Darius
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Posts
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Joined
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Days Won
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Everything posted by Darius
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In this video I present a short concept of what does it mean to work on yourself, heal, and grow.
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Hi AynRand, Initially, I have recorded it as a three-part series, but I'll probably record some additional videos on the subject, as it is one of the most common issues people want me to work with them on and contact me about.
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Hi Kaki, Thank you for your kind feedback! Yes, my articles are oriented more to a "psychologically more advanced" audience, and I tend to make a lot of my videos to be a little bit "easier to swallow." I took a break from writing my blog because I'm already working on a huge project that mostly consists of writing. I know it sounds vague, although you can probably guess what this might be, but I don't want to give too many details about it as of yet. Although I'm extremely excited about it, and I'll share more information soon. Eventually, I'll come back to writing the blog—I just don't know when yet. I hope that helps, and it's good to know you find my writing valuable! See you around, Darius
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Part three in the series I'm doing on the fear of rejection: what you can do about it and what could be the result of that.
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Matt D, you're welcome. And yes, the emotional reaction, per se, is correct. All emotional reactions give us valuable information about our life. The problem is that quite often a person's emotional reaction is not a reaction to the present, but to the past (or at least for the most part). When I say "inadequate," I mean that such a reaction—objectively and in the context of the current situation—is either too strong (overwhelming anger when you drop something down) or too weak (i.e., repressed or minimized anger when somebody violates your boundaries). My point in the series is that the fear of rejection we feel as adults is the unprocessed fear of abandonment we felt when we were children—because as adults we are not dependent and helpless anymore. Remembering it and reminding people of it can be very useful, liberating, and empowering. I'll probably eventually record a video based on the comments in this thread. By the way, part three is already up:
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AynRand, it's good to know my video created some new thoughts on the subject for you. Matt D, from what I have observed and experienced both in my self-work and my work with clients, the feelings of social fear and anxiety most people struggle with are way too strong compared to the situation at hand. Sure, one can feel strong fear when talking in a serial killers' convention, but this scenario is not highly realistic. Or perhaps if you are trying to close a $10 million deal and a lot of things are at stake. Or if you are in front of a group of armed soldiers or policemen or politicians, and you haven't payed your taxes for years, and you are insulting and threatening them (but why would you do that?). In other words, social phobia / fear / anxiety is, as all emotions are, valid to the degree it accurately reflects the situation we are in. If there indeed is serious danger to our wellbeing or our property, then the fear we feel at the moment adequately warns us about what is going on. The problem is, these are not the issues most people are struggling with. Most people who suffer from fear of rejection experience it on daily basis and in daily situations: What will this person think of me if I say this? Should I do that? Can I say this? But what if they won't like me? What if they will think I'm stupid or uninteresting? And so on... The fear a person feels in those situations is way too strong compared to their situation, as objectively there is no real danger to their wellbeing or property but the person usually feels something truly terrible will happen. Quite the contrary; usually pretending to be someone who you are not and trying to please others at the expense of yourself can cost you a lot of resources. And, as I've mentioned, all those irrational thoughts and fears, as all irrational emotional reactions and disturbing thoughts, come from one's early environment and their bond with their primal caregivers. What happens when you work on yourself, though, is that those irrational fears go away—meaning they fundamentally indeed were related to the past, because the external situations didn't change. I hope this helps! I'll talk about all of this in the next couple of videos. They're done, but that I plan to upload them after the holiday season is over.
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Part two in the series I'm doing on the fear of rejection.
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You're welcome, guys
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Thank you for the feedback, guys! Happy Holidays!
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I wrote this article a year ago, and since it's this time of the year perhaps some of you may find this helpful. Holiday Depression and Stress
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Part one in the series I started recently. It's on an issue almost all people I met or observed struggle—or have struggled—with. I plan to upload part two and three in the upcoming week.-
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- loneliness
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A short, minute-long video:
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My newest video on how people become unmotivated and unaware of their true feelings and interests.
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James Hetfield from "Metallica" Talks About His Childhood and Music
Darius replied to Darius's topic in Listener Projects
Thank you for your feedback and for sharing some of your own experiences, PGP! To me, Metallica's lyrics are quite interesting, especially knowing personal histories of people who wrote them. Even the names of the songs are very telling. For example, songs on the "St. Anger" album are named "Invisible Kid," "The Unnamed Feeling," "All Within My Hands," and so on. The album name itself, Saint Anger, tells you quite a lot.- 2 replies
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- abandonment
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My newest video. In it, James Hetfield from "Metallica" talks about his painful childhood, his relationship with his abusive parents, and how it influenced his music. I included my comments and observations in a form of hard-burned closed captions. Apologies for poor audio quality. These were the best clips I could find, and sound filters didn't help improve it, either. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6XD1MPzF_A
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- abandonment
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An interview about the mental health field and healing with a friend of mine, Daniel Mackler: http://madinamericainternationalfilmfestival.com/much-prefer-idea-humans-just-helping-humans-interview-daniel-mackler-open-dialogue-healing-homes/
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My newest video. Topics discussed here: dysfunction in society, school / educational system, problems in one's childhood and adolescence, and more.
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- depression
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My newest video; an example of a narcissistic father and a narcissistic person in general: http://vimeo.com/selfarcheology/father
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- narcissism
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Hi everyone, A couple of people mentioned this thread to me. So, to those whom it may concern, I will just go ahead and openly state my views on the aforementioned subjects: I don't believe in the legitimacy of any form of government or any other unchosen disparity of power – I'm for the non-agression principle in all spheres of life. I don't believe in any form of misticism or irrationality (religions, gods, prophets, holy books, New Age stuff, karma, afterlife, etc.) – I greatly value critical thinking, logic, science, reason, and evidence. I will always side with the child or with the childhood experiences of an adult (vs. people who hurt them of failed to protect them in any way and for whatever reason). I find the commonly offered methods of "just get over it," "forgive and forget," "(s)he is your parent / spouse / family member, therefore your emotions are invalid," "they did the best they could, therefore your emotions are invalid," "just think positively," etc. to be neither valid nor useful. Even though the intensity and speed of the process varies from person to person, I don't find it to be true that healing, growing, or resolving one's personal problems is a quick and simple process, therefore I neither offer quick solutions for difficult problems nor think such a thing really exists. I think these are the more important topics, so I hope that helps! More information on consulting with me can be found here: www.selfarcheology.com/consulting-and-emotional-help.html If anybody has any questions, you can always contact me directly via a medium of your choice; all of my contact information can be found here: www.selfarcheology.com/contact-me.html EDIT: Oh, and I accept Bitcoin as a form of payment, too. Bye!
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An impromptu video I recorded yesterday when testing my new microphone; on a quote by Alice Miller and on the delicate subject of suicide in general.
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Part 2 on the struggles of setting personal boundaries, especially with toxic people. The main theme here is learned dependency. Setting Boundaries with Toxic People (Part 2): Learned Dependency
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New article on the struggles of standing up for yourself in a toxic relationship; more specifically about self-doubt: http://blog.selfarcheology.com/2014/06/setting-boundaries-with-toxic-people.html
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In this officially first (and hopefully not last) Self-Archeology vidcast I share my thoughts on the concepts of death, existence, and mortality.
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New video in the series on self-esteem: the development of self-esteem. What is important to the development—or misdevelopment—of one's self-esteem and to one's mental health in general. It's probably the most important video in the series so far.
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My newest article on the difficulties and consequences of being raised in a controlling environment: http://blog.selfarcheology.com/2014/04/the-burden-of-being-over-controlled-as.html