kavih

Hey guys, This is the first of what should be many episodes exposing the inconsistent arguments feminist opinion leaders put out that continues to perpetrate the double standard narrative that domestic violence against men is somehow acceptable. I hope you like the approach I've taken. Read: http://consistencytest.com/2017/01/05/woman-on-man-domestic-violence-is-acceptable-episode-1-jezebel-tracie-morrissey/

Which parts in particular of those sections sound creepy? The "environmentally friendly" aspect I can look past.

Hey guys, Have any of you heard of the "Mankind Project?" My therapist just recommended it to me during my session today. If you've heard of it and/or experienced it, please let me know what you thought. And if not, what do you guys think? My therapist is an IFS and I've been with him for 10 months and trust his judgment of where I'm at emotionally. http://mankindproject.org

At least on her emails, I think this outlines things pretty succinctly (I just created it): https://truthmapper.com/map?id=f0ee47725f4bdd3bf8bbd7a3e25ba58e#.WBmBWMlc_St And if you guys have any feedback/edits, please let me know.

You stand out. You become a leader in whatever it is you are passionate about that involves other people. You also, just get the fuck out there and meet people and vet people. The Ks exist and they should be easy to spot among all the rs. And if you become a leader, they will also come to you as well. So, become a leader and look for leaders. Start/join meetup.com groups. I'm just beginning these techniques, but am already feeling more connected and not nearly as isolated as I used to feel. The most important aspect is interacting with people in person. Isolation can get reinforced by limiting yourself to only connecting with people online. My personal reason for becoming isolated and not finding more K people is because I live in a densely r-selected town (90% Bernie Sanders supporters), so I am planning on moving. But even still, while I'm here, I'm going out and meeting people and seeking out the leaders, getting their numbers, and staying connected. I hope this helps.

Thanks!

I am posting this in the Self-Knowledge category, because as part of my self-knowledge growth through therapy, I'm realizing some big parts of my childhood that have been holding me back from my K-selection urges and my potential to embrace living more K-selected. So, if anyone has any recommended books on the analysis of r/K in humans, I'd appreciate the references. Thank you.

Welcome to the boards, ginseng.

Welcome, Luisa. Thanks for sharing your story and desires for connecting with like-minded people. I think you're in the right place. What topics do you think you're most passionate about?

Welcome, cassidy.

Thank you for the recommendations. Thank you. I actually already own this one. This is the 2nd time it's been recommended to me. Time to pick it up off my stack of ones to read.

For you, Troubador, and for any others interested, this coming Sunday (9/11) there will be a google hangout with a group of people (I think all of which are FDR supporters) about dating. If you'd like to join the hangout with us, add yourself to this group (if you can): https://www.facebook.com/groups/AcrossTheDesert/If you can't add yourself, ask Ady Sheerer for approval to be a part of the group. You also don't need to join the hangout to listen in, since the events are also live streamed on YouTube, where you can just listen in.

Hello. Does anyone have any books or good resources on self-erasure, it's origin, analysis of it, and ways to overcome it's controlling nature? With more self-knowledge and looking back on past romantic relationships, especially the relationship I have with my mother, it's becoming very likely that this is what I end up doing. I also think I attract people that feed off of my self-erasing actions/words and I want to be able to recognize when I'm doing it, so that I can get rid of these people from my life as they show up. This will also help me recognize these kinds of toxic people, so that I can avoid them to begin with (seeing their red flags) prior to investing in any kind of deeper relationship with them. Thank you very much. This seems like a pivotal place of growth for myself right now.

Ya, I'm pretty sure she has. I PM'ed her on facebook a while back and this is what she said in regard to Galt's Gulch in Chile:

I'm unsure what I think about this. It's an article written by Rosyln Ross (below). I have some unsettled feelings around this and it may come from me being ignorant around NVC or that Rosyln is wrong. My gut reaction is that yelling is simply raising one's voice to be heard, whether or not someone is there to hear it. The emotions (if any) that are behind the act are what is the important factor to consider. For example, I could yell to a child that is very far away from me, simply because my voice needs to carry: "Time to pack up and head home Johnny!" Or how about a child that falls into a ravine and needs to yell to get your attention, so you can come help get the child out? These seem like valid ways to yell. The invalid ways, I think, come from when carrying your voice isn't necessary for the other person to audibly understand what you are saying. So, if you are frustrated or are having some emotion that you want someone else to know about, that doesn't justify using yelling as a way to tell them. I argue that yelling shows an insecurity within a relationship. If you and the person (friend, spouse, child, etc.) have a real-time relationship, the trust you have in the other person to express your emotions will allow you to do that without yelling, because you know empathy exists between the two of you. UPDATE: I just saw a comment by Kevin Beal to Roslyn under the blog post. Feel free to chime in here, if you'd like to, Kevin Source page: http://roslynross.blogspot.com/2016/02/i-think-i-may-be-pro-yelling.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+RaisingChildrenIsAnActOfPhilosophy+%28Raising+Children+is+an+Act+of+Philosophy%29 Full Text:

I think it's possible that my thoughts on it and the anger I had when thinking about a child getting picked on by their parent(s) was intensified from a place of emotional instability in me. I have been going through some things in my life that have made me very angry among other intense emotions, so I think the proposition of the phrase was being motivated more from my emotions than it was from my logic. So, that's where my thoughts were at originally. I think I'm in a vengeful place right now in my life, so my indignation on the issue is throwing off my usual logical self. I'll have to circle back here after I'm emotionally healed.

Right. I actually didn't mean that the phrase would be used with an aggressive tone, but I do see now how it comes off as validating "picking on someone," whether they are your size or not. My gut reaction when I first thought about saying it was that it would not work and would only come off as an escalating phrase, rather than a deescalating phrase. But, I wanted to run it by people here, since that's truly what I want to say, but I definitely wouldn't say it. Thanks for giving the feedback on it. Especially pointing out the way it validates picking on someone. My anger got in the way of me seeing that the first time.

You should be proud of yourself for confronting an abuser. You all have said a lot and I agree with many sides being presented. We should be able to come up with solutions that are sticking up for the child, confronting the abuser, and yet not escalating the situation through confronting them. During my last confrontation, I think I got lucky, because the woman immediately felt bad after I confronted her. I say lucky because I think many other abusers could have responded with further anger towards me with what I said, especially since we were in public. The scenario was this: I was at the zoo and amongst all the kids and parents, there was a grandma who was slapping her 13 year old grandson on his arm extremely hard -- practically as hard as she could is what it looked like. I'm guessing about the relationship and his age, but he was only a few inches shorter than her and she looked to be in her 60s-70s. She was also yelling at him. He looked very frightened and embarrassed in front of so many people. Everyone was watching, but no one said anything. I finally stepped up to her and said, "I think you could have handled that better." The boy had already walked off with his friends/brothers at this point, but he did look back and hear me talking to her. She said with an apologetic and guilty voice/look, "I know...You're right... I know." So, I followed up by looking at the boy and then back at her and saying, "Maybe it's best if you apologize to him then, ya know?" She didn't say anything in return, but walked off towards him like a dog with it's tail between it's legs. I was too disgusted and angry to feel comfortable with "pushing the boundary" of my win with her, so I turned away from her and went back to the people I came there with, instead of continuing to watch her to see what she did afterwards. I wish I would have in hindsight though. I also wish I would have walked over to the boy and told him she overreacted and had no right to touch his body. It all happened in a matter of 10 seconds. What do you guys think about this phrase towards a parent, as a follow up after first talking/empathizing with a child being abused: "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" I see the phrase as being supportive of the child and it calls the parent out on "bullying." I know their anger may be directed back at me if I said it, but what else could they say that would really diffuse the fact that they are a bully? As long as the child hears that phrase, I think it will strike home with the child. I also think "picking on someone" can take the form of verbal aggression, so the phrase can be used in that scenario as well. Thoughts?

Ah, so you've already been in therapy then. I misunderstood. Glad to hear it

So, are your male friends looking for sex and switching partners constantly? If so, I think you should get new friends. Sorry to hear about the bad relationship. Since it looks like you're new to the forums, I think you'll be able to get some sound feedback here, as you process things. For children that grow up not being modeled what a loving, healthy relationship looks like between a man and a woman (via their parents), it's terrible that they have to "learn the hard way." So, I hope you really do find a professional to help you process the reason you had such a bad relationship. I've been in therapy for 9 months now and have realized why I used to be attracted to such harsh and exclusively physically attractive women, because of the childhood trauma inflicted by my mother. Maybe this article from my friend Kathryn will help, if you haven't already read it: https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/47143-why-youre-not-going-to-therapy/#entry430813

How long have you been doing this Steve and any luck? I had an online profile for about 2 years on OKC. I took it down in January (I think) of this year because those 2 years of letting it's algorithm do it's thing while I searched in person and on the site were excruciating. It's probably because I live in such a liberal area, that finding someone virtuous nearby is very challenging, both online and in person. Even broadening my search to globally was still very unproductive... so many AnComs. That's an interesting perspective (the female one) about men on dating sites. Do the majority of men on there really come off that irresponsible (Re: "looking for sex, switching partners constantly")? I wonder what kind of affect that has on genuinely virtuous men on there.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I've placed my order for many of them.

Not meaning to necrobump, but I just wanted to thank you guys for all the suggestions. Just ordered a bunch of these.

I remember once watching a video of hers about Feminism (I think), which I enjoyed. I thought she would have been a more reasoned person in her videos. Now I see that she is not. Thanks for sharing. I don't know where the concept of the younger generation not being spanked is coming from. The research shows there hasn't been much change at all (from reading Primordial Violence).

Have you listened to any of Stef's podcasts on corporal punishment? If so, I'm not really sure what you are doing on these forums. If not, I'd encourage you to do so. It depends on what your definition of "making fun of" is. I've always heard of and thought of the definition as: teasing someone else in order to mask one's own insecurities. That is a major red flag, whether or not the person they are making fun of is a stranger.