fitzpatrick Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Ah, where shall I begin... I dove head first into Stefan' videos about a week and a half ago. Something clicked. I'm here to learn because I'm at a(nother) crossroads in life, unable to continue cycling through my same patterns of dysfunction anymore and having difficulty determining what direction to go in. I went from an anxious overachiever in my youth to a depressed, directionless and drifting divorcee' all before the tender age of 27. I got lost in the rabbit hole while trying to decondition myself from my Catholic, nationalistic, athletic, and tribal indoctrinations of my youth. Mr. Molyneux's rational, humbling, and personally applicable insight is helping me to see through my missteps without constantly beating up on myself. I finally feel a step closer to the self-trust that I can barely remember what it feels like to have. Thanks for your support, and I will do my best to return it. fitzpatrick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mishelle Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Welcome fitzpatrick, I'm so glad something clicked powerfully enough for you to take this action, Stef does have that effect on some people! There are great people here to either help you with a light exploring that rabbit hole, or to lead you back out, as you prefer! At what age do you think you lost your self-trust, if you can remember? Which of Stef's video's first drew you in? What are your interests? What are your intentions here, and for yourself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NumberSix Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Look on the bright side, you're young enough to start over and hopefully you've gained some wisdom. "When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!"-- Yogi Berra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsayers Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Welcome to FDR from the man in the pink bunny suit. I got lost in the rabbit hole while trying to decondition myself from my Catholic, nationalistic, athletic, and tribal indoctrinations of my youth. I wonder, what did this look like? Where did they come from? The red pill can be tough to swallow if we don't seek the truth even when it's uncomfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_LiveFree_ Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Ah, where shall I begin... I dove head first into Stefan' videos about a week and a half ago. Something clicked. I'm here to learn because I'm at a(nother) crossroads in life, unable to continue cycling through my same patterns of dysfunction anymore and having difficulty determining what direction to go in. I went from an anxious overachiever in my youth to a depressed, directionless and drifting divorcee' all before the tender age of 27. I got lost in the rabbit hole while trying to decondition myself from my Catholic, nationalistic, athletic, and tribal indoctrinations of my youth. Mr. Molyneux's rational, humbling, and personally applicable insight is helping me to see through my missteps without constantly beating up on myself. I finally feel a step closer to the self-trust that I can barely remember what it feels like to have. Thanks for your support, and I will do my best to return it. fitzpatrick Welcome, fitzpatrick! Congratulations on all of your progress! If you're here to learn then you're here for the right reasons There is so much to learn here and so much content. If you haven't already started, I recommend going through the podcasts in order. http://www.freedomainradio.com/Podcasts.aspx I used the torrents to download them all so I can load them on my iphone and listen whenever I get the chance. There are also audio books to listen to. Don't feel rushed into making a decision about what direction to take your life. If you need to take the time out to just learn and set your bearings, do it. You only get one life so measure plenty of times before cutting! Glad you're here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fitzpatrick Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 Mishelle - Thanks very much for your welcome! An LED torch sounds great to me. At what age do you think you lost your self-trust, if you can remember? Which of Stef's video's first drew you in? What are your interests? What are your intentions here, and for yourself? The origins of my lost self-trust are tough to pinpoint... I think it was a mix of gradual erosion, absorption of fears/thought habits of people around me, and experiences of having unfounded confidence exposed. Since the first time is probably reflected in the many, here's an example, which I can expand on: I grew up playing basketball year round, enduring many maniacal coaches and parental politics. By the time I was 14, I started to get verbal/mentally ganged up on by 5-6 guys on my school's basketball team. I was the designated butt of whatever joke happened to come up, regardless of if it applied to me in any realistic way. Our team only took about 2 months off a year, so this happened consistently about 5 days a week. The coach was just as bad, and singled me out (he even admitted to it). The only way I knew how to fight back was on the court, which I did. Eventually I transferred, fought silently through another (universally agreed) asshole coach, and barely got played until the playoffs of my senior year when the team really needed me. We won our conference and lost the next round at districts. As soon as the game was over, I immediately felt the confusion of why the hell I put myself through everything I did for all of those years. I guess I had been fully stuck in sports mythology, and this self-identification which I chose to let dominate such a huge amount of my life was just a painful, ego-filled waste of time. Look on the bright side, you're young enough to start over and hopefully you've gained some wisdom. Thanks NumberSix! I've been actively refocusing myself onto that perspective. I feel like I have gained some, and the process of uprooting my deepest illusions doubtless will continue. I wonder, what did this look like? Where did they come from? The red pill can be tough to swallow if we don't seek the truth even when it's uncomfortable. Thanks man. Here's an attempt at a picture: church every Sunday (which I grew to be comfortable with, and was even an altar boy); more arguments with theology teachers in Catholic school; learning to get straight A's with minimal calculated effort (and minimal motivation to really LEARN outside of school); staying out of trouble (obeying so long as I wasn't inconvenienced); lifelong, year-round basketball training and playing; and your general small town/big family/ethnic history "we are special" mentality and way of relating to the world. It certainly all came from my parents and family, the dominant culture they grew up in, and my desire for acceptance in the locality which I hadn't travelled to see much outside of. A local once told me my rust-belt hometown was a great place to be at the end of the world, because everything happens there 20 years late. Not exactly a population of people who break convention - the brain drain effect at work. I have long sought the truth, and have been willing to endure the uncomfortable. But the red pill has a slow time-release when you don't know how to start looking for the truth, how to recognize it, or how to systematically and logically understand it. It's often outside of people's (including my past) lexicon, especially in the days before the internet. And those psychological triggers unfortunately can linger if you don't really root them out. You're absolutely right, though. Don't feel rushed into making a decision about what direction to take your life. If you need to take the time out to just learn and set your bearings, do it. You only get one life so measure plenty of times before cutting! Thanks for your advice and recommendations, Nathan! I'm checking out that link right now. That's a great metaphor, too - I've come to really appreciate how important the right bearings and accurate measurements are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsayers Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 I admire your dedication. That was a pleasure to read The important thing is understanding that the propaganda was inflicted upon you and that this largely accrues to one's parents. As long as you've got that, and it appears that you do, you can start fresh by not owning things that aren't actually YOU, but the wrapper placed upon you by others. I know for me, the red pill has been a real joy because it's like rediscovering the world all over again. If one doesn't mind the work, I think it's a real treat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fitzpatrick Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 Which of Stef's video's first drew you in? What are your interests? What are your intentions here, and for yourself? Forgot about these other questions... I first listened to Stef on an interview he did with Gnostic Media, and his on-point assessments just kept striking me as a perspective I needed to hear about more topics. I listened to On Truth (blew me away) after a few videos and am starting to listen to the podcasts as well. Interests and intentions... learning and understanding the valid psychological and philosophical concepts presented here so that I can free and decondition myself and everyone open to meaningful conversation with me, to heal my own mental/emotional scars to the point they are strengths, to see clearly enough to communicate these insights through writing, music, and video essay; and to get my bearings personally as I navigate changing careers, personal relationships, self-doubt, and the rebuilding of true self-esteem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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