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Deleted. I realized my comment may have been offensive. Apologies to OP, I did not realize you had a learning disability which effects the way you write until I read another thread.

Wow, that guy sucks. I think you are doing a good job of dealing with him... definitely don't get down on yourself like you've been trained. Eventually, you'll probably have to ignore him because you likely won't be able to change him (get him to stop being an anal control freak) even if you make awesome points like you have already. I've been on both ends of this situation. My dad was like this but to an extreme, so I understand what you mean. A complete dictatorial control freak--I've finally diagnosed him with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. And because of my dad I was also this way to others around me (that's all I knew). I thought that was the proper way to interact with people, to 'help' them do the right thing... and they should be grateful for this 'help.' HA, not so! People who think like this, including myself at one point, are insane... I mean the world is not going to end if you don't wipe down the equipment the exact right way. Anyways, these people need to realize there is no "right" way, it's a total figment of their imagination. Also, generally these type of nit pickers feel out of control in other aspects of their lives, which is why they are trying to control you. My dad for example hated his job, was left by his wife, and had a "rebellious" and obese daughter (my sister). The guy had no control in any other aspect of his life, except over me. Your guy for example cannot please his mother no matter what he does, he can't control it. It took a long, long, long time for me to change my ways and realize that nobody wants to be "corrected." Luckily I had a very patient and supportive someone to help me through it. I always tell myself "there's more than one way to skin a cat" and when someone is doing something "wrong" and I find myself falling into old habits and getting annoyed (which is a ridiculous POV that I've all but shaken), I imagine the outcome-- will someone die? No. Will the building burn down? No. Then I think, "what if I "correct" this person?"--then an argument will erupt, or I will hurt someone that I care about, or I will give into and repeat my dad's mistakes, or I will miss out on experiencing an unforeseen awesome outcome because we are not all the same and we all do things differently. Way worse outcomes than letting people do their own fucking thing! I've been able to build a respect for diversity in how people choose to get from Point A to Point B. But your guy will never be able to appreciate diversity. He's too stupid. Best thing you could do is keep repeating your position, never escalate it. It's like continuously telling a kid "Do we take candy from a stranger? No. And what if the candy is a chocolate bar? No, we don't take it. But what if the stranger tells you he has more in the van? No, we still don't take it." Until they get the point. "Do I like it when you nag me about this? No. Do I like it when you nag me about that? No. Should you be nagging me right now? No." Heehee, ok my argument got a little weak there at the end. A bit of a leap. But I hope it helps somehow!

Thanks! I am not familiar with IFS, only aware of it. My thoughts come from my knowledge of the false self. I gained this insight from reading "Bradshaw on: The Family" by John Bradshaw... in it he talks about a little boy/girl who's only concept of himself is that of how other people see him. And all of the people around him see him as who they want him to be, not who he actually is. I don't know if I've summarized that very well, but it's a good read (haven't finished it yet, but I still recommend it... if you don't mind only a few random references to a higher power--it's so minimal that it was easy for me to read past that nonsense--a majority of the content is valuable.) Of course, Stefan Molyneux also addresses the false self and does a good job of it, too! Haha, I thought I'd eventually sound schizophrenic to you guys, but I'm glad there's a theory supporting "voices" in our heads and you know what I'm talking about!

Wordponroad, I'm so sorry to hear your parents acted this way towards each other and you I too have memories of being yelled at and spanked by my father for spilling a glass of milk. I also fearfully dreaded being around my father because he was so explosive emotionally. It's amazing how I've began to realize just the effect it's had on my life, which is so critical to building self knowledge. In regards to your original question You have to trust yourself and your evaluations. I mean, that second post you made seems pretty detailed and vivid which proves that you are capable of recounting your experiences, even if they happened many years ago. Sometimes, as I'm recalling certain traumatic childhood memories, I feel that I am exaggerating or being dramatic. But after further consideration, I realize that I am only being honest and that it is someone else's influence over me that has me thinking I'm embellishing. For example, I once tried to confront my dad for spanking me over that spilled milk... he completely denied that it ever happened (thereby calling me a liar). He tried to downplay his pathetic, aggressive and violent act toward a four-year-old girl in order to protect his authority over me. He saw that I did not respect him for this action, so he denied it as a desperate attempt to maintain his power over me. This happened a lot as I got older... I confronted and he denied. Anyways, the point is that my false self holds on to how my dad and other family members would react to my honest confessions and tries to prevent me from admitting and realizing the truth (it's a form of protection really). But this aspect of the false self has no place in my life anymore and it's taken a lot of work to overcome it. My advice would be to seriously just trust yourself, you know what happened. And be aware when "someone else" is trying to talk you out of a memory... that way you can overcome it and get to the truth. I'm no expert, just some thoughts and experiences I wanted to share. What do you think? P.S. I was able to turn this memory about a spanking from my dad into something meaningful and understand it's impact on me 20-some years later with the help of John Bradshaw's book "Bradshaw on: The Family." I haven't finished reading it, but I would recommend it.

Maybe it's because someone actually is watching you... not literally of course! But figuratively. Sometimes I pay very close attention to my thoughts and realize they are not actually mine, they are my perfectionistic father's or my coddling mother's or my grandma's (who makes excuses for everyone). Or I pay very close attention to my behaviors and realize I'm behaving in a way that someone else would prefer rather than the way that I actually want to. If you are writing and being critical of yourself in the act of writing or lying about reality, maybe it is someone else's thoughts and opinions that have been instilled in you and are driving you. Maybe this is all a little crazy, I don't know I'm just spit balling. If this is the case, find out who it is that you are trying to please with your writing. Does the person change? And why is it that you want to please them? I tend to write in great detail as if I'm describing a situation to other people... but I don't have a problem with this because it really helps me analyze the situation and pick up on details that I normally wouldn't have if I were writing in short hand. It's also rewarding when I revisit an old journal entry that is vivid.

Very interesting. I also don't enjoy saying my goodbyes. When I was growing up, I lived in the same town as most all of my family members... it was a quick 15 minute drive to get to either of my grandparents'/uncles'/aunts' houses. Yet, after a family dinner everyone would say goodbye to me as though I was moving across the world. Hugs, kisses, love yous, see you soon, drive carefully. My mom still draws out our goodbyes, even when we're just hanging up from a short 5-minute phone call. I find it so annoying, because she acts as if I might die and she wanted to end it on a goodbye that didn't leave anything out. With other things such as work events or gatherings/parties, I hate making the rounds to say goodbye because it just leads to yet another round of small talk which I'm not fond of. I like goodbyes when it is with people I care about... for example a friend that is in town and is leaving to go back to her home in a different state. Then I cherish a long hug and meaningful well wishes. Or wishing a good day to your significant other when they leave for work in the morning. But I make it a point to not drag out goodbyes like my family does. (I think I know what most of this means... I don't like that my mom thinks life is so chaotic and uncontrollable that I could die at any minute so she must say her final goodbyes every time we part... and I don't like small talk saying goodbye to people at parties and events because it's not very fulfilling.) Do you see any similarities?

Whoa, b.s. non-apology overload! I'm sorry for this situation, it sounds difficult. I just wanted to make a quick comment about one of the texts your mother sent to you: How did this comment make you feel? Has she insulted you in similar ways in the past? I find this incredibly disturbing coming from a mother, directed at her son. There are a few elements to this that I find so concerning: First, why is she referencing your sexual organs in an insult in a text message? I find this really messed up... anyways, she ought to know you have testicles because she changed your diapers as a baby... hopefully. But seriously, something is very disturbing about that. Second, I've only heard immature men/boys say this teasingly to each other as an insult... So, this is an extreme (and irrational) insult coming from your mother in an attempt to make you feel weak and submit to doing what she wants. I am female and would never consider saying this to my partner or any other male... especially ones that I care about. It's petty and a simple-minded ploy to exert control over you. Emotional manipulation at a kindergarten level. I just came across this-- http://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/39741-great-read-characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers/ --it might help you.