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As the title indicates, I'm on the hunt for an old episode of the show in which Stef was talking to a woman about her marriage, in which she and her husband functioned under very traditional roles. She described him tackling family issues by taking her input, and then ultimately being the one to make the decision. I remember her saying something like it was a structure that people often misunderstand and think she's being oppressed, but it was what worked for them and she felt secure and trusted her husband. She gave the example of if the family were to move, that was primarily his decision because he was the one with the job and providing the resources. She had final say over household and child-rearing things. Something like that. I was under the impression that this was an interview show, not a call-in, but I could be wrong. And I'm not thinking of the Suzanne Venker episodes, those were the first I looked up. Ballpark early 2016, is what I'm thinking for when it came out. I've combed over the show logs, but I just can't seem to locate it. Does anyone remember the show I'm talking about?

Hello everyone, I have come to ask for help because I don't trust any groups of people to have an objective point of view. Sorry for the essay. I've been dating my current girlfriend for 8 months now, and about 5 weeks ago I started to notice and look at other women a lot. This has made me question my feelings a lot as I'm not sure as this strange desire for infidelity has been brought by my subconscious to try to make me break up with my girlfriend. Some introductions and context in blue in case you want to skip it: I am 25, Half mexican half american Living in mexico. I'd say in the looks department I'm about a local area 9/10, global 7/10. I don't drink and the only drug I do on occasion (3 or 4 times a year) is weed. I have engaged in highly illegal things in the past, although all of them were victimless. I suspect these may be self destructive behavior. I have thought about suicide (16 y/o) but looking back I think I may have just been dramatic to get my way. My father was in my house but didn't speak much to me and my mother always told me shit to make me hate him (that stopped about 15y/o). I was never hit, only slapped once in the face. I have slept with 25 ish women (memory is hazy as most were one night stands) My girlfriend is 19, Brazilian. Looks: local area 8/10, global 6/10. She likes going to raves every month/few months and likes doing ecstasy there. She does smoke weed 1 or 2 times a week when she lives with me (never at parent's house) she had been depressed for a year before meeting me because her parents moved to another city with no friends). She was beaten many times by her mother and her father worked a ton and was tired when he did see her or he'd drink and listen to music. She has also contemplated suicide. She claims to have slept with only 4 people, including myself. She says she doesn't know what to do in her life. We met in brazil in a hostel (October maybe) (she was from another city) and had sex on the second day of knowing each other. I'd say the things that attracted me about her were youth, she speaks perfect english, is relatively smart, weighs 110lb / 48 KG, and had that look that just made me want to get up in her business. I know she was not on the pill during that time so her pheromones probably gave me rabies too. Oh and of course: she's libertarian-ish. I talked to her about a few complex topics and was able to shift her point of view based on logic, which is a GIANT plus to me. When I first tried kissing her, she said she was "seeing someone", and that she felt guilty about kissing me (she was the one that suggested we go out in the first place). I didn't care. I went to visit her where she lived a week later. she did not introduce me to her parents as they thought she was still a virgin, so she had to lie to be with me those few days, and on all the future outings/trips. Every time we had sex, it was without condoms and it was always pull out. She took a few morning after pills here and there as a precaution. She did on one occasion tell me I should trust nobody in life, not even her (she later said she was joking). She also told me once that if she was me, she'd be out having sex with as many women as possible(she recently explained that she said that because thats what all dudes her and my age try to do). At some point I did tell her about the illegal things I was doing, she said she suspected so, and chose to stay with me anyway. After about two months of knowing each other and meeting on weekends, I had to return to Mexico and I convinced her to come with me. She was fed up with brazil and was almost over her design course, so she accepted. I left on DEC 1 and she joined me on DEC 17. I was her first time out of brazil. She went on the pill when she arrived to Mexico to avoid pregnancy. I don't know if it was the pills, but around 15th of January she lost a lot of libido and for the first time in our relationship we went a whole week without sex. I was still very horny and was plagued with insecurity as she rejected my attempts for that whole week. That week I lost a lot of attraction for her as I thought she didn't like me anymore, so when she regained her libido, It was hard for her to turn me on, and on one occasion I even had to imagine another girl as I was having sex with her to be able to enjoy it. A few days later sex returned to normal, although a lot less than our pre-pill days (then it was every day). Some negatives about my girl: she gets easily irritated sometimes when arguing about the best way to do something(best way to sweep, how to pluck hairs, etc) and she shuts down, but with some other more complicated things she listens (like philosophy). she often ignores my experience in certain topics, when I clearly have much more than she does (example: travel) and does what she wants, to later find out I did actually know what I was talking about. She claims to be a feminist, but I think she largely miscategorizes herself and I would call her an egalitarian, especially considering what modern feminism is. She is very lazy sometimes and gives up easily. although she is skinny, she is out of shape and has no endurance. I am the opposite as I play beach volleyball every day. When she's feeling lost and without purpose she prefers to stay indoors all day in stead of come with me and at least watch the beach volleyball game. she prefers sitting on the beach and doing nothing. She has a lot of anxiety and often gets fed up when we start arguing about certain topics. A great negative for me is that she has never had an orgasm in her life ( or is having orgasms but doesn't know what "counts" as one). Try as I might, I cannot get her to do it. With women that have experienced orgasm before, I have always been able to get them to have one, I have been with a few women who say they have never had one and with them I was unable to as well. It definitely makes me feel worth a little less as I cannot make her have the same pleasure as I do. In a way it has made me a better lover as I have strived for longer and more intense intercourse, but all my effort is to no avail. With what I have been able to do to her, I now wonder how other women with orgasmic capability would react, and I crave the feeling of accomplishment that I would get from being able to deliver the pleasure to them with my new abilities. I feel as this is another contributing factor to my recent interest in other women. I don't know what "love" feels like, nor do I know if I do or have ever loved my girlfriend. I enjoy her company, and I like having her around. I fear losing her because I don't know if I'll ever find another free thinker that I'm attracted to. I don't know if I love her or if I'm just afraid to be alone. I don't want to go into the dating world again. I don't want to build other relationships because its hard for me to find women I'm attracted to physically and mentally. I got in a fight with a dude where I live and she had my back... her ferocity and anger toward that dude filled me with admiration for her... but I wouldn't say that most of the other time I am filled with admiration for everything she does. as I said she gives up with a lot of the small things, but then she soldiers on through other small things well.... ahhh its all so complicated in my mind. About children: she says she wants to wait at least 2 years, maybe 5 or maybe 10. I don't want to wait 10. I don't really want to wait 5 either. But I do not want to rush and bring a person into a world and fail them. She says she wants to travel, do things that you can't do wen you have children ( extreme sports, backpacking, etc) and I always say you CAN do those things, you just need to change little things here and there. I will add that when she's around children she starts telling me she wants kids.. right now she's with her mom and thats probably making her feel like a kid again (she will return to mexico in a week or two) I will be starting a new business in the next few months, If it works I will be making 100k a year and the subsequent year I will reach 1 mil unless i get government pushback (Mexico is a corrupt place... my competition might not play fair), so money won't be an issue. Sorry for the essay, I put in all the info because it is probably relevant. Anyone have any insight? should I break up with her and find another woman who is more developed? should I stay with her and see how I feel at the 1 year mark? should I avoid babies at all cost with her? is she a good candidate? am I a good candidate? help. If anyone would like some more relevant info, please feel free to ask. Thanks in advance

Currently 19 years old, deciding whether or not I should set myself up for the possibility of a family later on, or whether I should set myself up for being single for the rest of my life. Thoughts? Pros and Cons for each? I'm an Omega male so getting laid isn't an option.

Why do y'all think that so many marriages fail after children come into the picture? What is lacking in relationships that fail in response to stessors related to child-rearing? I find myself wanting to pose this question here, to see if there are any insights this community has that I haven't encountered before. I'm wondering whether I should seek parenthood. I'm in a relationship that's shaky at the moment -- well, it's been shaky for at least a year -- and although I'm open to having kids with this person if things improve, I'm worried that if we married and had kids, our relationship would deteriorate again. Just trying to move forward with open eyes. I'm in therapy, but I think I'd encounter perspectives here that my therapist would not be able to provide.

I am torn between 2 bad choices: Atheist = overwhelmingly leftist Conservative = overwhelmingly religious I am tempted to take the frogs advice and find a Christian woman, what do?

Preeclampsia and other pregnancy complications as an adaptive response to unfamiliar semen - JENNIFER A. DAVIS AND GORDON G. GALLUP JR. State University of New York at Albany How's this for an argument on committed relationships lead to healthier children? This information is new and may, or may not, hold up over time. Although, I didn't see a public argument against it--which would mostly be people with pitchforks and torches because this could bring a lot of parties to a crashing halt. (Insert scratched record sound here!)

"In fact, the concept of marital rape is created by the cultural Marxists in an attempt to destroy the family and to destroy the institution of marriage." - According to our friend the Supreme Dark Lord, Vox Day. Source: http://heatst.com/world/feminism-debates-vox-day-vs-louise-mensch-on-marital-rape/ But if this sounds worrisome to you, don't fret. He doesn't mean that you can physically assault her, just that you can get her drunk or drugged, or rape her while she sleeps. That's totally ok. "Well, I think if you’re talking about a woman being inebriated or asleep you could imagine those situations where you would view it as rape and I would not." What do you think? Is Vox right that a woman has an obligation to have sex with her husband even if she's ill or incapacitated, but not to the point of bruises, but ok with intoxicants or if she's unconscious?

Am I allowed to marry people in another country? Say yes for free trade and no for protectionism.

Hello, folks! There may be no objective and quantifiable way to answer the question I'd like to pose to you, but I'd sincerely appreciate any thoughts and insight you can offer on the subject! I am interested in securing for myself a heterosexual monogamous relationship with an intelligent and virtuous woman. The question I'm wrestling with is: Should I work hard to find a virtuous woman to enjoy life with now at age 20, or later after I've accumulated more resources? Related subjects of interest for this discussion include: Sexual market value, how to meet new women, online dating, and life planning This is a very important question to me. I feel like I'm finally healthy enough as a man to attract and be worthy of the kind of woman I dream of. I've been to nine months of IFS therapy with an amazing therapist, have had almost a thousand hours of emotionally-connected, challenging, empathetic and rewarding conversations with my closest friends who are all Freedomain Radio listeners, and have been working diligently for a long time to understand my childhood and adolescent traumas, process them, and heal from them. I am in a remarkably unique situation which would drastically favor my odds, and I think it's appropriate to relay the reasons in my mind why I think it would be a good idea for me to begin the search now for a partner. However, as I will discuss, I am feeling hesitant to begin due to a lack of dating knowledge and experience. This has me wondering whether or not I should wait until I accumulate more resources first. I have attempted to remain impartial in the following self-assessment of my strengths. These are the reasons why I believe it is high-time for me to put myself out there. Financially, I have tens of thousands of dollars in assets saved. Beyond any doubt in my mind, I will be making enough money to fully support myself with my business plans by time I turn 21 this July. Presently, I am operating my budget at a significant loss so that I may live on my own and run my own online business promoting precious metals and preserving freedom. I have enough money to comfortably live an entire year, ALL expenses included, with no income whatsoever; however I have formulated articulate and actionable plans to generate more profit than life expenses by the end of June. This means that (if all goes according to plan) I will be 100% financially secure and independent by the age of 21 and living a richly rewarding existence doing that which I'm genuinely passionate about. Molyneux has often said that in order to attract great people into your life, one must shine the beacon of virtue bright into the sky so that all those who are in tune with the signal and able to recognize virtue on sight may find their way to the signal's origin. Basically, my hope is that by doing the work that I do and successfully making a living out of it, I will be not only living the life of my dreams, but more attractive to the woman of my dreams. Emotionally, I am in the greatest health of my life. I have worked arduously to emerge from a depressive slump, marijuana addiction, and irrational paranoia through many months of intensive work in therapy. My level of self-confidence has increased greatly since the massive blow it took from my previous dysfunctional relationship prior to exploring self-knowledge. Through practice in hundreds of hours of difficult conversations in building virtue-based friendships, I am able to empathize now like never before! My parents and I are in the process of having many difficult conversations about my upbringing - venomous verbal abuse, manipulation, and blarping were unfortunately all central to my childhood. However, I feel hope with regards to my relationship to my parents as their willingness to accept responsibility and apologize for their wrong doings is a good sign in my eye. I believe that the work I am doing will prove to be instrumental in attracting a woman of virtue. However, I have a very long road ahead of me until I have fully resolved every conceivable issue. Yet, I feel healthy enough to begin the search! I do not know if it is necessary to process 100% of one's childhood prior to looking for a partner. Hell, some people process 0% of theirs. What are your thoughts on this??? Mentally, I'm very intelligent and articulate. My verbal IQ clocks in at around 140 and I would consider myself to be a gifted communicator, both written and verbally. This will arguably serve me well in any undertaking I choose for the rest of my life. With regards to dating, I know that for myself, intelligence is a key trait I'm looking for in a lover. I'd like to marry a woman with an IQ of 120 or more (top ~10%). I am charismatic and feel that I am confident enough to engage in meaningful conversations even with woman of great beauty, which long ago would have made me too nervous. I think it's fair to say that my ideal partner would find intelligence and charisma attractive, and fair to say that I'd be able to satisfy at least those criteria. Physically, I consider myself to be quite lucky. By genetic accident, I am quite handsome. Others in my life have consistently rated me as a 9/10 on the scale of physical attractiveness, and I work out 2-3 times per week to build upon my athletic body. Let me be clear, I do not consider this to even remotely resemble a virtue, nor is matching physical attractiveness a "must" for me to feel satisfied in a virtue-based relationship. However, I know for a fact that this happens to increase my sexual market value, and my physique will only continue to improve as I continue living a healthy and active lifestyle. Personality-wise, I'm quite enjoyable to spend time with. I've got a strong sense of humor, am able to craft witty jokes, and have a great capacity for both intellectual and emotionally connected conversation. I'm a very compassionate and gentle person with a capacity for toughness and strength when the need arises. Sadly, I haven't spent much of any time with women my age over the past two years. I find that I have remarkably little in common with the "average" 18-21 year old, as I am more emotionally-matured than the vast majority of people in my age group. tl;dr? It may be a wise decision for me to begin the hunt for a fair and virtuous maiden now because I (think I) will have high dating market value, and I hold many virtues that a virtuous woman would find attractive. However, it is perhaps of even greater importance to now mention my shortcomings and why I feel hesitant to fully commit to putting myself out there on the dating market yet. These are the reasons why I think it could be better to wait until I've accumulated more resources. I lack dating experience! I've only been in one committed monogamous relationship which lasted for a year and four months. The relationship was overall very dysfunctional; we didn't share the same values, didn't share the same interests, didn't share the same level of intelligence, didn't get along 1/4th of the time, and my ex was a highly manipulative girl whom I allowed to pussy-whip me into being a little beta. Needless to say, while I now have many months and hundreds of hours of experience in having quality friendships, I don't have anything to model a quality romantic relationship off of. I lack sexual experience! In my previous relationship, despite having lost my virginity and having had sex dozens of times, I do not feel presently that I am "sexually experienced". My ex never really seemed to enjoy many of our sexual interactions, and often used sex to manipulate me into submission. This originally made me actually feel quite horrible about myself, which is just so terribly saddening to me now. I wanted so very much to explore, to try new things, and to learn how to better please a woman and for good reason! Sexual intimacy is a beautiful, wonderful part of any romantic relationship; I'd strive to please my partner like no other once the relationship got that far. Unfortunately at the time, I felt sexually rejected repeatedly which proved harmful to my self-esteem. Frankly, in retrospect I don't believe the problem was entirely me. I'm reasonably well-endowed and my partner had sexual trauma which hadn't been processed. Nonetheless, this lacking of experience may not work in my favor. I hardly know where the fuck to begin. How the hell do you guys meet women? Married gentlemen, how did you meet your wife?! I can't go to bars or clubs (not that I'd even really expect to find interesting people there [perhaps I am wrong?!]), and although I've made MANY new male friends from FDR, I've only met intelligent, captivating women who are either much older than I or live in different continents. I've created an okcupid account, and have found a few potential leads of intelligent women who are interested in philosophy living within 100 miles of me. That is, at least, a start. I'd be really curious to hear your thoughts and insight on this!!! I'm not financially secure yet. My online business will generate the revenue I need to survive from affiliate marketing of products and services which I have used and trust, in addition to selling digital information products (eBooks, online courses) and precious metals (silver, gold). Would a good woman recognize the value in the content that I am producing, the good will that I exude in my work, and look past my (temporary) financial situation in interest of my other virtues? Would she not care that I'm running at a loss while I grow a following and build my business from the ground up? Or would she scoff at the notion of what I'm doing with my life and disregard my ambition to follow my passions until their fruits could be harvested? I really hope the latter is not entirely the case. I dropped out of college pursuing a degree in Computer Engineering to become an entrepreneur instead. Some women, I would imagine, greatly prefer a man who has high income potential, and a college degree is a good indicator of that status. I'll not have one unless something drastic changes, so that may work against me too. It would seem that if I am already wealthy, as I plan to be, that I can bypass this "blemish" on my potential dating market value. Ultimately, this is a massive decision that I think I need help and perspective on. I don't know if there are things that I am overlooking, underestimating, over-exaggerating, or conflating in my analysis of the situation I'm in. Fortunately, from my perspective, I appear to be in a great starting place compared to where I imagine most 20 year old men are at. I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts, bright minds of the Freedomain Radio community. Thanks for both your time and consideration in reading this. I would be more than happy to take the time to answer any questions or provide clarifications. I greatly look forward to engaging with you in substantive discussion on this subject which I believe is likely highly relevant to many of us young men!

Hi friends. My friend called me with some devastating revelations about her husband. He and she need immediate therapy (they needed it before, obviously). I remember a few people on the show and even Stefan recommending a particular therapy (it goes by an acronym) that gets into past patterns of the family members (parents/grandparents) etc. Does anyone know what the acronym or the name of this therapy method is? I cannot remember for the life of me! A million thanks!!

An old friend I haven't been in contact with for some time asked me to be his best man at his wedding. Our life journeys separated by his moving far away before I came across FDR and started going to therapy and now we see each other like once a year. Neither he nor his bride to be are bad or dumb people, but from what I know, they currently seem to be of the widely spread (and to a large degree inherreted) opinion than parenting is something you don't really need to study or particularly prepare for. Both of them were subjected to yelling and hitting as kids (plus you know.. public schools) and I'm kind of afraid that since they haven't been to therapy nor do they take particular interest in studying peaceful parenting at the moment, there's high chance they'll inflict some of that negative behaviour on their future kids (which they plan on having "one day", but are not expecting them at the moment, he's 25, she's 22). Now I thought about having "the peaceful parenting talk" with them, but I'm not quite sure I'd manage to get the message properly accross to them since they live so far away now and we barely meet. I would also hate to provoke resentment in them towards philosophical parenting by sounding preachy. So I thought that maybe 3-5 really comprehensive books about parenting could be a great wedding gift. Both of them love to read (though mostly fiction) and I believe that there are a lot of great authors out there that explain the basics of how not to bring up a damaged human being. So I'd like to know what do you guys think of the idea? Like I said, I'd hate to provoke resentment in them, so I don't want to be the guy who would be like "study these or don't become parents" If you think it might be worth it, what books would you recommend?

I got married a year ago, and we are learning a lot about how to get along and know each other and ourselves. Things are pleasant 80% of the time or so. We think quite differently, which I always knew could be either a strength or a challenge. Okay, so I started listening to Adam Kokesh and became a believer in anarchy about 3 or 4 months ago, then found FDR a couple months ago and am very curious and attracted to his logical approach to things. My wife never read much of the stuff I read about anarchy and nowadays she doesn't really like listening to Stefan, either. I think she may be listening more because I ask her and less because she is really interested. We are LDS (AKA Mormon) and she said she feels uncomfortable challenging certain core beliefs that are part of our faith. I told her I feel doubt about our future because I fear that she may be unwilling to challenge certain beliefs that are not true and possibly causing her emotional suffering. How can I be more persuasive to her? Maybe just be an example of living UPB and explaining how it brings me peace...? Thanks!

Let me start off by Thanking Stefan for the books, that he has written. They have helped me a great deal. I am NOT trying to be cruel or mean. I am just telling the truth as I know it. So please forgive me if my wording or grammar are a little off. Stefan, Please Read. It will be short. I do not think you/Stefan knows what a MGTOW is. There's a lot of MGTOW that are married with kids. I hope you/Stefan did not pick MGTOW as a topic just because it is a large group of people/men. To learn more about MGTOW, I would start with Spetsnaz https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbbeOA5K7Hhc3I2vWG1jZ0w and work my way out from their. I think MGTOW like Sandman and Barbarossa are Interesting, But not in the same frame of mind as MGTOW like Spetsnaz. What is being talked about here is Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, suicide 4to1 vs woman, social exclusion, woman using the state to destroy men, western civilization clasping because woman have used the state so much to kick the shit out of man, They are with drawing from woman by the 100s of millions, etc, etc, etc. This a civil rights issue. This is very, very real. And this is horrifying. Just look up the statistics. 2/3 of all Japanese men have withdrawn from woman/the state. I do not have all the statistics for all the countries of western civilization. But if you look them up I think that you will be shocked. I live in the U.S.A, White Males are the only race and sex that have laws written to sexually and racially discriminate against them. The small group of good woman vs large group of good men would destroy millions of men if they took your/Stefan's advice to get married and have kids. Stated differently, there are not enough woman that will not destroy men using the state. Therefore millions off men are left out in the cold and are damaged from woman using the state. suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, Social Exclusion, Poverty aka Homeless. What should they do? If men are married or single, why not Men/Man Going Their Own Way? Being seen as a human, a man and not a utility or a thing. This is a very large subject. please take a deeper closer look before going out half cocked. Please talk to good representatives of the MGTOW community before Judging them. Of what I know about the Freedomain community. I am sure Stefan and the community will take a closer look. Thank you.

Just had a thought and while it may not be original (might be though) I would be remiss if I didn't bring it to the attention of people that could do some good with it. I believe Stefan and everyone else arguing for the good in marriage and those arguing against it, namely MGTOW, are overlooking something integral to the argument. Here is the problem as I see it: A committed relationship and marriage are not the same thing. Marriage is a business contract to sire and bring a child to adulthood. The relationship between the husband and wife in lieu of that contractual obligation is a free relationship and should be strictly voluntary. We actually do recognize this with no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce, which ensures that one can annul a marriage at any time due to dissatisfaction, has erroneously applied itself to both relationships. With regard to the personal relationship yes, one should be able to end the relationship without fault. It is voluntary. It is merely a recognition of our right to free association (and freedom from association). But one should not be able to annul with regard to the child-rearing relationship without fault because it is a business contract and not a voluntary relationship. See the difference? Thus men are choosing not to marry (and/or arguing against it) because they recognize that the contractual relationship itself is absurd and antagonizes them in it's current state. The spousal relationship in lieu children on the other hand, a voluntary long-term relationship, remains appealing though. Given that the law and most people generally make no distinction between either relationship men cannot reconcile their desire for a voluntary commitment to a partner and the business contract of marriage to sire and bring a child to adulthood. It certainly makes the entire concept of love farcical when women insist on marriage (forced obligation) to prove one's commitment (voluntary dedication). In this way they are antithetical. This lack of any distinction sullies both relationships in the eyes of men which can be best demonstrated in alimony law. First though consider that child support is a necessary and warranted punishment/insurance for breaking your contractual obligation to sire and bring children to adulthood. This is sensible (except the laws are absurd but let's pretend they are fair). Alimony on the other hand exists as a punishment for breaking the voluntary relationship between both partners. Stefan correctly recognizing this practice as immoral and akin to prostitution because it is a payment/punishment for past association. Men (and some women) correctly view this as hostile to even the concept of a loving relationship but have failed (to my knowledge) to correctly identify it as a contractual punishment for what was never truly contractual i.e. the voluntary association between both partners. Therefore, my solution is to design a new contractual relationship that deals strictly with child rearing. The rest of the relationship must remain untouched by government interference and any contracts whatsoever. So for example no-fault divorce would be ended but in the recognition that the husband's and wife's relationship to each other in voluntary and divorce itself deals directly with the contract to sire and bring children to adulthood. Contracts will be drawn up dealing with child support, what warrants fault in the case of divorce, etc. The voluntary aspect of the relationship will remain unmolested. Then and only then will men choose to marry again because it makes the contractual part of marriage meaningful and sensible and also preserves the freedom of association of a loving relationship. So in essence, identify that the spousal relationship involves two relationships one of which is voluntary (personal association) and the other involuntary (through contractual obligation to raise children) and treat both separately by law and by us as well. When anti-marriage people argue with pro-marriage people both are arguing at cross-purposes. Anti-marriage people are right in identifying that a marriage (voluntary association with a partner) should be strictly voluntary. They are wrong however when they argue the same position for child-rearing contracts or simply throw the baby out with the bathwater. Pro-marriage people are arguing that the institution of marriage is essential to child-rearing (as a lawful obligation) and are correct in that regard but are incorrect when applying that same position to the voluntary relationship between both partners. Much of this contention between these camps comes from the conflation of both relationships as the same and this is made especially difficult when the same word, marriage, is used in reference to both. If you want to extend an olive branch between both camps, to at least some in both camps anyway, this is how you do it. Suffice to say, 'marriage' and 'marriage' aren't the same thing. Until then I think any further argumentation without reference to this is going to make either side look foolish and fruitless in their efforts because both sides are as right and as wrong as the other and any people swayed by their arguments merely deepen the divide and fill their ranks with those that don't understand the truth of what's going on. I hope that helps. I'll try and communicate this to the MGTOW community as well.

My friend lives in Salt Lake City, Utah. I'm guessing it might be more difficult to find a good therapist where they are so heavily religious but does anyone have any suggestions? I don't see any resources on here. Thanks.

The situation: I've been asked to be the 'Best Man' for a good friend, which is honestly something I never expected to face. I'm honored to fulfill the role, but I do have some problems with it. My own parents divorced when I was six, leaving me with a lasting bad impression of marriage. My mother is currently undergoing the process for her third divorce. I've seen marriage used too often to merely trap a partner, either for temporary or lasting financial security, directly from the father or through government subsidies, or for reproduction out of some unconcious desire to replicate the hasty, clueless babymaking of their own parents. I met this friend through mutual friends in university and, though he has a couple years on me, we've gone through the philosophical, theological and political awakening side by side, challenging and encouraging each others ideas. Though I rarely use the terms to avoid straw-manning of arguements, we are atheist AnCaps. For as long as I've known him, almost ten years now, he has been romantically attached to the woman he's now proposed to. While I obviously don't know her as well as he does, I entirely trust his judgement of her character, and completely agree that she is very unlikely to treat him the way so many women have treated other men. I'm absolutely certain they intend to have children one day, when they are in a financially advantageous position to do so, which may be soon, and I'm certain she'd be a great mother, non-violent, caring and fair, and he a great father. I'm at the age where a lot of friends are starting to marry and have children. Some, I would say, unwisely. I think if anyone can make marriage work then these two people have the best chance out of anyone I know, and they are fully on board with the idea and principles of Peaceful Parenting. But I still have my reservations on marriage itself. I expect I'm going to have to give a speech at a ceremony sooner or later and I don't want to bomb it with my shaky trust in the institution of marriage, and how it is more and more frequently used almost like a social weapon. I'm painfully aware that my doubts stem from my own prior experiences, so any help rendered in overcoming this aspect of my personality would be greatly appreciated.

This thread is for information regarding a presentation on "The Fall of Germany - Coming Catastrophes in the German Economy". Please feel free to post interesting facts/statistics (preferably in bullet form) with links to the source material below. Michael asked me if I would like to put the presentation together, and I am happy to do so. Michael: “Basically, it's just a massive overview of the entire economic and social landscape of the various countries, the positives, the negatives and a future forecast based on current trends. Germany is our 5th biggest market, and we've already done videos on the top four markets.”

Hi there! In the podcast 'Paid to Not Masturbate - Sunday Call In Show December 15th, 2013' Stefan said that such thing as a contract is needed when there is no trust between parties. And if there is trust in people's relationship, contract is not necessary. I totally agree with that. Indeed, I do not have a contract with my English teacher, for example. I know him very well, I want to study English and therefore I do not miss the lessons and pay for them on time. He also knows me, loves teaching and shows up at work every day. The contract is redundant. This led me to think about marriage, since it is a social contract where two people promise to be together, love each other, etc. Let's assume that we live in a stateless atheistic society. Would we still have marriage? Obviously, romantic relationships are the strongest and most important relationships in our life. If the less important relationship between a student and a teacher does not need a contract, why would a couple need it? What would change when I get married? I will be able to call my girlfriend my wife, she will have my last name and… that's probably it. Is the purpose of marriage to only change names and make the family tree easier to follow? What do you think? Am I missing something? I'd appreciate your thoughts.

It is called Village Wisdom Podcast and available via iTunes here -- https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/village-wisdom-podcast/id916496501 The target audience is young women and teens so may not be appropriate for most here. I felt that I needed to fill in that gap a little bit in educating about peaceful parenting. And specifically I felt I needed to offer the wisdom from my own mistakes to hopefully make a difference in at least one child's life. My children are grown and have children of their own and I cannot get their childhood's back for them. However, i can reach other young women and attempt to stop them from making the mistake of having a child when you are still a child. I'm no philosopher but I have lots of life experience to share. I'm completely on board with peaceful parenting and working diligently to help that movement progress forward at an even more rapid pace. A more important focus of the podcast is being prepared -- really, really prepared -- for marriage or life partnership and having children. Peaceful parenting will be a no-brainer for these women. Thanks for listening and please post reviews and comments on iTunes as they will expect it and bug me about it. More importantly, it will help me get the word out.

Hi everyone. I'd like to share my story to get some help understanding roots of my problems and ways to improve.My parents divorced when I was 3 and I spent my childhood with my mom. I never asked much about what happened, I think I was a little bit afraid to ask, but I'm catching up now. My parents live in Russia and I will go there soon to talk in person. My mom said that my father didn't want to spend time with me. He said that he'll do the "knowledge transfer" when I get older and until then it's my mom's job to take care of me. He has been married 4 times and has 3 children, all from different wives. I am his first one. My mom is always bitter speaking about my father calling him stingy. He showed up a few months after the divorce in the middle of a hot summer and took the fridge that he bought before the marriage. It was really difficult to buy major household items like a fridge or furniture in the Soviet Union. You had to know someone or get on the waiting list which was booked months and months ahead.I remember having lots of fun playing with my mom. She would go far and beyond as we dug and crawl snow tunnels and did other fun active things. We didn't have much money, so she had to work a second job at night cleaning streets, which I enjoyed helping her doing especially shoveling snow in winter time. My mom had another relationship when I was in middle school. We had good time with the guy once in a while, but he had drinking periods. It got worse over a few years and he ended up beating my mom and leaving. She got married again about 15 years later and she and her new husband look happy now.I don't remember much aggression in my childhood. I was spanked a couple of times and yelled at rarely. Although, I did have to stand in a corner quite a few times "to think about my behavior" which typically lasted 10-15 minutes until I gathered enough courage to go to my mom and apologize which always felt humiliating. Hugging, kissing, saying "I love you" was mostly missing from our relationship. My grandparents who I had a good time with didn't express love to each other neither. I remember feeling anxiety about touching someone even as a social interaction all the way till my first romantic relationships that I think fixed it. I still feel unease to say "I love you".My romantic relationships seem all follow the same pattern. I fall in love and I'm really passionate during this initial period that lasts for a few months. Then it cools down and I just go with it. I don't feel like maintaining exclusivity is necessary or desirable. My hypocrisy is that I wouldn't offer my girlfriend polyamory, I would just secretly cheat on her. In my inner dialog I would excuse it as a form of self pleasure without the moral context, lying somewhere in between of playing sports and jacking off.I got married 6 years ago and this relationship repeated the pattern. I think it lasted that long because we spent lots of time being long distance due to visa regulations for studying/working abroad. We would see each other rarely, but every time we meet was fresh and exciting after several months of separation. During the periods we lived together we enjoyed doing things, but we would also argue often. A few times I thought about ending the relationship. I was selfish, hypocritical, and tried to dominate her. She wanted me to be more open and share my feelings, but I didn't know how. She was getting older and wanted kids. Something scared me in that idea. It could be the responsibility, uncertainty in our visa situation or lack of a deep and meaningful relationship. She asked me several times and I would simply say I am not ready for kids yet. We tortured each other. I kept dragging the relationship, she would poison it with frustration. When we were apart I sometimes had sex or short relationships with random girls. When she moved to the US she left everything behind to be with me, career, friends, family. I feel so much pain writing how I treated her.About a year ago I found FDR and it changed my life. After months of listening I started applying RTR. First time when I wanted to tell my wife what I feel at the moment when we were arguing, I got so anxious, I couldn't speak. When I eventually told her, she got it right away. She expressed sympathy with me, we stopped arguing and started exploring our feelings. It's been a few months and we have never argued since then, except for one heated argument about philosophy that we resolved speaking what we felt. It has been the greatest time in my life! We spent hours and days cuddling and talking about all things in the world catching up on 8 years of emptiness. Then it struck me, I have to tell her about my past cheating. I felt terrified and I couldn't share my fear with her. At first I wanted to forget the past and enjoy the new life, but I couldn't. It started bothering me more and more. I became bitter inside and started attacking every antirational post on facebook. The past weekend we had a lovely time together biking and chatting about philosophy, it was the last drop. I was so much in love and wanting children, but this black hole was sucking me from inside. I told her that I have a dark secret and I can't live any longer not being completely honest with her. The fear paralyzed me and I couldn't say a word for a while, she looked at me and guessed it "You have another woman". "I had several" I replied. She broke down in tears and pain.She wants to divorce. "You are a monster that builds trust and hits right in the core. You don't have emotions. A lost unhappy person. I don't believe you can change, you are running your RTR experiment on me." she cried. I don't know now if she really understood the philosophy we talked about last few months or she just went along asking questions. I haven't seen her for a few days since.What's wrong with me? Do I lack an ability to bond? Did I not have an example of a true romantic relationship? Was the pain worth the truth? Could or should this marriage be saved?

Hi! This is my first post and I'm kind of excited and nervous about it. I'm just looking for some perspective from you wise folks on a relationship situation:We've been together 7 years, married 4 1/2 years. Her childhood was very difficult. She left home at 15, has always taken on a lot of responsibility, and has never been single. Because of that, I've understood from the beginning of our relationship when we were 23, that she needed to take time for herself.I would often suggest she do so- take a relaxing day off, go for a walk in the woods alone, read/write/reflect etc. But she's always busy- It's gotten better over the years, but there were times when she was regularly double or triple booked.In the last year or two she's started to spend time alone maybe one afternoon every couple of months to hike and journal. She also largely distanced herself from me during this period of time and spent the majority of her time at work or with friends. Now she's saying she wants to travel the country alone for an undefined extended period of time in order to figure out who she is and what she wants. "Maybe 8 months?" she said when I asked how long she thought she needed.At first I was excited that she had made the decision to get to know herself. Now I'm just wishing she had paced herself over the last 7 years instead of arriving at this point where she feels like she has to do something that extreme. I'm also concerned about my needs in the marriage continuing to not be met. (1 1/2 years of distance + another year of her being completely gone)Would it be unreasonable, wrong, or counterproductive of me to ask her to pursue self-knowledge if not with me, along side of me? I want her to know herself, but maybe she could also learn some more about me in the process and it would make our relationship stronger. I want the best for her, but also for me, and for us as couple.

Hey everyone, I've heard Stef mention on a few calls that most divorces are due to women being dissatisfied with their marriage and I was curious if anyone happen to have a source on this. thanks, Dude

I've been married for 3 1/2 years. I was 20 and he was 28 when we got married. At the time, we were both devout, conservative, fundamentalist Christians who were raised by parents who sheltered us from just about every opposing viewpoint and religiously indoctrinated us from the time we were born. I found my way out of religion and am now an atheist. My worldview has changed completely over the past two years and I consider myself a rationalist. My husband, on the other hand, is still a very anti-rational thinker and a Christian as I once was. And I do not know what to do. I don't blame my upbringing for my own choices; I take full ownership for them, since I was an adult at the time I decided to enter into a marriage relationship. I take responsibility for the fact that I did not dedicate time to acquiring adequate self-knowledge prior to making a lifelong commitment involving another person. I take responsibility for the fact that I did not take the time to get to know my husband for as long as I should have. And I take responsibility for the decision to get married at an age that was too young. I see now, too late, that I was an utter idiot with my choices. I value keeping my word and I know I, as a consenting adult, made a promise to him on our wedding day and it would be a terrible thing for me to go back on my word. At the same time, we had always planned on children, but I do not think it wise in the slightest to bring children into the mix, one parent being a strict rationalist/atheist and the other an anti-rationalist/religiously driven thinker. Our beliefs about the most fundamental areas of life are now not only different, but they are diametrically opposed and raising children in the middle of that would be lunacy. Aside from the issue of children, I just don't know how the marriage can ever have a hope of being happy when we have such conflicting values and beliefs. But I also desperately do not want to go back on my word and break a promise I made by ending the marriage. I know therapy is probably the first step to figuring things out (whether that leads to staying together or separating). Any other suggestions or advice?

Hi All I wanted to make available some notes I took down from a podcast where Stef talks with a man who discusses the breakdown of his marriage, in particular the behaviour of his wife. I'm not sure which podcast it was... Can you suggest any more? If so, feel free to post below. Signs a person is preparing to leave a marriage and abscond with children - Removal of money from joint accounts - Not paying bills - Spending more time with friends - Talking to/flirting with strange members of the opposite sex - Making the other person sleep on the couch or a friend's house - Throwing things/violent in front of children - Unexpectedly allows time with children - usually occurs right before she leaves with children - Unexpectedly allows affection e.g. sex, kissing, where it was previously being witheld - Plays children against the other person - Children showing signs of 'brainwashing' Signs of demise - Fundamental disagreement about what marriage is supposed to be - Changes after birth of children - Taking children to family, friends without the involvement of other persons - Correcting the parental discipline of the opposite partner to win affection from children - Campaign of alienation against the partner Warning signs before marriage - Tending to marginalize partner to the point where they would get angry at the partner pointing out the marginalization - Not having any expectations about nurturing the relationship - Expecting to be cared for, paid for and looked after without reciprocity, but threat with withdrawal of sex - Selfishness/spoiled - A honey trap - Physically appealing and outgoing - don't mistake accidental characteristics for personal virtues - Likes attention from other men/women - Men -Vengeance of the beta male to screw up the alpha female - Lack of intelligence or willingness to learn and explore - Entitlement complex - Not willing to look at self-knowledge - Lack of empathy for the unfortunate Beware personal failings - Have you been conditioned to be treated in a certain way in your childhood, which means you will be put up with shitty behaviour? - Do not get married or have children without self-work - very dangerous thing to do - Hanging with the wrong crowd? If bad people like you then there is something in your behaviour you have to be aware of - Don't have kids straight away, especially with worldly, attractive people - unfortunately despite the stereotyping there are indeed greater risks here