MysterionMuffles

When I was in England, my siblings and I wanted to a watch a movie on our last day. All we had was a pamphlet providing a map to the various cinemas around us and a list of movie titles without any synopses attached to them. The title The Art of Getting By caught my eye because something about it resonated with me. That's what I feel like sometimes, that I've made an art of simply getting by and I expected this movie to touch on that subject of coasting on by, and then possibly finding the reasons to actually get excited about life. We decided to watch it, and it was the best way to end our 2 week trip to Europe! It was funny, profound, and quite moving for a teen romance film. But don't worry, it's an independant film so it's not gonna be saturated with sensationalism around the romance aspect, and there is more to the movie than just the romantic relationship anyway. The trailer speaks for itself, and the movie of course even more so, so I won't write much about it here. All I will say is that it touches upon self motivation, parental responsibility, and finding purpose.

do you have anyone to talk about these traumas? a therapist or a good friend? there's lots of people here who are at the ready to Skype with another if need be.

Yeah...it's making a ton of space for better people. I've been having open and vulnerable conversations with so many people lately, it's astounding. I didn't think it was possible to connect with people on deeper levels. And not even just pertaining only to life's woes but also inspiring ideas. I'm surprised this form of communication is even possible. I used to think I was the only one who thought and felt this way. Then when I found FDR I thought they were too far spread to connect with people in my own proximity, but it turns out if you just let yourself be open, the right people will be open to you as well.

Damn I mean, intervening when a kid's just being yelled at that's one thing, but a public spanking, who ELSE would've stepped in?

Fuck YES, Joel!!! You're seriously a brave mofo.

Man should quest for morality first.

lol is it really fair to say all women are at least a 4 on the crazy scale?

Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and A New Earth. I know people are gonna come down on him here for being a self guru hack, but I've found a ton of value in most of what he says about being present and detaching from ego from time to time.

Well thank you for being honest in saying that it's just how you feel. It's not wishful thinking for Joe as it has helped him cope with his aggression, but obviously it's not the case with The Machine. Any medium of expression will always attract those who will abuse their heightened skill to further perpetuate their vices. Self disciplined martial artists will channel their aggression through the practice, and keep the violence in voluntary bouts, while others like The Machine, and the guy who recently attacked Jon Jones at a weigh in press conference, can't get a hold of their aggresion at all. I still think Stef's appearances on Joe's show are valuable as they've had some of the most interesting and enriching conversations, and don't think he should never do a show with him again unless Joe is actually okay with the actions of one of his past guests. Hmm then on the other hand you bring an interesting point. There is a vast difference between simply training for it and then actually choosing to get into a dangerous, albeit voluntary situation to put it to use when you don't really have to.

I found this video pretty funny and honest. It does expose the underlying insecurity men like this have and what they really are trying to say when they try to talk up women in such a abbrasive manner. However the same channel also has this video that assumes that males have a lot less fears than women. It starts off with something simple and silly like eating a banana in public, but then it moves on to more serious things like walking alone at night and talking back to people. I'm pretty sure you can apply these fears to men, the ones in which they assume only women have. Take a look.

The State takes another life indeed... I always knew he had a dark side based on the more serious roles he took like One Hour Photo (oh so creepy!) and Patch Adams. I mean I know that was based on a real doctor, but Robin Williams' portrayal shows a lot about how much his masking of pain with laughter resonated with the character. I wasn't a big fan of his, really, and never gave him much thought until his death, but knowing his life story still astounds all the same. *sigh* A friend of mine believes that Robin Williams alongside Michael Jackson were actually murdered because the whole depression thing goes against who these men were inherently. When I asked murdered by who who, she wouldn't say who, and told me to do my own research. Then I asked her to tell me more and she just dismissed the conversation saying...I should do my own research. Hey maybe I should, but what a way to kill a discussion, right?! "Robin Williams was actually a very spiritual person" (as if that ever did that significant good for someone in the asshole proximity), "so it doesn't make sense that he would even have depression." She claims. Abridged version: I had to drop yet another unempathetic irrational person in my life. It's not simply because of this conversation, but many others of the philosophical nature where all she does is make egregious claims and double down when I ask for more reason or evidence for those claims, blaming our misunderstanding on my lack of knowledge. It's like asking what 2x2 is and getting lashed out for not understanding the fundamentals of math. Well, duh, that's why I'm asking, right?! Maybe Robin was murdered, but it's more likely he comitted suicide. But who cares? What matters most is that he was suffering due to the ridiculous nature of The State. Forget murder conspiracies, it's no mystery. The divorce court system is a subtle murderer in and of itself. What do you guys think of the possibility that celebrity deaths--from overdoses like MJ's and suicides like Robin Williams'--could actually be murders?

hey tjt I appreciate the openness you have in wanting to tackle this issue! I don't think it was egregious for you to simply say the downvotes REMINDING you of abuse. It doesn't look like you made a strawman to me but I can see how it can be misconstrued as one. I don't think I have much to offer, but my pride in everyone's maturity about this. What I would suggest, and this is much easier when posting in message board, is to put your arguments through the fallacy ringer by referring to this site http://www.yourlogicalfallacyis.com and before you click post when you're arguing a strong point, try to see if your argument consists of any of these traits. As JP said too, I did used to think it was neccessary for people to give reasons for their downvotes but you know it's like an integrity thing too, right? If you downvote someone they will usually be curious as to why, and the person who made that downvote has to wrestle with their integrity to see if they can give a valid reason for it...or remain hidden in the shadows! I used to ask some very horrible leading questions and sometimes I still have to try to filter my questions to be more open ended. I forget who it was who pointed it out to me, but I am eternally grateful for it.

Hey welcome to the FDR Boards. First posts like this make me glad that newcomers understand they're in a safe place to be vulnerable, but also it saddens because of the subject matter that is vulnerable to share. What kind of abusive existed in your family in regards to your own kids and husband? Have you since had discussions with your kids about the divorce and the abuse and promised to make restitution?

Oh man...guess joining a professional sport where you're paid to kick someone's ass doesn't always keep your violent tendancies in the world outside the octagon at bay...

I'm not sure I grasp this just yet, but how can envy be used as a motivator? When I think of envy, I view it as self attack with the thoughts of, "I don't have what they have, therefore sadness." It spirals into feeling inadequate due to comparison to others. Lately, I've been dropping some friends like bricks off a rooftop, and opted for hanging out with my brother and his friends more, instead. They're all entrepeneurs and although aren't super successful, they are making their way in methods beyond the norm. When I view their business ventures and the journeys they've taken to get to where they are, I am filled with admiration for what they've accomplished and would wish to emulate their level of self efficacy. Before I had this admiration though, I also had anxiety being around them because I wasn't used to being around people who didn't have only conventional jobs to sustain their expenses. There's something about their mindsets that vastly outstrips those of my typical friends of yesteryear, who were all about the beaten path of conformity. So from my experience, envy kind of comes first and feeling inadequate, but admiring and appreciating the fortune of others induces inspiration to act in the same accord of their actions. I forget who it was here on the boards, if it was one person or more, but they said that envy is a motivator. Is this what they mean or something else entirely? Whether you're them or not, what are you thoughts on using envy as a motivator?

There's also another problem of scolding children for NOT being affectionate. Such in the case of my neice where she's told to hug and kiss almost every family member as a form of goodbye and I just find it disconcerting because I read that might set her up for exploitation in the future. Because it's a violation of her needs. What if she doesn't want to kiss the lips of that yucky aunt or uncle with the dry Sahara desert lips or the dirty skin on the cheeks? What if that family member is just strange and you're setting your kid up to kiss and hug just about anybody? It's a whole different topic, though, apart from what I originally made the thread about. I can totally relate to you, though, Rachael. Having been deprived of something in childhood would cause one to seek more of it in their adult life. I do not recall any affection from any of my parents in any shape or form except for pictures before I turned 4 where I was at least held? This has made me a bit needy physically, as I do recall one of my exgirlfriends actually wanting me to spend a day not touching her as I did enjoy holding her in my arms a lot throughout the day. I'm touch deprived so when I was taking care of my neice the past two years, I was careful not to project that onto her. I learned really quick to respect her boundaries which was basically this: when she's wide awake, she doesn't like be touched, she just wants to play and have fun. It's only when she's tired where she didn't want me to let her out of my arms as she found it comforting because I would hold her with the love I would as if she was my daughter. Anyways, when it comes to kisses for my neice, I often see her get kissed or give kisses on the lips of other family members beyond her parents. My discomfort from that is kind of the reason why I posted this thread and I thank all of you for participating. I usually don't kiss her, especially when she was just born everyone would be kissing her on the cheeks. I didn't want the germs of the rest of my family passed onto me through her lol. EDIT NOTE: oh it seems I already mentioned my neice's boundaries in my previous post a while ago lol but in this one there's just a bit more detail about it

oh whoops I read the post wrong, sorry. But I think my answer is similar. Once a kid understands the nuances of time and language, then you can assert your needs in terms they can understand.

What was the contradiction to the answer of my questions, Free Will?

babies are born asserting their own needs screaming and crying for what they want lol but if you mean verbally asserting your needs then yeah whenever language is acquired you should be able to assert your own needs with and open minded parent

Ask him if he would spank his wife, and if he didn't, wouldn't that be spoiling her?

yes J-William that's great advice. That's quite the history of bookworming you got there too1 But yeah, don't be too proud to even start off simple. A lot of adult literary fiction can get heady and wordy, and fantasy gets too descriptive on violence and world building. I got over my pride and now I'm totally into contemporary young adult novels. Stuff that takes place in modern times to everyday people interest me more than sorcery and sword battles. Anybody can relate to the teenage experience, it's pretty universal and easy to relate to.

I know you didn't say mainstream or commercial, I'm saying it would've been more accurate for you to classify "text based cheap television" novels as such, as opposed to saying "most novels." I'm gonna have to look up http://www.yourlogicalfallacyis.com to see what strawman means again. Anyways, I don't want to beat a dead horse into the ground, I thank you for your list, it has removed the stigma in my mind that you have a strong aversion to fiction as a whole. I'm sorry if it seemed I was cracking down on you hard, or at least going to, but if I were to be honest, it's just that I'm a fiction writer and I took it personally when you compared it to "cheap TV." You're right, educational doesn't have to mean enjoyable or vice versa, but they're usually a great combination. They kind of contribute to eachother in the end. I thought UPB was boring at first, but it was very educational, but when the whole concept clicked and I had my "aha!" moment with it, I think that's where I enjoyed it. Likewise I was initially entertained by Fight Club and didn't find any meaning in it until I paid closer attention to the whole parenting theme in it. I think we're at an understanding here, so I'd like to end this debate at this point and leave the space for this thread for more help on Grizwald's interest in wanting to read more.

Hmm how does your mother feel about you pursuing romantic relationships? Have you talked about women with her? I don't want to assume things, but your kind of relationship with her would usually breed a co-dependance in her that makes you hard to let go of. Which in turn would make you feel like you're obligated to have her as the only woman in your life. I could be wrong, please correct me if I'm wrong. That could be what makes you fear succeeding in creating a relationship with any other woman. It certainly has been my experience that my mom clings onto me like a surrogate husband. My dad is all out of touch with his emotions, so out of all my siblings, I used to be the only one she can talk to about personal and emotional stuff, and when I would talk about women I wanted to pursue, she would have this underhanded way of trying to discourage me. She always tells me to just stay friends with them because pursuing them romantically will ruin things, but I already know that she does this because she's irritated by the fact that if I do get into a relationship and get married, I will not pass down the religious dogma she inflicted me and that I would ultimately be a better parent than her because I've completely removed the threat of violence in my future parenting toolbox. I've talked to her about my problems with my childhood and she's only proven to be unempathetic so I've stopped trying and no longer open up to be vulnerable with her. When I was a kid, I was almost like you in that I had girls I liked, but in a way I was a bit worse because they didn't even have an interest in me like they did for you. (Yeah I'll try not to make this a victimization competition). And how could they when every time I was around pretty girls, I would just goof off and act all zany to get attention instead of being authentic? Actually...when I was in grade 3 I started watching Sailor Moon and somehow a girl in my class and I started talking about it and became friends. It was too uncomfortable for me to experience a reciprocal relationship with a female because my mom had given me a bad modeling for what a relationship with a female would entail: shaming, guilt tripping, diminishing of self esteem. I didn't experience any of those from the girl I became friends with and we would even play jump rope together at recess. All until of course I wanted to assert my boyhood by beating up kids that were younger than me and I lost that girl's respect. When I was a teenager I started becoming a bit more comfortable around girls and was able to have them as friends at least. There was one that I liked, let's call her Kelly. She was a year younger than me so when she came to my school, I'd see her around the halls and develop a crush on her. I was always too afraid to go up to girls and just talk to them unless they were already friends of friends. Otherwise, I had no problem because I could just drop into the conversation smoothly instead of trying to come up with a topic. Anyway, her and I became friends because a mutual friend set me up on an MSN chat with her. I gained some comfortability in talking to her through instant messaging and then soon started hanging out with her in person. And oh just like my mother instilled the self fulfilling prophecy in me, I started pursuing Kelly romantically and I just became different. I goofed off and acted weird to show that, but really that was just a way of ensuring that my mom's bomb in my brain would go off and when it would detonate, it would reinforce the idea for me that I shouldn't go for girls romantically because it'll ruin the friendship. It wasn't until I was in grade 12 where I had the confidence to sit down with an attractive girl in my class, let's call her Stephanie. For the first few weeks of school I thought she was really gorgeous, but she was often chatty with the boys surrounding her so I would step off. At some point the teacher made her sit on her own because of being too chatty, and since I didn't like anyone in that class, I sat alone too. One day I decided to just go over to Stephanie and strike up a conversation and it was an instant connection. We made each other laugh, she became my best friend, and although she was the one I was highly attracted to, I settled for her friend who was shy and a bit of an emotional trainwreck. Let's call her Elizabeth. Elizabeth came from a very abusive household and very very long story short, I used her to avoid myself as I found myself sacrificing my time and energy to make her happy instead of doing that for myself first. I would bet a million dollars I don't have yet that if I was a more emotionally healthy place, I would have asked Stephanie out instead. She was bubbly and energetic as opposed to sad and depressing. She was also a whole lot more whacky fun to talk to. I used to be madly in love with until we broke contact almost completely due to natural circumstances. So the point I'm trying to get at here is...do you feel like you deserve it to begin with? My problem was that I didn't think I was enough in order to deserve the romantic gestures of a woman. I mean I've had flings throughout high school up until grade 12 where I finally hit my stride by dating 3 different girls within that year, but those flings didn't turn into a relationships because I was taught that I wouldn't deserve it, and that in fact I would ruin it. I don't know if my story is of any help to you, but recounting these things have developed some questions for you: Do you feel that you're enough? Do you love you? Are there any bombs in your brain that your mother have planted in there that might contribute to your fears? Do you know what you're looking for in a woman? Do you know what you want to offer to a woman? Do you even feel like you can offer anything? Does your level of authenticity change when you're around women? What is your level of authenticity in general?

Ok well Twilight is commercial/mainstream fiction. It doesn't stand as a representation for what the rest of literature looks like. To say MOST novels have no educational value when you actively avoid reading them is like the prejiduce I had against young adult novels before I started reading them. I was on the assumption that there was no cussing, they didn't deal with any real hard hitting issues, and they weren't allowed to get "dark." But it's been my experience that YA actually incorporates all those elements and more. I learned about bullimia, what a gastral bypass surgery was, what it's like to have obesity, all different types of cancer (I read and watched "cheap" novels and films pertaining to it after my friend died), and like I said. If it's written well you canlearn a ton of things like you quoted me on, but not in the case of Twilight where all it teaches you is that you can be a lame, co-dependant, and lifeless girl, and the essence of love is put yourself in dangerous situations to be saved by some century old pretty boy. I would go insofar as revising the statment into, "reading the right books can make you smarter." Again it's all just my experience, but it has been my experience that I've learned equally as much from fiction as I have from non-fiction. I have nothing against non-fiction and it's a direct way of feeding information, but I'd personally rather have the mecosystem theatre play up in my head when I read, rather than have my parts sit at desks like it's school all over again. So Wuzzums, what fiction novels have you tried to read other than Ayn Rand's? That's pretty mainstream in itself and mainstream never ever represents an entire medium. To me that sounds like, "the fact that they use distorition on electric guitars is the best use of the instrument out there that will make you rock out does not mean its instrument choice makes you rock out. What phrases like 'electric guitar makes you rock out' do is to clump Jimi Hendrix and One Direction together." Which is true on either account depending on your personal preference of music, or if your taste is so broad ot enjoy both artists, but that's usually unlikely. There's different levels of value between each artist. Jimi Hendrix is highly skilled at guitar and writes some beautiful, sometimes meaningful, sometimes highly abstract lyrics. One Direction has their stuff written for them, and it's usually about admiring some generic unspecific girl...but they're still skilled at singing and dancing. Skill alone of course doesn't determine value, the content itself must have meaningful intent in order to provide any value. You're painting with a broad brush that because mainstream/commercial fiction is devoid of any educational value, all other fiction must be devoid of educational value. I don't want to hijack your thread, Grizwald,so in conjunction with trying to prove my point to Wuzzums, I will list a few books as my personal recommendations. The Evolution of Bruno Littlemore is the memoirs of the world's first English speaking chimpanzee. What I learned from it: empathy towards animals, particularly the ones taken in for lab expiraments. A fresh biological and evolutionary perspective on the human race and human lifestyle. How ridiculous it is to fit into society even if you're not a talking chimp, but how much harder it would be if you were lol. This book is pretty long, but parts 1-4 fly by because it's so engaging. Part 5 slows it down too much and I personally don't think it had to be there before coming to the conclusion in part 6 of the novel. Fight Club on the surface is about two guys who start an underground boxing club, but at its core is more about fatherlessness and the effects of it. It also has social commentary on how complacement people are when it comes to materialism and social status. The narrator is a prime example of the effects of an empty childhood creating an unfulfilling adult life and how one can cling to other couples as if they are replacement parents. This is a much shorter and concise read, I would say start with this as almost every page has a quotable passage and has a narrative voice that's just as fresh as Bruno, if not more so. How I Lost You is about a girl who doesn't know what to do about her waste case of a bestfriend. This is actually one of my more recent favourites by a YA author I've come to really enjoy the work of. Janet Gurtler's books invoke a ton of empathy as even the opposition to the lead may seem reasonable at times. The main character's bestfriend is a victim of rape and has the tendancy to go off the rails by acting out like getting drunk and hyper sexualizing herself for a bunch of boys. As you can imagine, she would develop a caregiver complex by wanting to be there for her friend all the time, but it usually costs her her own freedom and independance. If you like the delving into childhood history stuff here at FDR, I'd say you can't go wrong with any Janet Gurtler's books that tackle those issues.

Easiest answer: find something you like. It also depends on what mode you would like to read in. Would you rather have information shown to you or told to you? If you are more for stories and seeing how things are played out with principled (or unprincipled) characters, and the overall outcome of their actions, check out fiction. If you would much rather have direct information thrust towards you, read non-fiction. Here are some ways reading makes you smarter: Increases your vocabulary - You'll read new words used in a certain context, and you'll usually figure out what they mean Philosophy, self development, and reference guides give you directly what you need But fiction, especially good fiction, has a way of teaching you without being conscious of it. Through storytelling, you'll get a grasp of how relationships work and more often than not, you'll learn about the world based on the various settings stories can take place in (if it's not the far off mystical fantasy stuff) Sorry for the downvote, dude, but this assertion troubles me. You cannot compare two completely different mediums and downgrade them both as "cheap"entertainment in which no one can become a genius from consuming. TV was actually intended for educational purposes when it was first created, but we can obviously see how THAT turned out. Still, there are quite a few educational programs out there like on the History channel or The Learning Channel. You know, when they're not airing Toddlers and Tiaras or fake mermaid documentarie. But anyways, novels have a ton of educational value. Through fiction--provided that it's written well--you can learn a lot about empathy, interpersonal relationships, self knowledge, the nuances of different types of occupations, love, hate, joy, frustration, life, the world, society, and I can go on forever, but you get the idea. Sure there are books that focus on either of these elements as direct knowledge in the form of non-fiction, but fiction has a way of weaving all these things together and showing you these things, as opposed to telling you about them. Grizwald, I would like to know: What are you passionate about? What do you want to learn about? Would you also like to be entertained? What style of prose would you prefer? Being in a character's head, being a fly on the wall, or have the book itself address you directly? What would your goal be from reading, what do you want to get out of it?