world. I’m aware there will be many challenges ahead but I think this goal is realistically within my grasp, especially compared to my abilities ~10 years ago when I had the original idea. Really, I’m holding back my excitement here. I’ll also start seeing a psychotherapist, increase journal and dream journal entries (I like interpreting these crazy guys), and chatting it up with you guys here at FDR. P.S. I’m into studying visual culture and if it strikes me, with more free time, I may analyze movies and put it out on the internet. Right now, I’m letting these decisions soak in. I also want to finish my business plan and finances for at least the next year; remember, I’m frugal. I’m scared, anxious, fearful, sad, tired, my brain hurts, angry, furious, happy, excited, and ….did I forget anything? It’s taken a bit to figure out why I feel this way and why I’ve felt like this in the past as well. Simply put, I’m not living the life I need to live. For me, an inventor (I’m not quite comfortable with that word, I don’t want to be pompous), producing other people’s creations pisses me off. I’m sick and tired of being suppressed or suppressing myself. Let me know where you want more details. Later.