Benjammin

I called him the night before suspecting that he might not be making it as we had made the plans 2 weeks out. He informed me that instead of coming over to help he had to work. Also that he had already packed up his tile saw for the move to a new place and he did not know where it was. I told him it was no big deal and he offered to reschedule the project to this Sunday. Stating that this would give enough time to locate the misplaced saw. I certainly am the friend that has been there whenever my friend calls. I have a hard time asking for help myself but when I do I am often let down or forgotten. I think you guys are right I will not attend and solve the project other ways if I need to. Thanks for the dialog!

The dilemma…… Hmm it must be that I feel the need to not hurt my friend feelings by not attending an event for his child. I logically know that his is not a valid reason to go just as being invited is not. Also he is supposed to be helping me the next day with the kitchen floor tiling project. It might make that kind of weird. I also feel that it could be fun. Also this is an opportunity to see if I should continue this friendship. I certainly have my doubts which is sad. It seems like no one in my life has any interest in talking about life issues without quick dismissal or cynicism. I think I also have a personal vanity in going as well. For some reason I still feels the need to show my ex that I am healthy and happy (mentally and physically). Which I guess that statement of vanity alone shows I am not mentally healthy. I should also probably say that this women was my one and only relationship/love. It was a long and rocky road that I need to process more. I have been drafting a post for quite a while on this but I am not sure that this is the appropriate place to dump that information. I will reflect on your question some more so see if I can find a better answer.

Hi All, I am having a problem making a decision. A friend from my history is having a second birthday party for his daughter. He did not invite me directly but his wife did through Facebook. Then last week he asked if I was coming or not after basically standing me up with promised help on a kitchen floor tiling project. I am not sure that I want to attend. One of the big reasons is that I know my ex fiancé will be at the party with her new husband and baby. Our relationship ended Labor Day 2012 so you can put that timeline together. I attended the friend's daughter's first birthday party last year and I found it to be an uncomfortable and kind of boring event. The reason that I say this friend is from my history is because we do not spend much time together. In fact each time we hang out in the last couple of years it feels more forced each time. We have less and less in common. This seems like it should be a simple decision. Don't go because it does not give you joy. Then again I can see several thing that I might enjoy about the interaction. Sorry this is so poorly worded. I don't really have anyone to discuss this with so I am looking for some feedback. Thanks, Ben

These examples did occur after I had the initial reaction. I think mostly I am having this reaction due to a false (possibly) belief that I will not be able to get health enough to attract a healthy mate and create my own family. I do recall another reason that I resisted having a child in the past is that I was afraid of my anger issues being inflicted on a child. I had unfortunatly allowed this to happen with my dog in the past. This was before I had found FDR and started working on excavating my true self. Thanks for the dialog!

Thanks dsayers for your response. It certainly gives me some ideas to consider. I certainly understand all the negative aspects of the way that most folks raise their children. I brought up the idea of home schooling with a gal last month and she response was "Oh NO, I need to work". I know for sure that this was not a money issue. I can say that I do not do much talking to pregnant women. The only time that I have brought up peaceful parenting with a lady (mother not currently pregnant) I was attacked for not being a parent and not being able to comment or understand. Strangely enough it was a meeting of folks who claim to see volunteerism as a virtue. At the time my flight won over my flight and all I was able to do it firmly restate that I find the idea of peaceful parenting to be a critical virtue.

Hi all, I am a single man age 30. I have been single for a year and a half. Even though I want children I actively resisted the idea with my last (only) relationship. I was probably depressed for the last few years of our relationship. I was listening to a lot of conservative talk radio and had a very bad outlook on the future of the world and did not want to inflict this on a child. I also was extremely worried about economic stability. Even then I had hope for one of us to be a stay at home parent. Since then I have found FDR and the idea of personal freedom above all. This has really liberated me and allowed me to be happy once again or maybe for the first time ever jury is still out on that one. Anywho I still find that when I see pregnant women it makes me sad. Anyone else have this experience? I see that there is a lot online about women being sad seeing pregnant women but not much about men. I am guessing this is due to my want of a child and the lack of prospects of a good mother/life partner. I do have to say that I have been resistant to post this for a while. Kind of scarry on it's own. Thanks for reading, Ben Edit: I want to add that I ask this because I think I should be happy for them (which I am). At the same time I would like to not feel sad for myself.

Lians, I am concerned about being seen as intimidating. I believe this is generally viewed as a negative thing. I did actually state to the woman that she was not the first to tell me that and that I did not understand where it was coming from. I did not dig any further than that. I wonder what the best way is to reopen the discussion on the topic. Or if that is even a smart idea. Probably just asking, what prompted you to say that I was intimidating? I am still quite sociable with the women so it’s not a show stopper issue. It’s just personal curiosity on why two people would say that to me. Also I wonder how many more are thinking it. Marcus, I guess it was just an observation or maybe an assumption. I did state that I did not understand why they thought I was intimidating but did not push the issue much further. Stephen, I will check that out. Thanks all for you ideas and input!

Thanks Pepin, I agree that it tough for anyone to respond to this question with the information that I provided. I actually questioned posting it for a while. I can sure try to ask the woman that told me I was intimidating (the other person is no longer with the company) but this is not always easy for me to do. Also I find that some people might have a hard time relating why they think something like that. I do have a tendency you be very strait forward and tell folks just how I see things without much of a sugar coating. Not in a nasty or abusive way but in an honest way. The woman that told me I was intimidating has laughed about the fact that I do not have much of a filter. It might be this is coming off as intimidating to folks.

Greg1, Interesting thanks! Just to be clear these are IT folks as well which might speak to your point. Marcus, I ask them if they have tried step a, step b, step c and then they answer the questions or tell me they have not tried. Why do you say that I am guarding my knowledge? I generally don’t have any more specific knowledge about the issues then the folks coming to me.

I have on two separate occasions been called intimidating by coworkers. Once my manager and once a women that is of equal position as I am. I do get along with both of these folks. I am not really sure where this is criticism is coming from. I wonder if it could be part of the reason that I have such a hard time meeting new people. I am not sure what details I could share that would allow people to comment on the situations. One thing could be when people come to me for help that I ask them to review the thought train that got them to me. People might be irritated by that as they are just looking to pass off the issue and continue on about their day. I think I have their best intentions at heart. I want to make sure that they have thought through on their own all possibilities that I know they are capable of. Also I guess I have the belief that I am no more capable of solving an issue than anyone else. In the IT industry pretty much all the answers are available on the internet. Or though following the process flow of any particular system. I have less school then a lot of these folks but I still manage to get the job done.

Thanks for sharing Stephen

I am sure that this kind of story has been run in other markets but this is the first time that I have heard of it in mine (I don't have a TV and surely do not watch the "news"). I am appreciate allot of the ideas that these folks have but then at the same time I do not like the idea of using violence. Surely they only resort to that because is what they were taught. What do you all think? Are you seeing this kind of story where you are? http://kstp.com/news/stories/S3206162.shtml?cat=127

Howdy Y'all, Greetings from Minnesota. I have been listening to Stefan podcast's for a while now (mid 400's) and lurking here on the board as well as watching lot's of YouTube so I decided it was time to signup. I am not sure what I would consider myself at this point but I am working hard at finding my True Self. I know for sure that I have rejected the idea of religion and forced taxation of the state for a long time. At least since 1998 which was my freshman year of high school. I moved to being more Libertarian in 2007 and have since been making a slow progression towards a completely voluntary approach. Looking forward to having great discussions, Ben