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First, my apologies if this post seems all over the place. A lot is running through my mind, so I wanted to share everything in case others are able to add more clarity. So, I've been doing a lot of reflection and memory recollection in pursuit of greater self knowledge. Lately, it's caused me to look deeply into Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Here's a blurb that caught my attention in the Wikipedia article about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and made me think of your post, ParaSait: "Other obsessions concern the possibility that someone or something other than oneself—such as God, the Devil, or disease—will harm either the person with OCD or the people or things that the person cares about. Other individuals with OCD may experience the sensation of invisible protrusions emanating from their bodies, or have the feeling that inanimate objects are ensouled." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive–compulsive_disorder Much of the mainstream research I've come across emphasizes that there does not exist a connection between OCD and adverse childhood experiences, attributing OCD to psychological dysfunction due to biology and genetics. Well, I'm curious to know what your opinion is, but I tend to believe that psychological and personality disorders are the effects of unprocessed childhood trauma at any degree of severity and are the result of the environment we grew up in (which I think absolutely includes failed or bad parenting). Anyways, I had childhood OCD and constantly battled what the research calls "intrusive thoughts," always worrying about something bad happening (death, illness, uncontrolled bodily functions). I felt that I could prevent these things and calm the thoughts with irrational and unrelated rituals. Fortunately, I've been able to minimize these irrational responses in my adulthood, but when I'm under a great deal of unprocessed stress or experiencing a drastic life change, I find myself being bombarded with invasive thoughts that are hard to control and begin noticing signs of minor "rituals." The scientists would tell me that I had a genetic predisposition to this disorder, but after careful and analytical reflection of my upbringing, I realize that I lived in an environment in which I had no control and chaos could break out at any time... my dad was a loose canon and anything could set him off... I couldn't do anything about it because it all depended on his mood at the time. Yet he made me to believe that it was all my fault and I could have prevented it somehow, if that makes any sense. To me, there's a huge connection here between unpredictable negative occurrences and my irrational attempt to have some control over my environment. Basically, my unsupported theory (or opinion in other words ) is that OCD is a direct reflection of the person's true environment, and an attempt to scale it down and control a miniature and irrational version of the environment in which we are raised or still live. At first this ranting might seem unrelated and maybe a bit lofty. But I was thinking, that if a person grew up in an environment where no one truly cared for him, or where he was neglected, or no one was available for him to love and be loved by, he might begin to try to satisfy these needs in a scaled down environment that he thinks he has more control over. Like having relationships with toys and puppets. Or possibly, he himself might feel like an inanimate object that no one acknowledges or loves, and therefore develops a strong sense of empathy towards other inanimate objects. Basically, if you're treated like shit and unloved by people who are incapable of showing love, it's going to have nasty and potentially life-long effects. Which sucks because it's not your fault. And I don't know if all of my analytical bullshit is really any good for people like us because we have habits of trying to analyze the pain away. Just try to see it for what it is... your family sounds pretty shitty and super toxic if you ask me. They sound like they themselves are incredibly disturbed and trying to infect you with their disturbedness. + all of what Culain said, too. I don't know if this is you, but I wanted to throw these ideas out there to see what you and others think. Hopefully this all makes some kind of sense.

Hi ParaSait, I don't have any theories to share with you yet, but I wanted to first thank you for sharing this and second let you know that I can relate. Reading your post brought up a lot of personal memories, and I realized I might have traits similar to you. A few examples to see if you think so, too: When I was little, I had a stuffed animal bear that I became very attached to. He was originally stuffed with a small bag of candy that you could remove via a sewn in zipper. When I saw him in the store, I instantly became attached and envisioned his life becoming happier if I were to remove the candy and fill him with beans. My mom bought him for me and I did just that. I would sleep with him at night, and hold him tight for years. Whenever the zipper on his body stuck out and poked me, I believed that was his way of telling me he was in an uncomfortable position and needed readjusting - like his neck was getting sore or something. So I'd readjust him. Another memory: I'm not sure exactly how old I was, but still a child... I was trying to choose a pencil to take a test with. I was selecting from a new set of pencils, shiny and colorful, and I just couldn't decide which one to choose... I felt that whichever one I chose, the rest would feel hurt and left out. I even thought that they would be so upset that they would somehow sabotage me as I took the test. It took entirely too long to choose a pencil because of this. And just one more: When I was 4 or 5, my little neighbor boy started cutting into a tree trunk. I felt so bad for the tree, thinking that it was being caused pain. I stuck around until I could be alone with the tree and apologized to it and gave it a hug and a kiss. Wow, now I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel really shy sharing these things. It certainly makes me feel a little crazy, but there has to be an explanation for this and I think it's worth examining like you do. I wanted you to know that I'll be thinking about this for the next few days to see if I can get anywhere with it. Just a few quick things I wanted to share about me. I also score a 3 on the ACE. My sister had absolute control over my parents and grandparents when we were growing up. She could get anything out of them, even if that meant they had to neglect me completely. Furthermore, my mom would force or shame me into be her servant as well. (I'll share more about this in my next post. But it seems similar to how you've described your sister.) I've realized that I never empathized with myself, and I have a long history of putting others' needs ahead of my own. I have been trying to get in touch with my own needs for a while now (I mean the me in the now, not the future me, similar to you I've never had trouble with empathizing with the future version of myself), and it has been incredibly challenging for me. I am making progress; I also catch and release bugs that get trapped in my home... most of time. I kill mosquitos because my needs to not be bitten in my sleep is more important to me than their life. But still, I feel pretty awful when I kill them. More to come. Thanks again for being vulnerable and bringing this up!

What's the reason(s)?

I did not know that was the purpose of the reputation system. It was my misunderstanding. I'm not arguing for this. So what I think we have here is a perfect example of a strawman. Thank you for demonstrating. I have no expectations of you, Kevin. I'm not trying to tell you how to spend your time. Everyone's time is precious and I respect that. You choose how to spend your time, I don't make you do anything. And I'm certainly not advocating for that type of rule. I don't know what you are trying to do here, but I'm feeling pretty distressed, as if I'm being attacked in some way. Is this some kind of joke, where in you are doing an amazing job of demonstrating how a true strawman argument looks like? If so, I'm not finding it very clever or funny, but rather I'm feeling very defensive. I asked if someone could help me identify if I made a logical fallacy in a post, and hopefully help me understand it. I chose to create a new thread in order to respect the admin's wishes that the other thread topic die a peaceful death. I did not come here to argue the credibility of the reputation system, that just happened to be the content of the example I was analyzing. Hopefully I'm completely misunderstanding you, Kevin. In which case, I hope we can work it out. Otherwise, I'm going to have to trust my emotional reaction and disengage with you. This is not the first time I've been caught off guard and felt defensive when communicating with you.

The term "Alpha Male" often comes up in many threads, particularly here. At first, it seems obvious to me what an alpha male is... but then I realize I can't come up with any real life examples to help me build a solid definition. Additionally, it seems to me that everyone is using the term differently... sometimes it's to describe a jerk of a man, or a meat head, or an aggressive man and sometimes an assertive man, or just a physically attractive man. These all are very different, so I was wondering, how do you define alpha male? It would also help to define beta male, as I've heard lots of claims about beta males on the forum as well. Again, it seems to carry many different definitions. How do you define beta male?

I wanted to follow up with @PatrickC on this which came up on an unrelated thread. So I'm creating a new (and probably lengthy) thread. Here are the quotes from that thread to catch anyone who's interested up to speed. I've cut out a lot of the bulkiness... hopefully it still makes sense what is going on: I said: Patrick replied: First, know that it's been a while since I've studied logical fallacies, and when I did, my mind wasn't in the right place to absorb what was being taught. Must have been because I was used to engaging in conversations riddled with fallacies and thought that was normal. So I had a hard time stepping away from that to analyze it critically. Alright, so I think I see where you identified a straw man... but it took me quite a while to figure out if it truly is a straw man. The straw man would be that "someone who is downvoting has the same malicious intent as an abusive father." However, I didn't intend it that way, so I should have been clearer. What I was trying to convey is that I feel similarly when I get a downvote sans explanation to when someone makes me guess why they are upset or disapprove of something I've done. What results from this kind of interaction (or lack thereof) is only two possibilities--right or wrong. There's no discussion or negotiation... no opportunity to learn. So that is why I related the two scenarios. They are not related through abuse, because giving someone a downvote, even without an explanation, is not abusive I don't think. Key words here would be that "I feel"... this leaves it open enough for me to consider if it is a personal problem/baggage (which it probably is) or if my feelings are justified (which is also possible, I'm not sure yet). So I'm allowing myself to assess this further by talking about my feelings rather than making claims. I see that my original post may have been seen as a claim, but it wasn't my intent... just bad writing. So in order for it to be a straw man, I must have an opponent whose argument I've deconstructed and reassembled into something that is no longer the same, then I start attacking that invention. Now that I've clarified my intent, do you still consider my original post to be a straw man? Feedback is greatly appreciated. And patience is also greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Reflecting now, Patrick. Let me get back to you.

Hi Nathan, what evidence or rationale do you have to support your theory that big donators are wiser voters than lower level donators? I understand where you're coming from, Wesley. To me, it doesn't make any sense when someone engages in a drive-by downvote... it seems to defeat the purpose of this forum. I don't mean to speak for everyone, but I thought people take part in the FDR forum to improve their philosophical skills and also grow their self knowledge. Yet, it displays a total lack of empathy when someone down votes without explanation. If I am, like the down voter, here to improve my philosophy skills and grow my self knowledge, but according to the down voter I'm doing it wrong, yet he refuses to explain why and just gives me a down vote, how am I suppose to learn and improve? It reminds me of my dad mercilessly conditioning me to self attack. The whole, "oh, you know what you did wrong, now go in your room and think about it." Or when a cop pulls you over... "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Just freaking tell me! It makes me a little upset that people feel strong enough to use one of their five votes for the day for down voting and don't take the time to explain why. So, even though I agree with your rationale, I don't believe a survey question is the solution. Just be decent, empathetic and curious and explain to the poster why you downvoted. And if not everyone follows this suggestion, so be it. Their foregone explanation would have probably been bad anyways. Voluntarily skipping out on a chance to practice their curiosity, logic, and communication skills harms the downvoter more than it harms me.

Powder, do you have a website displaying your art?

Yeah I agree, one of the best movies I've seen! It's a movie you'll really want to dissect and spend time analyzing the underlying themes. I've been wanting to watch it again, that's how much I enjoyed the movie itself as well as the ideas hidden within.

Stefan Molyneux speaking at A Voice for Men Conference... he does an excellent job (no surprise!) of addressing the "rape culture." Thought you all might be interested in watching it; I found it very relevant to this thread.

No problem, Rainbow Jamz, I'm glad I followed up with you! I'm going to pay closer attention to how clear my writing is before I post. Thank you!

I see, yeah that's a terrible lie! I just wish people, especially young ones, would not rely solely on hormonal birth control. What about the risk of STDs? I suppose that's another thread for another time. Thanks for elaborating, Hannahbanana. Echo, that was a good analysis, ChristopherScience! Fun to read, too.

Samuel, thanks for sharing that link. And Violet, I am so so sorry to hear the horrors that you have been through. It makes me so sad, and angry that your parents failed you so terribly. No child deserves such brutal treatment. If you could still provide a little more information on the living situation you will be leaving and why, I think that will help people to get more specific. No doubt in my mind that someone will be able to help.

How can one person get themself pregnant? Haha, I'm imagining an elaborate plot, that involves a sperm bank, a turkey baster and a head stand. Unless your friend's friend's sister is a worm, I think I know what you are saying, but the more we lose touch with the fact that it takes two people to create a baby, the more we are unjustly stripping away responsibility from men as intelligent, moral agents. I think language plays a pretty important role, so I just wanted to point that out. Or maybe it truly was a sperm theft situation, or even female-on-male rape, and in that case oh my gosh I'm so sorry for that guy. He should pursue legal action in the case of rape. It's nothing to be taken lightly.

I'm sorry to hear this. Would you like to provide a little more detail into your current situation as well as some background as to how you've gotten here? I think that would allow people to provide you with better advice and share their perspectives. Or maybe you already have a post introducing yourself or giving a bit of an autobiography that you can point us to? Hopefully you can share some more information.

I don't agree with unschooling, so does that mean i am "a lazy parent" and "suck at parenting"? Considering unschooling is currently the lowest quality of child education, i'm glad i don't unschool. A rather large amount of assumptions in that statement. Ashton, you twisted the words. When Rainbow Jamz says that "unschooling is not for the lazy parent" it is not at all the same as saying "parents that don't agree with unschooling are lazy." Did you notice that you did this? unschooling is not for lazy parents cannot mean that parents are lazy if they don't unschool -edited for clarity-

Is this the same person as LovePrevails, or are they different?

Good point, Tree Frog. Couldn't agree more.

Ah, I misunderstood. I thought it was becoming an argument of morality. Young men in the U.S. tend to be insecure about their changing hairlines (of course I'm not speaking for all men). But they cope with ball caps, and the good ones always realize it's no problem at all. But maybe they still wear a hat on days that they're feeling a little down about other things. I always feel good putting on makeup when I'm feeling down about other things and on top begin to worry I'm starting to look like my mother. Of course, that's a deeper issue Yeah, the deodorant was probably a stretch on my part. But can you imagine dating a woman, then spending the night with her after a few dates and waking up to the rankest smell you've ever smelt!? Wouldn't you feel cheated? Haha, I'm only joking! How do you feel about women wearing bras and removing body hair ?

I wear makeup about once a week, sometimes not at all during any given week. I spend about 5-10 minutes applying it. I keep a very tiny stockpile, about four items. They have subtle effects, so that you wouldn't necessarily know I'm wearing makeup (maybe that makes me more manipulative?). None of my items are intended to make me look sexually turned on (like blush or lipstick). I don't expect to be wearing makeup my whole life. The amount that I wear has steadily declined, because I don't feel the need to wear much and the business of beauty can get a little corrupt (I don't want to spend my money on something so value-less). I've always enjoyed putting makeup on, since I was a little girl, maybe 5 years old. I enjoy the process, tracing the natural shapes on my face, blending different textures into my skin, playing with beautiful colors. It's kind of like working with a blank canvas that you can wash away at any time. I've always been crafty and artistic, so maybe that has something to do with it. When I was working in an office, I wore makeup almost every day (again, subtle, natural and sneaky). It made me look a little more awake in the morning and a little more clean in the face. I feel that wearing makeup (to work at least) has become a social expectation; if you aren't wearing a little bit of make up to work then you risk being perceived as lazy and that you don't care about your appearance... which offends some people? It's like if you were to wear a t-shirt in a business-casual environment. Now that I'm not working in an office environment, I wear makeup once a week or less usually when I'm going out for some social thing. Again, I feel that I might look like a slob to other people. So I admit, I wear makeup because it makes me look a little fresher, and I enjoy putting it on. BUT those can't be the only reasons BECAUSE some little girls love to experiment with makeup and they couldn't possibly be concerned with looking fresh!!! So maybe we need to look further back to find the origin. Are there any cultures now or any times in history where it was common for men to also wear makeup? I don't think wearing makeup is evil... let it be a red flag if it really bothers you that much and be grateful that it helps you identify women you would consider sub-par. I don't have friends that wear heavy makeup, so I've already been taking it as a signal... I just didn't know it. Most everyone is at least a little bit concerned with their appearance, that's why we don't wear our pajamas out every day and why we shower (occasionally, if you're like me ). And if you are totally unconcerned with appearance, that might be a symptom of depression. So is caring about our appearance really a matter of morality or biology, I don't know? Wearing makeup is similar to men who are balding wearing baseball caps; I don't feel like they are manipulating me into finding them more attractive. In my opinion, I think it's better when they don't wear a hat every day. But some days, who cares? Just a little sign of their insecurities, which many of us have. I also feel that wearing makeup could be compared to wearing deodorant... but no one is complaining that masking your true smells is manipulative to those around you (this analogy is probably specific to certain countries and might not apply to you). And as far as applying makeup being a waste of time, there are plenty of other things people are doing that I would consider a waste of time, but that's their choice (playing video games would be an example). If someone believes that human beings should be super efficient and not "waste" time, I hope they realize that what's considered a waste is subjective, it's an impossible standard and I really hope that they don't have children because those children will not meet their expectations, and the children will probably be damaged some how. And that's the end of my ramblings. I'm open to any and all critiques. I want you to know that I'm feeling a little vulnerable sharing all these thoughts about wearing makeup given the general consensus of the community. Thank you.

The death of a 42-year-old father has been ruled a homocide. Eric Garner died after he was confronted by cops and suffocated for selling cigarettes individually. You'll see in the video that after being swarmed by a group of cops and put into a chokehold, Eric Garner lies there seemingly dead in handcuffs on the ground for 7 minutes while police do nothing but stand over him, slap him on the shoulder occasionally, check his pockets and wait for paramedics to arrive. Chokeholds are not allowed by the NY police and selling cigarettes individually is a minor offense. This story makes me feel sick. Of all the burning questions and anger I have, I must wonder why these cops cannot perform CPR. I'm really hoping ALL the cops involved get charged with something. I can't imagine how the Garner family feels loosing Eric Garner this way. Article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2014/08/01/eric-garners-death-was-a-homicide-says-new-york-city-medical-examiner/ Vid: P.S. Al Sharpton is all over this, so it's going to turn into a racial thing (which it may be). But I really hope people are able to see also that when the police force is paid with stolen money, they have no incentive to protect the public, instead they put the public in greater danger.

Yep, three women I know right now went through the same thing. 3 months leave to spend with your brand new, fully dependent baby is what is considered typical in the U.S. One woman even went back to work after 6 weeks! Another of the women I questioned her. Me: "Why don't you become a stay at home mom?" Her: "Well, I like my job." A few hours later it came up again. She was complaining how her baby had become distanced from her after she took a week-long work trip. She explained that the baby was actually giving her the cold shoulder (which was really a defense mechanism; why would he put his efforts into bonding with her when he has no idea if and when she's going to leave him and for how long) and was showing a much stronger preference for the dad. It made her really sad: Me: "That's why it would be so good to become a stay at home mom!" Her -getting mildly irritated- : "Sure, but it's just not practical." So you can see that her reasoning is not reasoning at all. How could you possibly like your job more than your baby. And how does liking your job and not wanting to give it up to be with your baby have anything to do with practicality? Another went on antidepressants because she was "getting weepy" (self-described) after dropping the baby off for daycare every morning. I tried to tell her that's not depression, that's a natural biological response. Again, the comment bounced off some kind of mental wall of hers. I am trying to be empathetic so that I can understand where it's coming from. You could attribute it to bad parenting, but that's circular... and I know a lot of these people want to be good parents... I guess they just don't know how. Their priorities are all out of whack. For women in particular, we have been raised to value and desire becoming "career women"... the title "stay-at-home mom" is for unambitious and uneducated women. It's simply imbedded into our brains by government schooling and careless parents. Women make up half the population, and when they aren't working, the aren't paying income tax. So it's to the governments benefit to make girls believe that in order to be independent and respectable, they must join the workforce (that's a big chunk of change for an organization that runs on theft). I'd say that accounts for part The other part is that we're not taught to accept our emotions and let them guide us. So rather than taking the weepiness as a hint and changing your ways, you swallow a pill to fit in with culture And another part is that these mothers themselves are lacking empathy, and don't understand the needs of their own children Some women didn't plan ahead, and feel they need the income to be able to "properly" take care of their baby (meaning buy it hundreds of dollars worth of toys) Some women's mothers chose career over time with baby, so they are repeating the cycle Some women don't want to challenge themselves and are more comfortable going to work than raising a child Maybe all of these points are related and could be compacted down into a more clear theory, something I'll try to work on. BUT ALL the women of course are 100% responsible for these failures, I'm just trying to understand the motive. I still think it's horribly wrong what they are doing. (I should mention that I haven't heard from my "friend" after making these small mentionings about stay-at-home parenting. Coincidence? I don't know.)

And it takes a lack of curiousity to make an assumption like this about someone you don't know. What I'm saying is, what is your evidence for concluding that Robert Rak is "so sensitive"? A simple "why do you care?" as a response to his post would have done the trick if you were curious. Instead you assume he's acting out of shallow concern for his reputation. Is it not possible that someone would want an explanation of why they got a down vote to gain a different perspective? You couldn't possibly know what's motivating him unless you ask. I'm not trying to stand up for anyone, or put anyone down. I'm just pointing out an inconsistency in what you are saying about the Avery mother, and how you are acting yourself.

It sounds like you are definitely on to something. This is kind of similar to a problem that I've noticed some women have. They cry easily when their emotions are piqued--in fact there was a recent female caller who kept crying throughout the call. This happens even though they would like to engage in a serious conversation. I am guilty of this sometimes, and I'm working to gain control of it. I realize that it comes from being verbally and emotionally attacked by my dad when I was a child, which resulted in some formal punishment such as a spanking. As a defense mechanism (and out of complete fear), I would start crying hoping that he would pity me (this was all subconscious at the time of course). So now, when conversations are getting heated and I feel defensive, anxious, or worried, I cry. Well, actually now I just choke through my urge to cry... like I said I'm working on it It can be a little embarrassing, but I cut myself some slack because I have that empathy. It still sucks because it can be unintentionally manipulative to the person I'm talking with. Anyways, choking through it and learning it's origins has helped me a little. I think that our scenarios could be pretty similar. Did a little research, and the uncontrollable criers either made one of two suggestions most frequently: 1. Take a break from the conversation - some even said to find a restroom and grin in the mirror at yourself 2. Give the person you're talking to a disclaimer - one woman said that she explains to the other person "my brain is wired such that I cry when I feel frustrated or confused... I appreciate your patience and understanding because I'd like to continue this conversation" A little weird, but maybe you can find something useful in all this. Of course, these techniques don't mean anything unless you find the root cause and work on that. So it kind of sounds like you are leading with self work and falling back on something similar to option one, which in theory I think would be a good solution. Let us know how it goes. -All the best