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Hi Amelius, I'm really sorry to hear about your intense struggles. I have bouts with OCD on occasion, nothing constant as you are experiencing but I wanted to see if I could provide a little info that might help you out. I've often wondered the relationship between how you were/are parented and the onset of OCD, and wanted to start a thread eventually to get others' thoughts on the matter. I would like to argue that there is definitely a correlation between how we are parented and OCD. My earliest memory of having OCD was at the age of 5 or 6. I washed my hands frequently. And it was noticeable, as my skin turned dry and pinkish. I eventually got over this because my dad threatened me if I didn't stop (he had a huge fear of raising "abnormal/weird" children that didn't fit in socially). After that, I started engaging in OCD behaviors that were more secretive. For example, counting things in my head... like the number of times I touched the basketball during warm-up before I played a game - I 'had' to land on an even number, otherwise it was in my head that I would perform poorly during the game. Notice how there is no true causal relationship between the behavior and the outcome. Luckily, these bouts mostly passed by the time I entered high school and they never controlled me to a point of interfering with my well-being. Just recently, I noticed some OCD bouts coming on again. This time, it was checking to make sure the stove and oven were off, and checking to make sure the door is locked. Finally, I approached my own behavior with curiosity... why do I feel these urges, why do I question myself, etc... rather than just being frustrated and feeling controlled by these urges. I realized -- It seems to come on when I feel out of control of my life or I'm undergoing a big change... so a combination of stress, feeling out of control, and lacking self confidence. OCD doesn't make sense logically; we engage in rituals or behaviors to prevent a certain outcome (for example your mother being tortured or going to hell) even though the ritual is completely unrelated and couldn't possibly effect that outcome. And on the other hand, things like checking the oven seem to be related to the outcome you are trying to avoid (not wanting the house to burn down)... so the issue there is a little different--a complete lack of self-confidence and severely second guessing yourself. You know damn well you turned the stove off, but that certainty is chased away by insecurity and doubt. So I looked even further back and realized the root of my own OCD... my father and my mother. My dad was an emotionally retarded man who only acted on anger or disappointment. When he "punished" me, it wasn't necessarily because I was doing something "bad," but rather he was in a poor mood, had a stressful day at work, or was being interrupted from watching tv, etc. I couldn't recognize this as a child, but now I see that I held myself, my thoughts, my actions accountable for his moods... which in reality was something that I had absolutely no control over (only my dad can control his own moods, emotions and behaviors). Hence, I would do things that I thought would prevent my dad's mood from turning dark and angry, thereby (falsely) preventing an outburst of evil from my father. And so that is one of the seeds of my OCD, trying to control something that I absolutely had no control over, and feeling extreme guilt when I failed. My dad was also a control freak and an extreme perfectionist. He made me to believe I was always wrong. Hence, where the self doubt comes from when I feel the need to check that I turned the stove off. Additionally, my mother is a toxic worrier... worrying about everything, even things that are uncontrollable. This seed is also a contributor to my OCD. Ok, sorry for going on and on about myself. My advice for you is to find the root of the OCD... yeah it's fucking annoying and you just want it to stop, but have you tried listening to it, looking at it from an outside perspective? When did it start, and at that time what major life changes were you undergoing? I notice you say that it started in college... going to college is a big change and incredibly stressful (because we are made to believe that the next couple of years will have a HUGE impact on the rest of our lives! Do poorly in college and you will end up a homeless drunk on the street, or worse, you'll work at McDonalds for the rest of your life... that's bullshit but it's how culture has made us believe). Also, you should analyze your relationship with your mother as it seems she is involved in all of the bad outcomes that you are trying to avoid by engaging in these unrelated behaviors/rituals. I remember watching a documentary about people with OCD. One of the girls had an intense fear of her mother dying, and so she 'had' to keep her house immaculately clean and every household item in just the right spot, or she was certain her mother would die. They interviewed the mother, and she seemed almost flattered by her daughter's behavior--it ensured their bond would last forever, and she enjoyed someone's attention being on her constantly. Yet, on the outside she tried to front that she was concerned about her daughter and wanted to help her. So I wouldn't be surprised if this girls mother had primed her to behave this way (probably not intentionally, but more subconsciously). As a short term fix, have you tried forcing yourself to forgo the rituals/behaviors? For example, fight the urge to check the stove, fight it like hell. The more you prove to yourself that nothing catastrophic will happen when you don't do the behavior/ritual, the more you will realize on every level of consciousness just how unnecessary the rituals are. Also, I'm sorry to hear your doctor recommended SSRIs. I understand those are very difficult to come off of. I hope something I've said in this gigantic post will help you.

I agree with this definition. I am also going to look into the books that giancoli recommended to hear what the experts have to say. I am not an expert, although I also have a super manipulative father and sadly my sister is a photocopy of him. You have to realize that expert manipulators do not want you to know when you are being manipulated, because that would mean they have failed. (In my experience, they tend to look at interactions with people as win-lose scenarios only, and will do everything they can to avoid "losing.") They are experts at distracting you from what's really going on in the situation. So it's very difficult to recognize in the moment when you are being manipulated, but it's possible with practice and a lot of self empathy. A few things helped me to understand when I was/am being manipulated: 1. Tuning into my emotions - if you feel guilt, shame, personal disappointment... you're probably being manipulated, as you won't benefit from these emotions, but someone else is trying to. 2. Being patient with myself, allowing myself time to come up with a response - manipulators tend to put so much pressure on you, that you feel you have only a few seconds to respond to them or shit's going to hit the fan. When you're not sure if someone is manipulating you or not, it can help to stall the conversation... "hmm... I'll need to think about that," "I see what you're saying, but I'll need to get back to you." If you use this tactic, it buys you time to analyze the situation and formulate a response that is in your best interest. 3. Analyzing recent and historical situations with the manipulator - journaling helped me tremendously to decipher past instances of manipulation... where in the moment I really felt like I was in the wrong, but upon further examination I was being manipulated. When you are doing this, you have plenty of time to break down the situation. I also learned common tactics that my father uses, and I was able to fully understand the red flags. That way, when it was happening again, I could recognize it sooner, and eventually I was able to respond in a way that shut him down (getting to this point took a lot of time, time that I spent away from my father). To get your analysis started, describe the situation in detail, and ask yourself: "how did it make me feel?" "what was my dad trying to get out of it?" "what exactly did my dad do to manipulate my emotions?" "how could I have reacted to protect myself?", etc. Write all of this down, it will help you get very detailed and recognize patterns. 4. Making sure I spent adequate time away from the manipulator - like I said earlier, a manipulator is always trying to fool you, so you need time away from them to be able to break their hold on you and start to see clearly. I moved out of my dad's house, but if you are not able to do this, spending an hour or two each day alone in your room focusing on analyzing everything may be enough to break their hold on you so you can begin to think clearly. And I wanted to share one observation - these people, although they have no empathy for you, have trained you to have a HUGE amount of empathy for them, and minimal empathy for yourself. Your personal comfort and happiness should be your number 1 priority. These are just some things that helped me, I hope you can find something useful in all of this. By the way, I'm sorry for this situation. It isn't right that you were raised by such a man, and I wish you the best as you figure out how to overcome it.

Sure, in some cases. But exposure to meningitis doesn't strengthen your immune system, rather it kills you. I guess my question for you is, would you use this as a reason to kiss your kids on the lips... to expose them to germs, thereby strengthening their immune system? Then you'd have to be ok with other people putting potentially contaminated substances on your lips, as according to this theory, it's in your best interest and will bolster your immune system. What do you think? Haha, I'm finding this conversation enjoyable and kind of comical! And I mean that in a good way! Sure a completely sterile environment would probably threaten the health of a child. But kids are exposed to germs in plenty of other ways, so swapping spit with people seems like overkill to me. And children's immune systems are not just built through exposure to the "bad" stuff, it's also the "good" stuff, too. For example, human's immune systems are first established when passing through the birth canal by ingesting the mother's vaginal flora. And when it ingests the mother's breast milk, it consumes more flora from her skin and antibodies which are contained in the milk.

Hey everybody, I was hoping to get some insight, tips and advice. My friend is getting married soon, and I'm wondering if she's ready, if he's the right guy, if she's going to be happy after 10/25/50 years, etc. There are a few problems though: (1) I don't know the guy very well... so all that I know about him is what she tells me, and (2) I'm having a bit of a mental block when it comes to seeing the truth about their relationship, even though she has told me that she appreciates blunt honesty and actually expects it out of people I feel I have been holding back. A little about them: She is a doer. She is very ambitious, super motivated, sets meaningful life goals, and is aware of their personal finances. Her self knowledge is slightly higher than average for someone who has never intentionally started the journey toward gaining self knowledge. Although there are gaps, she is now actively pursuing self knowledge, beginning with FDR content. She gets pleasure out of questioning the status quo. Her fiance on the other hand sounds like he is mostly lacking all of these qualities. He doesn't have goals, or has trouble setting them and she often finds herself setting his goals for him... almost driving him really. She finds herself telling him what to do because she feels he is incapable of taking action. And they don't share the same outlook on their personal finances (she wants to act when money is low, while he is not bothered by it). He is very uncomfortable questioning the status quo and avoids it. I want to focus on asking her questions that will help reveal the truth, but I don't know where to begin. What sort of questions do you guys think I should be asking her? I'd like to discover why she wants to be with him (like is it genuine love, or is it conditioning from her past to be with this type of guy) and understand their relationship better. Also, is there anything that you can see going on here that I don't? Let me know if you need more info, but I don't want to reveal too much about them. And by the way, I am a straight female so jealousy is not an issue here. I guess it might help to tell you a little about our friendship, too. We've been friends for a few years now. But it was on again off again because I had difficulty finding the time to build our relationship. We are now in a spot where we have the time to build this friendship, and I have decided to stop half-assing it. We have a great deal in common and really enjoy each others' company. She is one of the few people with whom I can talk openly about religion, politics, philosophy, economics, etc. We both contribute openly. I am working on being more honest with her when I disagree... she has never seemed to have a problem disagreeing with me. Like I mentioned earlier, she said she craves honesty and bluntness from other people. Although, I have seen her lose control of her emotions (as we all do, I'm sure) and take criticism very poorly... these instances were when she was under a lot of stress to begin with and the criticism set her over the edge. Oh and one more thing. Why do I care about cracking the nut? As a friend, I feel it is my duty to help her see where she is blind... as I expect my friends to do the same. Also, I plan to have her in my life for a long time, and I don't want to feel guilt if their relationship turns into hell... what could I say? "Oh, that is so sad, life's tough, and I'm sorry that I failed you as a friend and didn't see this coming... or did and lied to you about it."

Haha! Well that's cool and very interesting, but boy I'm glad my circle doesn't try to kiss me... I'm a bit of a germaphobe. Not extreme, but I cringe when someone wants to use my chap stick or asks for a sip of my drink. Not the case with my partner, though, because I have a better awareness of where his lips have been.

Haha, this is very strange to me... your mother-in-law, sisters-in-law and friends' wives. Very interesting, I'm curious to know where you are from (but I'm not asking, so don't tell if you don't want to). Like is it an East Coast thing? In my circle of friends and where I live, hugs suffice heehee.

First, a question. Why do you want to date her if you are not sexually attracted to her? The feeling that I got when reading your post is somewhat passive, like "well, she's pretty alright, so why not?" Don't know if that feeling is relevant yet, I'm just pointing it out. The scenario reminds me of that Pearl Jam song, "Better man" only with roles reversed. As far as answering your specific questions, I agree a lot with what Rainbow Jamz is saying... definitely face-to-face. It seems a bit cowardly and rude to spill all of your feelings onto a woman in writing where she is left alone to deal with it and doesn't have the help of your body language and facial expressions... it's even worse when she is caught off guard by the letter. Although, that's my perspective, maybe there are women who would be flattered by this? But to me it seems like you'd be chucking the ball into her court to make the next move... as if brushing your hands off and saying "whew, well, my parts done. Next step is up to you." But I still have a problem with how indifferent you sound about this person. Why are you wanting to speed up the relationship? You sound so uncertain yourself, why not just spend time together and see where it goes and if deeper feelings develop. Pursuing a romance sounds premature to me based on what you've shared in this post, but I'm really sorry if I've misunderstood... I hope you don't take offense to anything I'm saying.

I hate that bystanders are smiling, almost laughing, when it's the female going after the male. Turning a blind eye is one thing, but giggling is a whole 'nother issue.

Interesting topic. My mom would kiss me on the lips (I'm female) but my dad wouldn't even hug me when I was a child (or an adult). If it were up to my mom, she would still be kissing me on the lips, but at some point I started dodging her so that it landed on my cheek. I still don't think she gets it because I still have to dodge her (I'm 26 now). I'm having a hard time writing this next part, because I keep feeling waves of guilt for having these thoughts... but... here goes. Looking back, it's rather unfair for her to have kissed me. First, I didn't know it was optional; I felt as though that's just the way it was. Second, as a child I didn't recognize how bad my mother's health was. She has been a lifetime smoker and heavy soda drinker so you can imagine the condition of her teeth (ugh, I'm feeling really bad talking about this). As I grew older, I became more and more aware of the poor health and didn't want to get face-to-face with her. Now I see her kissing my little niece on the lips and it really bothers me. However, with my other relatives, I was always freaked out and grossed out by them. Yet they would still kiss me on the lips and I absolutely hated it. But as a small child who had been raised to believe adults are superior and know what's best, I didn't have the power to say no. I'd say if your kid's initiating the kissing, it's no big deal, go along with it. But if you imprint this behavior on them, step back and decipher if the kid is ok with it. Even if they are neutral about it, you might want to stop doing it. Anyways, has anyone considered the spread of germs and disease as a reason to not kiss your children on the lips (rather than making a philosophical argument out of it)? Parent to child is pretty minimal, but you're teaching the kid that it's ok to kiss relatives on the lips. What about the spread of oral herpes or, worse, meningitis. I don't know if this has any importance, but I wanted to point out that kissing is different than bathing someone, breastfeeding someone, and helping them go to the bathroom. Kissing is something you do with other adults, not just children. While the other activities are almost exclusively done with children (well except disabled folks and the elderly).

Maybe I'm behind the times, but is there now evidence supporting that homosexuality is genetic?

How do you know which side of the argument to default to and which side carries the burden of proof? Meaning, why do you default to "GEOs are safe until proven guilty"? With all of the risks associated with protein formation that Dylan informed us about, why not default to "potentially dangerous until proven safe"? These are my real questions, I'm not leading or trying to be presumptuous or judgmental.

That is a beautiful contribution, Dylan. Bravo and thanks! Hope you can remember the name of the vid.

Thank you. You make a lot of strong points here and pulled me back to reality. That book is on my list. I also listened to some of the podcasts you mentioned. I felt that they were empathizing more with children who are diagnosed with mental illness. The reality of the situation is that when children don't fit in or don't want to go along with the way we treat them (throw them into daycare, throw them into public school, take abuse from parents, be raised by their peers), then we believe that something is wrong with them even though there's something wrong with society instead. I'm having a hard time relating this to parents, though because it encourages empathy. But I found another podcast more relatable... I think Stef was reading an article which said that mental disorders are just a way to describe behavior, that they are not diseases in the least. Well put. This really simplifies the concept into something that's quick to digest. Especially if you're a germ-a-phobe

Where to begin... - It's not true that your body only absorbs the nutrients that it needs and eliminates the rest. Your digestive tract must be top notch and your bowels must be moving regularly (which if you live on an "American" diet, it probably isn't) to be able to eliminate toxins before they can effect your other bodily systems. Otherwise, the toxins sit in your intestines (in your poop) too long and are reabsorbed into the blood and carried throughout the body (getting into breast milk if you're concerned about that). This happens with internally developed waste (like used hormones) and consumed toxins (like pesticides). Also, if you're not pooping regularly (once a day or more than once a day... eliminating 1 foot worth (the length of your descending colon) of formed poop--not runny, not rock-hard) your liver is forced to hold on to more toxins. Which is not good, because rather than functioning properly and keeping your digestion moving, it 'focuses' on trapping the toxins, and they continue to accumulate - You have to realize that the government and the major seed companies that are in bed with the government are running the show. It doesn't make any sense that an anarchist or libertarian would be in support of GMOs. I can't imagine a free society where we pay millions maybe billions to splice jellyfish genes with corn to make it glow when it's dehydrated. Here are three horrible results of the government interfering in this market: (1) Some GMO corn has been modified so that a pesticide exists in the seed, and as the seed germinates, sprouts and grows into a full plant that bares fruit, that pesticide is found in every element of the plant including the fruit and the pollen. So it's pretty well linked to the bee collapse. (2) They've created suicide seeds - seeds that produce only one crop, of which those new seeds are sterile... just to prevent anyone from collecting seeds and replanting from those, farmers must purchase another round of suicide seeds and consumers must continue buying the veggie. (3) It allows the inventors (the major seed companies like Monsanto) to patent their seeds... it's happened where these seeds have made their way to smaller farmers' crops (by way of wind or bird) and that plot begins to grow a patented seed. Although the little farmer couldn't control the situation and might not have even known what was happening, he could very easily be sued (and most likely lose against the giant seed company). - Finally, the way agriculture operates today, including the introduction of GMOs, threatens biodiversity. I'm not wanting to make this post any longer so you can look it up. There are plenty of books and documentaries on the subject, Wheat Belly, Food Inc., Farmageddon People like Joel Salatin and others are also good resource. If you're really interested in the topic, I suggest doing more research before you believe that GMOs are of equal quality to non-GMOs, Farmageddon and Food Inc. are pretty good starts... they're documentaries so easy to consume. If you wash your produce, organic foods are not more dangerous than non-organic... could you please provide support for your argument? GMOs do not ensure higher crop yields. Anyways, a majority of the GMO crops produced in the U.S. (corn, soy beans, etc.) DO NOT go to feed humans. Again, please provide support for your argument. Organic foods do not add to world starvation, that's rhetoric. And if you have time, watch this video

I've been thinking a lot about how mental health plays into parenting, and how having a mentally ill parent effects your childhood, thus your entire life. Is mental illness a reason to sympathize with your parents, and forgive their parenting faults, even going as far as to get them help? The reason it's on my mind is that I just learned about a disorder of which my dad displays many of the symptoms. It's called Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. People with this disorder have an intense urge for order, perfection and control over their environment. Often, they believe there is a right way, only one right way, and never doubt this right way or themselves in striving to fulfill the right way. They have serious anger issues when things do not go accordingly (for example cursing uncontrollably at a bolt that can't be loosened, or when the fast food joint gets your order wrong, dwelling on it all day and night, or when your kids are not meeting your every demand you spank them or poke them firmly and painfully in the chest as you yell at them). People with OCPD will not become aware that they have this disorder until it destroys their most important relationships. However, some people will ignore even these effects (in my dad's case, a wife that left him, a daughter who rebelled against him as a teen (sister), and a daughter who has cut ties with him as an adult (me)). They are all wrong, not him. I will never excuse my father for his behavior, as I hold him completely responsible for having this "disorder" and choosing to carry on in life with it. In my opinion, this scientifically defined personality disorder is just another name for a-hole. But there is a whole support group forum for people who are voluntarily choosing to be in relationships with these types of people, they actually see it more as a mental illness. Not I. Where do you draw the line? Is a personality disorder like OCPD, narcissism or Borderline uncontrollable and therefore forgivable? What about mental illnesses such as bipolar, depression, etc.? Do you hold your parents accountable for having these mental issues which to some degree messed up your life, or do you support them and try to get them help? I really just wanted this to be an open-ended topic, so please share anything that comes to mind... even if you want to share a story of how your parent's personality disorder or mental illness has impacted you. Or how you are struggling as a parent because of a mental illness. I look forward to the discussion.

I'm still digesting this article. I was back and forth during the whole thing, and now looking back at it, I think there were two factors that caused me to feel this way. First, the writer's irrational and illogical bias: I didn't know bohemians used words that distinguish them from non-bohemians (words which happen to be pretty common and harmless). The second thing that confuses me is the name of the parenting style-"yes parenting." There were plenty of examples in the article that didn't involve the mom just saying "yes"-- asking the kids why they didn't want to go to school, walking them through the practicality of buying a crocodile, etc. I don't know anything about "yes parenting," but either this woman's style is not "yes parenting" or "yes parenting" is the wrong name for the practice overall. Early on, the article painted a picture of a woman who bends over backwards to suit the needs of her children while forgoing her own. For example, serving her children ice-cream for breakfast. But then they give an example of her not having time to help her son find his toy (which for me implies that she reasoned with him to get to the conclusion of no)... to which he says "ef off," and she replies by inquiring about his emotions at the moment. I think that's a good little parenting scenario. Finally, I can't help but wonder: if she is so good at saying yes, reasoning and opening up a conversation, why did she say no to her marriage?

This makes me sick. This is a 'lesser of two evils' justification to the extreme. To say that some chemical laiden substance used to subdue children who aren't getting the appropriate kind of attention is better than cigarettes--even though it has similar effects as cigarettes--is absolute nonsense. This is just some kind of propaganda to make failed parents feel better about their choices to dope up their children... "Well, at least Jimmy won't become a smoker. He can thank us for that."

Here's how it went down for me (and I'm not proud of it, which is why I wanted to get your guys' advice for handling this better in the future): him - "Atheism is your religion." me - "No it isn't" him - "Yes it is." me - "No it isn't. Look I've heard that argument before and it's invalid." him - changes topic without a hitch This is perfect! Defining the word religion would definitely debunk the claim if the discussion was between rational people, but with these types I'm afraid it opens up the conversation to more of their ambiguity. I see these two responses working well together, though... starting with the bald analogy, then if they need more clarification, offering the definition of religion and drawing the connection. Thanks, Wesley and tiepolo

How do you respond to someone who says to you "well, atheism is your religion"? I suppose the burden of proof is on that person, but is there a quick response that the atheist can use to end it ASAP? I find this 'atheism as religion' to be quite an annoying perspective and don't have the patience to slowly and gently talk someone out of their ignorance.

What is this? I don't think I have the background info to understand what's going on in this video?

I don't know if a screening process ensures better parents, after all isn't adoption regulated and carried out by the state (I could be wrong, please feel free to correct me)? I sometimes watch Modern Family because it's entertaining, but many of the relationships in the show are immoral, dysfunctional and pretty pathetic. The gay couple is especially disappointing (not because they are gay, I hope I'm clear about that!). I consider them to be bad parents, for example in some of the episodes I've seen, they lie to each other unrepentantly. They also lie to their child, bribe her with toys and snacks, and get her to lie to the other parent. I've seen them openly complain about their daughter while she is in the general vicinity, they simply start to whisper. They also have narcissistic tendencies, which many people on this forum know first hand makes for a terrible parent. I'd say these characters are pretty horrible parents, which is sad considering that some people will base their opinions about gay parents on this show. Some specific examples: * They pretend to be connoisseurs of fine art during a visit to an art museum to impress one another, lying to each other and their niece and nephew, until they can no longer keep up with the lie. * During a vacation to Las Vegas, they run into one of their exes. And although they had originally agreed to a couple's day of massages etc., one of them literally sneaks out of the massage to meet up with the ex and party. That's all I can come up with right now, I can't remember anything specific involving the mistreatment of their daughter, but it's a pretty common theme. You could probably find a good example in just two episodes.

Very clever and logical approach, Wuzzums. Seems like it would work unless the fellow has already become fixated on the taken girl, then he'd just be dragging another person along what will become an emotionally messy ride. In that case though, it would be something completely different than you've described... like using a person to get close to their friend.

This sounds like a tricky situation, and I'm having trouble navigating it myself. A few things stood out to me. You acknowledge what a dysfunctional relationship this is, and seem to want to be rid of it, so what is holding you back? I notice there's a lot of emphasis on you being driven by sexual urge to continue a relationship with this girl (sorry, I'm hesitant to use the word woman, hopefully you understand). Is there anything else besides sex that's trapping you in this abusive relationship? For example, some other unmet need, like attention from females, etc. Sex would only be a legitimate reason for continuing this relationship if you have a difficult time finding it outside of this girl. Have you evaluated your mother and your relationship with her, beginning with childhood? Since that is the first female relationship you likely had, it could truly reveal the root of your problem. If you can't go there right away, try evaluating other relationships you've had with females... like friendships, other girlfriends, etc. Good luck!

No I have no problem recalling these memories, and there are lots of them (I've heard that memories are especially vivid if the event is rare, but all of my memories are very vivid). I wasn't really neglected so I can't speak from experience. However, my SO was neglected as a child and the way that we've been able to analyze it and get angry is by talking about two things: - The direct and indirect results of being neglected - These are the things that you ended up having to do because no one was there to spend time with you. For example, having to scrounge for some terrible, preserved after-school snack laced with MSG in a cardboard box in the cupboard because no one was home to make him a fresh snack and his parents were too busy to buy perishable groceries on a regular basis. A second example, he became friends with a very troubled boy who had horrible parents... in their teens this boy began experimenting with hard core drugs and eventually became addicted to meth. We are so fortunate that my SO never went along for that ride, but he wouldn't have been anywhere near this boy if my SO had attentive parents... so their negligence put him in dangerous situations. - And what was out of sight (or what went unseen by the child being neglected) - Think about what your parents were doing while you were being shuffled from one thing to the next, and what it was that was important enough to take attention from their child. For example, his parents would leave the kids to go to fancy business parties, without leaving any kind of healthful meal for them. I think it was kind of like "If you kids get hungry, there's frozen pizza in the freezer." Well no duh they're going to get hungry, it's dinner time and you're leaving to eat some extravagant meal while leaving them behind to eat poo! Sorry my examples are centered around food, but I think health and diet are important and related to mental health and development (and I'm eventually going to make an argument that they are also tied to bad parenting). Maybe this will help you think of the negative things, but a lack of positive also shows that you were wronged as a child.

Wow, I really appreciate your strong reaction! Thanks for getting angry. Yet another reminder that I was wronged... And another tip just developed - to begin feeling empathy for yourself as a child, objectively tell about a memory in detail about how your parents "disciplined" you, and see how people react. Although I guess this can be difficult, because if you're telling your family or friends the story, they might defend the abuser. If you can tell it to someone who will be completely honest (a total stranger, haha like you cynicist, or a virtuous friend) and they are shocked and appalled, then you better get more serious about empathizing with yourself. Oh, and I just wanted to share that I haven't spoken to my dad in about half a year. I have no plans of having a relationship with him again (and he doesn't seem to mind either, as he's never tried to call or email me). He is incredibly intelligent and masterfully manipulative, so our relationship cannot be salvaged. Were I to practice RTR with him and try to "work" on our relationship, he would have taken advantage of my feelings and used that knowledge to control me further. So the ball is in his court (or rather I think the ball is completely flat at this point).