Yeravos

Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate it. I am not sure why I feel the way I feel. I believe that I was wrong in not bringing my conclusions to the girl in question, but I don't feel that I was wrong in thinking about the matter. I think that me feeling sick is the fear that I might lose even more friends. I think it is relevant to add though, that I have since a few months back considered to not hang out with the girl who won't see me 1on1 anymore. She reminds me a lot of my mother (I've written a thread covering my mom a bit. In short, I hate her). We have on in the past (not my mom, but the girl), that we think about things in two veeeery different ways. I once told one of the friends (one that told her about my opinion about her mental state), that I had concerns about her wellbeing from watching her interact with her boyfriend and others. I told her that I felt like she wanted to talk to me at times about difficult things, but that I felt something was stopping her. Her reply was essentially that yes, she had problems, and yes she had considered talking to me about it but didn't trust me well enough. She added that she often hide how she truly feels, and that she takes on a different persona, depending on who she is interacting with. She also told me that she was angry and annoyed at me, telling me that I didn't know her. And after that one time, we never spoke about it again. So, I'd say, based on previous experience, that she doesn't want certain feedback from me. The other friend that had talked to the first girl about what I thought about her, I consider one of my closest friends. We have talked with each other so many times, we have kind of acted as therapist to one another, debated and discussed philosophy. He is, at the moment, the one person in my life that I can really relate to, and have a real discussion. So I'd say that, if there is anything I am almost 100% certain of, is that he values my feedback and opinions. Yes, I agree, not discussing it with the person in question was a mistake. Unfortunately, my memory has this last 4-5 months deteriorated so much, that I cannot remember what my motivations for me speaking about was (apparently it was this last summer), so I do not think I can add more to that part of the story. I do recall though that I was very absolute about my statement. And that was a mistake on my part. Hopefully it's not to confusing to interpret whom I am writing about in the text.

A very interesting topic Kevin! I have felt lately from time to time that I might come across as pretentious. It is usually in subjects I have a passion for (like the evil of the state for instance and that violence against children is extremely vile), and many times, I feel that I lose myself in my passion and just preach to people.

Thanks for sharing Hugh! I have thought of this as well, but have found that me trying to overcome this fear, leaves me feeling pretty sad and desperate. Thanks for your reply LovePrevails. Yes, you are correct, I think the majority of my relationships with the opposite sex (or any relationships, for that matter) have been pretty crappy. My mom is and extremely vile human being,some of the worst bullying in my younger years came from girls, most of my female teachers were assholes. The part about putting women on a pedestal resonates very well within me actually. I think most of the time, I think that I don't have enough to offer a future girlfriend in terms of good qualities. Thank you Cornellius for sharing your thoughts with me! Yes, I have come to the same conclusion.

So, not feeling so high at the moment. Just had a talk with a former friend, that had found out that I have spoken about her with other friends, concerning her and her future romantic relationships. I had expressed my opinion to my other friends, that I thought that this girl would have trouble getting into a romantic relationship, because I had gotten the impression from being with her that she had a lot of emotional baggage. Anyways, me and this girl, agreed to only spend time with each other when we are in our social group, because she felt that it was wrong of me to judge her, and she felt that she could not trust me. She was really sad and angry with me, because her finding out what I had said had brought up tragic things from her past. She also told me that some of my other friends are annoyed with me, for the reason that they think it is not right for me to judge their personal relationships. I think I know who they are. I have contemplated this for a few months now. That I am too quick to judge, and that I shouldn't tell people what I think they are doing wrong, or that I disagree with their course of action. And I am starting to doubt myself, about judging the relationships of others. That I am doing something wrong. But, when I have been judging, I have always done it because I have felt that I have been trying to help my friends, from harming themselves in what could be bad relationships. So yeah. Not feeling good at all right now. Mentally, I feel lonely. Physically, I feel sick to my stomach, breathing heavily and feeling like I have a cold.(freezing and feeling like I have a fever). Have I been wrong to judge their relationships? Am I bad person? I am ever grateful for anyones perspective.

Wow, that is so helpful! Thank you so much Wesley! Now I have some sense of were to start at least.

Heh, it's interesting that the answer to my question is so obvious really, having someone else giving their view of that part of my childhood. it's really strange. I can understand it rationally, but as I said before, not emotionally. What is missing? What can I do to free myself of my anxiety? Should I expose myself to more situations that make me anxious, and see for myself, that more often then not, they do not warrant that level of stress? Again, thanks for helping me out Wesley!

Thank you for responding to me Wesley! I really appreciate it! Let's see... I was (and still am) really interested in nature and animals, When I was quite young (perhaps 6-7 years old) we had these VCR cassettes of National Geographic that I would watch quite often. However, my mother grew tired of having to see them passively when walking by, so she told me to stop watching them because it was annoying her. Generally, when I have done things ''my way'' so to speak (like, something as simple as liking/disliking a certain food), my mother has more then not, commented on it and told me that my preference was WRONG, and that her preference was right. When I got older, (15 I think), I started to challenge her on those kind of things, and it would often end in us shouting at each other. My dad wasn't around me that much in my younger years. He would work from 5.30 am, come home around 16.00 and read his newspaper. There wasn't any real interaction between us when he was home. But I know that he was ashamed of me, because the only thing I actually did was play computer games. Damn, my memory has gotten so bad this last 6 months or so, I am really struggling to remember. I hope that's a somewhat good answer.

Hello board! I am a longtime lurker, first time poster, not feeling so good at the moment. To keep the post efficient, I'll keep it short and concise. I spoke with a girl yesterday. We go to the same acting course (amateur). After the course, I accompanied her for a while (she lived in another part of the city I live in). So yeah, we talked a bit, and I felt that the conversation ran really smoothly. I got the feeling that she was genuinely interested in talking to me. Anyway, we parted ways, and being energized by our little conversation, I was thinking ''Wow, I really enjoyed that! I want to get to know this girl a little more! I'll contact her and see if she is interested in meeting up sometime!''. This mental state lasted for an hour or so. It became replaced with ''She was just being friendly/polite, she's most likely in a relationship already, she'll think you are weird'', things like that. I decided however, that I would write to her on facebook anyway, despite me thinking I already knew what the outcome would be. So, I wrote to her on facebook the morning after, and asked her if she wanted to meet up some day. Went to school, didn't think about while I was in school. When I came home however, and approached the door to my room, I started to feel confined, Trapped. I started my computer, loaded up facebook, saw that the girl had responded to me. And I couldn't open up the chat to see what she had written. I felt extreme anxiety, shut down facebook and started to pace around in my room for a little while. I have calmed down a notch now. I still feel very anxious when I think about her response to me, but I can at least think now. I haven't read the girls response to me yet. Where could this anxiety come from? Because I understand that is not healthy. Because being rejected by practically a stranger shouldn't be such a big deal really. At least, that's how I rationalize. But it seems I cannot understand this emotionally. I'd appreciate any help/different perspective. Sincerely Yeravos