TheMatrixHasMe

"the protector won't let him get into contact with any of the hurt parts." I am not a mental health professional, or anything of that sort. So it is up to you to decide to proceed with exploring the question I am going to suggest below. I don't know you, nor do even remotely suggest that consider my question at all. It might best be explored with a mental health professional trained in this IFS approach. So here's the question you may want to consider, or not; Have you asked the Protector why they won't let the Trying part get in touch with the other parts? Also, have you asked the Protector and Trying parts for their names?

Your original post brings the book "Self Therapy"by James Early to my mind. Not that I recommend or endorce the book or attempting self therapy as the title reads— but I think it gives a pretty good overview of how a mecosystem works, and might find some interesting ideas in the book.

Sounds like this a healthy and positive move for you. Maybe I'm missing something, but how is gathering information about anyone else's expenses, location, help you ascertain what your needs are? Anyway, if you check in your local supermarket, craigslist.org, or zillow.com, you might be able to find a living arrangement that suits your budget, needs, and preferences. You will need to determine if heat, hot water electricity is— or isn't —provided in your monthly rent bill? Is here a laundry facility on the premises? Is it coin operated? If so, how much will that cost? Also, having two dogs may drastically limit your rental options since some landlords do not allow pets. So that sweet cheap little apartment or apartment share that would allow you to get the hell out of your current situation might not allow pets. Often times rentals require the equivalent of three months rent paid in advance. First months rent, last months rent. and then a month for a security deposit. There may be a lease or agreement for you to sign. Also, It might help to list all of your current expenses, and your current income. You want to figure out how much does it cost to feed your dogs per month? How will you pay for vet bills if they get sick? Do you have a cell phone/smart phone? Do you mind eating pasta/ ramen noodles frequently if you can't afford to feed yourself? Are you a drinker? If so then that can get pretty expensive too.

It's probably me, but after reading, and re-reading your replies to me and to others on this thread, I realize that I have no idea as to what you are posting about. You talk about a woman you met online, then you close by writing "I'm not sharing this story just for the sake of sharing, but because for once I feel I have a partial answer to something that may have perplexed our own Wizard of Philosophy." What exactly are you referring to?

Nice park. If the rest of my points seem silly to you, then I am sorry for that. Just trying to be helpful in a world of baloney. In your original post, you said that the woman's family is successful and well educated. Then why do you think their daughter is getting involved in shitty relationships? Is that related to her alpha status in some way?

Lemme guess..she's hot and she needs help putting the bed frame together? No?

No Omega. I do not mean she might be ignoring her own self protection. My question was why are YOU walking in a park alone at night with a hot chick you know little or nothing about? Maybe you're confident in your ability to handle yourself if things should get "rough"with her in the park at night, eh? : ) Do you know this female well enough to trust them not to bring rape charges against you in the absence of witnesses? Are you certain that she doesn't have people laying in wait somewhere on the perimeter of the park waiting to jump you? What I mean to say is that it is somewhat—if not completely—fucked up for an attractive woman to insist on walking with a stranger (you) at night in a park. Get what I am saying? My question, put another way is this; how many seemingly intelligent, normal, healthy, gorgeous, desirable, fertile, leggy chicks do you see walking around in dark parks at night with guys they just met? Outside of hookers, whores, players, and gangsters, would I be correct in saying zero? Just trying to look out for you bro since it seems that your dick isn't. Maybe I'm missing something, or maybe you need to have a tea break with Rosy Palmer and her five sitters to clear you mind of this woman's affect on you?

Glad to hear that you found my questions helpful, Ruben. To reconsider your experience of a women(the little boys mother) who unconsciously/subconsciously reminds you of your mother is no small task. I wholeheartedly agree with Xelent, it was brave of you to jump in there. That can be really hard to do especially if you have had a childhood similar to the little boy and mother who is triggering recollections of —what sounds like—a really painful past. You mentioned that you have an appreciation for the little guy. That stood out for me. What is amazing about your current situation is that the woman—who reminds you of your mother in some way(s)—has a son who also happens to be one of your daughter's best friends. What I mean to say is that there is something beautiful about that coincidence. Do you know what I mean? It's as if you daughter is showing you, (albeit unconsciously, perhaps) that you might be missing something about yourself with regard to what you suffered when you were a little boy. Does this make any sense? I have to ask another question. It revolves around an earlier sentence you wrote; "Where we live, I am forced to take her to public school." My question is who is forcing you to take your children to public school, and by what means are they doing so?

Any chance you could just post it here?

I don't really take part in the chat outside of the call in show, but I think this is an idea that makes sense. Hopefully, the implementation wouldn't be too difficult, but I wouldn't know. So maybe I'll put a big 'ol piece a pie in my pie hole to quiet things down a little. : )

Sorry, but I have a few more tough questions. I hope you will consider them, if only for the sake of your daughter. • If you decide to cut your daughter off from her friend because of your "oversight," how do you think your daughter is going to feel about that? • What do you think that is going to do her relationship with you? • How do you think the boy is going to feel when he learns that he can never see one of his favorite friends again? • Do you find the mother of your daughter's friend attractive in some way? Here is one of many possible solutions to the situation you have inadvertently created. Keep things cool for now, and there may not be any need to discuss the matter with your daughter. Start introducing the idea to her, and to the other parent that you would prefer that the children meet at a nearby park, or mall, or play center, or whatever is an appropriate place. You do not leave your daughter unattended with strangers hanging around. That way, you can supervise your daughters interactions with other children, and/or parents. Let me know what, if any of this is helpful, or if I've misunderstood anything.

Ok, so spill DaVinci.

Why do you think you were leaving your daughter alone in the home of a person who is apparently a complete stranger to you begin with? Another question. Why do you think you are leaving your daughter alone in a school filled with even more people who are complete strangers to you?

What's going on in your life at the moment where a situation of personal responsibility is in question?

How old is your daughter, and how old is the boy?

If we are virtuous ourselves, love will be an emotion that we will experience when we are in the presence of another who is also virtuous. Does this answer your question in a way that makes sense to you?

This sounds like a difficult and complicated situation. Is it possible for you to find /create a way for the boy to come over to your place instead of you sending your children over there to play? Hopefully, he can experience a more peaceful, calm, and understanding environment on a regular basis, instead of you sending your children over there. Any thoughts on my suggestion?

Welcome QueechoFeecho. What was the abuse that your sweet, poor, innocent, frail, little grandma witness?

Sorry for the pain you're going through, dude. You will make it through, but it sounds like it's going to require some extra care and gentleness with yourself, with ample amounts of reason and evidence. At the moment, I get the feeling from your posts that you are throwing yourself an internal beating that can only be matched by a few of the better special effects film production companies used by Hollywood. Yes, as Xelent mentioned, relationships can be challenging, and hopefully in the positive sense. Breakups can be rough, but this one sounds like it has been going on for a long time, and in very slow motion. That you are working in a shit economy is great, but if its something that is allowing you some independence for now, it might not be all that bad if you have nothing else going on. And this is where you may begin to realize that you are free to choose differently. I assume that you don't have any children, and I assume at your age you're probably not drowning in debt, or are anchored with a mortgage etc., correct? So, this could be a great learning opportunity, and a chance to improve you relationship with yourself, and with others. Out of curiosity, I have a few questions. Naturally, there is no obligation to reply to them, but examining the facts can sometimes be helpful. • how old is the ex? • what was she doing in the areas of work, or career, or school, or interests? • is she living at home or away from home solo, or with roommates? • how attractive is she on a scale of one to ten? • what is your current living arrangement (parents, solo, roommates?) • how attractive are you on a scale of one to ten? • what are the subjects or topics, or jobs, or careers that make your pupils dilate while mumbling something like "holy shit, that's awesome, I wish I could do that" to yourself?

Great to hear you're getting some help Slavik. I'm sorry that you have to be the one to pick through the toxic waste dump inside left inside of you by these people euphemistically known as family. How are you feeling about the service the therapist is providing, or not providing to you?

I want to be clear that there is no need to explain the difference to me. I got it, and I understand it. I was needing clarification on the idea of "magical exceptions". Now I understand that you mean by some callers granting themselves magical exceptions. Since the clock is ticking, what do you think is preventing you from getting your life together?

You wrote "Listening to more and more call in shows, I keep hearing this magical exception of younger siblings from parental abuse. " Do you mean to say that the older siblings who are calling in are granting themselves a magical exception to their behavior by admitting their acts?

A few questions: 1) How do you define "rich"? (In my view, we are all rich beyond compare because we have philosophy, we have this forum, and we have this community) 2) Do you believe that all people in Africa are poor? If so, how do you define poor? 3) Do you believe that all people in Africa are "black" or "dark skinned"? 3) Why do you believe that laissez-faire capitalism is extraordinarily good? 4) What do you mean "best scenario?" What does that really mean? 5) If Bill Gates is an example of the "best scenario" then you must be aware of the fact that he throws millions and millions of dollars at people and organizations that are smashed, broken, and defend the horrific, self destructive internal narratives they create to protect their abusive, neglectful parents, and run their lives? Is this what you mean by best scenario? 6)I know he is just an example, but if Bill Gates is so smart, skilled, and motivated, then why isn't he here on FDR trying to promote peaceful parenting, the pursuit of self-knowledge, and philosophy?

I don't want to add insult to your injuries, but wanted to address your experiences of the calls. But first, I am terribly sorry to hear that you are struggling to get your life back. That you are here voicing your concerns shows great courage in the face of what I can imagine to be a lot of horrible pain and nightmare memories, especially during those calls with older abusive siblings involved. If you've suffered anything close to what many people here have gone through, and people on the calls have either experienced, or acts that they have committed. I don't want to presume anything, but do you experience— moment by moment, on a daily basis— that your very existence is the constant reminder of the hell you went through, and that hell is now yours to inherit? If so, I know I can certainly relate. It may (or may not) help to know that Stefan is the younger sibling of an older abusive brother, and insanely abusive mother. I'm not sure if his brother was receiving the same, less, or worse than Stefan, but it doesn't matter. Stefan was irreparably harmed, as many of us were. I don't want to erase your past experiences, nor do I want to re-frame your experiences of the magical exceptions you feel are being made on the calls. For what it is worth, I have been listening to the shows for some time, and have never personally heard Stefan or anyone on the show excuse anyone of any behavior for which they were responsible. Children of a certain age (somewhere around 3,4,5 yrs old?) and adults alike are responsible for their actions, but the parents are 100% accountable for creating and allowing their offspring to rip each other apart. We see this scenario occur in society at the larger scale of that thing called the state apparatus. The political constructs we hold nearly and dearly in our minds, and the political masters of the world are 100% accountable for creating the environments where the rest of the tax livestock will always tear each other limb from limb. Never, ever, ever will they think to hold the motherland, fatherland, or homeland accountable. If The Golden Child Abuse Survivor Award should ever come into existence, it will be made of some of the richest, most highly polished turds of shit left behind by our caregivers, which is a great insult to those who actually give care. Please let me know if this has been helpful, or if I've misinterpreted anything you've written.

Is a fetus a parasite? Is a question that is based on a false definition of parasite. Parasites, by definition are organisms that live on or in another species.