CallMeViolet

Oh man... Tomorrow I'm starting my journy out of this hell hole... I'm taking a series of buses to Ohio to see my boyfriend for a few days. Then I'm off to stay with my brother for a while. I'm rather nervous about it all but also excited... Thank you everyone who's given me support; thank you for the donations. You will not regret it!! I'm gonna do awesome I just know it! Thank you! *hugs everyone*

Not to be rude but she seems like someone not really worth your time; that's really screwed up. Kinda sounds like she had the empathy beaten out of her... sad really... if she can't even consider it wrong for herself to have been hit as a child she probably won't ever take your abuse seriously. Also she will probably hit her kids one day... You think you'd really want to be around that?

I think so yes. And i really need to try. If it doesn't work out then at least I will know for sure. He is the only one in the family worth trying with.

My brother had heard my voice on the call in show and called me very concerned... He said he wants me to come stay with him for a bit while I straighten everything out. He said he had planned to contact me but was afraid of rejection after he stopped talking. He was also worried that I would be like the rest of our family and get aggressive and ignorant. I believe he is truly sorry now... (We discussed some of the things more) I do understand why he stopped talking to me... As I explained to him it was the way it happened... And though he may not have meant to make me feel disregarded and uncared for it's how it felt at the time... He did apologize and admit to handling it poorly but he says he did what he did to get to a better place... That he couldn't help me when he was in the place he was in... And yes... I can see that... I'm glad he's back because I do love him; I've missed him a lot.. That's why it was so painful; I felt that the one person who really cared just walked out on me... How it happened wasn't okay... But I think he does really care; in the past he had been there; no body is perfect. Now I feel like he really did and continues to care. I'm still really torn up about some of it... Like he asked if I didn't contact him about this all to hurt him.. And he thinks I made it out like he was never there... That's all a little irritating to me because I can't read his mind so when he said "I don't want to talk" I took it as I don't want to talk. The whole doing all this to hurt him thing is crazy to me because why the fuck would I? That really made me upset... Idk... This is kind of overwhelming in a way... He seems to mean he's sorry though... So I think it's worth a try...He's not an evil person... Just an individual repairing the shattered remains of a once broken child; like myself... I can't cut him out; not when there's a chance we could be family again. Real family though. Not the crap we were born into.

Tell your brother about me?? :3

So its been a little less then a month and I have stayed at a shelter; working on getting my shit together. I'm doing way better since getting away from all the negativity... but still looking for a job. Need to get my GED...

I met my current boyfriend on ok cupid strangely enough. lol My ancap atheist guitarist! Had to come back and mention it.

Yeah.. Really wish I had a better camera. lol

So I wanna start this by saying that it's really easy to feel crazy and moraly weak when crazy and moraly weak people are constantly trying to tell you you're flawed... I was being told I seemed to have had a really low grade bipolar disorder... I don't believe that anymore. Not after becoming homeless, staying in a shelter, and dealing with crazy shit yet I feel way better psychologically... Funny I almost said " yet SOMEHOW I feel..." That would be damn silly considering I'm fully aware of how it is I feel better.. It seems my negative relationships were completely changing my perception of myself. Without the daily emotional wreckage I've come out of the fog of self loathing. I'm finally becoming truly proud of myself. I've actually felt productive. I still do not have a stable income but I've been doing all sorts of things to get some money coming in. Of course I'm painting; I will always do my arts... I recently did a modeling shoot after a photographer approached me on Facebook. He was all "Your look is crazy!" Ha... Indeed... So that's neato-completeo.. Also I am helping a man do yard work and hopefully also helping work on these old apartments. It's really nice and I'm incredibly pleased to be a part of restoring it. I worked hard for like 3 1/2 hours; disappointed when it ended so soon. I was so happy to be productive. I made $40; $40 I wouldn't have had before. I think it's one of my sparkling moments. I'm gonna be better then okay because I'm already doing so well... The best thing is I'm building a resistance to manipulative people. I catch it fast and have no patience for it anymore. I made a new relationship. Well had made a new relationship.. I mention it because it seems like this could be the first real romantic relationship I've had; possibly even real relationship as a whole... We share the same philosophies and have incredibly similar perceptions, also a lot of similar less deep interest. lol So I'm very curious to see how it goes; I'm very optimistic about it. I'm incredibly curious and optimistic to see where I go in general. Feels like I'm finally on the right track. :3 <3

Aww *virtual hug back*. Man... Well you know I completely cut ties. I'm doing well i think despite their efforts to turn me into nothing. Aww *virtual hug back*. Man... Well you know I completely cut ties. I'm doing well i think despite their efforts to turn me into nothing.

I mean the last people I stayed with had an issue with me like walking around in the yard and would give me shit about things that had nothing to do with me. or when I stayed at my uncles house his gf would freak out and scream about shit at me; fully aware of my history. I say slave because the people I've stayed with seem to think I should also just completely give up who I am to appease them... Seriously I've been yelled at simply for speaking a lot... like I said no one wants to listen to me... Though keep in mind the kinds of people I was associating with.. slave in the sense I was aggressed on for being me. My friends brother actually stayed at one near some friends of mine. yeah luckily I have some people willing to let my meds be delivered to them.

No they never hit me as an adult.. of course!

Circumstances.... Obviously if I felt it were safer to live with family I would... Consider though the kind of relationships I've formed only knowing what I was raised with. I have like 3 relationships left.. Those are themselves tricky and complex... It would seem you really don't know someones true character until you really need their help... A lot of people seem to think that because you need help it automatically makes you like some kind of slave to them... No I have no car... With my health problems I ended up dropping out so I don't really offer any experience... Ive also lived in the country most my life. since I can't get a ride to work I never had the possibility to make car moneuy. I live in Michigan. I'm pursuing art because I'm just good at it and there's no reason not to try it with how much attention I'm getting for it. That gym idea is interesting... hmm..

So I was thinking about symbolism after I read this comment.. interesting enough; I didn't do it intentionally, but the big flower is a narcissus flower which is a symbol of narcissism. I didn't know it when I picked the name but violets are used to represent the death of children... also my mother had 3 of us... So really it would represent the narcissistic mother overshadowing and metaphorically killing the children... It's weird because I didn't do it intentionally and now it's associated to it! XP Really; isn't that good yet? I really disagree with that. Those sketches are literally years old. In fact the portraits are from high school. I would say that's rather impressive for early high school. The paintings are recent. It's why you can see so much more development in them.As of the moment all I have is my Facebook. I'm gonna finish a couple more pieces then probably start a deviant art account. I will post something when I do.

It would seem now that my circumstances have landed me in the very undesirable position of homelessness... I don't have any family to stay with as all of them are complete lunatics...I would just like some advice.

Seriously yes be proud of yourself! The truth is terrifying when you feel you're the only one who knows it... I completely cut my family out because they're bad manipulative people. If you're not comfortable and happy in the relationships you have then what's the point in having them? This site is great for pick me ups... I get really down about a lot of people I know being cowardly / statist/ aggressive. We feel alone sometimes but really we are just few and far apart rn. GROWING STRONG AND STEADY!

Aww thanks! I do however feel that you don't get the full effect of the texture and layering in the photo... and man you can't even imagine how it looked in the state I was making it! ;D This isn't part of the child art I was speaking of though. None of it's up yet. Plus I am currently working on a metaphorical f***k ton of other paintings at the moment! I'm gonna be famous!!!

I've recently jump started my art career. My goal is to become successful so that I could become completely self sustaining. I have an idea that I don't want to spoil but the theme is the beauty and importance of parent/ child bonding. https://m.facebook.com/?_rdr#!/callmeviolet

HA HA NOW I HAVE YOUR ADRESS!!!! XD Someone is getting a magazine cut out of a butt! XP Also hmmm..... I would like one for my bicycle! However idk where it should be sent; how long is this fine sticker offer available???Wait! Ha! XD Twas a funny... Is it possible to get a bicycle sized one? *.*

Notice how a lot of really bad people get away with horrific shit but the guy who just self medicates with any drug (really it doesn't matter what drug you pick... all chemicals are relative to the person on them..) The police keep tossing people in need of help away and meanwhile I know SOOO many people who've been emotionally, psychologically, physically, and/ sexually abused as children who have to wander around thinking about how so many people are all wrapped up putting people away for trying not to hurt when so many of them are using because of their abuse... It's absolutely insane!!!! It's disgustingly offensive. If you're wondering I was raped when I was 16; I wrote about it in my " I need to talk about these things" piece I believe... Seriously only like two people helped me fill out forns ones not done though.. Also this is fuckin terrifying because IDK how to handle this at all considering it's been years. If you're wondering why it's been years it's because I was pretty terrified. My alcoholic/ abusive father wasn't informed until I recently told him; keep in mind this happened when I was 17, I'm now 22. My mother who actually would drive me to his apartment because guess what I was dating a 31 Year-old man! Apparently my mom couldn't remember anything about it!!! So she obviously didn't help me fill out a report... Even she absolutely knew about that before and of things like physical assault when it happened.. My point is the important stuff always gets shoved to the back burner. It makes me really mad. *angry noises*

I just looked it over. There's nothing wrong with it. I prefer to be detailed as a means to attempt to weed out as many people as possible.. I'm not into wasting time anymore you know? So if someone has an issue with my profile whatever you wouldn't like me anyways! XD

Interestingly if you search free sites like OKCupid and POF for terms like libertarian, libertarianism you literally will not find any women (even if I set distance to 5000+ miles), hits for searches on skeptic, atheist net a few more hits but not many, philosophy almost none. Switch that search to men and you'll find loads...it literally would be easier to be gay, not kidding. Bleh hope I didn't screw your quote up... Sir I'm an anarcho capitalist, atheist, growing philosopher myself AND I actually have an ok cupid account! Lol But yes I've been told by the guys on there that I'm like one of few... It effin sucks for me a bit though because I'm not attracted to most the d-bags on there... A lot of them seem to completely ignore the fact I am completely against their lifestyles and immediately think I'm supposed to be dedicated to screwing them or some shit... Dating is incredibly hard... I met a guy who seemed amazing but yeah sophistry can be really misleading... *sigh*...

Well they were growing illegally... I do not know her. Though I live in the county so it's unsettling. Also I use from time to time and think it's rather ridiculous that someone told me about it like I better watch out or I could be somehow at risk of becoming suspect! I shouldn't have to worry about getting in trouble because some horrific "person" gave the police another reason to hassle drug users...

So I'm not sure if many of you have heard; a 14 year-old girl was found dead in the woods in St.Clair county Michigan. Don't worry though because they're doin a drug bust! Apparently someone linked to the murder turned out to be growing cannabis in a corn field... So now they're doing a drug investigation! Say how long do you suppose the murder investigation is gonna last?! I really hope I'm wrong here but based on what I'm hearing; (or the little bits everyone is hearing; just sounds f**king bizarre); I expect this more to be some huge excuse to do drug raids... That's disgusting... If this murder is solved at all will shock the sh** out of me, if they just keep raiding people. I really really hope I'm wrong... Meanwhile if you're in St.Clair county Michigan don't get caught with weed or who knows what! Also can anyone tell me anything else about this??

No he sounds like a piece of shit...