Elizbaeth

I need some advice or tips from parents who have been through this. I’m currently nursing my second son, who is 9 months old. He had always slept in the bed with me and my husband, since this allowed me to actually get some sleep and be ready to handle both boys during the day. Lately, I’ve had an insanely strong desire to literally throw him off of me while he nurses - specially at night - and I’m looking to move him to his own crib. It’s at a point where I do not want to nurse him at all, and fight the urge the flick him off of me and push him away. He is the needier of my children in terms of personality. I loved nursing him at first. I had all the wonderful feelings of warmth and closeness and happiness and I always felt rejuvenated and restored, and it is only in the past few weeks that this feeling has taken over. He does seem to be in a growth spurt and is eating like crazy lately, and I think he needs to nurse, but for the life of me it is growing some very bitter and madly irritable feelings in me hat I don’t know how to handle or where they are coming from. The feeling start as soon as the letdown reflex occurs, and I just become overwhelmed with this incredible desire to get him off of me immediately. He also had begun kicking and punching during the night and no one is getting much rest anymore, so that’s another reason I want him moved. I’m not pregnant, so I don’t know where this nursing aversion is coming from or how to handle it, other than to just grit my teeth and force myself to obey. I do feel an unreasonable resentment for having to nurse, now, and really really want to make it stop. Does anyone know if it is a deficiency or related to anything else? Thanks for the help!

I'd say this is probably due to social isolation... Being a stay-at-home-mom can be excruciatingly lonely and isolating, and it's a big struggle. I've often fantasized about going back to work just to be able to have an identity outside of my kids and to see people outside my home on a regular basis. We have no family where we are, and all of my close friends have moved away. Pre-babies I would have just gone out and joined a club or sport or found an activity to do so that I could make friends, but for the past three years I have been house-bound, excepting the grocery store (where I know all the cashiers by name and look forward to seeing them) and sometimes the gym. I have worked very hard to make friends with other moms in my own neighborhood, and this has become my lifeline in a lot of ways. Yes, part-time work has often seemed very attractive, and I know several moms that have gone back to work because they are so isolated and lonely. It is very easy to slip into depression like this, especially if it's in the immediate post-partum months and there's no one around for the mom to lean on, and if the husband is out making the money then he's not available for emotional support. Women are waaayyy under-prepared to be happy, mentally-healthy housewives. We prep and groom our whole lives to have a career, and then we're whisked away overnight from being a part of the world at large into an isolated bubble, and you can no longer participate in nearly any activity you once enjoyed (try reading in the library with two tiny, squirmy, handsy, demanding creatures), you can't do much of anything at all, and you have no one to share any of this with. There is no one to talk to, no one at all there, and everything is different. Many, many moms get depressed like this. Moms are happier loving on and spending time with and bonding with their children vs living with the heavy "mom guilt" that comes with leaving your kids in someone else's care. That being said, I think the self-abnegation that is required - especially during the infant years - is severely underappreciated and because of this a lot of moms are very ill-equipped to cope with the changes and isolation. They prefer to go back to work, where they have some semblance of a community and solid identity.

Hey @Silverhand, how is your son doing now?

Hahah I’m sure you do! He was a loser out in the real world, but most of our relationship was conducted while we were in college. He and I were really good friends and got to know each other when all we had to do to be responsible was do well in class. We tried a romantic relationship after graduation, when the demands of life were also finally a reality. We had both been coddled and were living in a bubble of theoretical castles in the sky. Basically, I saw in him someone who enjoyed the same fantasies and pasttimes as me, and it was only sustainable as long as we were both sheltered and immature and not having to make decisions in the real world. Oh, I was lost in a lot of chaos, had horrible self-worth and no idea who or what I should listen to. I had spent my entire life pretending to be something I was innately incapable of being because I thought that was what good people did, and I had come very close to losing my ability to tell anyone no, or hold my own desires with any force. And when I asked for help I got a whole bunch of noise and rX drugs that only seemed to make things less solid, less secure, and more like a cloying fog of nothingness. I had liked the Muslim guy because he talked as though he knew what he wanted and what was right, and he had told me from the beginning that he was dating me with a prospect of marriage. I had tried intellectual guys and “smart” guys and caring guys, and they were always, in the end, too passive. The Muslim was my first attempt at finding a Manly Man. I did not suspect that he was hiding things, much less hiding wives. What I did do, fully aware, was tolerate a lot of very cruel, controlling, jerkish behavior from him. Honestly, red pill theories have helped me a lot in trying to figure out why I would do things that I knew would not make me happy or bring me love. I feel pretty grateful for all the sexual strategy theories, because it shed light on things about myself that were manifesting in my actions, but I also did not know why I did it. It’s also nice to know that my inherent female drives are neither good nor bad on their own, but it’s the quality of my own character and integrity that will make my life good or not. I was behind in learning - or even asking the questions - about all of this, and I think it’s because I spent my life focused on getting through school and thorn college, where, if I began to think for myself and dig into things, my grades would suffer. I spent 20 years actively not thinking. It’s taken me a little while to unlearn things and then clumsily rebuild.

I’m not convinced that this was necessarily a bad thing. The tree of knowledge of good and evil introduced sin, but it also granted the capacity to desire good; it created the capacity for choice. This created the capacity for love. A human cannot chose to love a god (and show that love by choosing to emulate the good and live perfectly) if the human is not also capable of evil and unworthy actions and desires. If read this way, they story of the Garden of Eden is more like s coming if age story rather than a tragedy, and God is less a sadist than a parent figure.

@Siegfried von Walheim I wanted to add something else. You remind me a lot of a guy I knew back in college. He and I sang in our university’s chorus and we both took a lot of theology classes, and we were amazing friends for all four years. I adored him and had a very big affection for him. He was very much into philosophy and we had fantastic discussions, and we also did a lot of charity work together. We tried dating after I graduated, and I was hopeful about how things would turn out, but it really didn’t work out well (I’m sharing this because I imagine a lot of similarities between you and him. It might also entertain you). For one, he got really into Zizek and Peter Rollins and turned down getting his PhD because it was too elitist, and he instead began leading a soup kitchen in inner city Atlanta, and began going nuts over the marginalized populations. I didn’t have a problem with that in itself. I think charity and helping the poor is very good, and felt proud of him for working for something like that. However, I started pulling away when he began showing hate for anyone who had even been financially successful. For another, I once asked him for career advice. I felt doubtful that his advice was correct but went with it anyways, and ended up losing the job. It was a big disappointment for me, as it would have been a dream job and the opportunity was a once in a lifetime sort of thing. After that he really appeared to be incapable of handling the real world, and was only good at “book knowledge.” And lastly, he couldn’t kiss me without apologizing or waxing theoretical about love or being too cautious. We were both wanting to take things nice and slow, but he was so gentlemanly that I wondered if he even felt attraction for me at all, and if he did, why was he seemed so hesitant to leave the platform of philosophy and just be a man and let me be a woman. I found it exhausting and confining and weak. According to Facebook, he is now living on a hippy commune, has dreadlocks, still works for the poor, does weekly protests against Trump, guns, and White Supremacy, and clothes that aren’t strictly secondhand or homemade. He says he is an anarchist, and may be, but I kinda think he’s the kind of anarchist that wears black and hates capitalism and whites. That kind of anarchist. You seem to be the kind of guy who has probably thought all this through, but be careful that you don’t get stuck in thoughts. Thoughts are useful inasmuch as they inform correct action. This guy was way too locked in his own head.

Update for everyone: I made some changes to his napping routine and it has made a WORLD of difference. There are hardly ever any meltdowns or tantrums now. They only happen if we have been out too long and he is hungry or we are pushing too close to nap time. Our interactions are untold times better and so pleasant and fun now. My poor child was probably just terribly sleep deprived.

Hey @Siegfried von Walheim! I read your post and had to reply. I have so appreciated your posts and always love to read what you have to say. I find your posts to be so thoughtful and meaningful, and I value them a lot. I wanted to drop in here and give you a little boost of encouragement. You say you're mainly concerned with women and building your future family. I think that is a wonderful thing to work towards, and if your posts are any sort of true reflection of who you are, then I sincerely wish that you end up with the woman of your dreams, with all the happiness and children and domestic bliss you could imagine. I think very highly of what you have said and what you say you are working towards, and I want to see you get the good justice you deserve. So, if you want to catch a woman, I have a few pieces of insight to offer. You seem a little too neurotic to sustain a relationship, to be frank. Red Pill theories are true. Yes, of course, women are completely capable of cold logic and reason and yada yada yada, but if a woman is operating primarily in those realms she is diminishing her own power. Women get bashed on a lot for being emotional, but in a way, emotion is one of the biggest gifts we can offer. A woman can't bring her gifts to you if you're already occupying the majority of the emotional territory. You'll attract a masculine woman, aka someone who acts like a feminist. Feminists are women who are too angry or afraid or goal-oriented to relax and ease into their emotions and vulnerabilities. Keep working on yourself, and give it time. It may take an older woman (by older I mean 25-32) to recognize some of the good things you have to offer. I would suggest that you might not even want to look at settling down until you are around 30 years old. I think most men are much happier waiting until then. You may be different. I don't know. I do know that most men stave off the loneliness with either strings of 2-3 year relationships or just follow the hook up culture and satiate their need for affection and ego with one night stands, and neither seem to be what you're willing to do. I think that's good, but you're going to have to go out and be around women and make relationships with them, even if the relationships are friendships or maybe something like a mother-son relationship, too. Just being around more women should help you. And get yourself some more men to be around, too. Gotta know what being an attractive man looks like so you can emulate it. Women like verbal banter. A woman will tease you or engage in some witticism according to her own level of intelligence and values, and it is a good way for her and for you to suss each other out and see if there is any chemistry or matching interests, and it lets her see how you react to her. I've seen a lot of smart guys suck miserably at getting girls simply because they think teasing and small talk are beneath them. These guys tend to think that conversation is for necessity only, and they don't understand why a woman would want to talk for the pleasure of talking. Women offload their anxieties through talking, and it's very soothing to feel connected through conversation. Just make friends with women you might be interested in, and enjoy having conversations with them. And it might be helpful to ask your therapist for suggestions on what type of woman - to hatch out a profile for you - would be beneficial for you to try to spend time with and get to know. Again, it is important that you work through what seems to be a kind of womanly neurosis if you are looking to attract a good woman. And a good woman is a feminine woman, among other things. Honestly I tend to be quite neurotic myself, and really have to work to not feed my anxieties until they're a giant demon in my mind. If my husband were also like this, I don't know what we would do. Probably sit around and obsess over pending dooms and current failures until we were paralyzed with doubt and negativity. That's just not a good recipe. I tend to worry a lot less about life in general when he's in good form, so really, it would help you to be more confident and shake off the self-doubt and impassioned, volatile emotions (sorry if I have assumed wrong - I'm just going off of inferences and guessing at your flaws). The rest is just going to be trial and error and your own journey of growth and maturity. I believe, though, that you will get there in the end. So sorry to hear about everything with your family. That is tough, and I'm very glad you're working to get away from it. - Elizabeth

I came across a fantastic sci-if/dystopian society book called Genesis, by Bernard Beckett. He wrote another book that was quite interesting about the topic of free will, called August, that was very good as well. Genesis is one of the most entertaining books I’ve read in a very long time. I loved it and was sad that it was such a quick read. If anyone’s looking for a good book, pick this one up!

Hey @meetjoeblack. That was some post. There’s something wrong with the formatting when I read it - the lines of then text are overlayed on one another - and it happens no matter when I’ve logged in. However, I still think I can make out most of what you’ve typed. It sounds like you’ve been burned one too many times. I think it’s great that you have boundaries. I really think that you’re placing too high a value on SMV, though. A pretty face/body has very little value as a mom. Trust me. I used to really prize my looks and sometimes still struggle with feelings of vanity, but after “crossing over” to the Mom life, looks don’t do squat. No one cares what I look like at 3 am with spit up on me and that weird yellow baby poop running everywhere. I don’t sleep very much so I always have bags under my eyes. I do eat healthy and try to get in a 7 min HIIT workout (my children don’t nap at the same time, so 7 min is about all I can manage to focus on a workout) each day, so my weight is pre-pregnancy, but again, no one cares. My kids certainly don’t care what my waistline is. They want me to hold them and talk to them and be patient and engaging. If I want to shower they’re in there with me. My life is currently kids, cleaning, cooking, and changing diapers. My looks are the very last thing that anyone cares about, and it is not looks that will do a good job of raising my boys and it is not my looks that makes my husband love me. I really cannot stress enough how ultimately unimportant “hotness” is. Youth and beauty are not bad things, but they often distract people and we confuse them for something of actual value. If you’re looking for someone to love, or a possible wife, I would go at it like you’re wanting to fill a job position. Wife/mother is a job. High SMV does not = good worker. I think you should have boundaries and standards. You sound so smart and like you really want a relationship. But I would raise your standards to encompass a whole lot more than baggage-free and high SMV. A pretty face is pretty empty if there is nothing behind it. Make sure she csn get her hands dirty. See if she puts others before herself without breaking her own personal boundaries. See if she can be truly empathetic and actually listen, and make sure she doesn’t lie. I say a woman with a high sex drive is unfeminine because when women are sexually aggressive it totally takes away from any real connection and openness, and while it feeds a man’s ego to think a hot girl desperately wants the D, it robs him of his chance to be the man in the relationship and relegated him to a boy who lets the women steer and from whom he is willing to take without giving in return, which the woman will eventually pick up on and resent. It’s not a recipe for long term happiness. The dating world is harsh, and ugly, and if I wish I had had a matchmaker when I was younger whom I trusted to make a good choice for me. I hated dating and always felt fake and uncomfortable and unsure about what the name of the game was. In the end I ended up using OKC online dating. It worked very well for me. At that point in my life I had just gotten out of a 1.5 year relationship with a guy (an Egyptian Muslim, at that - my road to being Red Pilled is quite the story), knew I wanted to get married and have kids, and wanted more control over who I was meeting. I was meeting tons of guys in real life, but they were nothing I wanted to date. I set up a profile and after two days had two dates lined up, the second being my husband. I told him that night that I was looking for a husband, wanted to homeschool, and then we two stepped for a few hours and that was that. The night of my date with my husband I deactivated my profile. Easy as cake. What red pilled me? Lots of things. I was pretty liberal when I was younger. I was a Lit major who hung out with the art crowd, and worked as an au pair after college for some international creds. I came back to the US and began working in elementary schools - at this time I only wanted the money - and discovered a few things. I realized I loved teaching, and that I hated schools. I started doing an art program in a Title I school with a large Arabic population, and got really involved with the families. I invited them over for dinner and would spend extra time with the kids helping them with English and their homework, and I would help their parent with their ESL classes and with finding jobs. I was interested in the language and learning about them - I met Arabs from Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, both Coptic and Muslim. I learned many things. The fathers of the families I tried to help were utter dogs. I had to severly cut ties and stop all help, even to their children, because they assumed my aid and involvement meant I was inviting sexual attention. I had to quite literally fight off the grandfather of a Pakistani boy I was tutoring. I dated a Sunni Muslim who was from near Cairo, and then discovered the double standard Muslims have for lying to those outside their faith. It’s crazy, because I later learned he was 7 years older than what he told me, he was attached to a high-profile military family, and already had two wives - one in Egypt and one here in the US as his immigration anchor. That was an eye opener and a shock, and you can speculate all you want as to the reasons for why I was so blind. Anyways I got a firsthand lesson in immigration dangers. I had a special bond with the little boys and they always seemed to be punished in school. It was always the smartest boys, too, that got into so much trouble. That was sad. I had some little boys who would ask me if I could be their mother. They were constantly yelled at, reprimanded, and drugged, and I remember lookin around me and thinking that it was such a shame. Some of the teachers were there because they passionately wanted to help the kids. Most weren’t. But the teachers who cared and who wanted to make a difference were so effectively hobbled by the environment that there wasn’t much they could do. The injustice and cruelty was just too interwoven into the structure of how education is. I began to dream about having my own kids and homeschooling them, and giving them true freedom (even though I barely had an idea what that actually was). My husband introduced me to Men’s Rights and reddit/TRP while we were dating. I had never heard of it before, and ended up reading lots and lots of the posts. I might have denied any of the red pill stuff if it weren’t for the way I had seen little boys treated in schools. I found Molyneaux on a link in a post on that subreddit. Things are going quite well in my marriage lately. I’m happy with what we’re doing. We’ve had some big conflicts and I felt like we handled them in a way which I think brought us closer. We’ve been reading Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life together, and it’s a peaceful, intimate, relaxing way for us to ask more questions. I think we still have lots to do, but I am feeling hopeful and much more relaxed about the direction we’re going in. I have felt very appreciative lately of him, and thankful that our commitment was strong and we decided to face things and work it out rather than run away. My kids are good! I was concerned about tantrums with my oldest, but I’ve adjusted my approach to his naps and it seems to have really helped. My baby is fat and squishy and he giggles at everything, and it’s the sweetest thing in the world. Babies are so smart. So... that’s my novel. There’s probably tons of typos in there but it is what it is and it is probably still legible. Take care!

Right. I often worry that even my small actions will have huge ramifications. I can get extremely anxious about this. My doesn’t eat solids yet. I have actually been putting a lot of effort into easing any feelings of rivalry and jealousy. They’re both so extremely young... maybe that would be a good idea when they’re 10-12 years old, but I want to first see a solidly established friendship between them. @AMR He is chronically tired. He fights naps and bed time pretty hard - I think he had a difficult time shutting off his brain so he had a hard time relaxing and winding down - and we’re often holding no-nap meltdowns at bay. Since I posted this I started giving him “quiet time” where he plays with his stuffed animals and a couple of toys on his crib, and he’s been falling asleep after he plays for 20-30 min. Since I posted I’ve thought a lot about this and I think you’re right. It felt like a huge conflict to me. I feel extreme anxiety when my kids cry and think it is my issue, rather than my son’s. I was not allowed to show any emotions other than positive ones, and I think at times - especially if I’m low on sleep or not tuned into myself well, either - I think I’m responsible for the emotions of everyone in my house, and if they’re unhappy I must have caused it and I must fix it. I was thinking about what happened and I think where I went wrong was not removing the impulse temptation before it became a “thing.” He has thrown food during meal time the past few days, so I thought I needed to make a point, but what happened was it ended up being a power struggle and a battle of wills, and that was what felt so horrible about it. Plus, I was trying to wait him out, and he ended up crying while upset for nearnly an hour, at which point I think he didn’t even know what my original point was, and was just overly upset, so I decided to end my standoff and just hug him. I think he would have gotten the message that I didn’t like him throwing food by me simply removing the food, and it would not have lead to a clash of wills and a win-lose scenario. I think this is very true. I can see him get frustrated and blow up because he can’t figure out some intricate maneuver and he can’t tell me what he wants, so I’ve been really focusing on talking with him and trying to walk him through how to properly problem solve (the 2 year old edition) and what to do if he’s frustrated and showing him how I feel and putting words to it. Thanks guys!

Nope. Not at all. I was amused, certainly, but also wanted to point out the usefulness of the s*** test. I’m not talking about a woman being mean or spiteful or hateful. I’m talking about testing the metal or the man. I used to overly sympathize with the Red Pill community and the MGTOW guys, and wondered why women were so awful and why women would (oftentimes unbeknownst to themselves, even) do things to test men’s reactions. I thought it was underhanded and another undesirable female trait. Having my own kids red pilled me so much. I really talk about it too often on this forum, but it’s so true. After having kids, I see how crazy it was to feel guilty about my own female nature because it was there for a very good reason. Women need to know what kind of man they’re dealing with, and my kids have cost me quite a lot, and after I see how vulnerable it has made me, I am shocked that every woman doesn’t pick apart potential mates. I’m not sure that men really appreciate the vulnerability inherent to being female, and the usefulness of female characteristics and behaviors such as the s*** test. Maybe. Women do crave attention. If she’s throwing a fit about attention, it’s probably a test. Men can pass this and still maintain a good intimate relationship. Most tests can be passed by a man just sticking to his convictions and personal integrity. Women can still be reasoned with, just as men can still have emotions. If she’s unwilling to at least consider and hear out a man’s reasons, then she just sounds like a spoiled person. Not worth it. I tend to think pick up artists are scumbags, and they exploit theories to control and in order to take as much as they can from someone without risking anything of themselves in return. I think the are weak and crooked losers. But, I think the theories (s** tests, etc) that explain sexual dynamics are accurate. Some people use them poorly and some use them in a more enlightened manner.

I kinda think that money is a good way to create limits, and I think limitations are what drives forward progress. Money also lets you create and play out the possibility of future resources within certain limitations, and it can be a brilliant way to manipulate reality. I don’t really think it would benefit humanity to not have money, or at least some measure of potential resource acquisition. Interesting! But how could the Executive brain be more efficient but less effective? Wouldn’t efficiency automatically create more effectiveness?

I don’t believe a woman had to be rude or catty about it, nor does a man have to be cold and unfeeling if he ignores nonsense and stands up for himself. Maybe... I dunno, though. If a guy were unable to handle himself well, I would probably think he’s a nice guy, and then never think about him again. If he doesn’t understand women - what we need, her e we think and are (all the good and bad) - then I don’t really want to get involved with him. It gives me the creeps and makes me feel nervous. If a man doesn’t get it, then maybe he can learn, but I’m not going to be his mommy and teach him. Know what I mean? I don’t doubt that he can still be a good man, but if he can’t get those basic social aspects then clearly he’s not ready to be the man in a relationship with a woman. He has more to learn and hasn’t leveled up yet.

This is actually a pretty interesting topic. I agree with what @Siegfried von Walheim said. The strength of Western culture is its ability to be moral and reach for some beautiful ideals. You can’t be moral and strive towards perfection and endorse something as wicked as owning another human. Oh, and I also met my husband online. I decided I wanted to get married, made a list of what I wanted, put a profile, decided to screen for certain qualities, and he messaged me within two days. Met him the next week and took down my profile. It was awesome. Next best thing to a trusted matchmaker. I actually think introducing the idea of marriage existing for romantic love is a terrible idea. Marriage is a business, and I believe it should be run quite similarly to a business. I also think that, within this economic agreement, you have the opportunity to grow an incredibly deep, true love, better than desire, once you are absent of lustful passions or passing fatuations. Marriage as an economic model forces the individuals to keep turning towards one another and to forever improve themselves and their interests and souls. That is what keeps the spark alive rather than sexual novelty whatever. That being said, I agree with a lot of what @CygniAustralis has said. Marriage did kinda “tame” me. While my husband basically treats me like an equal and I’m 100% free to do exactly as I please, we just sort of fell into traditional gender roles. And with other men I dated I usually ran the show. I’m smarter than most people I know and I really think the majority of people - and men - are really too dumb to listen to. Not saying I dislike them in total or would be rude to them, but I sure as heck aren’t going to bend my will to someone who isn’t extremely smart and capable and plain amazing. I am pretty emotionally volitile and passionate and can get very worked up over things, and for some reason I just always felt much calmer and relaxed with him than with others, even with his temper, and felt it instantly when we met. As we get deeper and deeper in our relationship I keep thinking how good it is to have him by my side. I feel so much more grounded and balanced. That saying - that he’s my rock - is truer as time goes by, especially as we both work on ourselves and fix our dysfunctions. I pride myself on being smart and loving intellectual pursuits, but I always had to fight some serious inner emotional battles and that is much easier now. No guys, y’all know it would be wrong to devolve into White Sharia or ownership of woman. For one, that would stunt any true growth of a woman into a fully-capable human. I do, however, think gender roles need to come back, esp for people who don’t think too carefully about how gender effects quite literally everything. Hahahaha but haven’t you heard of the S*** Test? Guys act like a s*** test is a terrible thing. I guess it’s unpleasant and confusing for the guy - if he’s inadequate and a little baby - but the thing is, if I can verbally whip a man, if I can poke and prod him and he folds, or acts too compliant, or blows up the other way and way over reacts, then I can best him and there’s no up are benefit for me in a relationship with him. I would have to look out for him, and that’s too much of a burden when I have kids to look out, I need him to be able to be in charge in all ways. Doesn’t mean I want to have no will or agency or thoughts, but I have to rely on him, and the only way he could be reliable to me is if he can handle everything even better than I can.

Hey! First off, I understand the anxiety you have and how it can consume you. Almost any anxiety I have concerning my children is an instant, all-consuming worry and takes almost all my thoughts and if my husband doesn’t immediately address and fix these anxieties I freak out and worry that we’re heading straight for an iceberg and we need to fix everything asap. Ok, so maybe I’m entirely wrong in this, but hear me out and it could help.You say that your husband is intelligent and and he wants a family, but since you were the high-earner, it seems likeyou’re worried that he won’t be able to bring home the bacon. It seems like you doubt your husband’s ability to be ambitious and his ability to compete, which is an understandable fear since he has been content and stagnant and relationship-oriented in your marriage. Maybe he has been all these things because he’s had no motive to go out and be more successful. He already got the girl. I’ve found that sometimes men - especially if they are prematurely rewarded - forget to be “men,” and end up coasting. Not that they’re bad or anything. They're often extremely capable, they just fell into the alluring trap of being a little too womanly in the relationship. If your man has any real streak of dormant masculinity in him, it will wake up once you’re home with a baby and no longer picking up his slack. He may stumble around for a while trying to figure out how to maximize his income and get the most for your family, but if you believe he has the potential ability to do what’s needed, then you’re going to have to step back and let him do it. It takes a lot of faith, but I think men can sense whether or not you’re relaxed in their abilities and tend to perform accordingly. Give him the space and trust to be the breadwinner your family will need. Ither than that, you can be incredibly frugal, especially in the first years. Babies can be made to be incredibly minimalistic. If you breastfeed, basically you will only need a car seat, diapers, and a few outfits. They could sleep in a box and be fine. Almost all other baby items are designed to help the mom out, since it can be limiting and tiring to constantly hold the child. Thrift stores and friends with second hand items are amazing. I haven’t paid myself more than $100 for clothes of items, because we either inherited used items or paid dimes and dollars at consignment/secondhand stores. It can work. I know people who homeschooled 2-3 kids on teacher salaries (ironic that the teacher didn’t want his kids at school). They lived very sparsely, but they met all their needs and were never in debt. They paid for everything in cash and planned a purpose for every dollar before they ever saw it. It can be done. It sounds like you didn’t practice hypergamy and now you’re worried that your husband isn’t capable of being you need for a family. He may never have the type of drive Donald Trump has, but most men want to please and provide for their families. Be gentle with him and show him you trust him enough to hand the job of providing over to him without criticism or attempts at control (both of which communicate lack of trust), and this will let him grow into what innate drive he has.

From what I’ve seen/heard from the Red Pill community, the way the screen for potential LTRs is to start off “spinning plates,” aka having openly non-committed sexual relationships with a few steady girls, then “promoting” the girl they like best to the coveted LTR position. From what I understand, a good LTR “proves” that she can be a good girlfriend by putting out immediately. If she puts out immediately and often and performs well, then it means she wants to please you and you are Alpha. I think a lot of this is reactionary to men being powerless and denied sex in marriage.

Here’s the run-down. My 25 month old son is full of tantrums. It is painful and I am at a loss as how I should turn the shop around. He is very, very smart, and very full of energy and very curious and observant. So, here’s an example. Yesterday I was playing with my boys (25 months and 7 months) and we were having a fantastic time. The entire day was spent looking at things together and talking and exploring, until about 4:30pm. At this time, my older son and I were talking together and looking at a toy, and my younger son climbed up on me and wanted to be help. In the blink of an eye, my older son was screaming, and nothing seemed to make it better. This continued off an on until he went to sleep, which was around 7:15. At one point, it caused a big disagreement between me and my husband. I’m very against spanking and he is on the fence about it. He was visibly losing his cool and I told him I couldn’t tolerate our son being spanked, and he simply walked off and started playing video games until he cooled down, then he rejoined us and finished with the bedtime routine. It was miserable. Today I woke up and was eager to see my son and start a new day and reconnect with him. I resolved to do better at listening, predicting his needs, and being connected and tuned in and also at setting clearer boundaries so that there would be no need for conflicts. Lunchtime came and my son started chunking his food everywhere (something I had explicitly told him not to do prior to sitting down), and so i asked him to pick up the food. He refused, so I sat beside him for a long time and waited. It quickly devolved into an awful scene of him crying and me trying to wait him out, and ended in me giving him a giant hug and him sobbing into my shoulder. I think I know where all of this is coming from. I made a lot of bad choices in the beginning. When my husband and I got together, he had a scary temper (still has a temper, but he has been making big strides in controlling it and it is on a more human scale) and I felt comfortable - familiar - managing my own feelings of sadness and loneliness and victimhood. The first year of my son’s life was tumultuous and extremely stressful, and I think this is the fallout. What I want to know is what is the best way to proceed from here, and how I can salvage the happiness and peace of my family. My husband and I have made a lot of progress with each other and ourselves, and we’re committed to each other and our family. I have not seen a counselor yet, but have been searching around the area for a good one and have done Peterson’s Self-Authoring suit, and have been listening to FDR for about 1.5 years. I know all of the peaceful parenting ideas and think that they are correct. I am trying to implement all the practices into all areas of my life, but I think I’m failing miserably. If I were doing it right, there wouldn’t be these issues. I think I’m either not looking at myself clearly enough - as in I haven’t made enough personal progress, therefore my son is still just reflecting my dysfunction - or am just missing something entirely. I’m heartsick and depressed at any conflict with my son, and the conflicts are increasing and I want to turn this ship around ASAP. Did any other parents start out poorly and turn things around? What did it take to really change things?

It really is a good question - the one about why women get turned on by brutish, caveman behavior. Honestly, it's been hard for even me to figure out. One of the best things about me discovering the Red Pill community was getting some insight into my own feelings and behaviors. In the absence of a "good man," - a man who is sage and careful and attuned and diligent and capable of passionately loving a woman and being the hero of Truth and Justice that every girl wishes for - well, in the absence of that, really all that's left are brutes and wimps. If I'm gonna go through the misery of pregnancy, possible death in childbirth, extreme vulnerability of both myself and the baby in the early years, then I'm not going to get excited about a guy who will probably let us all lose. I'm probably only going to be attracted to a guy who will be rough and dominant enough to make sure that me and the baby don't die. An unhappy existence with a jerk is better than no existence with a wimp. And after having my two kids... dude. Nothing red pilled me more than pregnancy and babies. Everything now makes perfect sense. It's not such a linear process, especially for a man. If there is still a small part of you that would like this, someday, you do have the luxury of being able to physically have children at an older age. Yeah, most of the women I see settle down to husband and kids at the tail-end of the SMV. It's true. I really don't see anything wrong with you pursuing youth per say. You get more "mileage" out of a younger girl. I guess the rightness/wrongness of it depends of what your goal is. Are you just using them for their youth and beauty, like a gold digger would use a man to pay for dinners and expensive gifts, or are you hoping to find a good relationship? I think Stefan described dating a younger woman as creepy because his criteria for a good partner is more than just SMV, and I think he doesn't see much that a too-much younger woman can offer besides her sex appeal. Just a thought - if you're looking for a long-term, potential marriage partner, it may actually work against you to try to get them to put out while dating. Not white knighting women on this one. I know TRP community says that if a woman thinks your Chad enough she'll drop her panties instantly. Maybe she will, but I doubt a woman who just surrenders to the hottest Chaddiest guy she comes into contact with is really marriage material. I think when guys find a girl who is always DTF they think they've hit jackpot, and that this behavior will continue through their whole marriage lives. I don't think that's true at all... I think, if a woman is high sex-drive from the get-go, she'll probably resent you, deep down inside, later on, for taking something so valuable from her with so little thought to the real cost. And if you want a mutually loving, tender, passionate relationship, and you're dating a women who is interested in the same, she will probably want to know what type of man you are and what they future holds if she is with you as a couple, before having any sort of sexual relationship. I actually don't think it's very feminine for a woman to have a high sex drive. That's a man's thing, in my opinion.

Please keep us posted! Sometimes babies do get a little anxious during a developmental phase and don’t eat as much. Or, your baby could just be smaller. If you do end up seeing an endocrinologist, then hopefully you can figure everything out!

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I’ve been MIA for a while just because i try not to always be on the internet, but I’move read over your responses and have thought about them all. @Birdiefly @Mishi2 @RichardY I think that all of you have said what I was mire if less hoping to hear. I have had a hard time with this simply because I saw a lot of hipocrisy and lies that we’re lumped in with all the good. I’ve really been loathe to toss out all the beautiful, meaningful traditions in totality and I guess I wanted to know that other atheists have successfully implemented the traditions of religion without the lies. Thanks for the feedback, guys! @RichardY your second post was quite funny. @Siegfried von Walheim You give wonderful responses! I think my children are brilliant - I don’t have an IQ year, and they’re both very young, but both me and my husband have high IQs, and when I watch my kids I see them figuring out the world quickly and studying things very intently. This does comfort me - I feel less anxious about introducing them to the religious traditions. I would really hate for them to miss all the richness and beauty of the holidays. @S1988 @shirgall @Jot @Jsbrads I love all of these suggestions! I would only say that I was looking for suggestions about the “big holidays” rather than weekly traditions. @Tyler H It probably meant a lot of negative things. It was my FOO, and I have very little in common with them now.

@barn I think I was wrong for even trying to argue in the first place. Or, if I had still wanted to speak my point, it would have been better if I had said my claim contained reasons why most women repeat the cycle into which they are born. Nothing more or less. That being said, I still hold my mostly deterministic view. I think humanity is capable of great things, but the large majority of people are pretty uninspired and unreflecting and just live on autopilot. I don’t know too many women who have the desire to examine themselves even if they have the capacity. I actually do think that most women only merit the medieval women-as-children treatment. Not saying I want to live that way, but I see why it happened. I’m not sure why you’re so eager to get me to say that I’m trying to escape blame or agency by putting forth my views. Why would I have mentioned any of my shortcomings or brought myself into conversation, or even started trying to really untangle and see myself at all if I only wanted to make up an excuse? Yeah, I suppose it’s possible that I’m really just that blind to my own motives. I don’t think it is, but maybe I’m just so far gone that I can’t trust my own reasonings anymore. Sorry dude. I do have a low opinion of most women. I have met a few who I think are truly beautiful creatures, but the rest... I sort of feel like they are dumb cows. Men, too. I think humanity is capable of such gr at things - I get very frustrated at the fact that not too many people around me seem to even want to try to strive for something better. They just want Netflix. I want to like women more. I deeply want more close female relationships. And who am I to talk? I have just about all the “tyipical” female personality traits, and feel like I am very female in my thinking, so I want that female companionship, but I find it really hard to make connections with other women in a way that feels true and substantial. You seem like a very smart guy. I think the odds are in your favor. My husband thinks this. He says he was born the way he is and other masculine men are just born that way and there’s no way a masculine man will accept a slave’s existence without a fight.

I have a deep nagging desire to have big celebrations on all the holidays, and I love family traditions and miss the ones I had growing up. The problem is that almost everything that tied my family together was religious in some way, and I haven’t come to a good conclusion on how to mesh the community and tradition of religion with what I actually believe. I’ve even gone so far as to consider being “culturally religious” so that I can have all the social and traditional benefits of belonging to a church community. Anyone else felt felt this way? How did you solve it and give your family tradition?

@Silverhand Hi! So both of my sons were/are breastfed. My first was a very very fat baby (he just turned 2 and is no longer fat - the fat goes away) and we never had any issues with weight gain. I gave him baby food around 8-9 months, and then it was pretty sparingly. I wasn’t against it, but I really just didn’t see a need to give him baby food when he was so clearly thriving with breastfeeding. I also did not want to give myself the extra work of making or preparing baby food if it wasn’t necessary. Mostly what I did was just hand him pieces of fruit to gnaw on, and he sort of went from breastfeeding to eating real food. I think it had an “official name” - I think it’s called baby-led weaning. That may be a good solution. Your doctor advised pumping because it’s a good way to measure how much milk the baby is getting. Your baby would still be getting the nutrition of breast milk, so it’s not a total loss. However, the intimacy is much higher for the Mom and baby if breastfeeding continues, and your wife may be really attached to this and may not be wanting to sever or displace the lovely bond. Have you considered just forgetting baby foods for a while? Your baby won’t suffer nutritionally without them. The only other reason I could think of for your son not gaining weight would be if the breast milk was inadequate. My cousin had to switch to formula because her son was woefully underweight. Once he started formula he immediately plumped up and grew. But they knew early on -like 3 months old - that something was wrong, and it sounds like that’s not the case with you. Hope some of this helps!

@Dr. Dealgood I don’t disagree with what you’ve said. I actually agree with most of it. I suppose the only difference is that I do think there are many good things that are worth saving. The way I see it, either men save civilization or we’re going to devolve into a pretty nasty, ape-like dystopia run by feminist commies. I appeal to men - as opposed to shaming them - because the only solution I see is people getting back into their scripted gender roles because I do think men are the ones who created all the great ideals and freedoms and inventions. You want women to solve things on their own... they are. They currently are solving things on their own. The product of that is modern feminism. Women’s solutions are bringing down the whole ship. No, I’m not going to tell my sons not to marry. I’m not that pessimistic about the future. I do see a billion dangers, though, and so hope to teach them to be extremely cautious. But as of yet I see no reason why I should tell them that humanity, women, and their own genetic line are better off not continuing. If they ever want kids, marriage is the only way to go about it.