brucethecollie

http://www.thelizlibrary.org/site-index/site-index-frame.html#soulhttp://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/daycare.html The above website has so much really great information that one could share with others if they are the type who like to read articles versus reading books or watching videos. It's very extensive and points to data as well as daycare worker's experiences and I don't imagine anyone reading even half of it and coming out being comfortable with daycare for little ones. There is even a case of a daycare that set out to be quality care eventually closing it's doors because despite their best intentions and knowledge, the structure was just ill-equipped to serve children in the way they understood children need to be served.

SO fantastic, thank you!

Perhaps it depends on what the kid really wants. I was put into advanced classes because I was smart but I didn't want to be in advanced classes and it turned out detrimental for me. I have a friend who begged to skip 9th grade so her parents let her and she did fine because she was propelling herself forward-she was self-motivated. If a kid doesn't have any influence over that decision, it may do more harm than good. If one has to be in the public school system, then it is challenging to be the youngest in a group because usually there aren't too many others in the room who share that situation and because one is forced to be there. My kids are homeschooled and there are some activities we do during the week where they are among the youngest. They aren't coerced to do any of the activities and in the case of things they really want to learn more about like legos, electronics, and video games, the older kids and the challenging atmosphere they provide are a wealth of information and value to them. Their self esteem doesn't take any hits because they know they can remove themselves from any activity and because they spend time with children their own age and sometimes those younger than them. When they teach what they know to younger kids, it illustrates to them in a very clear way, how we all learn from each other and pass on knowledge and how experience and humility is valuable. I've been very careful to not stress about my kids not fitting in and making them aware of that stress because I don't think it serves them. My daughter is very allergic to certain foods and it can make her feel she doesn't fit in. I've tried to help her overcome self-pity and instead to focus on what she can eat and to recognize that the shared experience of a cupcake with another child isn't the only means for bonding. I grew up having to live very differently than others and luckily my parents taught me to have dignity, to do what was necessary to take care of myself, and to never assume that others were going to be alienated by the things I had to do differently. My observation is that many children are not equipped with knowing how to cope when they don't feel they "fit in" with others. I didn't have problems with having friends and I think it helped that I didn't put off an air of feeling out of place or sorry for myself (though I certainly had those feelings) and others could sense that and feel comfortable around me. If you go to a playground and observe parents for a while you will notice how many parents have social anxiety and are afraid of being embarrassed by their kids and project all of those feelings onto their kids. I say this as someone who has struggled with social anxiety since age 5. Awareness is key as well as a willingness to act on rationality. So to answer your question I'd ask, "what does the child want?"

Unprocessed salt is really healthy so I definitely use it on food The refined version most people use has the wrong balance of sodium chloride and important minerals. Sugar, from any source has been subject to all kinds of studies and the amount the body can handle is an extremely low amount (especially by our modern standards). Heating certain foods often releases nutritional benefits (tomato) and is necessary for things like chicken. Raw food is excellent, too. The key, is to avoid processed/refined grains and to be very careful with the quantity and quality of any grains due to their impact on one's metabolic processes in the body. Some people do try to lead by example.

That was what I witnessed in high school, too.

I've spoken with many fellow women and this naturally includes many teachers. From our conversations I have gathered that about half figured that since they weren't incredibly passionate about or skilled for anything, that being a teacher would be a smart avenue for life long job assurance. I've always noticed how many teachers say that they wanted to do it since they were kids and they talk about it like it was an idealized notion they just had to follow. Many have warm feelings towards children but not children as they are-mostly, children who are completely obedient to all rules and commands and can sit still and pass tests and make things run smoothly for them. I hear terrible comments about the other kids, the ones that question authority, the ones that bring up an issue with some "fact" in a text book, the ones that learn by moving and touching versus just reading and writing. I have spoken extensively with two teachers who got into teaching because the plan was to find a job right out of college, pay off loans, get tenure, start a family, and then divert focus into the passionate endeavor they had from the very beginning. They made it sound like a strategy. I wonder how many truly see it as practical, secure, and strategic?

I totally get what you are saying and it's the way I'm inclined to think. I see a lot of lost people out there who are so close in so many ways and just need a paradigm shift. How can others, such as ourselves, help? I think you have some good ideas. Recently, I was thinking about how to combat those videos on youtube talking about FDR as a cult. I can see those quickly alienating lots of people by triggering their fears. Or maybe doing videos like what you suggest and maybe discussions between people you find that are good for the visible speaking role and Stefan happening later on as a way to unite the messages. I don't know but I'd like to help with something (I wish I had some kind of technical skill I could use to support the show) and I feel very much like you do. Many people do seem to need a step ladder into this territory. I agree that humor is an excellent tool. Reduce people's stress and hit them with a message all at the same time. I think that telling one's own personal story of how one's life improved when subscribing to certain ideas and principles is powerful. People are not easily persuaded, they are shown the way.

I just donated again, too and I totally agree with your reason here!

Some people never enjoy reading for the sake of reading. I read all the time but rarely is it fiction because I don't read for pleasure but instead for practical matters. And when I don't see the value in gathering any particular information, I just don't read all that much. It varies from day to day. Some kids do have a need to decompress after school based on aspects of school that are challenging such as the routine of it, the general physical confinement, the style of learning that has a lot to do with reading material and talking about it (leaving those who like to move about or be more hands on a bit agitated by the end of the day). At 11, I sure remember watching a lot of tv after school. I remember seeing it as a distraction and as a tool for procrastination from homework I hated. There are so many reasons besides mine for doing a lot of one thing that we may regard as unhealthy, such as tv or video games. Have you asked her why she plays so much and if she is enjoying herself? In other words, what purpose is the playing serving? If she isn't enjoying herself all that much then why is that? And what might she prefer to be doing, instead? And why is she not doing that? Questions to allow her to be aware of her own feelings and actions can be great guidance. I read a great book by Sir Ken Robinson called The Element. I highly recommend it to any parent or non parent out there. It talks a lot about how schools today kill creativity in children and gives ideas for discovering and focusing where our skill and desire converge to become our element.

I don't push my kids. I model to them how I push myself. They are aware of me doing things I don't necessarily want to do (like house cleaning) and they see me work at things that aren't easy for me (i'm a public speaker) and things that take discipline (writing). I encourage them and talk with them but I don't push. I feel fairly confident that when they really want to push themselves at something, they will. They already do, actually. The things they don't push themselves at are just not that valuable for them right now. I fear pushing them isn't healthy or respectful. I have been reading up on motivational interviewing as a way to help connect people with their motivation and I find it works very well for children, too. Persuasion and knowledge do not trigger change the way people think it does. A strong connection to and an understanding of one's values is what triggers change and behavior. For example, I didn't get good at soccer back in the day because I had discipline for all the practice involved. I got good because I loved it so much and wanted to play as much as possible-keeping me looking very disciplined indeed. I think guiding children and talking with them about what excites them and sparks their curiosity is helpful as well as helping them see what their natural inclinations and talents are. Then supporting them with all the logistical and practical aspects of what they love. My parents let my artist sister color and draw on the walls when she was little because they could see she was obsessed. She just completed her master's and got a great job doing what she loves and I see how all the art supplies and classes and encouragement helped keep her going where she wanted to go. I honestly don't know if I'm parenting correctly in this regard...and my kids are still pretty young so I don't have a lot of feedback. So far though, they are happy and healthy and enjoy learning and I just don't want that screwed up as it seems a good set of precursors for learning in the future.

They will be too young to remember but they will be negatively affected. I think that people are prone to doing this because they think "so many others do it, so it must be ok, or at least my kids will be like the others and have no fewer advantages in life". I was given a hard time by many men I worked with when I had my twins. They all said I should put the kids in daycare and come back to work. They told me they feared I'd gain weight at home, become unhappy, lose motivation for my individuality and professional life. Those idiots have no clue. I started two small businesses, started doing what I loved just part time and have been a happy mother and homemaker. Most of the happiness comes from my husband and I knowing we are taking care of the kids. My working part time and his working at a place that doesn't pay much means we don't make as much as we could but, the family life and the peace and health we get from our routine (we homeschool, too) is worth it's weight in gold. I felt very pressured by people I admired at work but am glad I followed one thing-the reality of what my children most needed. As they get older I am aware I can invest more in my businesses and when they leave home I can do it full time and without the guilt that I probably would have had I not gave them my full investment right now. If my business grows a certain extent in terms of profitability, my husband would leave his job to be home and I would increase my hours.

I am qualified for Spanish to English translations if you need anyone for that.

Thank you And what you said- "nurture their discretion as they age to grow out of the basic instinct into higher critical thinking" is excellently worded! A great line for parental guidance.

No worries-that's a great thing for you to bring up as it's SO important. I didn't mention what I say to her-I absolutely agree with you. Recently, because of time spent with others in playgrounds and such (not school since we don't send the kids to school), she has the idea that those words are "bad". My husband and I are constantly reiterating to her that they are just words and that yes, other people are offended by hearing them but she has the power to choose whether she is offended or not. I think she is starting to understand what we mean. She said "damn it!" yesterday about one of her motors not connecting properly to a toy she was putting together and she looked up and said, "oh sorry..." I said, "sorry for what?" And she said, "I'm not sure..." So then we discussed again, how other people choose to be offended by words that aren't even aimed at them and that we don't have to be that way. She seemed relieved and I think her previous reactions to her brother were just mirrored responses based on what others in society do. Kids tend to try on things they see other kids doing and saying. It's frustrating for me to raise children in a place where people are so PC-without any principles or reason behind them but I think that with patience and constant communication I've been able to get through to my kids about things. It's not easy for them to feel so different from others but in the end I think they seem relieved to see the world in a way based in reality. My kids tend to get along really well and people ask what we do to make that happen. Aside from modelling behavior, my husband and I don't fall into doling out the traditional "don't bother your sister!" to our son because we teach her that if she doesn't like something he is doing then it's not his problem, it's something she can handle herself by removing herself from the situation or accepting it. In other words, it's not his responsibility to not annoy her, it's her responsibility to choose whether she wants to play with him or not, or maybe negotiate how the "rules" of the game will be, or to let him know what she doesn't like and then respect whether he wants to accommodate her or not, but not to blame him for her discomfort or to try and get me to enforce a different behavior. Of course, we say the same to him as well. When they aren't around other kids they are generally respectful, great with communicating, but I do notice that about once a month, some other ideas are introduced when they spend time around other kids. It's a constant struggle. Reason wins in the end, I think. It helps us to discuss everything they want to discuss because we get to hash out these topics and then we observe them making conscientious decisions that show their wheels are turning. The other day a woman at a playground asked a group of kids to please stop yelling. She sounded pretty rude. All the kids rolled their eyes and my daughter said, "but we are outside, why can't we be loud?" The woman went to sit down without saying anything. My daughter ran up to me and said, "Do I have to be quiet?" I said, "No." My daughter went over to the woman and said, "Why do you want us to be quiet?" The woman said she had a terrible headache. My daughter told all the kids that the woman had a headache and then they all made up a fun game about being stealthy throughout the playground pretending they were spies and the game naturally involved whispering. To me, that was an example for my kids about how you don't expect others to do things for you but that humans will generally care about one another and without coercion and aggression, we can all be pretty happy and peaceful with one another-especially if we attempt to communicate. I just got back from a 4 day conference in which everything was so carefully PC, I thought I was going to explode lol. Each night everyone would gather at the bar, PC crap would go out the window and we FINALLY started brainstorming, communicating, and having a great time with each other and even had some healthy debates. The few that couldn't handle it missed out on the fun and the opportunity. Nothing makes me happier than having real straightforward conversation with other humans. Which is why I appreciate what you had to say. Not only does it give me a chance to address it but it also helps keep my focus and intent strong as to why I want to keep communicating about these truths with my kids. Now if anyone has any ideas about how to talk about outside influences with kids I'm also listening! I find that they ask a lot of questions about the "majority". I think kids ask themselves "if so many think this way, then maybe they are right?" I find that constantly addressing that is challenging. Of course, actions speak louder than words. I'm sorry this was so wordy. I just bought a book about how to be more concise lol

Thanks for sharing! I really appreciate reading more on this topic. I started doing that with my kids because I remember doing what was forbidden of me when I was a kid. I wondered if it was just me but it's just human nature. We are all rebels lol

I think it's important to acknowledge the harm done to the biological mother and father when there is an abortion. I have always been careful to avoid being in a position to risk getting pregnant without wanting to because I know it would cause major psychological distress to myself and partner.

Here is an article on it: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/21/business/a-huge-overnight-increase-in-a-drugs-price-raises-protests.html?_r=1 So, I'm hearing complaining having to do with people saying this guy is a jerk and i'm hearing people denounce capitalism. I'm having trouble understanding, generally, what information I need in order to have an opinion. Help? Thanks in advance

I've been conducting an experiment of sorts with my dear children. I cuss about once a day (when stubbing a toe or something)....my husband, never, because he personally doesn't like it and isn't in the habit of it, while I think it colors my day (lol, i dunno). And our kids are 6. They hear me sometimes. They know the words. They seem to get how they are used. I have told them that they are allowed to say what they want but that there are natural consequences to things. For example, if they cuss, someone around them may be very upset by it and that person may call them out on it or just not want to be around them or share their resources with them. Perhaps an opportunity may be lost because of cussing around someone who doesn't like it. (They already know it's not kind to insult someone so it's not an issue of intent for us but about understanding how others might react to those words) In the last year, I've heard my son say the F and D word once or twice and my daughter covered her ears and said, "I don't like that word!" And we never said anything to him except to be aware that others may have a similar response. I think that because it seems inconvenient at times and because he isn't in the least bit of trouble with his parents when cussing, that the appeal just isn't really there. This may change, but I have found it interesting to see how many things aren't a big deal to kids when adults don't freak out over them. Kids respond very well to calm logic. But of course, we are only at age 6 so I will keep you posted LOL.

Hi! I'm in a facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wholelifeunschooling/ It's got almost 12,000 members from around the US and worldwide. It's a great place because you can get 100 responses to a question like yours in just a day.

Yes, yes, yes! People are always asking me why I don't send my kids to school. I don't have all day to explain myself so I will forward them this from now on. Thanks for sharing!

Yes, there is a strong correlation between obesity and diabetes, absolutely. Those with diabetes who are thin are still not eating healthy-at least not in my findings, they just aren't getting fat. I think we haven't defined what we mean when we say "healthy" and "fit", which might be helpful since for example, I can refer to myself as "pretty healthy" because I'm referring to myself as someone with a non-functioning organ, who relies on medication to live, and yet, through healthy eating and exercise, medication, and management of health, I manage to feel pretty good most of the time and doctors say I'm "very healthy" for someone with a terrible illness. When I refer to someone who is fat (say, overweight) who may be "pretty healthy", I should elaborate. Some people, through genetics, are said by doctors such as Dr. Weil to have screwed up fat cells in their body. They exercise, eat healthy, can be 60 years old and have no signs of heart disease, high blood pressure, metabolic syndrome, thyroid imbalances, and no other issues. Doctors have been recognizing that they have fat cells that are always hungry. These can be created by previous generations that didn't eat well and environmental factors that change processes in the body. These people are not the norm. The norm is that even just being a little overweight impacts health very negatively. But, generally speaking these people may be called healthy by themselves and their physicians. Indeed, unhealthy fats, sugars, and for many people, grains (even unrefined) are going to bring most anyone down eventually. In the US, people who are african american, hispanic, and native american are all going to be much more vulnerable than the caucasians. Eating a diet espoused by the ADA in the 90's led me to gain weight as a child whereas most kids, even those who ate junk food, didn't gain weight or have cholesterol or high blood pressure show up until much later in adulthood. Some are still doing fine. And doctors call them healthy even though I eat much better (as you do, it sounds) and exercise every day. I've read that long, long ago, people would go through times where they wouldn't be able to exercise due to periods of snowstorms and such. Then they would have a few seasons of full activity hunting saber toothed tigers or what have you. During these sometimes very long periods of inactivity, supposedly they would eat fewer calories but they wouldn't ever gain any weight. If this is true, it would point to people's bodies being able to maintain health with periods of inactivity as long as the diet was good and the activity was resumed right after each cycle of inactivity. I've been wanting to read more about this, does anyone know any good sources? Anyway, healthy depends on how we are defining it, I think. We could define it based on medical markers or on how someone personally feels everyday or both. And some days I think that if we are alive then there is certainly more health than not at the moment. But that sounds more like a healthy attitude than body lol. For those reaching for near perfect health, (feeling awesome, looking awesome, and medical markers in perfect shape) I would say that you would have to eat like few others. You would have to tweak to your metabolic type as well. Tweak diet and exercise and manage stress until body isn't overweight. Shun federal govt (and thus dietitian and nutritionist) advice. Mercola.com is great for seeking absolute wellness in every area of health. People say the dietary advice on Mercola is unobtainable but that's only the feeling we get in a world that has turned far away from real food. It's very hard in this modern world but it can be done. If I hadn't branched out from the norm 10 years ago I'd be dead today, for sure. Gonna shut up now, to everyone's good health!

Firstly, thank you for the article. I enjoyed reading it. I think I came from a pretty good home. Nevertheless I see the world more the way you describe seeing it. Perhaps this is because I grew up with an incurable chronic illness and that translated to empathy for the suffering of others and it also meant I suffered from a young age, despite a decent home life. I have typically come to think of my way of viewing the world as an inherent part of my personality type. I'm highly sensitive-I think I was born that way. My dad tells me that when I was 4, I was extremely upset by the news portraying starving children. My dad is also highly sensitive and philosophical at that. I wonder if I have passed this sensitive thing (which by the way includes a sensitivity to medications including anesthesia, pain, and even sunlight) to my kids who just became aware (at age 6) that humans kill one another. They were deeply disturbed by that. They pretend to fight with swords and they kill off enemies in mario video games but the realization that people really do take each other's life and hurt each other on purpose was a very big deal for them. A very sad realization. I have an acquaintance who claims to have never had a bad thing happen to her. She says her family has always been great and so on. She, admittedly, doesn't seem to stop and look around at the horrors happening around us. She is quite jolly all the time. I used to have a close friend who had a horrific abusive childhood and she is the same way, though. I tend to think this is a complex thing...with many factors. And then...how many people are hiding out from feeling overwhelmed or traumatized? I know some damaged people that live in a hell (that they may have created for themselves) and as a result they don't see past their nose. In fact, calling out to them the injustices of the world provoke a deep narcissistic pain, at least in my experience. They can appear happy during the day, though. Which is why I say they hide out. This was a long way of me saying I don't know...lol

You can't be healthy without being fit. Though, you can be relatively healthy. Perfectly healthy is something I've never witnessed... You can be unhealthy and fit. You can be fit and get cancer because fit doesn't mean health, though it is a crucial component for it. Health is essentially homeostasis and there are so many processes in the body through which we can lose our balance and while we can appear and feel perfectly healthy, we can be just unhealthy enough to get cancer and other diseases-since stress, genes, environment, all play a part. It's probably why I know of a few pretty healthy fat people. They are fat but they must have other things going for them like great genes, healthy diet, exercise, and maybe they know how to manage stress really well.

How does your mother feel about your childhood and how she raised you? Is she aware of how her actions caused you harm? I had to confront my parents recently about things. I remain in contact because I have heard the explanations (for the sake of helping me understand the underlying issues that motivated their ignorant and mislead actions) and I've heard apologies. And I've witnessed changed behavior. It was tricky at first when I sought to bring all my painful issues up with them but we went through each one by one and I can forgive (though never forget) mistakes when someone is aware of them, sincere in apologizing, and showing the will to go forward with respect to me and themselves. If it's something they are doing in the present I discuss openly and honestly. If they don't want to discuss it I retreat until they do. My parents have responded well to my patience, coming around to agree to most of what I share with them and working hard to think about things they haven't ever considered before. But, anyway, what I'm saying is that for me, how a person thinks and acts today matters a lot. Someone who never understands or acknowledges how they hurt me (like my own brother) and thus, can't be sorry and can't stop the hurtful actions is banned from my life. I can feel compassion for him because he has not fared well in his personal struggles but I have to take care of myself and my little family. In general, 99% of the time, I don't carry around a weight from the mistakes loved ones made which affected me negatively. I see them as victims, largely of themselves and whether I choose to have contact with someone or not, I try to let go of anger and instead use my energy to fuel my determination to be the best person I can be. Kind of like having a long sigh and then going off to do what must be done-that is, the right thing. And for you that may be staying away completely or trying to make contact and attempt communicating, based on your careful reasoning.