Tony Crowe

Amendment #1: Willing to extend my range to accommodate FDRers out in the boonies!

Hiyo! My name is Tony, a long time FDR listener, reader, and chatter. I'm open to fraternizing with other locals in the Boulder or Denver area. It has been a while since I have socialized with other FDR participants. If you get in touch I have some ideas for some things we can do or you can suggest one. I've been riding around my bike now that the outside has thawed. You may join but you must prove yourself with wheelie skills. (You can defer your wheelie initiation for up to two months.) Another thing I'm doing is trying to find lectures and events having to do with psychology. I didn't see anything just yet I'm going to. I'm trying to avoid any of these events that have something to do with spirituality. For whatever reason psychologists often say they can help with your spirit. http://boulderpsych.com/calendar.php I can also hit tennis balls but I need to get my racket back from Benji. Is there anything you like to do? -TC

If you have experience, intelligence, tenacity, or other factors that make you really good at a technical skill what is that like for you? Are there things you can do that others can't? How do people react to what you can do? Do you know anyone who is way better than you at that skill? Anything else you want to add I would be pleased to hear about. Thank you! -TC

@BaylorPRSer Wow, that's amazing. Your dad is lucky he didn't get his ass beaten. Anyway, what do you think the rage is trying to teach you, if anything? Do you feel an urge to isolate yourself?

Do you think there is such a thing as excellence in self knowledge? If so, how would someone know when they have achieved it? If not, why not? -TC

@Huldra Those are great questions you're asking yourself. All of what you described sounds like a difficult time to be in for you. But, so what if it is hypergamy? Is that wrong? What is that anxiety designed to help you discover about yourself?

@Nutrigirl26, It is nice to hear you are raising your standards for communication and self awareness. That sounds difficult and uncomfortable to deal with. Does it ever feel like you are being threatened when you hear something contrary to what you believe? -TC

Yes, it is possible. Each domain will cost yearly. There are no practical limits to how many domains, sub-domains, or IPs can go on one server. Are you trying to save money by consolidating the sites into one hosting account / server?

peachbrain, I totally get that. For our sake we want them to do the right thing. We want them to take the hurt, that terrible burden, away from us. Are you journaling about your experience through that process? -Tony

I'm really sorry and yes you do have the right to complain. If you have been courageous enough to increase your standards and act on them you by definition have the right to and deserve to get what you are asking for. I appreciate that you have sensitivity for the horrors others here experience but that does not diminish how difficult things are for you. Okay? You posted that a few days ago. How are you doing now?

They have some equipment that interfaces with an antenna on one side and CAT5/6 on the other. In those cases you could use omnidirectional or directional antennae. On this blog post I wrote more about that: http://bouldermesh.net/2014/08/02/August-2nd-2014-Meetup-Recap/

RuralRon, Thanks for the feedback dood. Do you subscribe to a WISP? -TC This seems to be the equipment a lot of people are using and what I may start with. http://www.ubnt.com/products/ If you know of any others please post and also if you know about how to do spectrum or signal analysis.

I like your thinking there. But really, why should you approach anyone new? What do you hope to gain? I also appreciate your courage for initiating and responding to this very interesting discussion. Sometimes when we are trying to do something important in our lives but we have a lot of fear it gets confusing and we can shut down. It was similar for me. These fucking people who call themselves our parents, who were responsible for meeting our needs, and raising us up to be functional adults have failed miserably. It's cruel and we have suffered as a result. You could not possibly meet your own needs as a child. Your parents failed to do that and they were the only ones who could then. Now as a man you must learn from scratch how to get your needs met and it is a terrible burden. It's very time consuming and even debilitating, isn't it? In the past how would your family and community react if you were self-directed in your actions, bold, and stood up for yourself against their wishes? Then, if you evaluate being small, timid, compliant, and deferring as a strategy for your survival in the past doesn't it make sense to be fearful of people?

I'm working on a project involving radio for data communication and I could use some help. If you or someone you know has knowledge about radio, HAM, or mesh networking technology post or send me a private message. Overview of the project: Inspired by Project Meshnet / Seattle Meshnet / Hyperboria Goal of setting up a city-wide encrypted wireless network on open spectrum Probably using 2.4 and/or 5 GHz equipment Using CJDNS for safe IPv6 networking which is low-latency and attack resistant Community project Learning project If you have any thoughts or questions I would be happy to read or answer. Resources: http://seattlemesh.net/ http://projectmeshnet.org/ http://hyperboria.net/ Our project: http://bouldermesh.net/

Alexandru Stan, Wow and thanks for sharing that. What happens if you meet people? When was the last time it happened? Did you consider that feeling fear or anxiety about it might be very helpful and necessary for you? -Tony C.

BaylorPRSer, Why do you think traumatic experiences are preventing you from being present? -Tony C.

Dylan, Anger is essential and that's a great question and an interesting problem your friend is in. http://www.fdrpodcasts.com Then search for "anger" and scroll down. At the bottom of the list are some gems from the past which you and your friend may enjoy. Another great one is titled "The Fascists That Surround You Part 7: The Cure" in the Gold Donator section. What is your understanding of anger? What is it for? -Tony C.

aFireInside, Thank you for the reply. I like your attitude with "I just need money to move out." I wonder if you can keep that in mind while your customers are getting verbally sadistic on you. Besides people trying to throw up their stupidity all over you how is the job going? -Tony

aFireInside, What happens for you when someone is rude or insulting and why do you think it has nothing to do with you? -Tony C.

Thank you for sharing that. I'm feeling sad when I read what you were doing. What does it mean when you say "set me off" or "lose control?" What is that like?

CallMeViolet, Yes, it's brutal. How are you going about becoming self aware? What is your emotional pain tolerance? -Tony

I meant to include that those are also some ways which I deviate from my ideal.

Thank you too. I recently went through my motives for getting into arguments in my journal. I came up with some descriptions for my ideal for conversations and some stuff about arguments like we are talking about here. Here's a list of possible motives I put down for why I might be getting into arguments. Seeking attention Being seen and heard Testing the friendship Evaluating their fitness to think and to be my friend Evaluating my own fitness Reality check / Truth seeking Seeking dominance If you get really honest with yourself can you come up with a list? You don't have to share it here. I was motivated to share it here in case my experience helps. If you want to share some others that could help me too!

These are the definitions from a dictionary I have: 1. an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one 2. a reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong I would like to be able to have a conversation with someone where the ideas are diverging but I wonder if getting heated or angry would trigger fight or flight in me or the other person. If a powerful emotional response is triggered then I would question the ability for that person to think in the moment. #2 is also interesting. What if my idea is wrong and I'm trying to persuade others that it is right? However being able to discuss right or wrong might be helpful. Do you have any comments about my review of the definitions? Are #1 and #2 what you want out of your conversations? Are there any other standard definitions we should consider?

Yeah, that does sound painful and frustrating. I admire your openness about the subject and also how you don't want to repeat it. I don't want to be in those situations either. Where do you think we can go to explore this further and would you be interested in doing that? I have some thoughts I could share. Would you be interested to know?