Drew.

At least in my own perspective, to use the word "should" is to imply a moral argument. In essence, it is attempting to make a moral argument about why one should be moral. As far as effects go, my argument is this: no matter what you do in life, you're going to suffer and struggle. You can either choose to struggle, face reality, and have a shot at real, lasting happiness, or you can fight it all and take solace in illusions. To me, it seems like doing the more difficult thing in the moment is the far easier path in the long run.

I think that I'm going to back out on this. I hope you all enjoy your games together.

Yeah, I'm interested. I have experience with 3.5 and 4e. Who would DM?

Hey, I'm a therapist, and I would like to offer my services. I don't take insurance, but my rates are very affordable (30-50USD per session). I do it over skype, so you don't even need a car. I also offer a free 30 minute consultation to see if we be an appropriate match for each other. Let me know if you're interested. I do IFS, which I have found to be really effective in my own personal life and with my clients. I'm not very familiar with REBT, but I'm sure that there will be some overlap, as most effective therapeutic systems have very similar methods, and often just label things with different terms. I would like to share about your current therapist, I think that if she is sensitive to the fact that you've had negative experiences with religion then you could find some value with her. I think what matters between the relationship is that the client and therapist have similar values. For example, if she values healing through embracing God, then I would imagine that would be a really bad therapeutic relationship to enter for you.

Maybe you’ve seen some of my posts here on the self-knowledge boards. You may already be aware that I offer therapy over skype, but I also offer aid and consulting with journaling. Journaling has been the foundation to my happiness and gaining self-knowledge. As much growth and healing as I’ve experienced during therapy, I’ve gained so much more on my own in my journals. I know and understand that journaling is can be a very difficult and emotionally overwhelming process for some people, and I would like to offer my services and experience to help. To mention my skype therapy practice as well, I am available at a very affordable rate--especially compared to in-person therapists--and I have something that I believe most therapists do not; I’ve done the work myself! I began listening to FDR in 2008, started journaling in 2010, sought therapy in 2011, and have dedicated thousands of hours to diving into and understanding my own psyche. I’ve seen just how much I’ve grown and changed, and I’ve likely faced challenges similar to what you may be experiencing now such as: procrastination, self-attack, social anxiety, sexual shame, uncertainty about the future, distress over a toxic home or work environment, insomnia, isolation, loneliness, vanity, emotional disconnection, and compulsions/addictions regarding caffeine, video games, and sweets. If you’re looking for a therapist or need some help journaling, and you’re feeling curious--or nervous while reading this--then you can either contact me through PM over the boards or email me through a form on my website. I hope that you find what you’re looking for, Drew Woods

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not entirely certain what is happening for you, but it does sound like what your experiencing is really intense and consuming. I know that I've felt that at times with other emotions, things like despair and dread. I've experienced mind-blanking as well, but not to the same degree that you seem to be experiencing it. I'm sorry man, that sucks. If you want someone to talk to about this, I would like to offer my services. I have experience helping people work through this mental fog, and I think I might be of value to you as well.

Hey man, I'm really sorry to hear all that. A relationship of nine years is a very long time. She must have really become a major part of your life and now she's not. I want to point out a lot of what you mentioned was about sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. You described her physical attractiveness far sooner and to a much greater degree than any kind of emotional connection that you two had. I don't mean to shame or criticize you on this, but it seems to me that sex had a far greater role in your relationship than the deep conversations. Which would make sense if you wanted to experiment elsewhere. You certainly don't have to answer this question over the boards, but I do think that it would be extremely valuable to think about. Why did you two start dating in the first place? Also, you mentioned that she was seeing a therapist. Are you seeing one? A therapist can really help you to sort out whirling-swirling dervish of emotions that you must be feeling now. If you're interested, I would like to offer my services to you.

I would feel the same way too if my childhood best friend died. I think the thoughts and feelings are happening for a good reason. They seem to fit the circumstance. Each emotion probably is attached to some important thoughts regarding his death. Do you journal? Sitting down and writing things out like this is a great way of helping to process what's going on. It seems like this is such a huge event that it may be really helpful to do so, and hell if he really meant a lot and you're lost and confused on your own, it might be wise to reach out to a therapist.And I want to say, I'm sorry man. It's really tough dealing with the death of someone close. It sucks, but it's a good sign that it sucks. It means that you cared about him, and it means that you still have a connection to your emotional life. As crazy as this might sound, welcome these feelings.

Yeah, I'm using ubuntu. I was dual-booting Windows 8 and Ubuntu. Finally decided to just get rid of the windows partition, as I only had it around for gaming.

You said that you experience anxiety around spending money. So, something about it must be kind of stressful for you. Are you afraid that something will happen if you spend the money?

This type of therapy is usually known as family therapy. Personally, I've never done it. I don't think that it would have been productive in my case.

This was basically what I was going to say. Liking moody music is an effect of what is going on inside. Especially when I was beginning my journey in self-exploration, I would often listen to music to me find the words and feelings of things that were going on inside of me that I couldn't rightly express. If a song really resonated with me, something was there that I could learn from it. And sometimes a beautiful work is a beautiful work, and it's great to be sad. And I'm sorry about your childhood. You deserved better.

Jesus, man. I'm sorry. I don't have much to offer except my sympathies.

Yeah, it is interesting. Sexual abuse is just a different form of physical abuse or psychological abuse. If I were to reframe what I had said about sexual abuse, I would say that in terms of a single action or incident. Certainly, prolonged psychological abuse--especially in the form of neglect--is far more damaging. I think that maybe sexual abuse is a symptom of severe psychological abuse, like what you've just shared about normalizing the objectification of children. After a certain degree of psychological abuse, then sexual abuse is the next major landmark scarred into the psyche of a child.It's also really interesting to note that there is this distinction between sexual, physical, and psychological abuse.

To add on what I've already shared: Personally, I think that physical sexual abuse does the most damage. My understanding on this is quite limited and I can't back up this claim with any information at this point, but the worst of acts conducted by people such as murder and rape are committed by people who have experience such things or similar things as a child. Psychological sexual abuse is also really bad, but I don't think it does nearly as much damage. But in a way, it's a bit more sinister because the survivor can lead a "functional" life.

I second the Jay Earley book. I've found it to be so entirely useful, and it has drastically changed and improved my ways of approaching self-exploration.

In my experience, psychological abuse is always so much worse. With physical abuse, I always got the sense that deep down something was wrong with that interaction. When my father spanked me, I would cry "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" But with the psychological abuse, I internalized it. Things like, "I'm a mistake," and "I'm only a burden to my parents," were so much more covert and much harder to break away from and heal. That said, physical abuse is also inflicts psychological damage as well.

I'm sorry to hear that, man. I know that you said that you don't have money for therapy, but I would like to put this out there that I offer reasonable rates. The emotions are a huge part of the human experience. Fear has helped us to avoid creatures and situations which could have killed or severely harmed us. Anger has told us when something has been taken from us. Our joy is our reward when we get something we want. Our sadness comes when we lose something important. We would not have emotions if they did not benefit us somehow. They would have been selected out through evolution if they harmed or offered us no benefit. Does it make sense to use less than all of your capacities to live a fulfilled life? How can emotions be beneficial? Anyway, that's really cursory. There is a great distrust of the feelings. I don't expect that my post will yield any kind of enlightening thoughts, but I do think that it's a good place to start in exploring these things.

I'm sorry, man. Such is the road of self-exploration. In my own journey, the more that I've grown to connect with myself, the more that I've been able to connect with others--even if they do lack self-knowledge. I understand that you want to give up. I've felt that way at times too. Do you journal? I find my journal is a good place to help express and explore these kinds of thoughts and feelings. I hope that your counselling helps. If not, I extend an invitation to you for my own services, as someone who has walked and still walks the road himself.

It would be more helpful to also share what happened the day before, especially if there were important ideas or concerns on your mind.

As a therapist, I really encourage creative expression as well. In my own experience, I would write poetry and short stories to help me express myself using metaphor when it would be difficult to express something I felt directly. I have used it to craft my own fantasies about what should have been, but I could always reflect upon the fantasy-fulfilment work that I did and learn more about myself, and thus act as an insight.

Just as a note, I offer therapy services as well. I primarily use the IFS method and am available over skype. My rates are competitive ($30-50) as well, and I offer a free consultation.

Right, that was my experience when I tried fighting my parts as well. I would make some progress for a couple of days, but the self-critical voice would slip back in and I would feel awful until I realized it, and fought it off again. It was a really tiring process, I was always on edge. I couldn't trust myself, and in a way I was my own worst enemy. I had a really difficult experience and sought help from my therapist when navigating an aspect of me that was engaged in self-attack. After that session, I learned how to better approach these kinds of parts, and I had a massive release of the most self-critical aspect of myself. I still experience negative opinions of myself, but they're no longer as encompassing as they used to be, and I usually can resolve such things rather quickly, without return. I don't want to be too presumptuous here, but if you're interested, I would like to offer you my services as a therapist. If you're happy with what you're already doing, and it's working out great, then that's fantastic, just ignore me. But, if you would like to try something new, drop me a line.

Man, I'm sorry. That sounds like a really difficult place to be in. I wouldn't want to be around someone who has beat me as a child, either.

That's very interesting, I've never really encountered someone who would say to attack an internalized voice or aspect of themselves. The closest thing that I've read to that is by Jay Earley about dealing with Inner-Critics which is to raise an Inner Champion to defend against it. In my own experience attempting that, it seems like a band-aid attempt, and I didn't make much progress with resolving anything. I have some questions if you don't mind. Do you have experience using this method? How successful has it been? Do these internalized voices keep coming back? Are they resolved and content? On a day-to-day basis, how do you tend to typically feel? How to you feel about yourself? Where did you learn this approach?