NigelW

@SamuelS Sorry, I don't know enough about marketing to agree or disagree. Are you trying to convince me? @Tyler Durden Are we exploring the definition of philosophy using philosophy? @Kevin Beal Ok, so by having a conversation about truth am I practicing philosophy? (UPB is pretty awesome! Still trying to get experience in applying it)

Isn't there always a goal to aligning the verbal and physical world? Not just for the action, but the result? I think that communicating the facts about spanking would be to change the behavior of parents. Is that true? If the goal is to change or coordinate behavior, voluntarily, then can you measure a philosopher's skill by that scale? Then the way to develop the skill to become a philosopher is to make valid and accurate arguments that change or coordinate people's behavior. Is that correct? I am not a history buff, but maybe an argument can be made that philosopher's from the past were so bad that societies had to resort to violence. I am not trying to justify violence but I am trying to accept responsibility for my thoughts and instincts in this area with the goal of preventing what happened to me as a child.

In an attempt to disarm my growing anxiety towards philosophers and develop competence I am trying to understand what a philosopher is. A laborer is someone who moves, shovels, and constructs physical things. A manager is someone who coordinates the efforts of people to accomplish a set of goals and objectives using resources effectively and efficiently. Someone who studies something has an incentive to gather the information. A philosopher is not a laborer. I think a philosopher is someone who uses language to coordinate the efforts of people to accomplish a set of goals and objectives using resources effectively and efficiently. A philosopher is a type of manager who has an incentive to gather information and create or dismiss arguments on the basis of validity and accuracy. Am I off base here?

It just occurred to me that I have another thread open about vulnerability. You know what I am going to go for it and if they dislike me for it, screw them. If I get fired I can find another job. Sorry for wasting your time guys.

Hi Rainbow Jamz, I will try to make as valid and accurate arguments as I can. Being terrified that you might be attacked for something and avoiding is different than knowing that you can survive and doing it because in one you think it will be your undoing and in the other you think you can survive. I would assume that most people want to survive. By definition you must not be able to withstand the hostile environment to be vulnerable. Which means there is no self defense because being in an interaction where you are able to kick someone's ass who attacks you is different than being a dependent child. When I was a child I developed a defense against vulnerability to attach to my parents, but now that I do not face the same potential vulnerability I am capable of being honest and surviving interactions that would lead to abuse because I am a grown man. In my experience I thought that saying certain things as an adult would make me vulnerable. It only revealed how empty other people were when they tried socially humiliating me. I am saying that people calling in for a conversation only do it because they think they are not vulnerable because there is plenty of evidence to support the openness of the listener conversations. You are right, though. There are people who are hardened by their childhood experience but I would argue that is only because they think they are in the hostile environment. I still think it's true that vulnerability is not honesty because to be vulnerable you must be unable to withstand the hostile environment. I will agree that if there is a perception that being honest in an environment will trigger hostility that is threatening to the life of that person that they are in a sense being vulnerable. Truthfully it is not vulnerability once again because the threat of dying is not the same as an adult. If Stefan thought that releasing his podcasts would lead to his imprisonment, would he do it? Thanks for reading my post. I look forward to your response.

I am concerned more about making my current manager uncomfortable.

What is your experience of reading my post?

I believe the term vulnerability may be used incorrectly when describing emotions. Being vulnerable is defined as the inability to withstand the effects of a hostile environment. Being honest, as I have seen, has been called being vulnerable. Either the person is in a situation where withstanding the effects of the hostile environment is not possible or not. If the person withstands the effects then by definition it is not vulnerability. It is true that protection/defense is the ability to withstand the effects of a hostile environment because by definition it shows that one can withstand the hostile environment. It is not true that vulnerability is associated with being honest because it is the opposite by definition if the person does withstand said environment, So if you are honest it is because you believe that you are not vulnerable. Also if you are not honest it is because you believe that you are vulnerable. I am totally open to being destroyed. This idea has been bugging me all day!

Hello, Recently I've been feeling anxious about a potential career change that could lead to something quite exciting for me. I joined this company three months ago for a particular position. After spending some time learning the ropes of that role I've become interested in a more customer based role that is quite scarce. It would be more along the lines of what I went to college for and would allow me to develop the set of skills that I have only scratched the surface of. I am wanting the change because I am no longer interested in my role compared to this opportunity. It's in line with my already developed skill set and is very viable for contract work should I chose to start a business. Starting my own business and being customer focused is something I think I can do well because I am driven given how much I've overcome just to get a steady job. (Something that is not common in my family.) I haven't met a lot of resistance when asking questions at work about it, in fact they pointed me in the direction of that department manager and said to ask. I know that I am insecurely attached. A large part of my life I've been worried about making people uncomfortable, but this is something that I think I could really enjoy. When I think of saying that I want the change I think that something bad will happen. How can I ask in a way that creates that best chance for success?

Hey Kevin, I also use a white noise generator, but at work because It helps me focus. I listen to electronic music when I journal.. which really hasn't struck me until now! Haha Flux sounds interesting. Have you gone as far as replacing your alarm clock? I think I feel the same anxiety around things like facebook and linkedin. What do you think it is?

Hello and thank you for taking the time for reading my post. Over the last year I've gone through various podcasts and videos rather obsessively trying to learn as much as I can. I perhaps foolheartedly ignored Stefan's warnings about what speaking the truth can do and what it reveals about people including myself. My life got worse before it got better. I withdrew from college and rejected everyone in my life. Sleepless nights, living paycheck to paycheck, and a general apathy nearly consumed me while I was going through therapy. I made it through that hell and trying to be honest has led me where I am today. I've been vulnerable with those closest to me and it makes them uncomfortable which has led to me being rejected. Getting out of the world of "I need to fix this relationship" has been liberating. I go to work now with a smile on my face. I know that I have debt but it doesn't bother me to the extent it used to. I can have a conversation with someone without isolating myself soon after. There have been noticeable changes in my life thanks to the hard work everyone is doing on FDR. I am still trying to figure out what I ultimately want from life as I have trouble visualizing to that scope, but I think I can say that I want to have meaningful relationships that are on purpose. I sincerely thank Stefan Molyneux for creating this opportunity.

The reason that I ask is because it's come up in podcasts and in recent call in conversations. How do I know if this state of nature exists? If the main prerequisite for someone to be 'in a state of nature' is living without the existence of society then isn't it incorrect to use this hypothetical term to describe those born into a society at all? I'm not entirely sure that it is helpful in assigning responsibility and it's confusing. What does it mean when someone says that "I did something wrong and I was in a state of nature"?

What is meant by the phrase "state of nature"?

Hi, I have linked below a video update I made. I am working to be more vulnerable and I thought that making a video was a step in the right direction. Thanks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ho7Pr8RRCg&list=PLV5IyYB5DgbLdpPSlZ55PLjxU4pKAwUUq

Idk. Sorry for wasting your time.

Errg, impulsive post. I don't know why I said that. But I am succeeding. I am succeeding in not giving them the chance to say things like "I'm proud of you" and "you turned out fine!" So the avoidance is doing its job... Can you tell me why I would want to succeed for myself? I don't get that emotionally, I feel indifferent.

Can I ask you if you are successful?

Hello, As per the title, I am looking for a mentor. The reason being is that it seems to make sense to take advice from someone directly who has something that you want in your life as well. The things I would like to work towards: Debt-free/Financial goal setting Great personal relationships Active lifestyle I would like to pay for your time should you choose to accept the offer. I realize that people's time is short and so am throwing this opportunity open to anyone who fits the criteria.

Hi, I would like to apologize for scaring you off. It seems that my posts scare people off and I am not exactly sure why. It's something I would like to work on. While I was on a walk today I thought about my parents taking ownership for my success and said, "so what"? What if it is true that they are responsible for me becoming who I am. The principle being: Your success justifies my abuse of you. My father would brag about my grades in school, much like yours QueechoFeecho. So I saw my efforts subsidizing bad parenting. One very important memory from my childhood was throwing away my elementary school graduation certificate and I was scolded by my instructor. Is leveraging someone else's success abusive?

ONE MORE WEEK. Sorry to be annoying....but I have no one else that cares about how excited I am to be not living with my sister again.

Again, free associating so I am not sure if it will make sense. What would I get if my family came together? I would be relieved. Like waking up in a ditch with only the memory of being told to dig and finding out that I was done digging, forever. I can't control them. Even if I did, it would be empty conformity. So to answer the question of what I am not getting? I was not taught how to get my needs met and to meet the needs of other healthy people. They (my parents) are pretending to know English and I am actually learning English. They are not interested in actually learning English, but pretending that they can speak it. They still punish me for grammar mistakes etc, but they never question their own knowledge. I think for me it's a cover story, but I could be wrong. Like I said, I was trained to miss my shitty father. I feel like I viewed success as a threat to the hair thread bond between my parents and I. My father was never proud of me and it was usually about him and how shitty or great his life was. Makes me feel sad to think that I only viewed myself as valuable, or that my father did, only when I was focusing on his needs. Attributing fear of ownership for success to my father is a projection! I am afraid of taking ownership of success because it threated the bond between my parents and I. I think that's projection, if I am incorrect could someone correct me?

I had an epiphany during the latest conversation between Stef and a listener about having people actually miss you. I remember having a feeling of yearning as a child that my father would come home. I was never able to figure it out. The language that I would have used would have included the phase, "I miss you". I didn't miss him in the way I would miss a friend that I love, not sure if I've ever had one in my life or face to face. The phrase that is coming to mind is that I was "trained" to miss him. It fits nicely with a woman's fading physical beauty, in this case it was my mother's. Once my mother had run out of that she could capitalize on another opportunity. Of course, having children as hostages... I remember writing on a birthday card for my Dad and my mother read what I had written. It said: "Have a great birthday! Stop spending so much time with your buddys drinking" (Something my mother complained about while he was at work, a lot.) My mother scolded me and told me to erase it. I scribbled over the writting and she was so cheap she sent it as is. Did she want my father to keep living the way that he was? I thought that if I served my mother by bringing my father home everything would work out. I would act out and it would work. The problem, to me, was that he chose to spend so much time away and that my mother was OK with it. (Months, I remember a 6 month break). Instead of seeing the issue and dealing with it, it was not even there. What I wanted, my family coming together, was ignored. I feel like this is important and I want to follow this feeling to its conclusion. Hungry for a breakthrough! Cmon!

It's hard to pin point. It's a lacking. I feel embarrassed to be bringing this up, but I wanted my parents to see me. I lose emotion after that sentence.

If I end up even remotely successful then how my parents treated me is justified in their eyes. I can’t escape it. “Maybe I wasn’t such a shitty parent after all.” By not committing to anything I think I am isolating myself. I am not committing to developing skills in something that I actually want to do. A job pays the bills but I don’t really want to do what I am doing for the rest of my life and I don’t know how to tell if the thing is actually what I want to do. I want to learn how to commit to something and stay with it. I’ve so often failed to remain consistent after making a commitment. I feel like if I heard my parents tell me how proud they are of me that I would have a very violent and visceral reaction. So the issue from my perspective is that no matter what I do it justifies my parents efforts. No matter what I do, they are going to say that they were right in what they did and that I am a product of their parenting. And I believe them. How can I not? Is it true?

I wanted to share some thoughts I have been having that are very intense and kind of scary as I get closer to moving into my own apartment away from my sister. I would like helpful feedback, if possible as well. Over the last year I've been trying to finish college after having dropped out. When I dropped out I didn't care about anything. I viewed language as a way of manipulating people. I viewed my carreer choice as revolting. Since then I have graduated and gotten a job at a growing company. Before I dropped out, I remember thinking to myself that I am glad that I am failing miserably now so that my absent father, emotionally vacant mother, and my cold grandfather could see where their hopes had gotten them. They had been emotionally invested in seeing me succeed and now was my chance to return the pain. My goal was to make them feel the disappointment I had felt when I was a child. (I think) "Everythings not alright, damnit!" Throughout my childhood my absent father had promised that everything would get better. Things got worse and I assumed a parental role for the close family. My mother viewed me as the responsible one and my father was missing in action. I felt this masochistic urge to destroy hope for people who believed in me. I'm actually smirking at the thought. I do have a fear of disappointing people which is an absolutely scary contrast from the above paragraph. I am 30 mins early for work everyday and leave when other people do. When I am meeting someone for coffee I come atleast 30-45 mins early. I am continuing to isolate myself, but I am moving out next month. So excited to be away from my sister... Why I think this is a problem is that I want to be able to commit to something. If I can't commit to a goal, how can I accomplish anything? I am afraid of screwing everything up. How do I find my way out of this? Thank you for taking the time to read my post!