MysterionMuffles

Does anybody believe in luck and the power of wishing? I've come to realize lately that Luck really = Opportunity + Preparation + Appropriate Action. Oddly enough, I had this realization while playing Soul Calibur V and I had but only a sliver health left before I landed a combo that afforded me a victory. I was then 2-1 with my opponent, and he had a whole round to catch up so we can be 2-2 for a final battle, but I still beat him and he told me that I just got lucky. It's stuff like that that's make me say "I make my own luck," when people tell me "good luck!" Before anything. Also, I used to be a very wishy washy with my life, just wishing I had more money, more friendships, more worthwhile hobbies aside from video games. Excuses like I didn't have the time, or I wasn't enough etc, all these things were just a matter of negative self perception. In the same vain, I fulfill my own wishes (and have done so greatly the past year) by acknowledging that wishing is just wanting without the willpower. What are your thoughts on Luck and Wishes?

back to back with Both their power vocals really draw me in. Pretty Reckless is catchier and has more thought out riffs, but I appreciate The Material's better range of emotions throughout their album this song is from.

Yeah. Like I can be on fire for a whole work weekend, but once I know that I have some days off, I'll be sure to just retreat to the darkness of my basement and keep to myself. I hear that's how introverts work. They/we can socialize just fine, but require solitude to rejuvinate. And thanks for the suggestions! I already have a lot of books on my reading que, but I'll definitely consider those for the tail end of that list. I guess that's another thing I can work on...learning how to read more consistently so I can read more books throughout a month instead of ignoring them for days, even weeks, sometimes months, before I can finish a book and get onto the next one. If you could share with me, how have those books affected you and what benefits have they given you in your life?

Hmm...I guess another thing I can mention is my ability to connect with customers at either of my jobs. I haven't had jobby jobs for a couple years now until only 9 months ago, and striking up a conversation with customers and making a bigger sale than they intended is something I take quite pride in. But also a lot of surprise that I can do it sometimes. When I first started working, I had tremendous amounts of social anxiety. I thought I would get tongue twisted, rub people the wrong way, or say something awkward. Then guess what happened? I have gotten tongue twisted, rubbed people the wrong way, AND said awkward things. I used to think that once I've done those things, I'm done for. No one will listen. No one will care. But lately I've been accepting that life consists of a ton of awkward moments, the trick is learning how to recover from them. So despite of all these social flaws I feared would make or break my experience and effeciency at my jobs, enacting them weren't so bad when I've learned how to recover from them. I would either make a joke about how great I am at speaking that day, apologize for what I've said or switching onto a topic that is more complimentary towards the customer, and if I've said something awkward that felt like a conversation killer, then out came some questions so that they could have their thoughts expressed--and I get to shut up and listen, thus recovering from any conversational boners. (Boners being mistakes, not topics that have aroused me or anything like that lol) I've opened up to some co-workers about my social anxiety, telling them that although on the outside it looks like I'm having a fun, care free, and connected conversation with a customer, on the inside I'm dying. This was true more at the beginning where I really did feel like a fraud for being able to strike up great conversations, but on the inside wishing I knew how to end it or get away from it. I still have this self doubt to some degree, being concerned with how they perceive me, like if they're genuinely interested or just trying to be polite--but for the most part I've gotten better at reading people and knowing which customers are even open to a connected conversation. Otherwise, I don't bother, and I let them browse freely. However, I did pick up a book lately on proven sales skills called Ask, Stop, and Listen: How to Turn Browsers Into Buyers, I look damn forward to reading it and seeing what wisdom I can extract and enact at my jobs. I do believe I can have the power to turn browsers into buyers if I just learned how, so that's another thing when it comes to excellence at something. Knowing that there is always room for growth and that's what I aim to do. I want to stop being in my comfort zone of only connecting with customers that give off the vibe of openness, but also see if I can pry open the shy, quiet, even sometimes downright dismissive customers.

Thank you, Dermot

You can measure excellence in self knowledge by taking a look at how people maintain themselves. Have they broken old patterns? Are they aware of when their ego's are attempting to take them over and interrupt it, or do they let it take over and just act out unconsciously? I don't think you can ever truly achieve excellence in self knowledge, rather the constant practice of introspection and self improvement--and the committment to it--is the excellence in itself. Self knowledge is basically learning what sets you off or gets you off. We're all prone to error and frustration, but also seeking fulfillment and obtaining it, so there are a few levels of self knowledge you can go through when it comes to these two things. What Sets You Off Acknowledging you have a trigger. Identifying the thoughts when you're triggered. Discovering where it came from. (Past experiences, trauma, external influences) Accepting and acknowledging the feelings a certain trigger may give off. Reasoning yourself into a better and more beneficial behaviour Working on mitigating the reactionary behaviour that comes from certain triggers Then finally no longer being triggered because you've grown too large for old habits that die hard What Gets You Off Accepting and acknowledging you have a desire or goal. Discovering what's driving it and why it's important to you/the world. Owning that you're the only person responsible for keeping yourself committed to your life's mission. Making an action plan, either mentally or physically (through journaling, making a vision board, consulting professionals) Getting 'er done! That's what, I believe, can even begin to scratch the surface as to how one can even quantify their level of self knowledge.

Joy and value. Do I feel joy when I provide value to people? That's the constant implicit question being asked in my head when I'm at work. When I make a sale, I try to sell more than just our products, I'm also trying to sell a piece of myself by giving them a positive experience. This makes their purchase more memorable and also open the possibility for an upsell. Mutual joy and value is what motivates me. I get value from happy customers because it affirms that I'm developing my skills and putting them to use, and I take immense pride in what I'm good at.

Hmm good point. What do you mean by free love? By the way, I haven't made any arguments about having friends with benefits as a moral concern, just questioning if it's emotionally healthy to do. Lol" it doesn't usually work out, but it might for us." I agree with you Kevin, but I'll play devil's advocate and say, "just because you'e never heard of it working out well for anyone, doesn't mean it hasn't!" What do you think of swingers? Take it up a notch and go beyond friends with benefits, what do you, and everyone else think of "open relationships" as described in that video you shared? Emotionally committed, but not physically... To me, again, it does seem like working against biology. Plus, if you already have the emotional connection with someone, why would you need anyone else to have sex with when you can learn and grow in the sack together? I think the numerous partner thing may just be a novelty thing. Yes, people have sex differently, but what's stopping two people with a consistent sexual connection from exploring different ways to do it together instead of trying to get it from other people? Prairie voes just sound like something from...Little House on the Prairie? Sorry to hear about your impending divorce and I appreciate you keeping me updated on that...if you don't mind me asking, were you ever sexually active with your husband? Did that ever help to some degree maintain your relationship or was it a case where the sex was unsatisfying because the relationship was emotionally unsatisfying? You don't have to answer these questions, and I'm sorry if you don't want to share those details on a post for anyone else outside of the chatroom to see. Hm I think it's really hard to question your principles when you're turned on. There's a divide between the reptilian brain and the frontal cortext. Know how people say "my mind says no, but my heart says yes"? I don't think they're talking about their hearts in that case. I met a woman recently, she is extremely attractive. Total 9. Our first conversation was engaging and fun, and as much as I wanted to admire her committment to her job, there was something frantic about her demeanour that I couldn't jive with. I talked to her more over the course of the past few months and started learning that her success is coming at the cost of her personal relationships. I respect and sometimes even envy how much drive she has for her job, but it's turning out that she is closed off from any emotional connectivity. She actively chooses to keep to herself and not pursue any personal relationships, nor a romantic relationship. She has a friend with benefits, and that's about it. Otherwise, her entire life is surrounded by work. I prefer someone who is open and willing to connect beyond flesh, and the lifestyle she lives, I don't have anything against. But learning about it finally made sense out of why I didn't feel particularly drawn to her despite of her beyond the physical level. I guess I would say that it's easy to question your principles when you're turned on with when you've reached a level of self knowledge. I've had some close calls and strange romantic relationships the past few years that have given me a ton of insight on how unconscious my attractions used to be. Now that I've cut through most of the irrationalities and old patterns from my psyche, I am now able to resist pursuing someone who I don't feel compatible with myself at the level of the mind and heart--and as for the physical part? Well yeah, I still think she's super hot, but a lot of that attractiveness went down by a couple points when I found out that she has closed her heart off to any emotional connectivity. Could I be the guy who can change that for her? Maybe, if I tried hard enough. I've succeeded at it before with my last girlfriend, but at a cost of my own happiness. I would much rather go for someone who already is emotionally connected with themselves, and willing to connect emotionally with others.

If it only happens briefly, how are you sure he's really connecting with them emotionally as opposed to putting the guise of it in order to score?

This is so difficult to grasp, but I feel this is jampacked with truth. Thanks for your thoughts!

Wow that's interesting. I knew about a woman who charges all people to sleep with her, and that means literally sleep and nothing else. No sex. You cuddle up with her--provided you have taken care of hygiene beforehand--and she lets you cuddle with her sleep with you. I didn't know about men cuddling, I don't see that often. I usually only see women being physically comfortable enough with each other to hold hands, link arms, and even cuddle. I think the woman in the article you shared is a different women from what I remembered, I'm gonna have to double check on that. I forgot about factoring that into this topic so thanks for the share!

I'm starting to get confused with the concept that anger is healthy for you. It makes logical sense that it can be a defense against abusers, but at what point do you let go of your anger and start acting on different emotions to create change in the world? Or do you always have to hold on to it to keep it as a reminder of the injustices in the world?

Ah yes oxytocin, thanks for giving the word for it. I feel like I'm blindfolded and shooting in the darkness to hit a target without using specific words to explain what I'm talking about Is the oxytocin production much higher for women when they have sex? I thought it just depended on each individual's level of sexual drive? I'm starting to see a pattern here that people who seem the most connected with their emotions are the ones who are less likely to engage in casual sex. I'm not saying people into poly, casual sex, and friends with benefits are sociopaths or anything--though I do wonder to what level they are or are not connected to their emotions in order to separate emotions from sex. From the people I've talked to here, (I won't name names), it appears that the people who are much more comfortable debating abstract philosophical concepts (as opposed to actionable ones), are the ones more likely to be into polyamory and all it entails. I could be wrong though. Just a speculation. I'm just finding that the people who are really into self knowledge are the ones who prefer monogomy because they tend to have a better grasp at what they want in life and love, so there's no need to spread that "love" around amongst various partners. They've already given a lot of it to themselves, and whatever emanates from that gets to be shared with a partner who is deserving of their standards.

When you say the responses are positive in the Russian forums, what do you mean? That they're okay with this kind of thing, or the kind of consequences that should come out of it? I believe it's definitely dangerous if her parents aren't allowed to know about it. She's missing something significant at home that only this man is providing and willing to provide because he can SENSE that she's missing it. I don't know what your response should be and how as a teacher you can help this girl. The first place I would start is finding a way to meet this man to see how he behaves. When it comes to age gap relationships, you need to figure out who is not at their intended maturity level? The older person or the younger one? Is the younger one so mature that they are capable of being with someone significantly older, or is the older person so immature that they can only be with someone significantly younger than themselves? The whole keeping it from her parents thing is the biggest red flag because you know they don't have a connection with her. I knew a girl in high school who at the time was 16 and she was dating a 20+ year old guy. Can't remember the exact age difference, but basically we talked about it and she said that her parents had met him and gotten to know him. Plus in Canada, I believe the age of consent is 16 in which you cannot have sex with an adult unless you have your parents permission. (Don't quote me on that, I'm unsure). I would suspect that this was one of the few rare exceptions where an age gap relationship was approved of by the younger person's parents and was actually functional at all. I don't know the whole story for that girl, but from what I gather, there wasn't that huge of a problem if at all. However, the girl you're talking about...sounds like she sends a ton of red flags.

Sometimes playing the same thing over and over is better, in terms of melodies if it's catchy, vs 1 million meaningless and unmemorable notes.

It feels damn good to be awesome at guitar. I can do some chord tapping riffs, lightning fast heavy ones, and I can even write songs. Plenty of them. People are impressed at how original they sound. When I used to play coffee shops gigs, I was maybe one of the few, if not only, performer who had any sense of crescendo. My songs weren't just ME STRUM HARD, ME YELL LYRICS!!! I actually have control over my sense of volume and song structure, meaning I didn't repeat the same four chords throughout an entire song. My songs consist of several many parts that don't follow the mainstream structure, but of course without risking the loss of accessibility. It has been a while since anyone ever expressed any distaste like "friggin show off" or whatever so I dunno what that's like anymore. However, there is someone who is better than me at guitar, and that's my guitarist for my band. I play guitar solo, but bass in a band, and this guy, although not normally a song writer, can do some amazing solos that really speak to you and flow freely throughout a musical bar. My solos? Ehhh they lack freedom and variety. I use the same kind of note shapes and stuff all the time. Sorry if this all sounds super abstract and foreign, but this is a great post that really got me thinking. Anyway, yeah. My guitarist is way better than me at guitar because he's had formal training and can play many more styles than I can. And on time. Most songs are in a 4/4 beat, and he's able to come up with stuff that conform to that time signature...while the songs I wrote for myself have odd time signatures, hence I am Mathrock/Pop writer on my own time, but simplify my style on bass when I have other people to play with.

A father teaches his daughter about the kind of man she should look for in the future... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH2gShKWCZw Another father teaches his daughter about lying about her age online... I wanted to know what you all think of these two videos. I found one after the other and found the contrast quite interesting. (Sorry for the double post if that happens, it's just that the first time I posted, I was just redirected to the forum page without this thread appearing, so I don't know if it got modded or if there was an error. If the original thread pops up please delete this one.)

Well put! Interesting article thanks for the share. I'm not sure about the use of the word soul, but if it is in reference to emotional fulfillment, then that's a good case to make. That there is more to sex than the physical sensation, and much like it has said, sex with beautiful people isn't always the best. Sometimes it's the worst because they feel entitled to make it all about them and make you do all the work. Fortunately the beautiful women I've been with haven't been so vain to expect that I do all the performing, they gave back, but let's not got into that here. But despite of their beauty and reciprocation, sometimes, that "kindred spirit" feeling wasn't there, and has left me feeling like "this SHOULD make me happy, and I am physically, but something's missing..." Which could be why I personally can't do the casual sex thing. I feel like I'd have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to reason myself out of the feelings of attachment, but would be much easier if they were lesser of quality partners. And since lesser quality people are usually the ones that sleep around blindly, and I don't believe in sex with people you can't enjoy the company of, I would much rather stay from it altogether. I've had my flings, but I'm a grown man now, and there's no more time to mess around. I need me some wifey material Hmm you bring up a good point, Steve. I definitely think you can achieve and feel that emotional, intimate, and romantic connection through just conversation. It's just a separate dimension you're not choosing to intermingle with the other (sex). I wouldn't say it's incomplete this way, though. It's kind of like having work friends you enjoy the company of AT work, but do not pursue a personal friendship outside of it. Sex and deep conversations are just two different dimensions you simply have the choice to meld together or not. I think the more intellectual and emotional the connection you have with someone, the better the sex would be because it feels a lot less like a transaction, and more of an intimate act where you train your hormones to pair bond with each other. This is why this whole "sex on the first date" culture is actually destructive to love. If sex is the highest value in an intimate relationship and it is given up way too early in the relationship, and you later find that you can barely stand your partner after having copious amounts of sex with them, then it makes the sex disingenuine. Too many dysfunctional relationships rely on sex to just keep things going, and that's all there is, then we are no better than the cavemen we evolved from. We are a species meant to evolve at the level of the mind and body. We need more than just physical sensations to be attracted to people, we also need that emotional and intellectual stimulation if we are to stand any chance to evolve as people in an ever evolving planet. People who have reckless sex with each other and have unwanted children they can't afford is akin to primal cavemen trying to get by in our advanced society. And I'm not saying this to denegrate anyone who has casual sex or commit infidelity or even adultery. It's understandable that their lizard brains see a sexual opportunity and they take it, but I mean if we as philosophers want to improve the state of the world, we'd stick to promoting the K type of reproduction and that requires an intimate level of trust between two people evolved in mind, body, and heart.

No thanks. I already have a lot of books on my reading que. That's what I'm sayin'! If you don't like the person, you're training your body to get attached to them. If you do like the person, why not go exclusive before they go off with someone else? Even if you're not a jealous person, you can still end up feeling some jealousy because biologically, your body understands them as a pair bonding possibility. This might be weird, but, I don't have anything against casual sex with strangers. Obviously you do need to understand the risks of STD's and unwanted pregnancy, but I mean at an emotional health standpoint, those attachment hormones can wear off. But if you're having consistent sex with somebody, you're developing a bond whether you like it or not, so this is why I personally think having friends with benefits is unhealthy. The line of thinking is, "I like them, I like having sex with them, but I don't want to be with them." Yet you still hang out with this person like any other friend with addition of sex to it. That contradicts what your body is desiring from them = a pair bonding connection.

Has anyone heard of Lenon Honor? He's a Youtuber who instructs people on healthy relationships and peaceful parenting. I would love to hear him talk to Stef, even if it would be an echo chamber of agreement. If there are any differences or disagreements, those would be interesting too.

Hanibal, are you married? Or is this wife you refer to hypothetical?

Eh, Steve! You bring up some very good points and I will look at the articles you posted in greater detail sometime. That's exactly what good fiction tries to capture. The universal emotions of human desire/conquest, they all objectively exist and play out in specific logical dramatics--like a revenge story either ending in relinquishing the thirst for vengeance when something more important in life takes over OR the character does get their revege and is/isn't fulfilled by it. There's always a huge variety of possibilities based on each theme, but in the end, these possibilities have always played out in an author's subjective style and portrayal, and their readers experience is subjective based on their values and morals. Based on those things, they will react to the story differently. There is the objective throughline of a revenge story turning out a certain way, but a reader with revenge fantasies can either fuel their own personal need for vengeance (through the story or sometimes in real life) or it can help reshape how they revenge. Let's take Kill Bill for an example. The Bride is battered and beaten on her wedding day, and also has her child taken away from her while she's in a coma. She is thirsty for vengeance against Bill, the leader of this group of assassins she once belonged to. Compare this thirst for vengeance for the one in Big Hero 6 where Hiro's brother is killed in a fire. This makes him vengeful toward this "Evil Capitalist" character whose name I forget. Hiro assumes it was the Capitalist guy because he seemed greedy toward buying Hiro's world changing invention before it gets burned down at the science fair, the same fire that also kills his brother. One of these stories ends in achieving that vengeance, and another doesn't. It's obvious which one as one is a mature and violent movie, while another one is a children's film with mild animated violence... But anyway. The objectivity is in the argument about vengeance: why one should or shouldn't pursue it. One film is for it, another isn't. A vengeful viewer, who is vengeful towards someone in their past who has harmed them, can and will have their own subjective experience of how they feel toward their vengeance. If they watch the movie that ends in attaining vengeance: they can either think "revenge looks stressful, I think I'll just let go of my hatred." OR "This is why revenge is worth it." (Then whether they act on it or not is a whole different conversation.) If they watch the movie that ends in relinquishing the need for vengeance: they can either think, "I guess there are better things in life than revenge and I should let go of my need for it." OR "This was disappointing, I wanted to see them get vengeance because vengeance is a top priorty for me." In either outcome, a viewer is always forever changed in how they think having been exposed to a heightened or altered state of mind on the theme they value that gets argued for or against in a fiction.

Actually, no, neeel. These are the commonly held standards by literary agents and publishing houses based on the magazines and writing guides I've read from http://www.writersdigest.com and from writing courses I've taken. What I listed is what usually pops up to signify what makes good fiction. Some of these rules can be broken with the addage that how you break them should serve to tell the story better.

When we put forth philosophical arguments with people in our lives--be they strangers or close relationships--how much empathy should we have for them? How much should we empathize with where they're at in their thinking, and how much should we care about them taking offense to what we argue for? I'm a little confused from recent call-in shows where Stef pointed out to a caller that simply calling soldiers murderers on his Twitter feed was bound to get a negative reaction from a woman who is married to a veteran, but then went on a rant about how the human species used to be more ballsy as to not care about the offense taken by the masses when small groups of people fought against the commonly held irrational beliefs. If I could remember which podcast that was, I would relisten to it and timestamp what I'm talking about, but for now I just want to put that question forward. If we want people to be more open to our arguments, I agree that we do have to meet them where they're at in their current state of knowledge (or lack therof), but then at what point do we simply not care if they are offended from the truth? Also, how important or unimportant is the delivery of criticism and arguments? Does it matter if someone is right, but arrogant and intentionally feeding their ego investment--or if someone is horribly wrong, but at least respectful in their delivery? My preference obviously is respectful and right, but right and wrong becomes hard to define, at least in my experience, when the delivery is laden with an "I'm better than you and I am absolutely right," attitude to it.

This movie was a very educational and emotional experience for me. Richard wants to be a drummer for the best band in New York that is lead by Terence Fletcher, a really harsh, but brilliant music instructor. It's an interesting film about how despite of the harshest critics, it is ultimately our choice to thrive and succeed in our chosen fields. Fletcher is really abusive and Richard is really ambitious...this movie made me feel all sorts of messed up. I do not agree with Fletcher's methods in helping improve his musicians, but I am fully behind Richard's drive to do his best and not let anything stand in his way.