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Hi there thinkers, Part of a series. (previous: Willpower comes from...) This is the core(I'd like to discuss) : Real friendship requires...., because... and In order to be in a real friendship it's greatly beneficial... This is my current approximation(my example): Real friendship requires_unrellenting dedication to truth_, because_life is short and you wouldn't want to be wasting your (or other's) time, especially not in the form of enabling abuse(a soft form, that is). and In order to be in a real friendship it's greatly beneficial_to not be in non-real friendships as much as humanly possible. Cheers, Barnsley - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - P. s. To those who are interested in my thought process behind the topic, here's the long version: [ I'm a straightforwardly aligned individual. The general rule of thumb for me is, I will speak my mind (except for obvious 'red flags', inappropriate palce/time) with asking for permission to do so. If I had to put my experience with this approach into percentages... (my approximation, rounded assertions IT DOESN'T MEAN it is how everything / everyone operates, thinks... I am trying to give you what I concluded un-filtered. I might be very well wrong.) - Group 1. as in 90% would deny validity or deflect from the get-go (mostly with rationalisations, no curiosity of my meaning to clarify, understand whatsoever, sea of immediate 'red-flags') - Group 2/a. as in 5% would respond neutrally (maybe ask 1 or 2 questions back, but usually within a short period of time 'something would come up that was 'obviously' had to be dealt with(, naturally;)) and the conversation would end there and then) - Group 2/b. as in (of) that 5% remaining, I could hash out my message(confirm same level of understanding) and ask for more from the other person's thought processes , eventually discovering (each of us) something fascinating, useful. BUT! - the 90% afterwards steer clear of me - the first 5% would throttle back to 'loving from the distance' - the last 5% would be more relaxed and not beat around the bush in the future about things, give an all-knowing smile/nod except for the process of showing intent of wanting to move closer to each other after that 'energising' convo... beats me(well, not really) - In the end, if I looked back how much real friendships was developed from the 100% = 1-2 after meeting 120-200 people(actual statistics from 789 people I've met regarding this subject within the last 1,5yrs) each and EVERY ONE OF THEM would fade away(forgotten plants, drying out from lack of water) as reciprocity wouldn't be present. i. e. (they'd ask for my contact, inviting me to social events, agreeing to meet... every time I did, it would fail for lack of following through from the person who was 'supposedly also interested'. I respect people's boundaries, if I feel / detect that I'm too much, I disengage and wait to see if there's a call back... seldom there is.) My conclusions and why I am not sure how to tackle the question of finding enough deep and meaningful connections: 1. I'm clearly not efficient, lots of room for improvement. {while also} Most people are terrified to speak or hear the truth. 2. You can't 'choose' friends, but you can be chosen and then you get to decide if that's what you want. 3. Reciprocal and deep relationships require virtuous people, staying honest. Virtues require connectedness with the true-self. As people age, so the fog thickens people allow (and around 30ish or having a comfortable looking life:) . The effort to re-evaluate usually comes from emergencies, catastrophic outcomes... if the danger ebbs away, so does most often than not the previous curiosity too... until the next unforeseen disaster, at which stage the idea of turning the tide is even more disheartening (seemingly, understandably). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hey ladies! I am very interested in getting a group of us together for a support group, through messaging, and Skype. It's hard to find quality women for friendships, and I am looking for that in my life. You can post here or shoot me a message if you are interested. Thanks!

Hello all, I am delighted to join this community and am looking forward to having some great conversations with you all. I am 32, married and have a 5 year old daughter, we live in Nottingham (UK) and work in Marketing normally but am currently looking for work. I found Stefan's channel a few years back and am delighted to see how it has worked as a beacon to attracted so excellent people. Chat with you all soon Thomas

I just wanted everyone to know that I have reached that moment where you look at all your hard work and finally find yourself feeling that it was all worth it instead of having to tell yourself it WILL be all worth it eventually. I was on the bus and I just started thinking about my family and how I have, for the most part, dealt with them, and how excited I am to start my new family with the most amazing man on this entire planet! We've been together for 5 years and we are completely committed, and have such a great, loving, honest, compassionate, and nurturing relationship. He is actually the one that introduced me to FDR. And let me tell you, we were going down such a dangerous path because we let our parents and our pasts speak through us and dictate our actions and irrational behavior. And don't get me wrong, it was really tough going there for a while. But we both confronted our pasts, no matter how painful and uncomfortable and we talked, and still do. We have taken so many steps to rid our lives of people who aren't virtuous and moral. That includes family, friends, and basically everyone. We pretty much only have each other. We will continue to work everyday to make our lives together, and our future children's lives, better. I know better is pretty vague, but if we have such a great relationship right now, and strive to "better" ourselves everyday, by the time our children get here, I'm going to be a wonderful mother, and he will be a wonderful father. I couldn't think of a better father, husband, or friend than him. Anyways, I know this was really mushy and all that, but I just had to express how happy I am right now and how excited I am for the future.

The second interview with Daniel Mackler. Here, we talk about the topic of relationships: one's template for relationships, friendship, romantic relationship, sex, boundaries, parent-child relationship, and much more!

In light of Robin Williams' passing and some of the words Stef has put out about Robin's relationships I found myself growing anxious at how Robin might have not learned any social skills and thus why he would find his relationships by the people that were in his proximity. I am quite the same in respect to that example.I tend to isolate myself, and just not be open about how I feel or think or if I'm anxious or scared. Even my friends are not completely in the loop about these things, and I do have a distrust or I should say I don't know how to build trust or what it would look like to begin with. I just started a job and I'm also trying to go through some changed to become more independent from my parents. I've had some therapy but doubting some aspects of my therapist.I guess it would be nice to have people to bounce all of the ideas off of that I have and I need help with but I always find it hard to ask either on her or of other people. I think that my needs should not be met, or that if I try to attempt to meet them through creating relationships I will just never be able to return the favor or never able to do the same in return to another person, or simply who would want to hear this stuff that I am going through. That leads to more isolation. I'm stuck in that mindset so it usually leads to not even attempting and being rejected. Rejection is a whole other basket of anxiety. I'm not sure if I have a specific question besides how can I break this cycle of isolation, and start seeking like-minded people?Part of it has been through going to therapy, but I still feel uncomfortable about the efficacy of my therapist. What Now what now.

Hi folks, recently a woman whom I have known since the first of this year revealed to me she was attracted to me and was fairly aggressive in her pursuit of me. This is the first time this has happened that I recall. I have a casual working relationship with this woman. Her husband is much older and his health is very bad. Lets call her Dolly. Her home life sounds like taking care of the elderly in a nursing home. Dolly has a little jewelry shop in a store run by another woman I'll call Stephanie. I run a small business next to Stephanie's. Both of these women are religious statists. I am not the type to flirt generally, and I never would unless I found the flirtee attractive. I have no attraction to either of them and they are both married anyways. Dolly & Stephanie have been friends for at least 10 years. The first hint I had was an email Dolly sent me saying "the next time you see me just kiss me damn it". I replied with a ? I thought I had missed something in one of her earlier emails. Dolly came over to my business just before closing time when nobody was there with me, and wanted me to play a CD. As it began to play she asked me to dance and I said what? As she moved towards me I moved away and said I can't dance with my limpy leg. I kept turning away to avoid her. She finally gave up. I've been on the other side of similar situations and know how much it hurts to be rejected that way, so I am empathetic to her position. But I felt very uncomfortable. All three of us often sit around a table when business is slow to have a quick sandwich or coffee and talk about trivial things or community activities usually. They typically find something to do whenever I talk about real issues or question the rationality of their statements. Dolly is always trying to do things for me, like make me lunch or cut my hair, or buy me a soda. There is an awkward silence whenever Stephanie leaves the two of us alone at the table. I asked Dolly the day after she asked me to dance if she has told anyone about her attraction to me and she said no. I believe she hasn't told Stephanie b/c Stephanie takes her religion more seriously than Dolly and her behavior would probably not go over too well. Plus Dolly's jewelry shop is in Stephanie's store. But they do have quite a long history so Stephanie may know. I feel a tension to ask Dolly why she feels drawn to me (they both know I'm no longer religious and how much I think the state is morally wrong) or why she thinks there's hope I'll ever be attracted to her, but I'm uncomfortable and afraid my questions would be misconstrued as romantic interest. So I'm posting this here to see what the FDR community thinks and hear any comments you may have on my situation. What would you do in this situation?

I did it. I had the conversation for the first time in my life. ''Do you support the use of violence against me if I decide to disagree?'' After 3 hours, with a lot of distracting topics (who'd build the roads and such), to finally have him say ''Yes, I value your friendship more then my ideas of state''. Words cannot describe how uncomfortable that conversation was. A few times, I thought that this was it. This is where I will end this relationship. Damn. But it seems to have ended on a pillar of security. It was really uncomfortable and scary. But so worth it.

So, sitting on my bed in my room writing this, since I can't fall asleep, coughing out my lungs. No, no that bad, just a virus or something messing with me Anyway, there is a topic that I have thought of (and still am thinking about), that bugs me. A lot. It's the ''Against me'' argument (is it correct to call it an argument?) that Stef presents. In case you aren't familiar to this argument, heres a video with Stef laying it out: Anyways, what is bugging me is that I understand what Stef is saying. I agree with what he is saying. And there is a part of me, that would like to live that argument. I think. But, there is also (I think) a part of me that wants to keep the social life I have. That doesn't want to ask this simple question. Having the social circles I have today, engaging in social communities, just keep rolling along. Then again, I am a fairly certain, that a BIG, part of me, wants to find people with virtue to hang out with. I think those are rare. And, having people in my life that are lacking virtue, will most certainly keep me from meeting people with virtue. Let alone finding myself a virtuous woman to spend my life with. THEN AGAIN... It's scary to make the decision. To get people that endorse violence against you, out of your life. Darn it. I guess I don't have much of a question to ask. It's just a choice I have to make. Have any of you chosen the philosophical path, i.e. ''I minimize the amount of people in my life that are against me''? If yes, what's it like? If not, why not? Is there a third alternative?

How real is the word friendship? I would like to hear ( read ) your opinions, and experiences about it.

New Years mix for the fine and possibly feathered folks out there in FDR land . Drop Box Link provided below. First Cut is The Deepest - I Roy Better Change Your Mind - William Onyeabor La-La Means I Love You - The Delfonics I Like The Things About Me- Mavis Staples Basta Del Oscuro- Adanowsky My Home -Nneka Into a Dream- Shannon and the Clams Forget The Song - Beachwood Sparks Ways of this World- Kelly Hogan I'm Through Trying to Prove My Love to You - Bobby Womack Wisdom of the Ages - Elvis Presley VIsitors Of A.D. 2022- The Science Fiction Corporation Wild Eyes - Mariee Sioux All I Want For Christmas Is New Years Day - Hurts https://www.dropbox.com/sh/4kvx3yur4fhm31k/-eKltQW4gm

I have been struggling to make friends from the new people I've been meeting and so I thought I would come on here for discussion. I want to define two terms: friends (those who you can talk to about anything, emotional and personal issues), and buddies/acquaintances (those who you can simply hang out and have fun with, but are usually boring besides that) I have only ever had buddies, no friends. Although I do think that "buddyship" can be important in a void of friends because at least you're having fun with your time. My motivation for asking this question was this: I had been thinking about the issue of romantic relationships when I suddenly imagined getting a new girlfriend where everything would be going good for a little while, then one day she would say to me "You should introduce me to your friends."; after which I would say I don't have friends, and I pondered what the reaction would be. I then thought about the importance of friendship which led me to start this topic. So answer this: Is friendship important? If so, why? ALSO, is it important to have friends before getting into a romantic relationship? Does it have any bearing on your "being happy with yourself" (aka your personal well-being and satisfaction with yourself)?