brucethecollie

I see/hear this a lot, too-from men and women, I think it's a popular phrase. It's a way of expressing some kind of frustration with fellow humans about fellow humans. Now what kind of frustration? That takes the necessary digging.

My sister and I were talking just yesterday and she said she has been feeling down in the dumps. I asked if anything in particular brought that on and she said she was watching the "Fuller House" show. We grew up watching Full House and fully appreciating the way 2 grown men decided to stick around to help a family in need. We grew up without extended family so it looked like a dream, even though it was cheesy, and they were wealthy (to us it seemed, anyway). The talks on the couch and on the bed all the time-Danny wanting to know how his kids were feeling and what they were thinking. My siblings and I all yearned for that as well as family that would integrate nosily into each member's life because they cared. For my sister, watching the new show now as an adult whose life choices, as a result of her childhood experience, have lead her to plenty of sorrow, became a somber experience. She sounded almost bitter over it.

https://www.diabetesdaily.com/blog/research-continues-to-prove-why-eggs-arent-bad-for-you-after-all-248331/ It's not so much meat that is bad for us but meat raised and treated in a certain way and had in too great a quantity for a specific individual. So studies show that the properties of grassfed meat not injected with hormones and not raised it it's own feces vary wildly from your average store bought meat. Also, many studies are diametrically opposed because some people in a certain area will tolerate a healthy source of red meat twice a week and others won't. And it's true, if meat is blackened or charred or processed, particu

Things get tricky when I think about how some people put a lot of effort in and don't achieve good health and others don't put in much effort and do have good health.

We don't know the stats. Maybe one day. In the meantime how does some information from a study mean someone is trying to find excuses? I think it may lead to more awareness about how certain foods are not only disrupting the lives of people but it's being passed down to their offspring in genetic mutations. So maybe someone doesn't want to take care of themselves for themselves, but maybe it would help them to know it could impact their future children. How does this stop any line of questioning in understanding the problem? The fact that genetic mutations are happening is something. What is causing them? What can we do to avoid that happening? I do not excuse people for their poor choices. I'm into being aware of all that may contributing to this epidemic.

I agree, I was just appealing to the complexity of the issue. I'm not saying that overfeeding a child is the right thing to do, I'm saying that not dealing with the root cause of abnormal hunger is the solution since long term hunger is not a state any human can live through without misery and trauma. Doctors are generally completely incapable of dealing with these situations. They don't have the knowledge to diagnose issues related to nutrition because they don't learn much about nutrition in school. I would say that is another factor that, while it doesn't remove responsibility from a parent, it does add to the complicated nature of that sort of challenge. So to be clear, I agree it is cruel to neglect any health issue in a child and enable it. I'm one of very few parents that doesn't feed junk to their kids. I've also been to dozens of doctors in my life (bc of type 1 diabetes) and I know how much they often can't help when it comes to advice on nutrition and weight gain.

It's a lot more complicated than calories in vs calories out.

Here is a study I read recently: http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0131417 Basically, the trouble in instances like these is that a child doesn't have normal hormone function and regulation of appetite from the very beginning. In the case of the study mentioned, the young obese person doesn't make an essential protein enzyme responsible for regulating the mechanisms (hormones, brain transmitters) which manage appetite, insulin secretion and reproductive hormones. It's awfully cruel from a parent's perspective to not feed a child who is hungry and in this case is abnormally hungry and the extra calories make them larger every year. So then in some cases (they don't know how many, yet) obesity results very quickly and the person's fat cells not working properly are the major issue. The issue of hunger must be hard to deal with. Ever tried to get a kid to eat vegetables? (I've got two and one eats vegetables and the other will only eat one-kale) Anyway, perhaps those people with this kind of genetic mutation (which also predisposes them to mental deficits and type 2 diabetes, further complicating matters from the get-go) need lots of fiber laden but low calorie snacks all day but if they are already fat and young it's a tough road ahead. I agree with you that essentially, people don't slip into obesity. However, it sounds like they are finding that for some, it comes pretty close to that...but maybe I see it this way because I go around talking to people about health topics and find out just how little they know and that makes me think they haven't got any defenses when their child needs some health related help. Yet, another reason to get one's ducks in a row before having kids, though. If only talking about obesity in an honest and open way didn't cause people to call me a "fat shamer".

Some people inherit altered DNA sequences that cause them to become obese, despite what their parents try to do to help them. And we can't tell who carries these genes by looking at them. I think it's an important thing to keep in mind when dealing with frustration surrounding people who have obese children. Just for the sake of better handling one's own frustration, I mean.

I was reading this post: http://reason.com/blog/2016/01/29/venezuelan-socialism-still-a-complete-di and thinking about how bad things in Venezuela are. In talking with others about this I've realized that many people have the idea that Venezuela has always been in a similar state to how it is now. Not true. Also, the terrible conditions being reported? Those are accurate. And the rumors that people are going missing? Also true. In my understanding, socialist policies, govt corruption and control, and complete mismanagement of money (and the printing of paper money as wishful thinking) has ruined the country (which was struggling but previously providing a marvelous standard of living to many people, including my family who all enjoyed the time when the free market was being embraced). Why would people who know this still vote for Sanders? Wouldn't this country's fall be a good warning to people? So far, I haven't gotten through to anyone.

I may be wrong but you sound like you aren't sure what you would like to do. If you have run into the problem of not enjoying what you do at the moment but you do enjoy the general field of study you have already acquired a degree in, then perhaps you could look into what type of related work would be enjoyable for you. You already mentioned you like working with people but not staring at a screen all day. So, I'd ask you if there is a job in computing (and whatever your specific study in that field was) that can fit that bill. If not, how close can you get to that? My IT and Computer Science friends (I'm so bad with computers that I have racked up a number of IT friends from previous jobs due to how often they had to come hang out with me to fix my computer, ha!) have said how helpful it is to get certifications when it comes to getting hired and getting more meaningful work. I can connect you with them if you want to ask any questions. They do telephony and internet, programming, and another started his own company working from home remotely fixing people's computers when they get a virus or can't figure something out. From my ignorant perspective, the possibilities seem endless in computer science if one figures out what the best fit is and then follows the path from there. Anyway, you have my sympathy. Working a job you hate is a misery I hope never to experience again. The fastest way out is to mobilize (as you are doing) and not delay on figuring out how you can do it.

Do you have a degree?

Thank you for sharing that insight! I totally agree with you. I'm an introvert, too and would often feel like I couldn't express myself in an interesting way to others. Writing my thoughts in a journal made them easier to repeat later because I had already rehearsed them in a sense and helped me to feel more prepared when sharing with others. For extroverts, this must seem kind of funny but for those who deal with social anxiety or being a bit shy, a little more confidence goes a long way in social interactions. Someone told me this was narcissism but I don't think so. When a young person, for example, starts putting their thoughts, likes, dislikes, down on paper just for themselves, it guides them on their journey of self-knowledge and even helps them have empathy for themselves when they read over it.

Thank you for the kind words I've learned that the normal and healthy thing for children to do as they grow older is to inch away from parents. They want to be close to their parents and have access to them when they need them but they long to discover the world. So kids like to meet other kids and to explore what they know. Kids like to investigate the world around them and are drawn to new things, even if those things might not be a good influence. So at this age (6) I find that I have to recognize that children need to go and mingle with others. They get lonely if they don't-no matter how fun and nice mom and dad are. I've noticed how a somewhat negative experience will still be a teacher and call them back again. For example, spending time with kids that annoy them a little won't make them decide not to see those kids again. Instead, they will yearn to play with those kids anyway because there is still value there for them. So as a parent, it feels like a fine line between keeping them from certain influences (an act they perceive negatively as control which is another challenge) and allowing them normal life experiences that include what I suppose are growing pains that come from figuring how to deal with many different people and many different scenarios. I've read that when children shut the door of their room while playing, they are exercising independence. They don't want a parent's head popping in saying, "do you need anything?" or "how's it going?" Kids at this age start to experience some weight of the world because of what they start to learn and understand. Recently, my children learned that people kill each other and that was a very heavy realization for them. So, what i'm speaking about is all really normal stuff, it's just stuff a parent can't fix for their child, they have to live, learn, struggle, suffer, and get past things. Of course, we can support children but when they are two, we can cuddle them and pretty much make any problem go away with some patience. Now, their independence sets in, they start to wander further away, and their worries become larger. And, for me, it's less physically challenging but more psychologically challenging than the earlier years. I'm really sensitive so I'm sure that contributes to my opinion here, I'm sure So anyway, I think that's why I feel that modeling behavior is the most important way of teaching children. Words that end up being hypocritical end up making children very bitter with adults. And instead of mostly imitating and following peers, we want children to follow us more knowledgeable and experienced adults.

I think it's hard to teach kids how to think in the midst of so much counter information. Kid tv shows, school, pop culture, other people's kids, all try to infect your child with illogical ways of thinking and feeling. I try to model moral behavior to my kids alongside my husband. They learn well from that. A happy home will convince them that mom and dad's ways are the logical ones to imitate and follow. But man is the pressure on! My kids are 6.5 years old and challenges are starting to really seep in.

I asked for this at the hospital where i gave birth by emergency c-section to my twins and they disregarded it, probably because they deemed it a risk to me but I've certainly been convinced it's the best thing to do if at all possible. Thanks for sharing.

I've never read feminist stuff like what is on that website before. I'm horrified and speechless.

This is a small personal example but I was given a really hard time over my biting my nails, which started when I was 6 due to the anxiety I felt in school. I was never left alone about it and always made to feel like I didn't have any self control and should be really ashamed and then 2 years ago I got a dog and realized the dog responded very much to my anxiety levels. It lead me to examine my anxiety over the course of my life and the reasons for it. Once I realized how it all had started when I was very young I began to stop beating myself up about it and thinking in terms of it as a symptom of something I have struggled with and what do you know...for the first time in 24 years, I have finally broken that habit (it's been a full year). I'd like to apply that to other things and am working on it but other habits are requiring more work.

I does. It really takes me back. It's been a helpful tool in therapy in the past, too concerning my feelings and the exact scenarios that produced them. It's funny how sometimes fundamental things about ourselves seem to be very cemented at an early age. I can totally understand having privacy issues. My brother humiliated me more than once with my diary. And I think that is why I burned the teenage years at some point. What a shame, you know? It's cool you wrote your dreams down. I bet those are interesting to read through! I like the idea of writing a journal to give to your son when he is an adult. I wonder if there are ways to journal online with more secrecy? Or maybe that's not realistic on the internet....

I have a son that is 6 and really insists on sleeping with certain teddy bears and other stuffed animals (5 to be exact). He has personified them for pretend play and never sleeps without each one around him somewhere. I made sure a while back that he wasn't mixing "stuffed animal land" as he calls it, with reality, since that is probably one facet (the other is do they lack connection to parents and no, I don't think so, I homeschool them and am with them all day (and happy to be) and when dad gets home he spends time with them and then we both spend time with them until they go to sleep). We went on vacation recently and and I realized he expected not to be allowed to take them for the trip and hotel stays. He seemed fine with that but he did want to take them and I let him. Recently, while playing pretend with stuffed animals and lego people and such, I must have been playing the game too well and he leaned in and whispered, "You know we are just pretending and all these characters are just plain things, right?" So I kind of laughed thinking, well that's a good sign. Some children like routines more than others. They all need to feel safe and secure and all their necessities need to be routine but, some like specific routines more than others and I think we easily see this preference in adults. I notice that my son likes to eat the same breakfast everyone morning while my daughter loves to change it up. I've asked him if he wants or needs to sleep with those stuffed animals and he says "what do you mean, need? I just really want them and I know one day I won't." If a child has different sentiments I might ask myself if my character isn't steady...like, am I getting upset suddenly during the day and making the child feel a little insecure based on my reactions? Stuff like that. So I suppose it depends. Just the same, I'm always in the state of trying to be aware that I'm not somehow doing something to make my son feel the need to be comforted by these toys.

Just something I wanted to share because it has been helpful for me as an older sibling and as a parent...I grew up writing in a diary or journal and I marked each based on my age(s) at the time. When one of my younger siblings had a birthday, I'd read a few pages of my journal from that age and kind of remind myself what my perspective was like. This was especially helpful when I was 13 and my two sisters who shared the same room with me were around 6 and 7, singing Barney songs all day. I was able to deter my annoyance and play Barbies with them because I remembered how I wanted someone to do those things with me when I was that age. My kids are 6, the age my journals start and it just occurred to me it will be helpful to use once again as a way of reminding myself what it felt like to be that age. Here is one entry from that age, "I like when my mom hugs me. If she did it more I would be even happiest." I hugged my kids pretty hard after reading that one. So anyway, I'm appreciating my own (lol) insight and I'm going to encourage my kids to write down a few lines about how they are feeling and what they are thinking about every day or at least once a week. They might find it interesting or even useful later on. Here's one more but from age 8: "Mom and dad tell me not to yell but they do it a lot and it doesn't make sense because, hey! I'm the kid here!" I now regret having thrown away the teenage years.

Thanks for sharing! Something fun to do on these cold days

So sorry for all this May you be firm in your decision and get peace from it. And to throw an antidote in, my brother who everyone said wouldn't hurt a fly (though he is much like your sister-in-law it sounds) once picked up my son while drunk and clumsily flipped him onto the couch, his head an inch from a sharp corner (he popped by my parents house, walked in, and did this before any of us could stop him). People like this are a ticking time bomb and I think it's the only thing we can do to stay completely away. I don't even go to my parents house anymore just in case he comes by when we are there. And since our children are our priority, there is no guilt in doing so. I wouldn't even email anyone because they have the information you have-they just don't want to face it.

A 12 month old cannot understand why this is happening and surely there is a great risk of trauma for the child due to feeling abandonment. If my parents explained to me today that I had been sent to live with my grandmother in another country for several months because they wanted to have another child I might be upset. I have a lot of compassion for your situation but I'm puzzled because someone would have to threaten the life of my children before I considered parting from them, even now that they are older. And it's a noble thing when it's a must but is this a must or are you essentially needing to make room in a sense, for the next child?

Similar, yes. I remember a phase where I was called a "bitch" because I was trying to not care, to not be seen as weak, and to tease others (boys, to be honest) as a way of getting it in before they possibly teased me first. I think I eventually felt sick over my behavior, especially since it seemed I couldn't win either way, I figured I'd choose the path of goodness instead of a fruitless search for what the popular kids only appeared to have. Having empathy really is a gift though, I'm glad we finally see that The key as you mentioned, is to protect from harm. I have met a few older and wiser people than myself who don't seem to have a lot of empathy until you get to know them and see how they live. I wonder if they guard that aspect of themselves? Was there something that happened...was there a turning point for you when it came to realizing that your empathy was indeed a very positive part of you?