Drew.

Hey Zach, I hear what you're saying. I've had my own experiences with an analytical voice that comes in when I'm trying to do any emotional work or feeling anything very strongly. He comes in with a bunch of theories about why things are the way that they are. Sometimes, they're accurate and sometimes they're not. Regardless of their accuracy, his theories have never helped me truly understand myself, instead they have just offered me a possible solution without much interest in exploring deeper. Have you tried sitting with the analytical aspect of yourself and trying to understand it? I learned that my own voice was trying to help me in some aspect, and so I spent some time trying to better understand it and hear out everything that it wanted to share. After I did that, it tends to come forth when it's appropriate and is completely willing to step back when analyzing something will not help.

For what it's worth, I hear what you're saying about therapy while still living in a toxic environment. In a session, you could work on the most delicate, vulnerable aspects of yourself, go home, and end up getting retraumatized to some degree. I wish you the best of luck. It can be really difficult setting out on the first time.One thing that I want to mention that I've had to learn the hard way after an early-life deFOO is that if you want to attend college, unless if you fit into some very specific circumstances, you will be considered a dependent student who will parent's information and assistance through the federal student aid process until you're 24. That may weigh in with how you'll go about your break if that is something that is important to you.

Haha, I haven't seen that movie since 2011. If I were to continue on with this theory about it being his personal angels and demons, I think that the visions that he saw were the true nature of the people around him. As a child, they really were monsters. As an adult, he recreates his childhood experience of people by abusing cough syrup.

I think that those are some pretty good things to know about oneself. I lump in self-therapy with self-knowledge, so I also try to explore different aspects of my self that formed due to trauma to heal and resolve those issues. I don't think that there is any objective standard that one can use. I tend to compare myself to myself. Who was I six months ago, and who am I today? How have I changed? How have I grown? What is still the same?

My interpretation of the movie was these angels and demons are actually aspects of himself. He "sees" them as hallucinations due to the chronic cough medicine usage to mitigate the coughing symptoms from so much smoking. Just wanted to share another way of looking at the movie. Sorry to hear about you childhood. Having those thoughts as a child is really tough.

Haha, great! Honor that sadness man.

Cool! I'm glad that you're learning a lout about yourself. I wish you the best in your future journeys inward.

I tried something similar to what you're trying to do. I could find success in the short-term, but it the desire would pile up and pile up and eventually I would return to those happens and binge to make up for lost time. Personally, I don't think that one can find much success by focusing on changing these habits. I say that because the more that I've focused on my own wounds, my own troubles, my own anxiety, my own trauma, the desire to do these things have dropped. The more that I've healed, the more that I've reintegrated aspects of myself, the less that I want to do these things, and the more okay it is when I play video games. I don't mean to chastise or criticise what you're doing--I did it too--but to say, "I'm going to give up video games," is really authoritarian. Parents, Religious figures, Teachers, etc. all make these demands on us when we're children, and they completely ignore what we wanted to do. I found in myself that I had these childlike aspects of really wanted to play these video games, but more importantly they wanted to be loved and be heard. When you tell yourself, "I'm going to give up video games," you're telling a child--because we all have parts frozen in time due to trama--to stop doing what it wants to do. Try to listen and explore what the kid in you wants to really do.All this said, I don't think rehab would be a healthy environment to heal. Rehab focuses so much on the symptoms of things, and not the root causes. Rehab dogma--at least I think--so focuses on rejecting aspects of ourselves--these bad habits--and most of these protective habits are created from rejection in the first place. I've had the most success following a therapeutic process, and if you're interested I would like to offer my services to you.

I just want to express a lot of sympathy for the situation that you and your cousin are in. I personally don't have any experience with anything like this. I can imagine that you're under a lot of stress regarding this. I can't quite imagine what your cousin is going through, it can't be good if he wanted to commit himself to a psyche hospital. If there is a lot of manipulation in the family, what I can imagine is missing for your cousin is someone who honestly and sincerely wants what is best for him. Once again, I want to express what a difficult and trying situation you and your cousin are in. I wish you the best.

I'm really sorry to hear that about your situation, Jecht. Although, I'm glad to read that you've been able to make some connection with this part. It can be really difficult reconnecting with split-off parts of our personality. Your description to me about just "rambling to mach. If I can be seen. If I can be heard." seems rather infantile. A baby can't communicate properly, and all it can really do is make noise and try to draw attention. Maybe the mood you were in when you felt that is this pre-verbal part trying to express itself somehow. I'm glad to read that you're in therapy as well. I hope it's working out well for you. Olle, I know exactly what you're talking about. When I first started getting into IFS, I would always have a part that wanted to rush in and take control of the healing process. It may make it past my defenses, but the next day things would revert back to normal. One thing that I've found to be effective is to ask myself, "How do I feel toward X part?" There are times where the answer is annoyance, frustration, or anything that is outside of a healing state. When I do that, I can often times listen to what the part has to say, ask it to unblend, and then continue on my work with the initial part.

I realize that I may be late to this, but in case of any one else sees this thread and is looking for a therapist... I offer my services as well at a competitive rate. I offer a free 30 minute consultation to see if we would be a good match for each other.

Hello Jeff, Yeah, it seems to me like the FDR community is fertile soil where individuals who one day want to grow to giant oak trees are just saplings and are looking for nourishment to help them grow. I really look forward to working with these members. As far as my work, I focus more on helping people get in touch with their inner world, their "MEcosystem" (as Stef likes to call it). This may involve some of the more nitty-gritty stuff like emotional reactions, history, trauma, etc. But my approach is respectful of boundaries and client-directed where I help people discover more about themselves. If you know someone who's looking to do some emotional work, I would love it if you could send them my way. Thanks! Drew

Man I'm sorry to hear that Nigel. It seems like you're in a difficult circumstance. You want to improve yourself, but there is no drive, there is no energy. I've been there, and it's really difficult to sort things out. I want to say this with all due sympathy because you neither need criticism nor will it help. But what I see in your post is a lot of "I think, I think, I think." We can get a lot done on willpower alone. Many people live their entire lives using sheer willpower. But it is emotion that drives us. Do you find it difficult to connect with your emotional experience at times? If you're interested, I offer counselling to help people get in touch with their inner emotional world.

There are certainly some great ideas here in this topic already. Music is a big one for me. When I would have trouble identifying how I felt, I would search for the music that would suit my mood the best. An angry song, an angry mood. Understanding lyrics that I've been drawn to has provided me with some interesting journaling sessions. I would like to share some more ways to approach self-knowledge, and some of these might be pretty obvious: -Journaling: I think that this is the fundamental means of pursuing self-knowledge, but there are so many different ways to journal. I personally prefer writing by hand. I can examine the amount of pressure, how clean and how clear my writing is and understand how I was feeling at the time. Audio-journaling is a tool that some of my friends use. They tell me that it's easy just talk and let things come out as they go and think aloud. Recording it alllows one to review feelings and speech patterns as they come up as well. But one more that my friend used to do that I think could be valuable for someone who thinks more with images is to make an art journal. My friend had a little notebook and he began filling it up with the things in his mind. From there, he could reexamine things and gain more understanding about himself. -Dreams: recording dreams has by far been one of the most challenging things for me. But a dream that really stands out provides insight that I may not have discovered otherwise. -Media: this ties in with music. Movies, books, video games, etc. that we feel strongly drawn to speak to us on some subconscious level. If you ask yourself, what about this appeals to me so, it may be a valuable way to approach self-exploration. -Art: I briefly mentioned this under journaling. But sometimes when I have trouble exploring what's happening inside of me, I'll try to write a story or a poem. I let my unconscious processes take over, and whatever comes out I look over again and try to understand where it came from in the first place. If you don't enjoy writing, maybe drawing, painting, singing, dancing, sculpting, etc. There are so many ways to express ourselves. If you pick one that you enjoy and take a look at what you've done, you could learn something from it. I know I have.-Therapy: I know that when I've had trouble exploring an aspect of myself, it's always been helpful to have someone who has experience to help guide me back to Self when I get lost. I would be interested in seeing what other great suggestions come up in this thread.

Hello Everyone, I'm offering my services to any and all interested in seeking a counsellor. My journey into self-knowledge started four years ago when I was still living with my parents. During my journey, I have learned so much about myself, and now I'm ready to share what I've learned with others. I offer counselling over skype at a competive rate. You can send me a message through here or through my website if you're interested in a free 30 minute consultation. Thanks, -Drew Woods http://journeyinward.net/counselling-services/

I've read Drama of the Gifted Child. But it doesn't dive into much detail about the topics that I'm looking for. I searched Darius' website, and he doesn't seem to have anything related to what I'm looking for either.

I've recently noticed a change in my behavior toward certain tasks. The last time that I was in college, I would do assignments last minute. Like, I would get dragged to my mother's place of work at 5am, get a coffee, and work on homework for classes that started in the mid-morning. Now, I'm doing my assignments at least a day before they're due. It's been going on like this for about... five weeks. I'm really baffled and proud. This has literally never happened to me before. I also have made promises to myself about a posting a piece of a story arc every friday until the story is finished. I've managed to keep that consistently rolling for three weeks now, where the writing and typing is done by Friday, and I edit the day of posting. So, what's changed for me? Well, I've started trying to negotiate with myself more. I have strong desires to play video games and watch television, and I also know that there are other activities that may be least pleasant in the moment, but will provide the same or greater rewards. So, I respect the two desires, and I try to find a balance that works. I've also tried working on and improving self-attack. Nothing gets me procrastinating more than shaming myself about procrastinating. Before I start work on something that I don't feel enthused about doing, I remind myself, hey, it's going to suck in the moment, but the benefits of getting it done now far outweigh the benefits of doing it later.

So, I'm looking for book recommendations. I would appreciate it if you would share some books about early childhood development focusing on how adverse events shape the life of a child. As you might be able to guess, my childhood had a significant amount of traumatic events. I hope that reading about these things will trigger ancient feelings, and I'll be able to dig in deeper to things that I have little to no conscious memory of. So, specifically, I'm looking for books that dive in depth about death, attachment, and socialization. I experienced the death of my twin sister when we were both four months old, and I can only begin to imagine how that shaped me. I'm looking for a more abstract understanding of how death shapes a child, so that I can examine my own life. During infancy, my mother dropped me off at my grandmother's house so that she would babysit me. I would end up being in daycare until I was in middle school. My parents never taught me how to interact with other people, as they would not interact with me very often. Usually, they would pay very intense attention to me in one moment, and then it would be as if I didn't exist the next. I was never taught how to interact with women that I found attractive, either. So, I guess I'm also looking for a book that talks about neglect. Topics for the books: -Death in the family and its affects on an infant/toddler -Insecure attachment with polarized parenting (really intense attention followed by none at all) -Interacting with others and developing relationships (friendships and romantic) -Neglect Thanks!

Personally, I've only just started thinking about masculinity. I used to think that there really was no difference between men and women, with the exception obvious biological differences (penis, vagina, breasts, birth, etc.) But I'm starting to see how those biological differences may impact the development of the mind. This is after listening to a few of Stef's podcasts. Namely these two (FDR242 and FDR243, I think) One thing that Stef mentioned in those podcasts is that once a month, a woman's body is flooded with hormones. These hormones change the chemical environment of her blood and ultimately influence thought processes, much in the same manner as drinking wine influences thought patterns. I think that masculinity is stability. Our body chemistry remains fairly consistent, without many sudden shifts. We are anchors. I think the expression of masculine virtue falls into a few different actions and moods. It is a value when a man remains calm and driven. When he is confronted by a stressor, he uses the skills and abilities that he has available to navigate a solution. As men, our minds are more trained to deal with logical, empirical reality. So, many of those skills involve physical reality directly. His drive are the feelings that push him to act, his feelings being another tool he has acquired from interacting with reality. Women on the converse are more social animals. More focused on interacting with people than the hard facts of reality. They are the netting and glue that keep a tribe together. That is about as far as I've thought things. Muscles are tools to help men navigate reality. A significant chunk of history required physical strength as a pre-requisite for survival. That's why muscles have been traditionally seen as masculine. Anyway, tell me what you think about what I've shared.

Hey everyone, I just moved to Kansas City. If you're in town, let me know.

I just want to point out that if he is becoming jaded and impatient, it's after 2339 podcasts. I myself get bored whenever I hear someone on the Sunday show trying to talk about economics or anarchism. I can't imagine how Stef might feel hearing the same arguments as often as he does.

There is no difference between actual reality and reality. There is reality and there is fantasy. I use the "actual, factual" because they both mean accurate and they rhyme. That last part was definitely me riffing on my own ideas. I am not certain of them, but they seem to make sense to me. I would say that a lack of perception of something is a degree of invalidity. It is there, but we don't experience it. In essence, we act as if it's not there. Really, the opposite is true. I would say that closing one's eyes to have a dream is to render the senses invalid in terms of detecting actual, factual reality.

I'm still feeling confused. As intellectual as I like to be, I would prefer if you either used simpler language or you defined your concepts. We've never interacted before, so I don't have a clear idea of where you're coming from. I also feel attacked. I felt attacked when I read "'my definition.'" The thought is that you are trying to use the weight of the arguments of others in order to get me to doubt myself. I said "your definition" because it was the one you posted. I was not asserting that you were trying to prove the senses as valid or invalid, but that was the definition that you gave. My concluding sentences were how I argue for the validity of the senses. If that is the definition that is applied, then yes. It is completely circular logic. But what you are after is a clear understanding in regards to the validity of the senses. I don't think that this would be a good place for a conclusion. Validity to me means how close one's percepts, thoughts, etc. are with actual, factual reality. As human beings, we use are senses to help us discover actual, factual reality. As far as judging how valid the information from our senses are... I would say that they are as good as they need to be in order for us to survive in a hostile world. Which means that they err on the side of valid moreso than invalid. Senses can be invalid. A man who is deaf or blind has invalid information coming from those senses. Just like how we receive invalid information in regards to infrared light, ultraviolet, and x-ray; we detect none. We cannot perceive it, so our senses are incapable (and maybe also) invalid for detecting those stimuli. It seems like your argument is, in essence, the same as the one I shared at the end of my post. Although, it seems to me like your definition for the standard of validity is a tautology.

Man, when I read this, I got some heavy brain fog. I feel really confused. What is it about the validity of the senses is important to you? When you define it like that, that makes sense. Sort of. It is circular. But your definition of validity "requires a standard according to which one can judge something to be either valid or invalid." So, what you're kind of saying is that whether something is potato depends on how potato or unpotato it is. What is potato? What is validity? You definition seems to be that something is valid if we can judge it to be valid. When someone ever tries to argue for the invalidity of the senses, they are trying to use the senses to disprove the senses. They are relying on your eye sight and/or hearing ability to absorb their argument and process it accurately. They are relying on the senses to disprove that the senses are reliable. Potato.

I quite agree with you, even though I have no studies to support my view. My father was diagnosed with ADHD in his 20's, I believe. Since I could remember, he had been taking ritalin to combat his symptoms. When my father didn't take his ritalin, he seemed depressed, after all ritalin is a psychostimulant. It was said that he had it all of his life. But what I know for a fact he had all of his life was a really shitty childhood. His father was a politician who was involved with the mafia and crazy religious wives. The symptoms definitely last a lifetime if one never acts to intervene through self-knowledge and psychotherapy.