Slavik

When I was growing up, I dont remember liking anything I did, everything was imposed on me. The only thing I know so far, is that I really want to help people, I mean in the way that I know that they are being helped some meaningful way. Not helping them pick out a trinket or what not, or choosing a product, done that never liked it, sometimes hated it. I want to help deeply. Im almost 34 and starting absolutely fresh, since everything I did was meaningless at best.

I can only answer from my personal view. Until recent discovery, here is what I thought 1) I am just that way 2) It is normal to be the way I am 3) Everyone is that way 4) im just too weak, so if only I push harder I will become better Here is what happened when I opened my eyes and looked at my childhood 1) No I am not just that way, I was abused pretty badly 2) the fact that I am feeling bad, or that I simply unable to do some tasks, is nothing normal, and there IS a way to work on it and change it 3) No not every one is that way 4) Finally, I am not weak, I wasnt born weak, thanks to my parents abuse as well as to them ignoring abuse done to me and thanks to them abandoning me, I am the way I am. BUT now that I have seen and recognized that I am not at fault, but rather my parents are, I can let go of self hatred, I no longer hate myself, as I did for some odd 20+ years. And self work can now begin.

Before going into suggestion, I would like to prefess it by saying that, besides just going to therapy, there is a lot of personal work that is recommended. reading books that help you understand yourself more deeply, as well as books that provide you with some tools for self work. With that said. I would say its very personal. Here is what I mean. Feel like not going enough 1) Do you feel like there are things that you are getting stuck on, to the point where your mind gets jumbled and you need help? 2) What is your current state of mind, meaning are you at the end of the rope? 3) Do you have a deep anxiety or depression you can not shake ? Feel like going too much 1) Do you come to your therapist having no issues to talk about? And lastly, goign too much or too little, I hope you realize that its up to you to ask as to how frequent or less frequent of a help you need. You can schedule as many sessions as you need and then scale it back, or ask for a sooner appointment if you need to. The main question here is what do YOU need.

Hi, Just recently, after starting self therapy as well as personal work, one question came up. For the first time in my life I asked myself "what do I want!?" So my question is, is there a book one can recommend to me that would help me answering this question, meaning that would help finding a career I want. A goal that I can work towards. A profession that I might like. Any books on that? Thank you very much, and hope you are all having a wonderful day

I would like to say I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. As far as your questions, all I can do is offer my personal experience (as you and only you can deside what is best for you) - As a child I had a very abusive father as well (not sexually) but mental abuse and physical as far as hitting etc. When I grew a bit older, my father split on us all together. I did see him a few years later, I was 23 at the time. Well, same story, he felt sorry he missed me etc. But in reality it was his old self (a coniving abusing garbage of a person) all his (Im sorry) business went right out of the window. He felt sorry only when I had the power, but when I needed his help the abuse came back and in a greater manner. It ended with me coming to his business one day and almost smashing his head in ( I know stupid). Next day I packed all my belongings into a car went for a final visit and told him that he HAS NO SON. It was a great relieve for me, and not a single person can guild me into having a sort of a relationship with him, and trust me, his sisters (my aunts) have tried. The whole ordeal ended with me breaking all ties with my father and the whole side of this wretched family all together. I have released myself, and Im only happier for now allowing to be manipulated back.

Well this gave me pause. Thank you for all of your kind words. But why did I feel that this child was my son in th dream? Or this part doesnt matter? Looking back to the dream and the feeling that I can still vaguely remember, it was larger than life feeling, it wasnt mere comfort or safety, it was as if I was holding a whole world in my arms, as if my soul was bathing in the warm light of calm and endless strenght and possibilities, yet all concentrated to that one pin point, the knowledge of this boy being my son. (By knowledge I mean in the dream I somehow knew that it was my son)

Hi, I tend to get confused a lot when looking into my past. Ill give few brief examples. Traumas I have 1) A childhood trauma which in modern world people get PTSD from (a bit vague sorry, dont want to go into details) 2) Constant abuse from peers sibling parent. Physical and psychological 3) As a child, living in a constant state of fear (about 80% of the time) And the rest are physical and emotional side effects that resulted from all of this. My question is this: Does it matter which traumas I suffered? Isnt psychological treatment is the same? Or are they all different in the sence that they are all treated differently? And last question is this: Does anyone have any programs on self help they can point me to. I want to start the process of healing (as of now self help stuff only, I have barely any funds for books, so psychotherapy is the future goal) Thank you

I rarely see dreams, a few nights ago I saw a dream and it stuck with me. The dream: Im in this dark room, I can not see walls, they are swallowed by smokey darkness. A large bed stands in the middle of it. There is a child on it, a small boy (apperantly my son). I lay down on the bed next to him, tell him -"Come here" I hold him in my arms and hug him. I get a feeling that I can not describe, Ive never felt this feeling before, yet somehow in this dream Im owerwhelmed by it, a sence of abundant love towards my son. Next stage of the dream, I ask him how old is he, he tells me, I ask him -"Well how long has it been?", -"Six months" he answers. Then I wake up. PS: I do not have children and never had. Just interested to hear someone elses view.

Hi, I feel uncomfortable asking, but I am reaching the point where I feel i have no way out. Recently I started to look at myself in a different way (thanks to Stefan). All my life I have had one trauma after another, developed severe depression when I was a child. Yet, going through life thinking all of this meant something was simply wrong with me. Not manly enough (went to the gym, built muscles as if I was ready for Olympics) Had a strange punishing routine of exercise (I know this because a college football coach approached me one day, and asked what I was training, -"are you training for upcoming marathon?" he asked, that shook me up a bit, since this was my exercise routine for good 5 years then, 5 days a week. So muscles grew my mask looked "manly" but depression and emptiness persisted with ever growing strength. -Recently I took ACE test, I scored 5(but only because some things were simply not on it) , after test I went to the rest of the videos, I felt such enraged and desperate sense of betrayal, as symptom after symptom has connected. I felt so angry and hurt at the same time, that I threw my headphones on the desk, stormed out started jumping, then fell to the ground and burst out in tears. -As of right now I am in the stage of discovery , and this is where I need help. When I discover one thing I try to place it in the category of "root cause", or "symptom" I am still unable to do so. The help Im looking for is, to help me parse it all and put it in its own place, then maybe a direction to where I can learn what tools are possible for coping, and Finally to set myself free. Please dont take this as some sort of cool mental exercise, Im too far gone to be a puzzle for someone ( I do not have the time, I feel I've slipped too far as it is) If you can help please do, If you can not then you are simply my fellow traveler on the same road. Thank you all in advance

Maybe someone wrote this before, but too many comments for me to read through. My advice is this. -Asking a girl to meet sometimes, kind of sets the mood of aprove or reject. Since you posed it this way. Which in turn this is what you are waiting for, approval or rejection. But the question to go meet sometimes, well we all know what this means, asking ona date. ---Ok my suggestion, dont ask a girl out on a date, this is important (I think) again, dont ask girl out on a date. Instead ask her her for cup of coffee (precise and no commitments). Ask a girl if she wants to go to a nice park or a bike ride or to the lake or to the ocean. Whatever you can come up with and whatever enviorment suits you. I used to ask many girls out, not sure why people look for a particular girl, wait for something to click, think on it and only then ask out on a date, too much at stake at that point. Ask any girl out, you never know where it will lead. Good luck, and the more you practise the easier it becomes. I generally agree with most of what you said, as far as confronting fears and all of that. But for the sake of all taht is rational, please do refrain from such horrid generalizations that I have quoted. Keep in mind that the person you are talking to is 1) Not your sibling 2) You dont have a slightest idea of what he or she is dealing with (the question posted here is not nesseserally the only problem he or she /has) 3) Calling someone a coward which you basically have just done, is to continue abuse you yourslef have experienced as a child And lastly, speaking for myself only, I did have problems with approaching girls before as well, but I was no coward by any stretch of immagination. Take it any way you wish, I do not have resepct for people who offend others, especially in their time of need.

--The images from childhood set the stage, images of pain I brought onto others. When images arise from past like never ending haunting ghosts, I relive those incidents as if they were happening right now. I relive the events with every horrid detail, as if my mind is trying to punish me, as if its trying to tell me -"Look at what you have done you little evil spawn" Every little detail makes me cringe, my chest spasms, hard to breathe, tears swell in my eyes and I burst out in agony, that manifests itself in quiet whimper. I try to speak, I try to reason with tormentor that lives inside my mind: -- "Please stop", I tell him -- "Stop what?" He says, - "Im only here to show you what you have done" -- "I know what I have done, but why torment me?" I reply -- "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CLAIM INJUSTICE, THE PUNISHMENT IS JUST" The voice thunders "How dare you even say such thing" -voice hisses -- "But I was only a small child, I didnt know what I was doing" -I reply -- "Why do you think that you being a child is of any difference to those you have hurt?" -voice replies with sarcasm. -- "CAn you change anything?" The voice asks knowing that I cant -- "You are right I cant" -I say. The voice withdraws back into darkness of my soul, knowing that he won the argument yet again for the hundredth time, pleased with himself, his belly bustlingly full of agony he fed on. A quiet calm swings over me, a neutral state. The pain, voice took, the pleasure happiness is gone as well. A calm neutrality of being -- "Until next time" -The voice throws back at me, departing fully into the ocean of my soul....

Maybe its hard becasue you have lost interest in what it is you are writing? Here is my 2 cents. When I used to write, I wrote from mo soul, doing so, I have met my issues, writing was my way of dealing with those issues, at some point I felt spent, no longer having emotional connection to the topic I would finish it in the seemingly awakward way and go on to anyther. If this is your case, then a writing assistant might be your answer, a person to whome you can lay out your thoughts emotional connections, allowing him to connect it all, allowing you to ponder longer to find more connections and more ideas. Just my 2 cents

A Russian joke A guy comes to a bar a sees a man playing a strange game. The man has his right hand on the table, and with the left he lifts up a hammer and strikes his hand. The guy asks him, "what in the world are you doing?" the man replyes -"it feels good". What feels good that guy asks, how can striking your own hand possibly feel good? The man replyes "its not striking that makes me feel good, its when I miss" (To me this joke seemed applicable in many respects, just thought to share)

When I look into the mirror into my own eyes, the same thing happens, the scattering effect. I have trouble concentrating.

Sorry to dissapoint, but in my case you really wont be able to tell. When I talk to people, I really have no trouble carrying on a conversation, I have no trouble talking if its something interesting, but you see, I was never able to look in the eye, as it breaks my consentration and makes the whole vision immideately scatter. A long time ago, I was told that it is a "must" to look people in the eye, so I substituted by looking at the nose . As far as introvert or extrovert goes, well I am starting to doubt all of these boxes society is trying to put all of us in.

Hi, Im new, my name is Slava. I remember Stefan talking about the meaning of not being able to look in peoples eyes, just wanted to ask what does that mean? Emotion wise of course, what is the reason for it. PS: Im new and hope this is the right community, that is, absent of trolls or people who fire off clishes faster than AK47 Thank you in advance, hope to get well to the oint of some day helping newcomers.