neeeel

I would be wary of self diagnoses. I have noticed that whenever I read descriptions of psychiatric disorders, I always seem to match them. I surely cant have them all! Do you think if a sociopath read the description of a sociopath, he would go "oh, thats me" ?

no, you dont get to claim 1 thing for islam, and then dodge the same thing for christianity. You dont get to go its islam when islam is violent, but its countries when christians fight.

They were. Christianity, at least, had no problem with fighting and wars, and christian nations spent hundreds of years fighting each other , or going abroad to fight others. Just because they arent like that now doesnt mean anything. yes, my wording was probably imprecise, but that is what I meant, that I am disputing that the koran, or religion , is the cause of the violence. I am arguing that, lacking religion, peoples irrationality and violence would find outlets in other beliefs and activities. perhaps you could argue that religions are part of a large web of causes, and I might agree with that. As stef sometimes points outs in calls, I am not sure something like this is possible. I dont think you can put a bit of irrationality off in a corner of your life. If you are irrational it keeps popping out in strange places, like whack a mole. I am not sure I do undervalue it. Its clear to me that beliefs in general, and particularly false beliefs, are the cause of pretty much all of the suffering and damage that happens today.

I can program in python. Also have some experience in java, and am learning to make android apps. I might be interested in joining some sort of project

thats like saying, if everyone was nice, then would everyone be nice? Im not disputing that they are illogical or uncritical thinkers. I am disputing that the koran, and islam, is the cause of their violence and extremism.

I dont know about commanded by allah. I havent read the koran, but I would guess there is some violent stuff in there. What I am saying is, extremists goin to extreme, if there wasnt the koran, there would be something else. Its not like they read the words and it turned them into a blood crazed maniac.

I dont think labelling them as narcissistic is useful, or even correct. Of course I dont know the full story, or them. From what you have told us so far, all I can see is them trying to deal with a situation without too much stress or hurt for anyone. Just because you dont get on with them, doesnt make them narcissistic. I have noticed that you seem to be doing a lot of "religious" thinking, that is, assigning motives and thoughts to other people that you cant possibly know.

The kid knows. The father doesnt. Thats how fucked up things are. He knows flowers dont do anything against bad people, and you can see the confusion on his face when his father says "we have flowers". And this video is comforting people?

I am not sure what you are asking for here. It seems like the problem is already solved. You dont like them. They dont like you. They are moving out. What more do you need to do? What would you like to happen? It seems like there is something else going on that I am not clear about. I get the feeling that you "need to know" something from them, what would that be?

It sounds like a lot of dishonesty, and avoidance, is going on from both sides. No one is being open about what the other thinks/feels about this. Instead of hearing what they may say (they dont like you, or dont like living with you ) you are saying how they are hurting you, or lying to you. If you react with anger and rage to them, why would they want to open up to you about whats going on? Are you sure they are rejecting your true self? It does sound like you are very angry with them. you havent said much about why? Is it the feelings of betrayal? Or is there more? You say you really dont like them. So whats the problem? If you dont like them, why would you feel rejected? do you want to say more about that?

I did state that saying my brother is a non violent muslim wasnt proof of anything The extremists are extreme, not because of the koran, but because they are fucked up. I am not sure a religion can be violent.A religion isnt a thing in the same way that state isnt. People in general are violent. I can see that I am not explaining my point well, or perhaps its just a bad point. I will leave it there.

I am not sure you could ( or should ) class it as betraying you. Do you have a written contract saying they must live with you? They are free to do what they want ( within the NAP) I also dont think focussing on fault is necessarily going to get you anywhere I would recommend honesty, but I know that it can be hard to do. So, sit down with them, say, "I heard you talking about moving without me next year, I am quite upset about that, I like living with you guys. What are your reasons for this, can we sort this out, and if so, how?" It sounds like you dont like living with them, though. So why do you want to live with them next year?

If islam was a religion of violence, then wouldnt all , or most, muslims be violent? My brother is a muslim, and he isnt a violent jihadist( not a disproof, for sure) There is something else going on. I am not sure exactly what. but a book, in and of itself, cant do all this. perhaps it is just a clash between 2 incompatible cultures or belief systems, that can only end with the destruction of 1. I have also heard theories of how, as the world gets smaller, and ideas are communicated more easily, beliefs have to get more extreme in order to survive, to appear attractive , to grab people, to motivate them. Perhaps this is what we are seeing. As it becomes easier to challenge beliefs and ideologies, people have to hold on more tightly, and scream louder. But to just go "well, its a violent religion, isnt it" seems too simple, to me.

Damn, I musta missed that class when I was in school.

I think this is wrong. As JD points out, show me an adult male who doesnt find (teenage, at least) girls attractive , and I will show you a liar. So, unless you are going to say that attraction to teenage girls is not pedophilia, then normal people DO actually have an attraction to children.

thanks to both for the advice and help

How do you decide what silver to buy? Is any junk silver good? Or just coins? How can I make sure the coins are genuine silver?

hi, mahayana, thanks for your reply. I am not trying to have a go at you as a parent, or tell you what you should do , even. I am just saying, examine EVERYTHING. We get locked into beliefs and behaviours so easily, without even realising it. It sounds like you are a good parent to your daughter, and are really considering what you are doing, and that is good.

I am always wary of these statements, such as "children need boundaries" , "children need discipline", "parents need to present a united front". Perhaps they are true, but I dont think they are useful. They can be used to justify lots of things. I dont understand why you would "run out of time" when you reach 8:30. Why would you not keep reading if she loves it so much? Read till she falls asleep, or you get bored. Why would you ration your time with her in order to stick to some structure that is self defined and applied? My suspicion is that its you that desires structure, not your daughter. Do you feel that, if you dont structure things, you will get nothing done? Does doing a few weekly tasks, that are applied to you from outside, teach about responsibility? I am not so sure it does. I suppose it depends how you are doing it. Do you discuss this with her? Do you ask her if there is anything she would agree to do? and then, if she agrees, you can point that out when she doesnt do what she agreed to. I am not sure being told to take out the garbage at a certain time every day will lead to anything but arguments and resentment. I would guess that motivation comes from either a) doing things that you enjoy doing, so you want to do them more , or b) realising that in order to reach a goal that you hold important, you need to do some things you dont like, but because the goal is important to you, you do them anyway. Having arbitrary rules and regulations applied to you from above, does not seem anything to do with motivation. motivation comes from inside, not outside. I would guess that your issues dont come from the lack of structure, but that what you perceive as a lack of structure came from the underlying issues of your parents. That is, the mistake the parents made wasnt "lack of structure", but their deep seated issues, whatever they were, lead you to not being motivated. My childhood was quite structured in terms of meal times, bed times, rules, etc, and I also struggle with a lack of motivation.

What are the consequences of not having structure? What sort of structure would you like your daughter to have, that she doesnt have now? I understand your concern. I am sure you are wary of labelling as well. I would guess that gently guiding and helping her with tasks like homework will help, and she will develop at her own pace. Im not sure that structure provides motivation. This is kind of what I was trying to get at, and I think its an important point. sometimes we get locked into things that are kind of irrelevant, and feel that we need to pass them on to our children, when we probably dont

It sounds like she does have structure ( eg in the soccer practice, there is a structure there to help her learn and practice). Are you sure you have identified the problem correctly? Perhaps she is more interested in messing around with the other girls, than following instructions, is that a bad thing? Its not really clear what you mean by "a lack of structure"? Can you give some examples? What you wrote isnt an example of lack of structure, its an example of her not paying attention, or not completing the drills. I wouldnt necessarily call those a behavioural problem. Perhaps it is your projection of the need for structure that is troubling you? Perhaps you having uncomfortable thoughts about how she will be in the future? Can you know that it will turn out that way? Why is structure important to you? Have you talked to her about it? In a curious and open manner? Its interesting that you identify ADHD as being "caused" by ineffective parenting, and then go on to class your daughter as ADHD-like.

Your question only makes sense under the assumption that there are some sort of ( ethereal or otherwise) "whos" floating around that can control bodies, and that could possibly have been put, or arrived in, different bodies by an accident of nature.. This is obviously not true.

Im not sure what you mean. You said "I'm talking about objective reality. Where your life IS your property. " unless I have misunderstood, this means that , in objective reality , there is such a thing as property, and life is the property of you.

Im not sure you can claim that property rights exist in objective reality, given that they are a concept, and dont exist in the same way that USA doesnt exist.

I think you should cut yourself a bit of slack. The pressure you describe yourself under at school, the pressure to get a girlfriend etc, sounds exactly like the pressure you are putting yourself under to be productive. Theres nothing inherently wrong with video games, and you are likely to be using them to avoid something, some pain or distressing feelings/memories. Thats ok, dont be hard on yourself for doing that. Are you in therapy at all? You say you have had no one and no emotional support. It sounds like therapy is something you would really need.