Summerstone

Too much bitterness and swearing in Doug Stanhope for me, personally. I think it's absolutely hilarious to take all these wonderful gems you learn from studying philosophy (the NAP, atheism, anarchism) and turn them on their head. I mean, to misrepresent anarchism while letting the audience know with a wink that you're actually hip to what it's actually about. I get a tickle out of pretending to hedge people into unchosen positive obligations even when they know I'm the first person that would not do this. More than anything to act in direct contradiction to my values in a way that is clearly joking and is at no one else's expense. It cracks me up!

Welcome to the Boards! May your fitness quest be fruitful and may your days be anarchic.

I was skeptical as heck but opted to watch. Glad I did. Thanks for sharing, Alan.

I think a donation the size of what a new DVD purchase in the States would cost is about right.

I honestly didn't enjoy it. I think it's paced too rapidly to allow the concepts to sink in for the average viewer. The visuals bombarded me and I found them to be very distracting. I found Stef's vocal delivery to be too theatrical. If this is FDR's Zeitgeist, I would have liked to have seen similar pacing and a calmer succession of visuals. I would have like to have heard a more calm voice. This is my take. I do plan on supporting the documentary because of its truth value. I do not care for its aesthetic.

Welcome to the Boards. Remember to box out! [goofy]

I'd imagine there'd be a lot of loneliness during a childhood of being raised by someone like a nanny, as opposed to my biological parents (who would be around sometimes but not accessible, especially not emotionally). Childhood loneliness, caused by inattentive parents, leads to the overdevelopment of the intellect as a coping mechanism. It would not be a surprise to me that the sons and daughter of wealthy parents would remain in their social class because of their advanced intellects (and under developed emotions). The mercantalist world economy we live in props up those who can pursue their fortunes in a largely amoral, narcissistic manner. I'd also think that misbehaviors on the part of a child would draw much less attention from the State (which lowers everyone's standard of living) because the wealthy tend to live on estates and private floors, free from the oversight of a community. There's no cop or concerned neighbor knocking on the door. The children of the wealthy grow up in this empty bubble of overintellectualization where the few misteps against their parents' authority that would draw outside attention (physical violence, drug use, and risky sexual behavior) are left relatively free of outside intervention. Money affords isolation. This is something I've theorized on before. It's a really interesting thought. I've formed my own opinions by reading up on the lives on some of the Kennedys, the Johnson&Johnson kid who made a documentary about his father's company, and Richard Branson's life post-children.

My understanding is that it boils down to: -TONS of oil revenue -small populations -little warfare spending

Hey Rymember! Cool to see you on the Boards. Nice pic, btw [H] Very interested to see your posts here. Your work on your novel is very inspiring.

My only theory is that Bronies is a sub-culture where young men, who are insecure about their sexuality, can have a place to express their childhood parts without fear of being judged harshly.

[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xnn75W9nOrg:420:315] This has been one of my absolute favorite songs for the past 15 years. The joy and positivity of the singing, drumming, bass playing, backup singers, etc. just oozes into my brain. I love to dance to it, tap my hands on the steering wheel, sing to it loudly while washing dishes. If my music could be just a quarter as good as I consider this song to be, I'd be satisfied! I like to imagine that there would be a whole heck of a lot more music like this in a stateless society. There are so few songs that are both happy and have a message I can agree with on philosophical grounds. Please check out and listen to it with headphones on, if you can [rollsmile]

Would be fun to do something collaboratively. As I understand it, we're all in radically different parts of the globe. Ah, the future is here! Sent you both a PM with my Skype ID

Cool beans, Bardan and McAttack. Going now to subscribe to your channels. Just did a video on self-knowledge that I'm really excited about and should have it uploaded as soon as my shitty Chinese Internet lets me!

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read this, Stephen [{]

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.

Cheers, I'm definitely going to do my own "Self Knowledge" one soon. Been super busy recording music, though. Striking while the iron is hot. Looking forward to your next one. I'll subscribe to your channel when I get home to my VPN, would appreciate it if you subscribed back!

I was watching the "I Am Adam Lanza's Therapist" video just now and really connected with the neglect that Adam undoubtedly went through as a child. Looking at my own self, I have come to realize that most of the anger in my system is a reaction against the injustices and pain my parents put me through. This profound anger has manifested itself in many, many unhealthy ways for me as an adult. I wrote about this Anger some in my blog and also noted the ways in which I have changed. Here it is: http://www.stevensummerstone.com/anger-and-how-i-have-changed/ ANGER AND HOW I HAVE CHANGED 2tweetsretweet I have some of this. Some of it healthy, some of it unhealthy. The healthy springs up as a response to abuse from others, especially those I am not familiar with. The unhealthy springs up when I have been with those I care about and the situation, upon looking at it later, has not merited anger. The unhealthy anger springs up when I perceive I have been abandoned in some way by the other person. This is very painful for me and it is painful and scary to those who are confronted with my anger. This is anger that has not been redirected at those who hurt me growing up and left me with the anger: my parents, my grandparents, my aunts, my older cousin, my teachers, and my coaches. Instead of being redirected, it sits and it stews and it melds with my identity. It is only when I approach the anger with deep compassion and caring that I am able to redirect it and allow it to become healthy, and often, to melt away entirely. I am changing but I am not done. I have been in bi-weekly therapy sessions for 2 years. I plan on spending money and devoting at least 4 more years to working in therapy with a professional counselor. My wounds are deep but they are healing. I grieve at least once a week and the freedom it brings me is both exhausting and liberating. I have completely let go of the idea that crying makes me a sad person, it does the opposite. Anger is my biggest trailhead, my fiercest trigger. Followed by this is shaming. My father was an angry man. My mother was full of shame. My father abused me the most. My mother abused me the second most. It has been five years since I started journaling in earnest. I have been seeking self knowledge since I was 18 but it did not occur to me to write down my thoughts until I was 21. That was the kind of fog left to me by my childhood. Specifically focusing on anger, in those five years I have seen some incredible changes: -5 years ago I was blowing up at my angry and bitter roommate because we had a dispute about where a couch should sit in a living room in relation to a TV. Now I don’t watch TV and don’t intend on having roommates ever again (aside from my life-partner). -5 years ago I lived in a ghetto and lived beside families that screamed while the father beat his children, couples where the woman would scream because the man had pinned her and was choking her, and a little boy who roamed the complex because his mother was too busy doing meth and having men over. This all seemed strange at the time but it did not seem profoundly tragic and painful as I can see now. Almost exactly 5 years ago: the angry person that hid behind his music. Most of my pictures from around this time are similar. -5 years ago I was in a friendship with a married couple that acted as caretakers for a large group of young adults like myself. I needed these people to help me remember that I wasn’t going to go off the deep end and let my anger consume me. Now I can see they were just as lost as me, maybe even more so. They really helped me but I don’t need that kind of friendship anymore. -5 years ago I was smoking bunches of marijuana because it dulled my anger and allowed me to introspect. Now I don’t need that medicine. -5 years ago I was in a friendship where I cajoled the other person into making use of their talent and in return, they treated me as a sort of savior. We were drawn to each other out of the pain of both having been bullied and neglected by our own parents. Now I am not in a friendship with that person and will never engage in the same type of friendship again. -5 years ago I was trying idealize my parents and ‘forgive’ them for their trespasses against me in order to ‘move on’. Now I see the body of damage that my parents left me with. -5 years ago I was playing on the intramural soccer team of my ex-girlfriend who had slapped me across the face 3 months into our 13 month relationship that had ended exactly a year before. I fumed with jealous anger at the boys she would bring to the games and she would revel in my pain. Now I am in a 3 year long relationship where both parties work every single day to empower ourselves to speak openly about our emotions when there is uncertainty, rather than inflict our conclusions. -5 years ago I was a Statist (a minarchist). I thought the tree of liberty should be refreshed with the blood of patriots now and then. Now I see this as a lot of misdirected anger on the part of a very intellectual historical figure. -5 years ago I numbed my anger with endless violent video games, violent movies, and angry music. Now I am repulsed by violence and unhealthy anger in games, movies, and music. -5 years ago I wrote songs with lyrics such as, “I’m a swirling Tornado, baby. Gonna’ drag you down. But you’re not gonna feel good, you’re gonna’ be put down.” Now I write, “I’m living the best kind of life. The kind where you get to sing and smile. It’s a party everyday when you sift away the clay, what’s left is gold.” I literally couldn’t find a picture of me frowning or looking very serious in the last 2 years. The list could go on and on but these are the examples that are most present in my mind right now. I subjected myself to a lot of anger and I engaged in a lot of anger. Now I have this wonderful thing happen where the anger wells up in me and then I’m immediately curious and interested in why it’s there. It’s not a perfect system and some unhealthy anger slips through but it’s a far cry from the angry monologues I’d engage in as recent as a year and a half ago. I can’t even remember the last time I called someone a name out of anger! It’s been years! I write this as a celebration of a lot of hard work. I write it because I hope someone will read and gain some perspective on their own anger. I write this because some of the best growth I’ve done has come from admitting my problems, pains, and growth publicly. I played a show about 4 years ago where I told everyone in the venue about my addiction to Internet pornography. The experience was so completely freeing (and also instrumental in helping me work through the addiction) that I have adopted an “air the dirty laundry” attitude about my issues. I know I have a lot of anger to process, still. There are oceans of it. I have some powerfully supportive allies, both internal and external, to help me voyage across the oceans and fish out survivors from the waters. I feel happy that there’s such an adventure in front of me!

I enjoyed your video on Self Knowledge, will check this one out.

Bienvenido to the Boards. May you stay in the creamy center for all of your days.

While each of us possesses narcissistic traits to some degree, the fact that you're able to recognize them in yourself, and express displeasure, suggests that you do not have NPD. People with NPD lack self-awareness (because they're completely enveloped by the narcissistic personality) and will vociferously deny that there is anything wrong with them. Thank you for posting this. It seems that grieving and self-awareness are the antidotes to becoming overwhelmed by one's own narcissism. I know that grieving, for me, is like flushing my system out and reconnecting with the humility that I am not without flaw. The more grieving I can break through to, the more compassion I develop for others and for myself. I was enlightened by Sam's commentary on Obama, as well.

Hola Juan, I came here to say that I've found a lot of value in your posts and have at times struggled with procrastination myself. I'd echo the point Stephen made about the "JUST FUCKING DO IT" part. Perhaps you are experiencing a lot of shame or disappointment in reaction to the idea that you immerse yourself in the void of media? I know that for me it has been a self-feeding cycle: shame in response to a trailhead, immersion in media as a means of dissociating, and then shame/disappointment that I 'wasted' so much time (this shame/disappointment may lead to more media). I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time with this issue and I can sympathize with having the emotionally lifeless person living with you, consuming lots of media themselves. Something that has really helped me work with my parts around my similar issue is to be thankful to those parts of me that want to consume media. They had to work so dang hard when I was teen. I think from ages 13-18 I must have watched 1,500 to 2,000 movies. I'm so thankful that they numbed me from my parents' moods and vitriol. I also recognize that I have a lot of self judgment about when I go spelunking into media caves, and that self-judgement is a part as well (a motherly one). This gratitude and gratitude for the moments when I am lucid and doing the things that are important for me has helped me to change and grow. I've worked some with my therapist on this trailhead. The part that pushes me to media dissociation is called "The Scrambler". Cool name Thanks for reading about my experience. Maybe it will help you somehow. I know your posts in this thread have helped me to connect with my parts and I'm looking forward to a better day. -Steve

I'm sorry to hear you're in a tough situation. I am also a licensed teacher and hate every aspect of the institutions I've worked for. My plan of getting out of the education profession is coming to sweet, beautiful fruition this year but it took a lot of work and planning. I also do a bunch of DIY recording with all the bells and whistles! It's a rough spot to be in when it feels like the walls, the administrators, the security cameras, the ennui, and the PC language of government/private schooling is out to crush your soul into a fine powder. In my experience, there's going to be no success in self-justifying the profession "because of the kids" since the whole thing is set up at their expense anyway. If you're math inclined, I'd recommend getting involved in IT somehow. If coding was your thing, you could look into Ruby on Rails, Python, and Java. You can learn a lot about them through CodeAcademy. From my understanding, to get into IT you usually start by networking with other people in the profession, upskilling like crazy, and taking what's available until you can parlay it into a better job. IT is still the Wild West of the working world and governments are reticent to start taxing it. If you're a young couple and your wife is willing to move, I'd recommend moving to North Dakota, Montana, Alaska, Texas, New Hampshire, or Wyoming. There are still general jobs in these places and there's not cut-throat competition for them as there is in places like So. Cal., Oregon, Florida, or the Carolinas. If your wife has an ESL endorsement, she could easily get work in Texas. The economy is more of a mild-recession in Texas, as opposed to the full-blown depression in most other places. You could take what work comes in this scenario, your wife can continue her career, and you'll have okay economic prospects until you're done doing the exploration it takes to figure out "what the heck do I do with myself". The last scenario I'd recommend is going overseas. If your wife is licensed, she can score you guys a gig in the Middle East. I know this is out of left field but it's similar to something I did. She would get a teaching job making between 40k-55k, depending on the country, and generally this salary is tax free. Money is just flowing in Oman, Abu Dhabi, Al Ain, and Qatar. Your wife would get a working visa, make uber bank, continue her career, and you would have a good cushion that could support you while you figure out what you want to do. Sorting out what you want to do with your life generally isn't a decision to make in a couple months. ESL teaching in Asia is also a good choice. S. Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Malaysia, and China are all places that offer good wages and plenty of free time to explore your interests. This is more or less what I did: go to China, work and make good money, spend every free moment exploring my interests and journaling. It turned out pretty well for me and now I have a really awesome path in front of me. The dominos are starting to fall and it's all very Self driven. Weeee! I found that that my main professional interest and what gives me a lot of joy is using my body, being outdoors, and moving around a lot. I can't stand being in the same building, same room all day - every day. So I'm taking a job in the great outdoors somewhere really remote! I know how difficult it can be to have to switch careers. I'm in the thick of it right now and won't have a lot of certainty about what career I end up in for another year or so, but I'm well on my way. It may, for you, be as simple as making an inventory of your skills and then choosing a career field that demands a combination of those skills. For me, it was a deeply emotional experience that required a lot of growing, making good mistakes, and choosing wisely based on the knowledge I gained. I made a very good choice to do all of this exploration in a better economic climate than the Pacific NW and this choice took me all around the Eastern Hemisphere. I reasoned that if I was really unsure about what I wanted to do, I at least needed to be really sure that I could at least have a decent paying job/economic climate until I figured it out. You may have a kid or pets or a mortgage, so you may not be as flexible in this regard. A big question that troubled me was, "Why did I choose to be a teacher?" The answer was that schooling really fucked me up and in a massive variety of ways. I was able to empathize with all of those young parts of me that were tormented by teachers, peers, administrators, security officers, rules, and regulations and fully realize the extent to which I was damaged by modern schooling. I don't think I'm done in this regard, but I've come very far. For me, it took being around all of the pomp and circumstance of empty schooling again for a lot of the historical pain to be triggered. I'd explore the triggering and then gain a lot of good value by understanding my history better. I don't know that I could have done this quite to the same extent that I have if I had, after college, never again stepped foot in a place where lots of young people congregate. Also, I became a teacher because my mother is a teacher and she made a lot of my decisions for me when I was growing up. I internalized this motherly voice and the decisions I made as a younger adult were decisions that would fulfill my mother's moral expectations of me. Training as a teacher was "doing right by my mother". When I didn't fulfill my mother's moral expectations of me this voice in my head would, still does to some extent, shame me for not having adopted her conclusions (smoking weed is bad, you need to work out 3 times a week, teaching is virtuous, family is virtuous, candy is terrible, friends should be a little confident but not too confident, etc.). So, basically, my mother instilled her conclusions in me through shaming. I chose to be a teacher largely because I knew it was something she would never shame me for, or she would be outed as a hypocrite. This decision-making-to-avoid-motherly-shaming has shown up a lot for me as an adult: choosing friends dedicated to "good" conclusions (instead of friends truly dedicated to applying consistent methods), choosing romantic partners in college that shamed me (if they shamed me, mother wouldn't have to), remaining in-state and close to all of my family instead of moving to a city where my music could find fertile soil and I could be independent (family is a virtue), and teaching. I broke the cycle with philosophy, self exploration, and going on two straight years of bi-weekly therapy sessions. Now I make personally enriching decisions: choosing friends that have consistent methods (it's left me with exactly 3 friends I'm intimate with), choosing a romantic partner that empowers me and enriches my life (she also does cool things like read UPB in a week while stopping after every page to journal about the significance of the methodology to her own life), bouncing all around the world and trying out a bunch of different jobs (restaurant work, gardening, security guarding, web page design, editing, tutoring, barista-ing, etc.), and taking work that gets me about as far from an organized school as one can get. Perhaps you have made the choice to be a teacher because of some historical forces that are driving your life? I bring all of this up because I wouldn't want to just give you a bunch of good conclusions about what to do without explaining my own decision-making and how it put me into teaching and hauled me out of it later on. It would not be a lot of fun if the historical dynamic that drove you to teaching, drove you into something else where you would again be miserable. That's the value of self knowledge and applying philosophical principles to your life! My best advice is slow down, explore yourself, and make enough coin to support you until you figure it out. My history is here for you to read and I hope you gain value from it. Also, welcome to the boards []

This was stunning. My jaw dropped at her reaction. Her world of defenses came tumbling down for a single moment. Well made short-film (I think?).

We're (voluntarists) an exceptionally rare few. Sometimes it is safe to show your true Self and sometimes it isn't. When dealing with government agents, I never show my true Self. I comply and move on as quickly as I can. When around children in a school setting, I initiate a verbal contract wherein neither they nor I will tell any parents or authority figures what we've talked about. When dealing with banks, I don't show my true Self. We survive by camoflauge. Generally, the approach of peaceful parenting is the most State-proof means of resisting the system and enacting change. It draws the LEAST amount of attention from people with guns.

If I were deeply dissociated and had just been through a terrible tragedy, my numbing protectors would be going full-force. Being on camera would not be a safe place for me to express my true emotions, especially if I were being prodded by TV producers to stay away from taboo subjects (such as gun control). Beyond this, America has a deeply vain and grandiose culture where instant gratification has become the norm. For some people, being on national TV and talking to celebrity journalists would be quite gratifying to those vain and grandiose parts.