_LiveFree_

....doesn't collapse at free-fall speed into its own footprint.

Your passive language in this situation shows me you do not claim ownership.... - Really? You married her. You didn't think that far ahead? - Part of the learning process is learning to stop making excuses. By holding yourself accountable for your actions, you'll gain the self-esteem required to hold others accountable and the respect from others required to influence their behaviors. - Your child learned how to not negotiate from you and your wife. It's not that she "just doesn't". - Avoid situations where you have to take something away? You mean avoid failing as a father? Unless there is a direct and immediate threat to her well being, what right do you have to take anything from her? Especially if you're the cause of the situation. - What does she not care about in this situation? Answer: You. Painful as hell to hear and uncomfortable for me to write. But you need to see this. You can't have the relationship you want with her unless you address the current state of your relationship now. - Unless your wife unexpectedly died or was whisked away by aliens, you are part of the choices that led to being a single parent. - You can always drop what you're doing. One of the greatest golfers in history, Phil Mickelson, just skipped out on one of the biggest championships of the year, which would mean he would lose out on achieving a "Grand Slam". Something only a handful of golfers have achieved in their careers. Why? To watch his daughter graduate. I think you can put down the burgers for a minute. Or tell your business call you'll call them back. - Do or do not. - More excuses. Listen, I'm being very upfront with you. I know this is jarring. I know quite a few people would object to my approach. They'd be wrong. If you want what you say you want, a close, meaningful, respectful, loving relationship with your daughter so that she will listen to you and negotiate with you, then stop with the bullshit. And taking Mike (MMD) up on his offer would be a great step. The waiting list is extremely long; looks like Mike is willing to bump you up to get you on sooner.

what the ever-living f^#$ is this bull$@%^?

Do you really think this is sound reasoning?

So if you're daughter expects your attention right away even though you're holding very hot food fresh out of the oven, and you've talked to her about this situation beforehand that you have to finish your task first then you will be with her, but she still doesn't get it, . . . . . she sounds mildly retarded. that, or you're lying. Which I suspect since you said it wasn't your choice to be single parent, yet your wife still lives. If you think I'm being harsh, I don't care. This is the truth. Now, what response do you have? What parts of this problem do you claim ownership for? Do you think you and your wife not being together has affected your daughter in some ways?

And have you talked with her about these situations outside of when they happen?

No you can't.

yeah this sucks. https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/freedomain-radio-stefan-molyneux/id929297065?ls=1&mt=8 Thats the link, I can't check it right now because this computer doesn't have iTunes. Maybe try using the iphone podcast app and subbing to the podcast feed or try Stitcher. Hopefully something will happen here. The app is great!

Why does she want to watch so much TV? Does she have alternatives? Do you go with her to play outside with friends? TV is typically what children do when they have nothing else. In other words, her watching so much TV is her saying, "Dad! I'm so bored!" Have you asked her why she wants to watch so much TV? Have you asked her why TV is important to her? Notice I'm not saying things like, "Tell her how you feel about tv," etc. Something is going on that makes your 5 year old want to spend more time watching TV than creating something, playing with her parents, playing with her friends, or whatever. That means TV is more valuable to her than those things. Or maybe those things are not as available to her as they need to be. Have you considered that your next example maybe why she watches TV? Why can't you do what she wants right then? Do you eventually go with her to do whatever (like after a few minutes), or does she have to wait? Not to be offensive, but she watches TV to replace you. And you are allowing it because you are not showing her the respect she needs to form the type of bond you want with her. I do not have children but I do have a live-in girlfriend. There are very few things on this planet that would make me tell her to wait.

Short answer: be honest. You're not being honest with yourself about what you are experiencing. You're self-censoring. Stop. Longer answer: www.selfleadership.org YOU have to do the work. No one else. This is on you. If you don't care enough to do it, no will be able to help you. There are lots of resources on that website. Buy books, YouTube internal family systems therapy and watch videos. Print this thread out and take it to your therapist. Ask your therapist what emotions she/he sees you expressing. Maybe you're not aware of them. I see frustration from you. I feel frustration reading your responses. Frustration is the result of anger arising out of a denied desire. Stop being frustrated. Stop denying that you are worth the effort to fix this and cultivate a feeling of panic! This is your #1 job in your life right now, not some side interest you sometimes think about. Go buy Internal Family Systems Therapy by Richard Schwartz. Read it cover to cover in a couple of days to get familiar with it. Then go back through it again slowly. Go buy cheap notebooks and pens from Walmart. Write write write. PRACTICE writing how you feel. Get to know your parts. Be honest. Keep a daily journal. If you don't know what to write, then write, "I don't know what to write." Then write how you feel about not knowing what to write. You have a muscle called self-expression that has atrophied because it has been tied up unable to move your whole life. You must go through the agony of rebuilding it BY USING IT. There is no HOW for you anymore. Only choice of whether you will or will not. Posting on a message board won't do it. Listening to podcasts won't do it. Simply thinking about it won't do it. And complaining to others won't do it. Questions?

Figure it out. I wasn't making one. You're not doing this right. Stop hijacking the thread. EDIT: You know what? If you actually want to have this conversation with me, then I will engage you over private message. Send me a message and I will respond to you there.

Holy crap man get over yourself

Then you know what to do. Get to it.

You have a lot still going on. The reason you have lot's of knowledge plus intelligence yet no results is because you are still emotionally detached from what has happened to you. Make that connection and you'll start to see things change. It's extremely scary, but you have to. I'd spend all of your time in therapy trying to reattach yourself to your emotions. They are not irrational.

don't join in on the retardation. He has a problem with me and was being passive aggressive. I wasn't making an argument. I was making it clear I have no desire whatsoever to engage with him at this point. It's also why I've put him on ignore. Don't use #NotAnArgument unless you have bigboy panties on. You'll ruin it for the rest of us. Interesting how you didn't pick up on the passive aggression.

Next time you're in therapy, talk about that.

Depends on what "meaningful" means to you, but I see your point. As long as the relationship boundaries are clear for both parties there won't be a problem. Have to be honest.

You're retarded. Stop responding to me.

You're absolutely right that there can't be any progress until that emotional connection to what happened to you is made. If you were to make a whole "my parents were terrible" speech, how would it go?

This doesn't make any sense to me. And are you going to actually give an effort here or not? These short posts are a waste of time.

Isn't it interesting how humans identify themselves with their environment? Have you explored in therapy your relationships with your parents? Do you want to talk about that some here?

Those are not feelings. Those are conclusions. How did you reach those conclusions?

What does "worked up about it" mean? I can tell you if one of my friends did this to me I'd be a little miffed and would definitely ask them "what the hell man?" What evidence would your friend have that you're in the wrong here and why is curiousity awkward for you? I can tell you by your answers to these simple questions that your self-esteem is all out of whack. Nathaniel Branden's "Psychology of Self-Esteem" lays out the case that the esteem of which we hold ourselves is the direct response to how we treat ourselves in accordance with our inner most values. If you haven't read it, do. So in your case, you call this person a friend but you are not comfortable saying a simple thing like, "hey what the hell?" But you trust his opinion about you more than your own.

And what would you think of your "friend"? -------------------------------------------------------- What if the opposite happened and he became curious about what you were feeling? How would you react, what would you feel?

So let's say he called you whiny or dismissed you somehow. Then what would you do?