MysterionMuffles

The parody video was hilarious...it's one of the reasons why I try to avoid talking to my neice or any child for that matter, with that patronizing sing songy voice.

Thanks for the share, that was quite moving. A line that struck me was when she said something about getting hurt so much that you forget to feel for a while. It's heartbreaking to get to that point, but it's the only way you can cope--until it all comes back and you feel it all over again. The forced cold shower was sad. When they were dragging her to the bathroom I was like "please don't tell me they're gonna soap her in the mouth," but they do something as equally terrifying. Either "disciplinary" practice can get a child sick with either a cold or a stomach virus. Another thing that was compelling was the little girl's reaction to getting a dress as a gift, and then remembering what happened with her mother showing off her dress to her husband/boyfriend. That was accurate how seemingly innocuous things can trigger such a reaction. I'm putting this on Facebook.

Can you elaborate on what you mean, Wyatt? What do you mean by collective and holistic sense being unconditional?

sorry for the miscommunication tjt, I thought you were criticizing my original post, which I don't stand by anymore since revising my statement as well as revising my perceptions on parenting. Again, all I care for is if there's no coercision in parenting, people are free to unschool, homeschool or even traditionally school their kids with the express knowledge of what environment they might land in. I dunno why I thought you were addressing me but thanks for clearing that stuff up with me in the PMs, tjt!

Have any of you come across parents, whether on the internet or your physical world, who are for peaceful parenting? I found a video on Youtube that depicts child abuse in a pretty recent show One Tree Hill, where a mother soaps her child's mouth for saying "bullshit." And I found and engaged in this comment thread started by one of the rare few reasonable people on Youtube, who I think isn't an FDR listener, but is for the idea of peaceful parenting. That's not to say FDR is the only the source that promotes peaceful parenting as the research Stef cites are from various sources, just saying for me, this is where the idea of peaceful parenting first came from with the original 5 part podcast series on Philosophical Parenting.

First of all I want to say that I'm really sorry to read that you've struggled with this a lot in your formative years. Second, thank you for sharing so openly for your first topic coming here so welcome to the FDR boards! I can totally empathize with how you're feeling because I've been there before. I can tell you more about my own experience later which I hope will be helpful, but for now I want to ask: What's your relationship like with your mother? What's your history with being vulnerable and affectionate with her? Have you ever told your friends about these instances? If so, what have they said, if not, why not?

Please refer to post I wrote above this one.

No. I said someone who bad mouths her on that aspect probably sucks at parenting OR just can't handle unschooling. I should change that last part to something less presumptious like or just wouldn't align with unschooling. As for the other point, what I gather from what Dayna says about unschooling not being for the lazy parent is that if you are a lazy parent, unschooling could be just an excuse to not parent at all. I'm not implying those who don't unschool or have no interest in it are inherently lazy, it just wouldn't be a fit for them. Actually I do recognize how strongly I was defending her to the point of saying anyone who bad mouths her sucks at parenting, there's no way to verify that. I was riding on the assumption that only strict disciplinarians would disagree with her approach, but as this community has shown me, that certainly isn't true. Everyone's free to disagree with her unschooling approach, but what's important is taking the threat of force and coercision from all parenting. Whether you unschool, homeschool, or even send your kids to school, what I think matters the most is the respect to the NAP when it comes parenting.

Yeah I find that dangerous to believe. Of course you can choose. When you up your standards you don't fall for just about anyone in a miniskirt or tons of make up. Hell I've learn to appreciate the women without make up more. Still, that's falling in lust. I read this study (and my numbers may be wrong) that said love is only 6-9 months. In that time period, pheremones shooting through your brain see through the glaring flaws of the person because your body just wants to prime you and them for procreation. Then after that, love is a choice, a commitment. Though I think those pheremones could be left in check with a bit of self-knowledge. I'm finding that the women I've dated that past couple of years were the kind of women I would get stuck with had I not figured out that they were in one way or another re-fooing me with some of the red flags that prompted me to dump them. Love is totally conditional, I would say. Between parent and child, they have no choice but to love the child unconditionally or tolerate them in order to raise them, but for the most part you certainly can pick who you love. Err I dunno...it makes more sense with voluntary adult relationships. But when it comes to unconditionally loving children I guess that comes natural since they are naturally virtuous until raised otherwise? Does that make sense?

Oh man I didn't notice that before! That seemed like she was putting herself, and women in general, all into this box of how and what women should be. Yes I have a female friend, and even my sister, both have bedroom that look like tornadoes hit them lol. Meanwhile my brother keeps his place pretty nice and tidy.

As I mentioned in the original thread about this episode:

Why?

When I RTR, are they compassionate and curious about my feelings, or do they try to reframe it as it's my fault for having these feelings and that I should stop having them? When I debate them, do they keep their cool and answer as reasonably as they can, or do they insult my intelligence by dodging questions and scoffing at them? When I present a vulnerability to them, do they alter their behaviour to keep it in consideration, or do they take advantage of that point of vulnerability by prodding at the wound of it? When I present a problem to them, do they take the time to empathize and ask me questions, or are they quick to offer solutions? When I want to talk about our friendship and where it's going, do they take the time to open up or do they just make any excuse to dismiss the conversation? I had to ditch my last two friends for being inconsiderate and exemplifying the latter behaviours in each of my questions...

WHOA despite of this having its own other thread, this one blew up big time. I don't usually go to this section of the forum so I hadn't noticed, but thanks for the input everyone, I'll have a good time reading your posts!

You can either view them separately, or click the title heading for a compilation page.

Oh man I am so sorry Otie...I totally empathize with this because I am just breaking out of a cycle of eating less than 3 meals a day and sleeping in til noon. I have something I hope that can help structure your life a little bit. I'll send it to you in a personal message, it's called a Well Being Checklist. I use it to track if I've given to myself during the week. I'll explain more in the PM but anyways. I'll leave the floor open for anyone else's input.

What kinds of thoughts run through your mind during alone time? Do you self attack and say that you shouldn't be doing it and continue anyway? Or are you at least content with engaging in them, and it's only after you're done you feel like you've wasted your time? I would also like to ask how your parents viewed your time management as a child. Would they criticize you for playing too much video games, urged you too hard to do your homework instead--or anything else like that?

Hey everybody, I would like to share with you my most important work up to date: the Crafting a Character Series from my website Your Write to Live. If you haven't seen the numerous advertisements around the boards, Your Write to Live is a blog dedicated to transmuting writing tips toward the purpose of self knowledge. And what better way is there than delving into what it takes to develop realistic characters, and detailing aspects of them that can easily be turned inward for introspection? So check em out, the 3 parter series I posted 3 days in a row: Crafting a Character Part 1: In the Now Part 2: It's All in the Past Part 3: A Better Tomorrow I would be honored to receive any of your feedback or criticism as I'm always looking to improve my content. A few caveats: please only criticize if you've actually read the content, and yes I know my posts are very lengthy (1000 words each, I'm working on concision at the moment lol). All other criticisms are welcome!

Ironic that he thinks philosophy has so much to do with where we came from and how we got here, as opposed to where we're going as a species based on our code of ethics...

What are the things you classify as unimportant?

Do you mean to say withstanding it as a shell or truthfully internally withstanding the effects of a hostile environment? Because there are some people who are deeply hurt but build defenses to make it seem like they're impenetrable. I think honesty IS vulnerability because you go in knowing that you may be attacked for it. To me, vulnerability would mean feeling comfortable with expressing openness and negative feelings. How can honesty and vulnerability not be synonomous if the callers to the call in show become honest about their experiences, while also showing that they have nothing to hide. They are not guarded, thus they are vulnerable--open to attack, but I think received with welcoming arms when they are given the chance to open up.

Thanks for the kind words and checking out my article, ncdumar, I really appreciate it. And hey welcome to the boards! This is a very strong post to start with. I'm glad I could help you out.

include this link at the end http://nospank.net they have a wonderfu 16-19 page booklet on the adverse effects of spanking.

Sure that can happen too. I used to write some very aggressive music back in my teen years and it helped express what I couldn't without words. I wanted to break stuff but instead I broke sound waves I guess lol. Processing, I would say, is recognizing traumatic events for what they are, how they've affected you in your life, and possibly what you can do to work past it. Real quick I'll mention something I've processed and am working towards reversing. When I was a kid, I spent probably an hour drawing a variety of custom South Park characters. The show was new to me, I liked its simplistic style and I just wanted to draw my own characters. Anyways, I handed the piece of paper to my mom and she gave it a quick glance, and without a comment or glance at me started using it to catch her toenail clippings. Processing would also mean putting yourself in the perspective of your child self and remembering how it made you feel, and that made me feel infuriated. All this time, energy, and effort I put into my drawings was reduced to catching my mother's waste. How this affected me; I know I'm good at what I do creatively (guitar, bass, writing) but I always have a fear that no one will give a shit. Or worse, people will shit ON it. So that causes me to procrastinate on projects I know I have fun with, but now that I know the inner thought that drives the reluctance. It's also the reason why I take criticism of my tastes and creations quite seriously at times. How I'm trying to work through this: I need to constantly remind myself that whatever I do creatively, it's for me and for me alone. Anyone who comes into contact with it and likes it will be the effect of how much care I put into it without fearing the future opinions of others. If I want feedback, I ask people whose opinions I trust and respect. To process your childhood: you recall traumatic events, be there as your child self, feel their feelings, recognize how it has affected your psyche, then find mentalities and habits you an integrate into reversing the effects.

Ooooh right sorry about that. The question being what do therapists say about music? No clue. Well like I mentioned, expressing yourself through art brushes up your memory because you're working the muscle in your brain by memorizing chord shapes and sequences. I wouldn't see guitar as self soothing. It would be productive for processing because of also creating consistency in how you perceive the instrument's nuances.