CallMeViolet

Not a real one. I want my own show REALLY bad. lol I'm excited.. I can't paint fast enough!!! I need to force myself to like always be painting.

I really like the flower idea... but yeah it would be better to explain the life cycle with it... Not to mention it's not true nowadays with how we prepare our dead... :| but it would be true. I don't think it's ever good to hide death... imagine how much easier it would be to explain the death of a person provided you already explained it with a fish? If you never give them the idea our minds and body's are separate or whatever the hell a soul is?!! Some strange mystic core being; they probably wouldn't believe in it and see themselves it's crazy when they are exposed to it. Though you really should homeschool... You don't want them exposed to harmful crap like religious/ government indoctrination. so early on especially...

Well why is it people even perceive it as negative even if it is driven from selfishness if nobody is being harmed?

Yes someone as ourselves whom are open to the value understand that even a "bad" trip is a learning experience. Though if someone isn't even able to consider it's value I just think it's honestly kind of a waste for them to be convinced into doing it again. Cause yeah my more horrifying sensations turned into interesting little happenings on psychedelics once the anxiety passes. I think the "bad" and "good" is how I describe my general emotional state during the trip not the trip itself. If it's how others view that terminology than they don't like it.. You don't like it don't do it until you're ready. I can't imagine you can get any true value from it unless you're aware of it's potential. It's nothing you can't find sober anyways. It isn't. It's just your mind working in an altered way.. Lol once my teeth tickled... Not that that helped me think anything through. it was just odd. lol

Wait you had a good friend who was an abuser??

Lol ha! Everyone here is rebreaking grounds?! Well yes I suppose it doesn't make a difference besides the fact it kind of makes it unclear if someone is only helping you because they feel they have to. Kind of makes it a little strange... "So thanks for the obligation?" You see what I mean? Although I guess it's really the same with the reward element; though you aren't being part of someone's delusions. It's fine that someone feels "good" through empathy because it's pretty logical to assume you should feel "good" for doing "good" things verse believing you're going to heaven when you die.

I have just thought drugs of any sort serve specific purposes for specific needs. I use THC to treat symptoms associated with crohns disease and mood disorders. When I was sick going through operations I used opiates to drug myself into a temporary state of physical and emotional numbness. I used THC to get away from the opiates. As I'm now using self work to get healthy completely so I do not need to rely on external chemicals. Psychedelics I think help only in the fact they can for some people bring out beauty in the world they couldn't see because the horrors of their situation drowns it out. Sometimes that appreciation in life can drive someone to continue on and to change. It isn't for everyone though. If you don't have good experiences I feel it's best to try other things. Like meeting better people is the best thing. Personally I love chemicals. I will always try a psychedelic I'm aware about enough to feel comfortable taking. The guy talking about dosing and environment and state of mind is entirely correct. Also I would not suggest everyone immediately do DMT. It's a very serious psychedelic that needs to be treated as so.. My point is they CAN be helpful. It's not magic it's chemistry. The best way to get better is something that actually fixes the situation also. So if you're souly taking drugs so you don't have to realize your reality that's a horrible situation. I'm not saying that either.

Like an imaginary parent?

Yeah I didn't think it was all that ground breaking. Lol It just came to mind. Good like not harm people intentionally for gain. Really I think that's pretty much all that being "good" can consist of when so many have different standards for being "good". You're right I'm to vague. Totally working on it. Though why is it crazy to assume people have reasons for doing things? Why would you do something without purpose?

HELLO! I'm pretty new myself! At least to the site. I've been into Anarcho Capitalism for a bit now but definitely still learning! It's really nice to see someone in their teens catching on so early. I'm still quite young, but man that's awesome you're here already! GOOD JOB! KEEP IT UP!

Even if I wanted to I couldn't. You can't handle it once you're aware. It's like you've been in a " nut house" your entire life and suddenly someone shows you you yourself aren't crazy like them. They just made you think you were crazy and you can't just allow yourself to actually become crazy. Not now that you know. I want to say I used the term "nut house" to give the idea of what mental hospitals used to be like. A literal mental hospital today is by far in my opinion a better home then a home where you're abused all the time. I mean no offenses to psychiatry. lol Also I don't look like Trinity... 0-0 lol I look like Violet effin Evans!

I was thinking about what drives some people to do good things. Some people say it's just because they want to. Good; you feel good for doing the right thing, and you should. that's your gain for being a good person; being aware you're not an asshole.. now what about the theory people do good things only so they can get in return.. that's not always bad. look at relationships; I'm not gonna put work into being with someone if I'm not getting anything back; but I wouldn't give a homeless person a sandwich and expect chips later... but still even if you did, you still sandwiched... who's to say later though you wouldn't be in a position where you could in rightly expect your chips... but you're not entitled to the chips.. Now when it comes to "god" it becomes tricky... since "god" holds the threat of hell over your head for doing immoral things is it really being a good person if you're forced to be? If there was no hell or other punishments would most religious people be able to be so "moral". Can you say it's the same to be a good person when you're not hurting anyone because you're afraid of what will happen after you've lived your life. I don't need an imaginary monster to threaten me into behaving.

I moved. Then I didn't have a ride. Most of my issues can be fixed by a fuckin ride to somewhere. my family would only do that which had to be done and only with this bullshit better appreciate how far out of my way I'm going to be driving your ass to the doctor attitude. my dad would drink on the way back from my remicade infusions so yeah.. idk... had to chose between therapy or physical health... which is stupid because they directly affect each other. The people in my family who could help me simply do not. Apparently they just think I'm a loser who put myself in this situation. My friends can't really afford to. For a while I could only go to u of m doctors but now i could switch. so i could start going again actually.

There were plenty of people who could have helped. I can't imagine it really would have been to hard considering how known the abuse was. my family just ignored it really.. I used to take it personally but I've realized I'm not hurting anyone so I can't imagine how any of it is because of me. I will say I NEED to work on identifying good people. That's for damn sure. I'm so glad I started an account on here. Thanks you guys! Oh and also yes; I hate those people to... They don't deserve to be thought of as parents. I want people to know when someone is terrible. I'm done protecting them from the reality of their own mistakes... My father used to get drunk and cry about himself and his terrible childhood. "You guys think I'm a horrible father; you all hate me!" "No dad! We love you." Actually yes. You're the worst p.o.s I've had the displeasure of meeting... Fuckin... I hate it when they'd put me on like that. obviously I can't fuckin stand you! You've made my life a living hell!

Hey you guys! Really vitamin c?? I was under the impression that would just make my immune system stronger and then it would just attack my intestines worse.. I will have to look into it more. Not like my doctors would tell me! Also I've heard some good things about tumeric and cancer I believe as well. Hadn't heard of the inflammation part though.. I can definitely see how therapy helps. I was getting good results when I was going. Now I just work out, paint, bake, take vitamins, avoid dealing with bad people. Well I have a lot of problems trusting people; though I don't think that's entirely fare to say because I don't really think I've known very many trust worthy peopl.. I am very paranoid at times that people are mad at me or seemingly threatening when they start getting loud. I tend to get emotional when I think people are judging me. Some people really just don't want to deal with people who have been through so much either sometimes. Like I did something wrong by being abused as a child.

No there's absolutely no going back.. I don't want to.. I realized just how bad a lot of the relationships are; like my parents, but some of the friends and my grandma were the hardest. I know it's gonna be worth it. I know talking helps. I was so happy when I seen that people are so helpful on here. Thanks for the support you guys. I'm really trying to make healthy relationships. I thought this would be a good place to start looking for some of those special people.

Being that I was born into violence I was subjected and exposed to endless, sadistic forms of physical and psychological horrors. Almost on a daily bases. My abuse is unique in that it really shows the correlations of violence throughout the generations directly. I was born last; the only girl out of three children. I was roughly five and six years younger than my brothers so I really was quite small comparatively. It probably started getting really bad around when I was like eight I believe... My dad had probably lost his really good factory job at this point or something but whatever it was it started his drinking worse. So by the time I had really bonded with my brothers my dad must have started drinking really heavy because I was really small when my brothers started beating me up. They would practice wrestling moves on me; even though the stuff they were watching was fake, what they were doing to me was very real, very traumatic and painful. Suddenly these boys who meant the world to me; ( my mother bragged about how she hardly had to do anything because they were pretty much taking care of me.), not only typically didn't want me around but, when they did it was mostly just so they could physically and emotionally abuse me. It of course got worse as their abuse got worse; as they got older and much stronger than I. Also much more twisted and aggressive.. A few examples are things like taking turns holding me under the water so I couldn't breathe, choking me with a phone cord, and punching me in the stomach so hard it knocked the wind out of me. My parents always just said stuff like " it's pecking order" or " stay away from them." If they did do anything it was just hitting and screaming. No one in our family tried to help us. I try to talk to people now and most don't want to hear about it. some insult me and say they don't need to deal with my crazy bullshit problems... So I'm now aware this is because I don't know true affection... Not only did these things happen but when I was 16 a much older man acted like really cared about me manipulated me onto sex; he was psychologicaly abusive and we would physically fight quite a bit.. He actually raped me at one point. Before that though my mother was actually driving me to his apartment and helping me hide it from my father. When I was 16 a year-old I was actually passing blood in my stool.. The small nearby doctor wasn't sure and no follow action was taken and I ended up in an er at 19 years old with a large part of my intestines removed and a temporary colostomy bag.. I luckily don't have one now.. Now I just have to stab myself in the thigh with a pen injection so my immune system doesn't try to murder me... So don't get me wrong I get it. It's intense; people need to listen to us victims of child abuse... If you want the world to change we all need to empathize towards everyone a lot more. Some people are literally mean to me when I try to open up. I think a lot of us just need someone to listen. I don't except you to fix anything; just don't walk away like everyone else. We need to know people can be different; people can be good. I myself am proof people can change; not everyone who is abused is a bad person. Some of us at least deserve a chance to be heard.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade it for anything; it's just seeing my life for what it was/ is has/ is one of the scariest things I've ever done/ gone through. I realized that coming from a broken home as I have has made it incredibly difficult for me to identify a healthy relationship... Almost at al... I realized I can't really think of one relationship I'm completely satisfied with.. Because even in the relationships where people are good to me, they're still very either insensitive or indifferent to themselves. I believe to be fare to everyone you have to be fare to yourself. Otherwise you're pretty much just completely ruining the possibility of a real relationship. Nothing sounds good about that to me... Anywhoo, my point is it's incredibly lonely and overwhelming... I really hate to think I'm the only person who gets that. In fact I don't it's possible I'm the only one who gets that. I would like to find others to discus s these things with. Thank you fot your time. Sorry about the terrible spelling and spacing. my phone is screwy.

Call me Violet please. It's what I willl be changing my name to soon. I recently completely cut ties with my family; following my older brothers example. He doesn't talk to anyone in the family either. I thought he had the right idea and did the same. I'm a 22 year old artist; my life before philosophy and even before psychology was art. I always say "I've been doing this since I could hold a crayon" because I can't give you an age, and my mother says " all of my kids are good at art because they've had crayons since they could hold things".. or something along those lines. No I'm not close with my mother by any means. She's always been strange towards me. Mostly .-aggressively controlling ; making negative comments about most things involving myself. She of course hit all of us as "punishments". Allowed an alcoholic to not only psychologically and emotionally destroy her children but also beat my brothers over stupid stuff when he was drinking . In turn they started beating me up really bad later... My incredibly unstable childhood has led to an incredibly unstable adulthood as you'd guess... Lucky for me though I have a key factors that will get me out of the cycle. I have self awareness, empathy, and a need for progress. I evaluated myself and those in my life and decided I need to meet people with those same qualities or I will never have a happy life.. Also I don't want to hang out with people who say nobody is capable of true change because I know two other people besides myself that have and met a few on their way. I want to be friends with people who understand that anything is possible with knowledge and compassion, and that force is never acceptable. Unfortunately I have crohns disease; who knows how long I've had what because I was only diagnosed about a two years ago. Even though I also had abdominal pains since I'm not even sure, my parents failed to get me medical treatment and that just led to a serious of crap situations. My goal is to become self sustainable completely from art and various media what nots, get married, and then be an amazing full time mother . I'm very excited for the future.