Kurtis

In my experience, much like how a childhood experienced under an authoritarian parent sets one up for an adult life under an authoritarian state, the path to understanding the violations suffered under the state requires starting with understanding the violations suffered during childhood. Perhaps starting there might be more fruitful. Also, have you read Real-Time Relationships? https://freedomainradio.com/free/

Have you gone through the collection of Stef's shows titled "Philosophical Parenting - The Series from Freedomain Radio" ? This link is for itunes, but my android podcast program (Pocket Casts) also found the collection. Hard to go through all this and come out with any type of favourable view on day care. This is what instigated my exploration into parenting styles, which resulted with choosing Whole Life Unschooling for my future children. Another podcast that was very helpful in introducing these ideas to my partner was The Unschooling Life Podcast. Spend the time looking into this very important subject and you will find plenty of data.

Yes. I'm so sorry to hear about your feeling neglected by your parents It doesn't sound like turning to the state for help is a good solution. Can you explain to me why you are unable to get job interview experience by going to actual job interviews? And surely a Google search will provide formatting and presentation help for creating a resume? Becoming employable is about having value to provide, so can you work on that instead?

I'm unsure of how the family reconciled in the end? The mother was manipulative and the daughter was copying that behavior until she grew through/out of it. The father was the stereotypical emotionally disconnected buffoon. The parents project their struggles (fighting, inability to communicate) onto their daughter or are simply oblivious as to her feelings. The father parents from authority which becomes a joke at one point in the movie. And in the end, they just hug it out and all is good because... they all miss their old place? And yay hockey? There were lots of fun parts to this movie and I kept wanting to like it, but I found it unpleasant to watch at the same time for the above reasons.

Just went to the FDR youtube video "The facts about spanking" because I wanted to share it with some people... but the old link to FDR page on spanking no longer works. Is there a new source page for this presentation, or location where the spanking info is now located? broken link: http://www.fdrurl.com/spanking

Well said. I too used to think of old me and new me. The new me has changed many times on this self knowledge journey, but I never liked the old me. This began to bother me but I think you just explained why, which is that it wasn't me that I didn't like, it was the echoes of my parents and others that I didn't like. This came full circle for me in a powerful therapy session a while back, which was my last major milestone of trauma processing. In the session I connected with a very young me, about 1 or 2 years old. The new me went back to the oldest me I can remember and swooped in to become my own competent caretaker, to remove the old me from danger and provide the love I never received. There was much detail to that experience that I left out, but the experience was of keeping the old (original) and new me, but also of merging them into a whole me. This was only possible after, like you said "sorting through the misinformation" of my parents/childhood. Thankyou for your post. I, and I'm sure many others, have experienced things in much the same way. Thankyou for your clarity of thought in this, it was not an obvious distinction to me, but it is useful.

Yes, these are all things I think about often. Our intentions are not to save the entire costs ahead of time, but enough so we can insure that there will always be at least one stay at home parent. The big thing I wonder about is acquiring a mortgage or not. Currently we rent, which has it's benefits of not incurring massive debt. On the flip side the potential stability and having actual dirt to grow and raise food on is desirable to me. I need to research what the implications are of having a mortgaged parcel of land if economic situation gets even crazier. Will the banks seize most everyone's property if there is nobody to resell it to? Will the banks even exist? Of course the State can always step in at any time to take the land since even "owning" the land is subject to property taxes being paid. If things get that drastic, will the State even be functioning well enough to be able to take everyone's land? If I have multiple years of food stores, silver/gold, and enough arms to defend against some level of aggression, is that enough? Who knows... But, I do know I want to have a kid. I never used to, but now that has all changed after processing my traumas and healing the damage from my childhood. I look back through both my and my partner's families and we are the first ones ever (likely) to not only break the cycles of violence and trauma, but have the potential to reverse them (peaceful parenting, raising children with NAP, UPB, self-knowledge etc). That potential is what inspires and motivates me to take the financial risk, because if we don't procreate then all this opportunity could be lost to the sands of time. I try to spread the NAP, peaceful parenting, etc to those around me but it's slow going. I see raising the next generation as the most effective thing I can do to help save humanity. If that means I never retire, then so be it, that's a small price to pay. Plus, given what I now know, I don't even really see it is an option. I feel like I need to do this.

Also here when you sell a used vehicle between people, you have to pay tax on that transfer of property. This is enforceable because you have to insure the vehicle at the State insurance company, and the tax is collected there when filing the transfer papers. The State is pretty effective at finding middle points to swoop in and extract whatever they can, wherever they can.

Where I live that is illegal for motor vehicle insurance. This insurance is mandatory and there is only one insurer, the state. The state increases rates continuously, using the additional profit to help "balance" the budgets (as they do with other crown corporations here, another big one being the power company). The rate reductions for good drivers is capped (reached that myself a decade ago) and because it's "universal" coverage I get to subsidize all the bad drivers and fraudsters. Most people have animosity towards this state monopoly and yet when I discuss a desire for a free society, well, you all know how that tends to go.

Just listened to this one over the weekend... Powerful stuff.

I think Crallask is onto a huge reason. Responsible (K) type people will want to have the resources to properly provide and nurture their children. Increasing taxes on our earnings and again on spending doesn't leave much left. Then add in inflation to make it worse and you know it's not going to improve in the near future because government spending/debt keeps rising. This is my current situation... I'm waiting to have kids until I have more money saved up. I will likely have a maximum of two kids due to costs. The R types out there don't plan this way, plus many of them see an increase to their finances when they have children. Given the size of our populations, a low birth rate would not necessarily be a bad thing if we were not competing against the R's. Although, in that scenario I don't think we'd have a low birth rate in the first place.

Hi Koroviev, I think it's a difficult choice for sure, but the fact that you are already conscious of the possible downsides is a great sign. Is the only other option to start a new career? Or did you mean the alternative was to start fresh with a new company in the same/related career? I am about two years away from this stage you are at, but I do work in a career where the majority of people often work camp shifts away from home (usually 10 and 4's). However, I am able to find work within this field where I would be home every day. The downsides to that are less pay, less professional development, and less opportunity. These are sacrifices I already know I will make as I don't ever want to be away from my family, or even from my partner whilst she's pregnant. I grew up without a father and my mother worked full time since I was 6 months. It was a terrible experience that I can't even partially recreate. So, are there alternatives that would allow you to stay home but be less professionally fulfilling? That you current situation would allow your wife to be home full time with your child is great, but what does she think about you being away? Does anyone know how abandonment/poor attachment works when there is one full time parent present? If you being away causes poor attachment between you and your child I wouldn't risk that for anything. Especially in those first few years, you really are setting the foundation (or not) for your relationship with your child. Of course, you can always try it (with the options of co-travelling etc) and see how it goes. If it's not working, then make the required changes then.

Hi Anuojat, I'm sorry for the struggles you are suffering with. I have gone through a similar process myself. The responsibility for the parent/child relationship is always on the parent. If you are not feeling like amends have been made then they have not been. Dsayers is correct when he described how people often say the words "I'm sorry" because they want the benefit of having made adequate restitution without actually having done anything. Have they taken any action to make amends? (pay for therapy, educate themselves and demonstrate how they have changed etc) In order to make amends they must continue to take remedial actions until you feel satisfied. If they don't then they don't really care about how you feel, or at least not as much as they care about themselves. Sounds like they are more interested in saying whatever words that will make things "go back to the way they used to be". In other words, to change you behaviour back to how you were before you were honest with them, before you decided to stop self-erasing for their benefit. I don't know if this is true for you, but it reminds me of something from my process. When I was de-FOO'ing, my parents would often treat me like I was a misbehaving child that needed 'correcting'. They continued to not hear what I was saying, but instead wanted to have a "talk" which always felt like a threat. As though it was my behaviour in the present that was the problem, not their behaviour in the past. The rest of the time their actions were either emotional manipulations or direct threats aimed at changing my behaviour that was uncomfortable for them. So to emphasize, this relationship (or lack of) is not your responsibility, it is not yours to feel guilty over. Along with the guilt, do you have other feelings when you think about potential interactions with your parents? Such as anxiety or fear? It is important to listen to your body, your feelings are there to protect you. How are you with boundaries? And, do you have a therapist that can help you through all of this?

Perhaps these couple shows might be helpful if you have not heard them yet: http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/770/abuse-and-restitution http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1553/restitution

Ahh yes, well that would make sense. Makes it easy to discredit the resisters.

I'm sorry, am a bit confused. Are you concerned that you resist these symbols or that so many others do not? (or some other option I'm not seeing?) I didn't think this was a serious question, because you had said previously that such resistance was an asset. I'm sure your daughter will be thankful that you are able to resist the propaganda symbols of the state.

Seems to me it's an intelligence thing. Your example of the show "Big Bang Theory" is spot on. The jokes are based off of the high intelligence people not "understanding" symbolism, whereas a funnier (or more watchable) show for me would be the reverse. To the less intelligent, the manipulation in the media is not so blatantly obvious. This almost seems to be by design, as the 12+ years of state education certainly do not create a very discernible audience. And in case there is that odd person who has a mind capable of seeing truth and speaking out, everyone is nicely programmed to shout them down. The intelligent are discredited before the conversation even begins. Imagine a show like the Big Bang Theory where the smart people being portrayed as bumbling fools for not "getting" symbolism were instead, as you aptly mentioned, resisting symbolism. That would change things drastically and be very counterproductive to the current media/societal narrative. People might start thinking critically...

Severe trauma can arrest the mental development of the child victim and lock the voice in at the age they were when the abuse occurred/began. This seems to be most noticeable in females who suffered sexual abuse. Work on understanding and implementing boundaries. For me therapy was the most helpful for this; understanding how I had grown up without boundaries at the hands of my emotionally manipulative mother. http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/3032/economic-determinism-weekend-at-bernie-sanders-call-in-show-july-22nd-2015 (second call is on boundaries)

Hello JColumbia! There are several things you mentioned that resonated with my own experiences. I too had a lot of misdirection in my life, being unclear of what it is I could/should be doing. This was quite confusing as I knew I was nowhere near my potential, but didn't know how to go about improving that situation. I kept changing my external environment which resolved nothing. Finding FDR and philosophy was the key that started unlocking all these answers for me (self-knowledge) and allowed me to start making the internal changes to heal what had been broken for so long. So yes, this stuff is mighty powerful and life changing I also used to read a lot of fantasy books when I was young. Was pure escapism for me (and not in a constructive way) . There are some interesting shows where Stef discusses fantasy stories and how harmful they can actually be. This is a good one: http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1554/the-mindfrackery-of-harry-potter I haven't read Harry Potter, but the parallels are there with most fantasy works I've seen. If you search the podcasts for #fantasy there are a few others. I'm happy that you found your way out of the military. It was basically random luck that I avoided it myself. I was all set to sign up but the military college I was going to attend shut down the year I graduated high school. In Canada there were only two of these, and I didn't want to move across the country to attend the remaining one. In later years (but still pre self-knowledge) I still thought about trying it, or some other form of violent authority like the police. It wasn't until more recently that I connected the dots between the violence I experienced as a child and my attraction to these authority establishments. Welcome to the forums and I look forward to your participation.

Are you implying that it is beneficial for men to be told this?

A question that comes to my mind: "What is best for the child?" Is going into state custody the only or best alternative to their current situation? I don't have an answer, just wondering what options there are for situations like these. A while back I listened to this 3 part series from School Sucks podcast titled "Children of the State". I'll have to have a re-listen to see if there were alternative solutions provided. All I remember taking away from the shows was how harmful state "protection" is for children. (not a new idea to anyone here) http://schoolsucksproject.com/category/podcast/children-of-the-state/ If the child's life is in danger (which is always a potential when physical abuse is present) then some form of extreme intervention may be required. This creates a difficult dichotomy in my mind. Having been a child in an abusive home I know how incredible it would have been if somebody... anybody, would have intervened. And yet I struggle a bit with the solution being to point the big gun of the state at these families to save the children. Is there another option? As others have pointed out, and Stef has commented on numerous times, this abuse of children is only possible by the compliance and inaction of all the surrounding people. If the child is old enough, then perhaps simply confronting the parent so that the child can see, might have a huge positive impact on the child's view of reality (and future outcome). If the child is very young, then maybe state intervention is the best (only?) solution currently available. At least until we can bring back the pressures of societal ostracism for these types of adults. Can you conceive of any realistic chance that a parent like this would ever respond in this manner? In my experience it takes far less provocation to raise the snarly defensive walls of these traumatized people. Maybe that is your point. So long as there isn't a drunken lout who might initiate violence against you in response... that's not going to be very helpful. I do agree with your point of providing consequences for this type of behaviour. Depending on the neighbours though, in response to your rallying effort you might receive a lot of "mind your business" from other people whose defensive walls are springing up. Most people are not so self aware to be capable of these types of rational conversations. sigh... perhaps state intervention may often be the remaining choice

I think this may have been posted in another thread, but I think it's worth repeating here. Having a power pose (or the opposite) does have real effects in our bodies/minds. From a Ted Talk on this subject: "Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how "power posing" -- standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don't feel confident -- can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success."

Could you help me understand why this is true? Or what it even means to say that a person is "made in the mental image of" someone or something?

Hi utopian, thank you for your vulnerability and I'm sorry for your suffering. I've been thinking about your post all night and this morning I find dsayers answered you with exactly what I wanted to say (but more eloquently than I could have managed). My experiences seem to be very similar to his and therefore I too can relate to much of what you're describing. The manipulation, the feelings of being alone or different, of being broken. I too often thought I must be a monstrous sociopath. Much like dsayers, philosophy and self knowledge led me on an intense healing journey. It took a couple years and involved some very painful lows, but it is incredible the changes that have resulted. Do you have a therapist? Depression is a very serious situation and if you survive it, you can work your way towards empathy, self love, and happiness. Only then can you really expect to meet a quality woman who will be interested in you. One last note on empathy... it is very common for those that have suffered the most, once they go through the transformative healing process, to become the most empathic and caring people. Because we know how much things can hurt. At the far end of this process you're starting onto, you might be very surprised to find out what you are capable of. If there is anything I can do to help, please just ask.

I have read that book and can see why you feel the way you do towards it. It might be more helpful for you to read something that focuses more on boundaries. What they are and how to communicate/implement them. A book on this that my therapist had recommended to me was: "Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day" by Anne Katherine. The author is a Christian and at times this made me want to disengage from her book. However, I will say that the information communicated regarding boundaries was very helpful for me. Here's a quote from the book: “The longer we stay in a violating situation, the more traumatized we become. If we don't act on our own behalf, we will lose spirit, resourcefulness, energy, health, perspective, and resilience. We must take ourselves out of violating situations for the sake of our own wholeness.”