MysterionMuffles

I do it for the dopamine hits! It excites me to see my posts get upvoted and to upvote other people's posts. Green means GO, Red mean STOP, and I have all the power to control traffic lights muahahahha

omg this will be an awesome show I can already tell. Very interesting dream!

That's good to hear, Kurtis. Thanks for sharing. I still live with them, and although I have some animosity toward them, I've learned that injecting that animosity in my every last interation with them wasn't healthy for myself. I'm saving up to move out, though, and in that time I'm just taking advantage of the free luxiries I get being here, and maybe, just maybe a little while later, I will attempt to talk about my childhood rationally. Instead of the hostile hysterics it used to involve. When it comes to intervening with child abuse, a friend and I had a good conversation that concluded that we should focus on empathizing with the child more than shaming the parent. Shaming and challenging the parenting, we theorized, has more to do with our own thirst for vengeance than our desire to affect change in the world by letting children know people care. I've also accepted that my parents won't change. If they were capable of such treatment, it's very unlikely that they can admit fault and apologize for it when they've spent decades convincing themselves what they did was right. I've also learned that holding out for an apology or their validation was keeping myself in childhood. I don't need their apologies or validation to move on with my life and would hate to give that much power over to them any more than I already have as an actual child. It's not an anger "problem." It's a natural response to whatever injustice they've subjugated you to. Do not apologize for trying to answer my question, I appreciate your answer. We're all in this together, so whatever different perspectives you can all share, it's welcome. So far in my experience, I just don't bring it up anymore. I do plan to eventually, but when I know I can communicate it for the sake of getting closure---not revenge. The extent of my anger has been expressed to them almost a year ago, just before I started working the two jobs I have now. I won't share the details here on what that looked like, but all I'll say is that I was approaching it from their level of guilt and humiliation, instead of openness and vulnerability. Although I am detached from getting their apologies and validation, I would still like to get closure and a conversation about my childhood and overall relationship with them before I move out so I can decide on whether or not it's worth ever seeing them again. Hm thanks for your perspective too, Nathan. I guess that explains why I'm so much happier these days. I got the anger out to its most extreme level, and know what my values and goals are now. I don't excuse what they've done, they know I don't put up with any BS from them. We've had a bit of a better relationship since the big fight I had with them last year, and now that I've got two jobs and exuded a huge display of power against them, they know not to mess with me anymore. Especially when it comes to bringing up my childhood. But this is not a position I truly desire where they fear me in order to respect me. When I can hone this power and transmute it to the same kind of patience and understanding I provide my friends, only then will I think I'll be able to bring up my qualms with them. Til then, I'm just gonna keep saving up money for therapy, a place to live, and my own car, all in no particular order.

Get ready for the giant block of text coming your way that'll have nothing to do with your asking. Just sayin'.

Yeah definitely look into it more, please. I know it sounds like a long process, but it's neccessary. You can't just be instantly gratified by getting everything you want without working toward it. MMX2010 and I may have our disagreements on methodology in attracting women, but I do respect that he does value the reality of working to improve your circumstances. Nothing is free. Everything requires some amount of investment into it. So hey man, PUA or simply becoming a better person with a virtuous network--whichever way you choose, I hope you choose the way that works for you and makes you the most happy. Or a healthy balance of both. I could dissect your answers here, Andrew but I would like for you to give my longer post a better read and see if you can understand it better. You're not wrong in talking about biological advantages and stuff, but that was a mere fraction compared to the bigger picture I was trying to present in my post.

I don't think it's possible at this point. The main topic has been far too derailed to get back on point.

I'm sorry to read that you haven't been touched or held as an infant. Have you had an aversion touch since? How are you in overcoming this? I can relate to your plight because I remember being on a cruiseship a few years back and thought joining the free dance club atop the captain's deck would be a good way to meet women, but because of a similar problem, I couldn't dance worth shit. And not even in that charming awkward kind of way, just plain out awkward. It felt unnatural to hold this woman and even more unnatural to try and dance with her. It was a free salsa lesson that I could have easily passed on. This compared to a more...modern dance club...the whole grinding this is a whole different story. That doesn't require much skill or coordination, it's just let 'em grind up on you and sway whichever way they sway. It felt good, but also a lil dirty. I was a better "dancer" in this regard, but it seemed too primitive for my taste. It was a nice one time experience that I appreciate, but won't repeat again. Anyways, I won't provide any explicit details about my experience with that. Point is, I totally agree with you. Andrew, as well as any man out there who wants to meet a woman through joining clubs, really should be genuinely interested in that activity as I have been saying. All I really am saying throughout this thread is you can find self confidence and comfortability in pursuing your passions. And if there's any clubs in your area that help gather other people with similar interests, that's a good way to meet not just women, but people in general. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think one of the best ways to attract a mate is to attracte a proper support system of virtuous friends. If your friends are level headed and rational, they can give you thoughts and opinions on the type of mates you try to attract because they might see some of your blind spots and point 'em out.

Were you addressing me in this post? It seemed like you've missed my point if you were.

Alright I appreciate your answers, but I don't understand what you mean when you say Why would they have a lower chance of survival and reproduction value? Here are the answers to my own questions. They are not hard fast rules and do not guarantee that you find a mate, but having had this attitude has helped me so far. Hope it helps give you some perspective. I'm not talking from a high place of authority, but experience with having dated unhealthy women the past 8 years, I've taken a long break from cold approaching and pursuing women and instead invested in self-knowledge up to where I am now; having met more philosophically inclined and emotionally healthy women. All of which I do find great platonic friendships in and have little to no sexual attraction to for most of them, because well...I'll get to that later in my answers. 1. Why do you want/need a girlfriend?/4. What would you like to offer her? I don't need one. Every time I felt a strong need to be with someone, it was more for loneliness avoidance, and that didn't make me any happier than I intended. Whether I dated them or not, there has always been this feeling of anxiety around them. A lot of the anxiety of course was self generated based on my personal hang ups due to childhood and previous romantic relationships. Once I've dealt with those, then I was able to see what it was about these women that provoked some anxiety in me. Long stories short, they were not of quality women. The most common underlining problem in all of them? They've had dysfunctions they weren't willing to resolve because hey that's what I settled for when I wasn't willing to deal with my pain either. But I do want a girlfriend. I have a much happier and healthier lifestyle now than I had last year around this time. I've got two jobs I love, a healthy handful of work and personal friends I can see for most of the week, and a couple days in the week I can spend completely on my own without feeling lonely, but in fact satisfied and fulfilled. I am still recovering from years of social anxiety/asshole proximity disorder, so sometimes I need a few days off to rejuvinate my social stamina. Days alone are a nice touch to pause and reflect on what I am grateful for in life, and are done whether or not I'm triggered by anything in the week. With all that said, I want to share my happiness with someone so I can amplify the overall good vibes I've been feeling for numerous months now. And since I'm happier now, I'm also attracting happier women than my previous list of regrets. Answering questions 1 and 4 together, I would just like to add that that's what I want to offer: to share my happiness with someone who is already happy. And since we can't always be happy 100% of the time and we're bound to run into conflicts, I would also like to offer a different mode of handling conflicts: The Real-Time Relationship method of communicating honesty in relationships. Look into that book of Stef's if you haven't, it's immensely helpful. I've used it in most of my relationships lately, many of them dissolved, but the ones that matter have remained. 2. How soon do you need to have one? I'm in no rush. I'm still pretty young. Got lots of time. Not that I'll go at snail's pace, but somewhere in the next five years I would like to find someone I do hit it off well naturally and build something from there. I have no definite date or criteria for when I'd be ready to get married, I believe it's just all a work in progress I get to work at day in and day out. 3. Do you have someone in mind right now?/5. What would you like for her to offer you? Yes, I most certainly do I'm just getting to know her better to make sure I'm not reasoning myself into another attraction. Ya know, kinda like ascribing virtues and qualities where they may not be there. I'm in the middle of acquiring evidence. So far, though, I have been feeling energized and comfortable engaging with her. There's an ease to how we interact compared to what I used to have which was very fear laden. This seems different because she's one of the first few women who've told me about their childhood history without laughing at the traumatic parts. Well, part. There's only one incident she told me about, but I really appreciated that she didn't laugh at or minimize it. We've also talked about our romantic histories, I was more open than her, while she was a bit more reserved with that information. Which is fine, I already know I'm probably more into her than she is into me. This isn't sufficient for the basis in which a relationship to start from, obviously, but it's a very good start. But I don't want to detract too much from your topic, so I won't go on and on about myself here. So yes, I do have someone in mind. I just didn't realize how naturally flirtacious we've been til recently so now I'm exploring the possibilities. What I would like for her to offer me is support in my endeavours. And so far she's been supportive of the music I've written as well as the novel I've been writing. It's nice to have a good woman who's got your back in what you want to pursue. Most especially if you use that same amount of fearlessness and ambition to pursue her. If she can see that in you, and you apply it in numerous aspects of your life, that makes for some awesomeness to come your way! It's a sign of resource acquisition, provision and maintenance. Let me know what you think!

lol that's alright. And I wanna upvote this but I'm out of positive votes for the day -_-

Yes! Been feeling it strongly the past few weeks actually. It manifests in an inability to sleep til dawn, writing new songs, writing everyday, and talking to almost everybody I come into contact with. I don't know if it's so much that I don't know what to do with the energy, but this is how it gets expended and I just can't put to rest that feeling of excitement in my stomach. Even yesterday when I was sitting down and reading a book on sales, I was getting excited by what I was learning that I couldn't wait for my next shift at work. I can't contain myself...I'm just trying to take it day by day. I have an overview of plans and goals in the long run, but for the most part the day to day is completely improvised. Me too!

You don't have to answer to us. You're completely free to no longer engage in your thread if you're not finding any value or what you needed from it. Whatever we think of you doesn't matter as much as what you think of yourself and what you decide to do with that in developing/creating/maintaing relationships. If it makes you feel more comfortable, though, would you like to know how I would answer to the questions I listed for you?

OH I should also add that the reason why this works is because if you learn to be comfortable with yourself and love yourself, people in general will respond to that accordingly. A certain way you carry yourself will attract certain types of people. So if you're gonna be open, honest, and confident--since like attracts like, you will attract others who will be willing to reciprocate what they see as a mimic of themselves. Obviously, there's gonna be aesthetic and personal differences between you and others, but if you run on the basic principle of being at ease with yourself, people will be at ease with you and themselves because they don't have to manage their responses in an attempt to avoid hurting you or even blowing up your ego. If you have little to no confidence, people will generally feel the need to manage your emotions or be inclined to disengage due to their discomfort If you have an excess of confidence, the false kind, people will have to manage their own emotions and walk on egg shells, afraid to say things that might burst your bubble. The reason why self-knowledge is paramount to romantic relationships is because you need to develop an objective or as close to objective view and portrayal of yourself. This is what being true to yourself is all about. Knowing about your strengths and weaknesses, being honest about them, but not embellishing either of them extremely that people can see the inconsistency between your words and actions. Simply put, you can't sell a product you're not passionate about. (In a weird way, we do sell ourselves to others. We have things to offer, but expect a profit in return to maintain the relationship.) Likewise, if you're passionate about your own dreams and desires, I would imagine you'd expect others to be supportive of those dreams and desires, thus validating what you already feel secure about within yourself. A few questions I would like to ask you though are: Why do you want/need a girlfriend? How soon do you need to have one? Do you have someone in mind right now? What would you like to offer her? What would you like for her to offer you?

When it comes to joining clubs, it should be a club for something you genuinely DO enjoy. This could just be me, but I really love seeing people truly enjoy the things they like to do. The love they put into gardening, cooking, writing, painting, etc. it's a sign of healthy life in someone's pursuit of happiness and fulfillment. If there's a specific hobby you've been meaning to get into and end up really enjoying it, perhaps you can find a woman that way. Like joining a book club which often include very great philosophical discussions on the material the group is meant to read on a weekly or monthly basis. Another ironic way to getting a woman truly is investing in yourself. Work on the self-knowledge and bridging some gaps between your thinking andbehaviour. If you have virtuous thoughts, but not so virtuous actions, can you learn to become more congruent? The more kinks you work out of your dysfunctions, the healthier you obviously will become, which in turn will attract more healthy people around you. I think you're more than halfway there being as self aware as you are based on your first post. But yeah. You find a good girlfriend by first developing a good network around you of men who can spot the crazy, and women who you can also develop platonic friendships with who can be generous enough to give you wisdom on the female psyche. What's worked with me so far as well is become who I want to date. Now I get it, in relationships there is a Ying and Yang balance between filling each other's gaps, but hear me out. I don't think you can attract what you don't display first. It took a while, but since I have been wanting to date women who are empathetic, authentic, and confident, these are three qualities I had to work on in myself (and still continue to) before I could even afford to have the relationships I have now. Not that I have numerous romantic relationships, I'm talking more about friends. The kind who can hear me out about specific women and then challenge me on whether or not they are worth it. Now, I'm at a point where my own friend is encouraging that I date one of his family members, and I'm in the middle of exploring where that goes. I do not think for a second that she would have even been a possibility, had I not spent the past decade undoing my illusions and removing my dysfunctions because virtue attracts virtue.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/stephaniemcneal/this-dad-is-calling-out-every-parent-who-humilates-their-kid#.acgKLw0ZDg

Just for the hell of it: One shot. Actually blinded. Well coreographed. I wish all the other fights in the series were shot this way instead of having so many cut aways, close ups, and shaky cam. This is a masterpiece scene.

Just for the record, I never said anything about PUA techniques violating the NAP. I dunno where MMX2010 gets off accusing me of doing that and even mentioning morality at all. But again, I'm not surprised. He's a master strawmanner.

thebeardslastcall: awesome question MMD: even awesomer answer!

I would like to know what his thoughts are on it in more detail, hence I made this thread. It's not an important topic for me, just a side curiosity I have. I do wonder if any transgender people or anyone else who has better knowledge on it than me can call in about it.

Sorry to hear that you've been traumatized by a friendship, but actually glad that you had to end it if there was no chance of that person making restitution with you. Although it's important to empathize with where they're coming from and as to why they would hurt you (because after all, only hurt people hurt people), whatever they're going through is no excuse for how they treat you. They make their choices. If this person chooses to hurt you due to their own hurt, that's a disservice to themselves because they're not addressing their own hurt in order to help mitigate spreading that pain to others in their vicinity.

hm right it has NOTHING to do with your ability to make good choices

definitely! me too.

It's the typical MMX2010 response. Or non response to be precise. I've lost the ability to be surprised at this point. No matter what you say, there's always an imaginary more preferable way for how you should have responded.

Because it's so much easier to put words in your opponent's mouth than put a coherent argument together

That's a very good book. Helped me a lot too. But yeah, good way to stop this is wonder...is it really THAT bad? Has anyone ever complained that you talk too much about yourself? We all have the tendancy to share things about ourselves that may relate to what the other person is saying. For active listening, try to feel yourself hold your thoughts back. I think I can relate to the anxiety you may or may not feel when it comes to witholding certain thoughts and opinions. You really do need to learn detachment from them if what somebody else is talking about, and their conversational flow, is more important than whatever little quibbles you like to add in. It's good that you're self aware so there's some work to get done. Another thing I'd suggest is maybe recording audio journals or writing in a journal so you can get your need for self expression out of your system. I notice I become more of a listener of other people if I've listened to myself a great deal first. Either in a recording/writing of an audio/regular journal or listening/reading entries so I get a grasp of my current mental bearings. Try also remembering how conversations went with your parents as a kid. Did they ask you much questions or just talk over you? I notice that a lot of people I've befriended here have the habit of non-stop talking, which isn't a bad thing, because I love to hear their thoughts on things. But sometimes, and within myself, it speaks volumes of how little we were allowed to express our most honest thoughts, so when someone finally wants to listen, we can't get enough of that attention. Based on the conversations you had with your parents, if they were the egocentric type to only speak of themselves instead of taking an interest in the thoughts of your developing infant brain as a kid, it would point to how and why you've become a "conversational narcissist." So few questions I guess I should ask you: What's the worst case scenario if you don't interject with your thoughts while someone else is talking? How many questions are you asking based on what they've said vs. for the sake of trying to keep the conversation going? If you're not asking any questions, why not? Are you around people who keep talking unless interrupted, or do they know when to stop? Are the people around you asking you any questions about you? Have any of them brought up any criticisms about you talking about yourself?